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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us (95233 Views)
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Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Elxandre(m): 12:15pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
This thread highlights the irresponsibility found in Nigerian men. No sympathy for the poor woman. Just spewing rubbish to maintain their psuedo Alpha male status. It shows you'd Live your kids to rot in distress if you were in similar situations. Wicked people. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by LTRAVIS(m): 12:15pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
AroOkigbo: Gbam ....very correct 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Psoul(m): 12:16pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
yvelchstores: I suspect this two monikers. If you know you know Vyvyanvyvy yvelchstores |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by AroOkigbo(m): 12:17pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Vyvyanvyvy: This is what you initially said: He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house 4 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Malawian(m): 12:18pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Vyvyanvyvy:What i think is that the issue has to do with your almost grown up son vis-à-vis your husband's little daughter. He does not want his little daughter molested. Ask him properly, he will tell you his mind. |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Theboss100(m): 12:19pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Oyindidi:I like ur stance. Na ur type i wan marry. U kw why? They think abt family first b4 anything else. Keep it up woman. |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by leobenz: 12:21pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Vyvyanvyvy: Still call him and send the boy to him |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by MadeMan01(m): 12:21pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Jman06: How and where did you find yours. I'm married |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by victorian(f): 12:21pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Anyways my advice is this : First it's always a messy situation being a baby mama or having kids out of wedlock and getting remarried to another man. The situation is always messy and the children from the first man suffers. Secondly it's hard to tame a thief, be it boy or girl. I know how pissed and angry I feel whenever I realise there is a thief in my class and the worst I can do is talk talk talk, then keep an open peeled detective eyes on people I suspect. It can be very stressful. It's not easy making a thief to stop stealing and they usually have recruit. I don't blame the second man for not accepting such burden. For it is a huge burden to live with at home. Then my advice, op simply rescue your son and try train him properly. You made a huge mistake allowing relatives to train him. Now they've spoilt him and are so quickly to throw him away. That's life for you. Rescue the boy, take him to boarding school. Although boarding school will worsen his case, cause no one will be there to train him character wise. He may end up as an armed robber due to friends he might mingle with in school. So the difficult thing is choose between your husband and your children. You just have to choose But remember if u don't choose your son? He may end being a thorn in your flesh later on In life. I wonder how women get to become babymamas for different men. Honestly I wonder . It doesn't end well. That's the truth except u dedicate your lives to the kids and forget marriage. May God help u. 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by TGM2015: 12:24pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Vyvyanvyvy:No, do not go the way of force. You see, there are two options: (1) opt out of the marriage and stay single caring for your children or (2) stay with your husband and humbly get his yes. I had a boy living with me that I have to send back to his mother. I took him up after his father death. I could see clearly he want to stay with his mother, siblings and grandparents. In fact, any time I pick up his book to check, for every letter, the name of one or more village friends and family will appear. I put him in computer school, every assignment and design has the same colouration. He later start misbehaving (stealing, staying out, etc.). I have to call his mother to come and take him. To your son, just like the boy, I am very sure, he will change when he reunite with you and his sister. The solution is to greese your husband ego and get him agree for him to come to live with you. Your new husband has the right to protect his family from bad influence, only that your son bad attitude was conditional and can be reversed with love in the shortest possible period of time. To to your husband, appeal to him and stop the attitude of I pay 70% of the bill, it wouldn't solve the problem. Let your husband knows that your son is a good boy and assure him that he will not be a bad influence to his sisters/brothers. Seek his understanding to give him a chance and proof your assertion right or wrong. Seriously, your husband concerned is genuine and should not be or take lightly. Let us put the issue of whether he is the father or not to one side. Personally, if one of my children start displaying bad attitude and behaviour, First thing is to try my best in put him/her to the right path, if my best is not enough, I will have to find a suitable place to take him to so as not to influence his/her siblings. That doesn't mean I abandoned, hate or don't care for the child but I was finding a better place that will change his/her future for better. We have cases where parents take their bad behaved child to live with pastors, imams or we'll displined members of the family. Sometimes send them to missionary oor military schools away from the home and siblings. Please take things easy, find peace and most importantly support your efforts with prayers. 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by SlimBrawnie(f): 12:24pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Vyvyanvyvy:Also, you could put him in a boarding house by September if you can afford that & if it's okay by you, then he stays with you during holidays. |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Jman06(m): 12:25pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
MadeMan01:Through my mother in the village |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by FaithfulGurl(f): 12:26pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
dalass:oil dey your head Best advice so far, I think everybody should stick to these words of wisdom ![]() 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by GermanMelania: 12:26pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Vyvyanvyvy: I just want to say thank you for understanding the root cause behind your son's behavior. Being maltreated is the worst. Pls fight for your child. I hope your husband understands and changes his mind. 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by franconian: 12:26pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Vyvyanvyvy: Vyvyanvyvy: I’m sorry, I read the above wrongly. Please try to contact him and his family, they can’t just leave you to take care of the kids all by yourself. He has to be responsible for his kids too. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by FaithfulGurl(f): 12:27pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
dalass:oil dey your head Best advice so far, I think everybody should stick to these words of wisdom 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Psoul(m): 12:29pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
