Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I think ladies can control their feelings if they really want to, it might take time tho

Isn't this silly of the admin administrating the Islamic section of nairaland?

You can rant and say all sort of things in Christian threads but won't allow other non Muslims to post in your threads. This is pure nonsense.

Ariza:
Do I? . I think meeting the right guy is the perfect explanation. When I do , butterflies will fly in my belly again. Lol

To be sure you are guided properly, what is your definition of right guy

doczero:
It's all about emotional intelligence which Daniel Goleman took time to outline in his book. Emotional intelligence is all about learning how to control your emotions before you take any decision on life. This also includes decisions about who you love and eventually marry. People should read, seek for wisdom always. If you are a Christian, try and read Proverbs on daily basis. Thanks

Good points.

Wow! That’s one solid reply. Men are truly not made for emotional rollercoaster.

Omar09:


I don't know if you were actually conscious when you posted this. I mean you are asking women to reprogram themselves, and to do things for themselves. You are asking women to pause their emotions the thing they live and strive on, their skill? C'mon man, it's not possible. They'd rather die than do that. You don't tell a specie to not act on how nature built it. If you had asked men not to be emotional then I'd say you asked them to leave a terrain that's not theirs unto one which is theirs "logic".

Opexzy:


I have been flowing with your opinions and i am quite fascinated. But i must point out something which I will put forward to you a a question.



What brings about those feelings? There is definitely something that will attract you to someone and i am sure you know it. Sometimes it might be composite qualities.

We are all humans we have preference (both men and women).

Quite apt. Something must attract you to a person, otherwise you close your eyes and choose your partner at random

This thread is like 6 and 9. They will be what it is, depending on the position you find yourself.

Emotions should be controlled, but we love with emotions too.

I don't talk too much, so I'm out of here.

All this ladies shouting foolishly I can't control my feelings blablabla... I have seen so many of them in Facebook in their 35, 40, and above begging for relationship. They are no more talking about feelings, money or any other thing... Life will teach you a bitter lesson if you can't control your feelings and be logical, yes, am talking to these young ladies here that still have the opportunity to correct their mistake and stupid feelings now before they reaches the point of no return as those women in Facebook

Friend22:


This is why I hate too much antonyms in write up.
what is accept again and love?

The thing many ladies focus on this life is, they build too many fantasies in their head and when a man who comes their way doesn't meet up to such standard then they start lowering their standard...

The point is, women don't really know what they want.
And sorry to say, you appear like one of those who don't know what they want.

Women are naturally inconsistent.
They can be brilliant, but when it comes to emotional stuff that is their biggest weakness.

You are yet to make your point Sir.

Unfortunately, is it the unworthy guys you females’ feelings run wild for. When the unworthy guys have had their fill and made you feel less of yourself, that is when you begin looking for those ones you couldn’t develop feelings for, to come and salvage the damaged you. I wouldn’t settle for a damaged good. Never.

Even in your wildest emotional rollercoasters try and apply a little logic, it will help you.

One secret ladies don't know is that they can develop feelings for any guy who truly desires them and treats them like a queen even if that guy is totally opposite of what they want in terms of physical looks...it is a mystery so put your feelings on hold and observe keenly then give your feelings to a guy that is deserving of it.

@ the bolded is not true cos ive tried severally to develop feelings for one or two good guys I felt would make a perfect spouse but it just didn't click. And it took me years trying to see if there's a way I can build the love for these guys, or feel something for them but same same.
You can't really force this feelings or develop it yourself, it won't work. This things happen naturally and if it not there, it not there. That is why most marriages are having problems today because you have people advising you saying, " you can build love, love grows in marriage, just marry the man first and love will come later" jaggons. If it actually works like that, then it would have happened for me when I tried forcing it for those guys I talked about earlier.

Feeling is something you can't control. That is why when you feel something for someone, you can't control how fast it grows until it reaches a peak where it becomes a threat. Likewise you dont have the power to control your feelings and make it grow for someone it doesn't click with. It's a natural phenomenon beyond every living being.

