WIFE: "Dear, you are really looking handsome this morning o! Your body is looking lighter and your muscles are looking bigger!"

HUSBAND (thinking): "Hmmm, how much money does she want this time?"
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CUSTOMER CARE

WIFEY: "Who were you talking to so sweetly on the phone like that?"

HUBBY: "Darling, I was talking to my customer. And that is my Customer Care Voice!"

FITNESS

Wifey: "Your friend is dieting and exercising to look good for his girlfriend. Why don't you diet and exercise for me?"

Hubby (eating swallow): "I'm married, I don't have to be attractive."

The Gentleman

Wifey: "Dear, the teacher says that junior is the most gentle and quiet boy in her class."

Hubby: "What? There must be another junior in her class".

Mr Romantic

Wifey: "Dear, can't you be romantic for once?"

Hubby: "Alright, do you want to hear a poem?

Wifey: "Yes!"

Hubby: "Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am hungry. Please bring my food".

The Rat Doctor

Wifey: "Dear we have a rat problem. Please go to the chemist for rat medicine."

Hubby: "Why the chemist, is the rat sick? "

Food Matters

Wifey: "Dear, can you imagine that our neighbour was sleeping with their house help because his wife doesn't cook for him?"

Hubby: "Well, cooked food matters. The way to some men's bed is through their stomach."

AFROMAN
Wifey: "Dear, you are keeping an Afro. But you have never liked Afro hairstyle?"

Hubby: "Oh I started liking it after my barber said: 'Haircut is now ₦2,000'."

FINANCIAL FACTS!

Wifey: "Dear, can I please have some money. I want do go shopping"?

Hubby: "Ahn ahn, but didn't you just got your salary, why not use that one"?

Wifey: "I have kept my salary in the bank. I want to use your money".

Hubby: "Why?"

Wifey: "Because MY money is My money but YOUR money is OUR money"?

CLOSE FRIENDS

Wifey: "Dear, what do you think of Mercy?"

Hubby: "Oh, nice lady, very friendly."

Wifey: "Thank you. I will remove her from my birthday list. I don't what women that are friendly with my husband at my party."

PROOF OF PURCHASE

Wifey: "Dear, food prices have gone up again in the market and the money you gave me was not enough. I had to use my own money to buy stuffs. So you're reimbursing me with 10k."


Hubby. "No problem. Just let me see the receipts of everything you bought in the market."

The Economist

Hubby: "I wish there was COVID-19 when we got married."

Wife: "What, Why do you day that?"

Hubby: "... because getting married in lockdown would've saved me a lot of money."

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Always A Suspect

Wifey: "Dear, please get a hair cut. You look a little bushy."

Husband gets a haircut and the next day.

Wifey: "This one that you're looking nice today, hope there's nobody outside that you're looking nice for?"