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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed (84479 Views)
Married, But Living As Single / I'm Getting Married But I'm Not Happy / Married But Feels Single. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by healthserve(m): 8:36am On Feb 23, 2020 |
wany: I'm sorry i forced her into the marriage. Smh 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by healthserve(m): 8:45am On Feb 23, 2020 |
4ckz: My belle o 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by machiavelli95: 8:47am On Feb 23, 2020 |
ityP: Genesis 6 verse 4. Use ESV. Research more about the terms nephilim. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by mindsbeauty(m): 8:49am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Good day. Its a good decision you'd come to personally realized how loving it would be if you'd agree on being nice to yourself first. Loving you is the ultimate thing to do. After God's love for you. Now, you'll be able to reflect same to your husband... Love you daily. Love your environment. Love him for him. Love for continuous mutual benefits as new lovers. Be ready to have you cuddle inside your vacuumed scents of accomplishments... You just must first love you. Girlwhocares: 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by drezo(m): 8:50am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Your husband does not deserve any treatment he's getting from you, and it's sad he has to suffer for what he knows nothing about... And I think you have not developed a greater understanding of love, it's a commitment before it becomes a feeling(for ADULTS) then it's a feeling before it becomes a commitment for children and teenagers and single youth. So you need to face the reality you have passed the stage of getting all your happiness, you're now at a point of making sacrifices and commitments just like your parents did for you. Your fun should be from your husband and also that your home and family is working as it should... Other fulfillment can come from what you like to do... And remember at some point you didn't have your own money as you do now... Were you thinking about all these things at that time... that's commitment, If you don't want that ex to laugh at you, better put your shit together and build YOUR home, take RESPONSIBILITY... Men can be deceptive, If you leave your marriage to your husband you will certainly miss it and wish you just changed certain things... Make your husband workout to build a better physique among other things, 'cos I could easily assume he's not energetic and not far from having a pot belly if he's not one already, 'cos you're not physically attracted to him, except he's a dwarf then I have no advise for that.... as I don't know any remedy but I know with cardio he can look better whatever the case... Just understand that you have to face your life now... And make the most of it... It would be too personal to ask if your husband is not good in bed, which I doubt... But I believe you can work out everything and still have some fun... People always link up with their exes at some point and it's almost normal in this generation, this doesn't mean I'm comfortable with it, but then your own family should be working before doing so, the did has been done, you're married now, and you can have a better marriage if you get close to your husband, what I hate the most is making babies in marriages that won't work... If you had no child in the marriage it would have been so much easier to make a choice. Your EX might not be available anymore, or he might just be planning a payback... he may not feel exactly the same way he did for you back in the day, I know you keep picturing how it would have been perfect and so different if you married him, but life is not always what you expect, it may be far from what you expect, once you eventually hook up with him on marital grounds you would eventually see a lot has changed about him he would have outgrown certain things and lost that spark he had in his youth and see that this world is just an empty place, even if you leave your husband, don't go back to your EX, if you insist on going back to him then the problem is you, you haven't outgrown your fantasies and faced reality, your husband might have had exes too he wished he had married to, but now he's married to you and he's committed to it, that's what adults do. Every decision we make is a path that leads somewhere.. just think it through... People are making money by the day and taking vacations to different countries in the world for FUN... You and your husband could do that with your kid, if you can save for it... Except there is more to your marriage, in all, the decision is yours to make. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Goldencheese(m): 8:51am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Claps. Awesome. Kindred spirit. Thank you. ityP: 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by queenblossom(f): 8:55am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Ishilove: It might be money that attracted her or she was getting old and desperately needed a husband |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Mordecai(m): 8:57am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Reading between the lines, a quick mental calculation puts your age above 40. I would also assume your husband is older than you with a few years. When you married him, you were at least 34 and him 36 at least. That puts you in your early forties at the minimum. Given that you sound like you're still 22, I'd say your real age is below 30 and the story is fake. Is daddytime working with you to generate all this stories? Or are you daddytime using another moniker? Girlwhocares: 3 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by donshaddow(m): 8:58am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Shior, how can I unread this? |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by daddytime(m): 9:00am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Mordecai: Lol... A very very funny insinuation. You think say I dey work with/for Seun? 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by DeeMain(m): 9:03am On Feb 23, 2020 |