Please let not be misguided.
I believe in true love with genuine feelings and that is what covers all sins. As in no matter what the person does to you, you still want to be with them.

It took me 4 years after my ex to fall in love again. And this new guy is a Nairalander. Yes! And this happened within a few weeks. But we had a little misunderstanding and I was heartbroken to which I confided in a guy here about how I felt. So he asked me, how long have I dated this new guy that the love hurts so badly. I told him just a few weeks and he went wow! Like is it not too early to love so deeply?
Now I didn't realized that my feelings had grown so fast and so deep for this guy until he mentioned it and I paused to think but realized its not my fault! Its how nature works and we can't control these things.

Toks2008:
Have you ever heard these words from ladies?, "I know John truly wants me but i dont have any feelings for him but i have strong feelings for Jude yet he is treating me like trash"

Ladies are ruled by their feelings but unfortunately, many ladies have been sent to their early graves cos of this same feelings and many are down with mental illness and some are even locked up in psychiatry all in the name of feelings.

Now understand this; your feelings are very important but you also have the power to control it. Not every man who approaches you for romance really desires you and not every man who proposes marriage really wants you for the right reason so you need to really have a strong grip on your feelings and the first step to achieving this is to be self-sufficient in all ramifications to avoid hinging your feelings on the material things the guy can offer but rather on his true intent which is expressed in how he treats you.

Every lady has Phronesis(A type of wisdom or intelligence) that enables her know if a man sincerely wants her but she usually develops feelings for another who will most likely treat her like trash.

Your feelings can destroy you if channeled towards the wrong person so no matter how attractive that guy may look, no matter how sweet and smooth he sounds, no matter the material things he showers on you, no matter how good he is in bed, as vital as these qualities are, please always press the pause button on your feelings and observe him carefully for the right attributes. Yes people do change but a man who truly desires you will most likely always desire you regardless.

The movie Beauty and the beast is more than a fiction...one secret ladies don't know is that they can develop feelings for any guy who truly desires them and treats them like a queen even if that guy is totally opposite of what they want in terms of physical looks...this is a mystery... so put your feelings on hold and observe keenly then give your feelings to a guy that is deserving of it.

I know this is extremely difficult for many ladies but it is the only way you can reduce the possibility of ending up in the wrong hands.

Hope this makes sense.

Wonderful

GraGra247:


You're talking thrash. A lot of ladies that got deeply burnt by these same mistakes Op described have learnt to control their emotions the hard way.

Many ladies equally learnt from those that got hurt and are guarding their feelings.

Bro you don't understand and I don't suppose you understand.

Don't know when this tread was made or how long but interesting

You are intelligent and wise at the same time

At the bolded is smart

In one of my replies here I also said similar thing

But I called it LUST

There is a parable in igbo that is translated as

If a rat joins a lizard to jump on water, at the time the water drys off the lizard what about the rat?

Women LUST just like men but the later enjoys society advantage so the former should be more careful!

Amanda4life:


Yes only the matured and very rare young ladies.

This job should mostly be done by a parents at younger age.

Once you don't hide anything from your female child at early stage of her life before she goes into TEENS.
If you can capture her mind and make her sew the world of love differently, she will grow to be different from her peers


But most parents may feel its too early or may not really have time for such

If you fail to do this , it means that you are leaving that child to be taught by life experience s, which may not be good at all.
Some, as a result may become feminist, while some may not live to tell their stories.

Not good for a woman to date many men before getting married

One secret ladies don't know is that they can develop feelings for any guy who truly desires them and treats them like a queen even if that guy is totally opposite of what they want in terms of physical looks...it is a mystery so put your feelings on hold and observe keenly then give your feelings to a guy that is deserving of it.

@ the bolded is not true cos ive tried severally to develop feelings for one or two good guys I felt would make a perfect spouse but it just didn't click. And it took me years trying to see if there's a way I can build the love for these guys, or feel something for them but same same.
You can't really force this feelings or develop it yourself, it won't work. This things happen naturally and if it not there, it not there. That is why most marriages are having problems today because you have people advising you saying, " you can build love, love grows in marriage, just marry the man first and love will come later" jaggons. If it actually works like that, then it would have happened for me when I tried forcing it for those guys I talked about earlier.