cococandy: That is his son. He won't let his son be homeless cos he is the father. You refused to blame the man that leaves his two kids and wife homeless and you are blaming the man that has tried to take the wife and one of the kids home and made them comfortable. Refusing to take the other in cos of the criminal stigma attached to him. Can you easily take another man's child in and treat him/her like urs in ur marriage? Have you thought in this line. This woman has two kids 12 and 3yrs with a man. That should be a relationship of about 17 to 19 year and she cannot tell where her husband is. She does not know any of the husband's relative. Is this not the highest level of carelessness. The man has lots of fear. 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by klenton(m): 12:30pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
jelel6:your indeed blessed with wisdom, if i can see you i will definitely host you for a day on your last conclusion that if the man says NEVER and insists on NEVER then she has a choice to make whether son or hubby? i say there is no choice to make, the man has already made the choice, the son stays with the mother, there are no two ways about it. legally too that marriage is voidable as it was obtained by deceit. 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by sapoyoro(m): 12:31pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
cr7lomo:he didn't do Op a favor...did she forced him to marry her? was he blind to see she had 2 children before proposing marriage to her? and finally we are talking about the life of a young boy here.. should she abandon her child? I'm disappointed cos u are man,just like the 12 yr old boy will grow up to be a man just like you.. 4 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Saintmary(f): 12:32pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
[quote author=Vyvyanvyvy post=87405793] I know his people and family house because I stayed with them when he left for Italy. I left the house when my daughter was 2 weeks because of the maltreatment I had received from his mother and sisters. I don’t know where you guys are getting all these informations about not knowing my children father house or people? [quote] Your child's well being should be your priority. He is your blood. If you live to old age, as your first son, he will be the one to handle your burial. Order your life and leave a good legacy behind, if your husband wants to walk with you, good, but if he doesn't, you focus on your own life then. |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by OneCallAway: 12:32pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
yvelchstores: Perhaps you've seen/experienced domestic molestation. We've all seen/heard cases of such. However, don't let that becloud your basic logical reasoning. Do you have to be reminded that the girl is way younger and obviously at a very vulnerable state, and therefore should still be around her parents (at least one of them)? He didn't make those kids and whatever he does for them is out of plain magnanimity and his love for their mum...nothing more. Op, I think you should make him see reasons why he should accept your son aswell...I mean beg him to. How financially stable are you guys? Maybe you should start with assuring your husband that you'd foot all his (your son) bills or send him to a boarding school as someone suggested. In addition, you can have him (your son) counselled in a church/seminary/behavioral facility for some time so he comes back presumably clean. These are moves you can make on your own to put your husband in a better position/ state of mind to accept your estranged son... You need to understand that he's looking out for his kids too since your son now has some deplorable habits that he doesn't want his kids to pick up. Don't listen to the wailers suggesting that you opt out of the marriage. It's bad that your son grows up without his parents and EVEN WORSE raising 4kids without their fathers....Be wise! 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by franconian: 12:32pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
emmanuelewumi: No it’s one man. Vyvyanvyvy: |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Tunagee(m): 12:33pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Davash222: I feel you bro! |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by solelymade: 12:33pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Vyvyanvyvy: Hey Op, I don't care much if this story is real or fabricated. I want to believe it is real because you have invested so much energy in replying to each insinuation and advice. Your resolve to right a wrong is well appreciated. Ultimately, you are not doing it for the lives of your immediate family alone, but also the whole society. It is important not to solve a problem by creating a bigger problem, your quoted response is one short term solution that only leads to a bigger problem. Please, be careful. I believe strongly that your boy should be brought home immediately within a week max. First, exhaust emotional appeal to your husband/partner. Second, get respected people, who absolutely believe your boy should be with the larger family group, to help appeal and prevail on your husband. Why, your boy is really troubled and challenged. The circumstances with living with your brother and the ill-treatment have changed the narratives beyond an hungry boy seeking survival to an unsettled soul. I don't have to be descriptive in a gloomy way, I believe you understand. Your son needs more than the support, love and care you can offer. He needs many other things, amongst which very important he gets a father figure. Your husband/partner should be able to provide that if you can cut out the disdain you have for him. Men just as women are equally as sensitive to perceptions their partner hold of them. Forget the financial responsibility issues in your home, it is the peculiarity of our age. Unfortunately, many family fail to understand this age and the devil afflicts most homes with the perceived imbalance in gender specific financial obligations. Love, respect, trust and talk more with your husband, you will see him turn a more cooperating person. If you believe you will disregard your partner and move on with such attitude, you would most likely not achieve the best result. Together you will achieve a greater result in raising your children. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Nobody: 12:36pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Reading comment here makes me feel sick already. What kind of man is that? Most Nigerians mentality is so bad. How can he claim he love the woman and can't accommodate her children? So, if she dies now, she don't even have a spouse that can be there for all her kids? What about strangers who pick homeless children, orphans and provide for them, train them and give them shelter. It's sad how we find it difficult to make sacrifices for others. 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by confido2017: 12:37pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Hello Sis, I understand your pain earnestly. Since your son is 12 years old can you plead with your hubby so he can be staying few weeks or months during the School vacation. I will suggest you put him in a very good Boarding School. Your son will definitely be fyne but please don't let him be with relative that will make him feel rejected. He needs your motherly love. Thanks |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Nobody: 12:39pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Halimat04(f): 12:39pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Vyvyanvyvy:Please enroll ur son in a boarding sch to have peace of mind |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Tunagee(m): 12:39pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Richy4: Read the post well!! |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by crafteck(m): 12:39pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Richy4: He did her a big favour... 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Tunagee(m): 12:40pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Davash222: That's very rude! A question warranted her reply. |
Re: My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us by Nobody: 12:42pm On Mar 13, 2020 |
Vyvyanvyvy:You need to go there immediately and carry your son. Mother's always stand up for their children. If you need to cry all day begging your husband, do that. Go on your knee, explain to him again. You need to go and carry that boy now |
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