There are many reasons why married people cheat. Upwards of 40% of married couples are impacted by infidelity,1 and despite the high percentage, most people — even those who stray — will say that cheating is wrong. Risk factors such as personality disorders and childhood issues, as well as opportunities such as social media and poor boundaries, can increase the chance that one of these reasons will actually lead to some type of affair.



Frustration in the marriage is one common trigger; the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems to no avail. Maybe they had second thoughts about getting married or they were jealous over the attention is given to a new baby and neither had the skill set to communicate these feelings. Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage — neglect, abuse, or a parent who cheated — that interferes with his or her ability to maintain a committed relationship. Less often, the cheater doesn't value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesn't care about the consequences.

Approximately 20 percent of men admit to cheating, compared to 13 percent of women, according to the General Social Survey. Fathers may cheat more. Estimates suggest around 10 percent of expecting fathers cheat on their pregnant wives, and there’s reason to believe a man’s resistance to temptation is stronger when he’s newly married and having a bunch of sex in the kitchen in front of his new appliances then when his partner’s interest is declining. While women tend to cheat up, bedding potentially more suitable mates, men cheat down and all around.



Unlike men who cheat chronically as a result of deeper-rooted attachment disorders and sex addictions, healthy men who cheat occasionally are not pathological, they’re immature,“Most men fall somewhere in the middle between being absolutely faithful and having cheated once, realizing it was immature and learning from it.”

The good news is that most men don’t need to cheat to understand the hurt it may cause to their partner — that can be accomplished through healthy, and more important, continued communication about trust, intimacy, and opportunities for temptation as they arise.



When women cheat, they're often trying to fill an emotional void. Women frequently complain of disconnection from a spouse, and of the wish to be desired and cherished. Women are more likely to feel unappreciated or ignored, and seek the emotional intimacy of an extramarital relationship. An affair is more often a "transitional" partner for the woman as a way to end the relationship. She is seriously looking to leave to her marriage and this other person helps her do just that. That's not to say that sexual satisfaction isn't a primary driver of affairs for wives as well as husbands.