Feeling is something you can't control. That is why when you feel something for someone, you can't control how fast it grows until it reaches a peak where it becomes a threat. Likewise you dont have the power to control your feelings and make it grow for someone it doesn't click with. It's a natural phenomenon beyond every living being.

Please let not be misguided.
I believe in true love with genuine feelings and that is what covers all sins. As in no matter what the person does to you, you still want to be with them.

It took me 4 years after my ex to fall in love again. And this new guy is a Nairalander. Yes! And this happened within a few weeks. But we had a little misunderstanding and I was heartbroken to which I confided in a guy here about how I felt. So he asked me, how long have I dated this new guy that the love hurts so badly. I told him just a few weeks and he went wow! Like is it not too early to love so deeply?
Now I didn't realized that my feelings had grown so fast and so deep for this guy until he mentioned it and I paused to think but realized its not my fault! Its how nature works and we can't control these things.

So trailer jammed ur egungun not once, but twice on the express way ...be careful cos u might not survive the 3rd ...unless ur egungun is a cat

It seems your threads these days are more of floating ideas than reality... Ehn, this my brother Toks2008

What makes for a successful human relationship at all levels are...
1: Respect: Some women respect their pastors and bosses more than their spouses.. Same for some men.
2: Commitment: Some of us studied courses that we don't like but still made good grades. Same for love relationship... Eccl 9vs 10
3: Tolerance: Too much expectation leads to frustration.
4: Decision: Whatever thing good that attracted you to me must be sustained by me and vice versa
5: Communication: Every relationship must have what I call DEFINITION OF TERMS
We must define the following
A: acceptable and unacceptable behavioural standards
B: duties, roles and boundaries
C: pardonable and unpardonable relationship sins Eg. Cheating, physical abuse, verbal abuse etc.
D: financial rights and limits
E: role and limitations of third parties in our relationship.

Can two work together except they agree??

Toks2008:


It did not click because you never wanted it to click.

How can you want to be with people no matter what they do to You? That is no longer feelings but foolishness.

And lastly, you can control your feelings and it will do you a whole lot of good if you start learning how to.

Yes! Self control is key
You're not man/woman enough when u can't have a grip on your emotions

Nn3muka:

It doesn't make sense, and this is fallacy
Your assumption is flawed sir

It is very possible as in the case of stockholm syndrome where hostages especially female hostages develops feelings towards their captors due to a act of kindness from their part.

Toks2008:

You asked a question and you went ahead to answer

Well Men dont really love but they are only carried away by what they see and once that thing fades off they switch to tolerating that person.

If a man has 3 babes,no matter how sweet and good nature the three may be, he will always go for the one that is most sexually appealing to him.

This is the end of this thread.


Toks2008 you have said it all, don't add or remove.


Ladies listen to what he said. Don't be fooled by men claiming to love you, the saddest truth remains that men don't love, men are not created to love emotionally like women, they only lust for what they see, and like toks said, when that sexual attraction they saw in a lady and fell for her fades away, they carry on with tolerating her based on other good non-romantic and non-sexual qualities she has and this is what keeps married men going with their wives.



A lot of guys will come here to tell you how they love their girlfriend, how they love their wife, how they are different men, but the truth is they don't know who they are and they cannot even distinguish between love and lust and tolerance, e no concern me


Guys should never waste time or resources on a girl that proves stubborn for them. Once a girl says no to you, leave her, she doesn't naturally like u, she is trying to find a reason to accept u out of sympathy. Don't accept a sympathy relationship.


If a lady likes u, she will fall for you immediately.


I am not proud of what I want to say, but to educate other guys, I will say it here.


I dated more than 100 girls (black, white, Asian, etc), both broke girls, poor girls, girls from rich family, working class earning big, just name it....and I learnt a lot in those period which helped to shape my understanding about women as a whole.

Women are irrational beings. They chose men to love, being caring and generous to a woman will never make her love u romantically, u are wasting your time. The guy she picks to love can be an armed robber, a drug addict, a killer, she will still love her and be working to help him change which never happens and reason lots of ladies get burnt a lot in dating and marriage.