ThePianoGuy: What will Jesus do? Heal her or give her the solutions to what ails her she is looking for or get off her thread. Can't you hear her silent screams that she needs help? Bloody Pharisees! 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by alphaNomega: 9:14am On Feb 23, 2020 |
UjuJoan2: Are you in an Open marriage? By the way, do you even know what an open marriage is? Tell me. You might be thinking of something different. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by DeeMain(m): 9:18am On Feb 23, 2020 |
OP, this is a tough one. Go see a good therapist. Here are possibilities to this. You are probably soul-tied to your first love. So there is no room for another. This can be deprogrammed and the possibility of you opening up to loving and allowing your husband to love you can be explored. There are perception problems, negative beliefs and thinking errors that make you act the way you do and discount all his good and exaggerate the bad. This can be rewired. Lastly, if all these fail then divorce can and should be explored to free each other from this trauma. If you want to explore this further you can PM me. Best wishes. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by lynx200(m): 9:19am On Feb 23, 2020 |
@Girlwhocares I commend you for being honest with yourself as so many people keep on lying to themselves all their lives. That is a good sign that you want a solution. We all want to be happy and satisfied with our lives. Its so unfortunate that most people have been conditioned to jettison happiness and instead bear with a bad situation, something that is bound to make anyone miserable. From what you've said, you're not comfortable with your husband no matter what he does. Staying put in such a situation can make anyone crazy. Even with all the patchworks, with the bad foundation from the start, the best you will do is just to bear with each other and obviously you've done a lot of that over the years. So I will advice that you divorce the guy immediately. People might say that's harsh but think about this, can you bear another 3 years of no intimacy and a loveless relationships if you can't bear this guy? I have seen people stay in marriages where they are not happy and eventually they end up miserable. My late mother is a good example of this. Don't let this be your fate @Girlwhocares. You have a right to be happy and to be whatever you want to be in this life. It's for everyone and not just for kids as many adults think. You have to love yourself instead of just being a washboard for other peoples' wishes. The one way you can have happiness in your life and stop being depressed is undoing your mistake by separating from your husband. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by may320: 9:33am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Another fiction. This OP can lie. Many things didn't add up here. Nice try anyway, people will be able to pick one lesson or the other. Outtahere! 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by nnaeyes6: 9:39am On Feb 23, 2020 |
No need to panic. I thank God u are gradually realising urself. Although ur husband is dying slowly with what u are doing without u knowing. Soon and very soon, u will hear that he slumped and died. Then people will be shouting "very strong healthy man" without knowing that he has been taken poisons every day for the past 7years. Anyway, my advice is to be COURAGEOUS ENOUGH to take UR HUSBAND along with u to see a COUNSELOR. Good counselor will fix both u but u have to make the move first. I think ur actions are psychological from past experiences and ur HUSBAND is paying for it. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Purifiedsoul: 9:43am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:Sounds like you dont have an iota of feelings towards him, why do you agree to marry him in the first place? |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by yahaya2014(m): 9:44am On Feb 23, 2020 |
What is happening to you now is what just made the mother of my child to leave the relationship. Before she left she told me she hates me with passion and I shld let her go to her family. She wanted killing me and committing suicide. So she left and never got home. I have made consultations, they said its devil manipulation. But I am no more interested in her anymore. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 9:48am On Feb 23, 2020 |
machiavelli95: There's nothing in that verse that suggests that spiritual husband or wife. Pastors just make this up 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by knowyaself2(m): 9:49am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Love is not some unstable feelings that come and go, love is a decision. Those that foolishly believe that their love for their partner is blind and based on feelings, often find themselves stranded and out of love, when the illusory feelings of the so called love wears off; and trust me, it will wear off - it's just a matter of time. This is how to love: Know the qualities you admire and respect in a person and seek out people with such attributes and love them. When you are asked why you love a person, have a ready and reasonable answer to give. If you don't know why you love a person, then it is based on stupid feelings and which is a recipe for disaster. Trust me, it never ends well if it's just your so called feelings. Now, op, from your submission, you highlighted your spouse's intelligence. Now, this is a quality to be admired and loved. If he's humorous too, then any wise woman should be totally blown away. If he's kind to you in addition, and you think you don't have so called feelings for him, then you seriously need to deprogram your mind from all those Hollywood/Bollywood fantasy nonsense they call love. Again, love is a decision. Be wise. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by skedy1(m): 9:49am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Thats what happens when you get married to who is ready and not who you love. However, everything is your control. Make a positive move...see him as that your secondary school crush. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by galantjoe(m): 9:57am On Feb 23, 2020 |
My advise for you is to find out how u and ur husband connected. What connected u people in the first place. If u found it, go and reignite it. Secondly, what is your birthday and your husband's birthday. Using astrological guide, you can find a way to reconnect your husband. Astrological guide for incompatible signs abound in the internet, you can easily Google it. I wish u good luck |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Badteke47: 10:06am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Say it clear..... your husband is most likely not rich enough to excite you and your dreams and fantasies. When he makes it tomorrow, you will start having feelings inugo |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Omar09(m): 10:10am On Feb 23, 2020 |
ityP: This should be directed to the OP not me. I am not the one with the problem. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by EagleNest(m): 10:18am On Feb 23, 2020 |
I still think the marriage can work if the op so decides. She need to agree first, for it to work as it appears to me she'd wanted OUT all these while? See my dear, you are not the only one on earth that had parental incursions when it comes to marriage decision but many have ALLOWED theirs to work. I dislike the idea of parents deciding on who their kids should marry, it doesn't always work well in this social media generation. From hindsight, if I were the husband I wouldn't have gone along with the marriage if I'd sensed the girl is not corporating. These are what courtship tries to check & solve. Because at the end it is two of you that will live together, not the parents or siblings. And now, with the marriage in doldrums, what is the husband thinking? Being an intelligent man as the wife alludes, how is he going on without sex for 3years and loveless wife? What efforts has he made? Who has he told about this predicament? How did they conceive their only child in the first place? Likewise the op, she wouldn't have agreed to this marriage if she doesn't like the guy. However, this your husband is not a man from nowhere, he was already your friend - depending on how you define 'friendship '. Is there anything else about him than he is not your ideal man! Look, we all had one or two near misses in our pursuit of life and perfection, but we don't dwell on it this long. If it doesn't go exactly our preferred way, we do make the best out of it and life goes on. Don't kill yourself for nothing. Your moniker says 'girlwhocares'. My dear charity begins at home. Start first by letting the past go! And start working out for the future of your family. Give your husband 'care'. If you sow 'care' to your husband, will you not reap 'care' as well and vice versa. Finally, do NOT think of divorcing your husband for the inadequacies of the past. No marriage is perfect! The fault is not his and he has endured beyond an average man can endure. You need to come down and think, put yourself in his shoes, if it is the other way round how will you feel. You are still young, and the wound of the past due to your loyalty to your parent, should go pls. Give this marriage another chance and work on letting the past go. Wipe your memory board of the past, clean up and start writing a new positive future. Positive things will start attracting itself to you. How I wish I could communicate to the man, I could give him tips to refresh this marriage and brighten it up. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by kayourcome: 10:19am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:Please, what do you think you want? To say he is not good in bed but he gave you a kid, he's financially stable and romantic as you said. What else do any man can offer you except that. something is not really right spiritually. Someone wants you out of that happy home so that you will regret it for life. Beware and seek help spiritually. Na half talk we dey tell omoluabi, if e enter em stomach e go complete. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by SweetCunt97(f): 10:27am On Feb 23, 2020 |
zexy2030:4 grown ladies raped you at age 6? Why am I finding that hard to wrap my head around? But you know there are some women with naturally low libido |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by lomprico(m): 10:32am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: you felt like this during courtship, why did u marry him? 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by lomprico(m): 10:38am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: that's the problem there! you dont want to be submissive to any man because u feel you make money more than him. so why did u marry? my advice is, let the poor guy go and find happiness with someone else. one day he might just snap and do something really horrible. it's just unfortunate for the kid u have. |
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