Men are rational, they gravitate towards ladies that value them when they want to marry, they don't wait till they feel butterflies, they marry the lady with the best rational qualities they want but not same with ladies unless they are too old, unattractive and marrying out of fear or pressure to escape menopause.


A lady will know you don't treat her well, she sees the red flag but she is still madly in love with you, it's not their fault, it's how they are built by nature to be irrational and to be more of emotional beings.


What you wrote is easier for men to practice than for ladies cos ladies fall for a man based on emotional and irrational reasons while men fall for a lady based on sex appeal and during marriage they pick a spouse based on rational qualities not just sex appeal

This guy and stupid generalizations all the time...smh.

A man should not go back to his woman if she cheats but a woman can do go back to her man if he cheats?

I still don't understand why men are always given this preference.

AfroKnight:
Women and their inconstancy.

The poster above (no offence) has shown you guys that the average woman wouldn’t just love you because you are kind to her, especially after she has formed her opinion on you. She either wants you or not. Simple.

That is why I believe a guy should cut his loses and move on when his woman cheats. You cannot and should not win such a woman back. It is dangerous to the man. Her heart is elsewhere and apparently nothing you do would change that. Perhaps maturity on her part would do. But would you wait till she’s 45 or 50 for her to realise that you are the best thing that happened to her? No.

Toks is coming from a logical point of view, trying to address the common issue of unrequited love, that has led men into suffering for a woman who would leave eventually. But this does not work. They love whom they love and mostly for illogical or unknowable reasons. It is often tied to the first impression they get when they meet the guy.

Only mature women and the very rare young woman can do what you’re asking Toks.

You will sooner get a PhD than understand a woman. You can figure out her ways but not understand the logic (if there's any at all) behind her behaviour.

If a woman starts doing nyanga despite your commitment and kindness to her, please move on. Do not try to save her or convince her you are the best for her. Just let her be. Let her get her heart's desire. She will have to leave with her fate. Whatever it turns out to be.

WILL THEY LISTEN WHEN THEY NOTICE YOUR UNDER THEY ARE NOT ALWAYS AFTER THE FEELING OR YOUR MONEY WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR IS THAT STICK UNDER YOU AND IF YOU KNOW HOW TO WHIP WELL WITH IT O BA PARI GO ON SO ON.

Amanda4life:


Yes only the matured and very rare young ladies.

This job should mostly be done by a parents at younger age.

Once you don't hide anything from your female child at early stage of her life before she goes into TEENS.
If you can capture her mind and make her sew the world of love differently, she will grow to be different from her peers


But most parents may feel its too early or may not really have time for such

If you fail to do this , it means that you are leaving that child to be taught by life experience s, which may not be good at all.
Some, as a result may become feminist, while some may not live to tell their stories.

Not good for a woman to date many men before getting married

True.

It happens to guys too. If your feelings lead you to unhappy ending is even better than the person you did not have feelings for treating you like a trash.

bukatyne:
People should develop a healthy self esteem so they naturally gravitate towards people who treat them with the premium they have placed on themselves.

I also doubt that people geniuely fall in love plenty times in their lives. Most people lost the person they truly loved when they were younger.

Someone once said men don't marry who they live, they marry who is available.(this is very debatable).

The more people you enter a relationship or give your heart to, the less love or relationship is sacred to you.

The less premium you place on yourself, the easier it is to stay with people who treat you like crap.

golden comment.

I feel you from here Op
But it's quite difficult loving a man you have no feelings for.
In short the situation is pathetic.
Reason why I'm still single
Guys I feel much attracted to hardly comes so easily
While the ones I feel absolutely nothing for grovels at my feet begging for attention.
It's really frustrating and I'm damn tired.

Gvnl:
A man should not go back to his woman if she cheats but a woman can do go back to her man if he cheats?

I still don't understand why men are always given this preference.

Auntie, I didn’t mention that in my comment. Where you see am?

Don’t ever make anyone your life, your all in all, trust me you’ll be fine