A man went to Reddington Hospital in Victoria Island Lagos and saw a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read: "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination. The annual salary is N4.2million, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Badagry." "My God! Is that where the job is?" asked the man. She answered, "No sir, that's where the end of the queue is."

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!

It is a very boring class. Students are taking notes, while a teacher himself falls asleep on his table. A few minutes later, students laughing and wondering how he could fall asleep during class send Akpos to him to wake him up. Akpos comes up to a teacher and asks: - Teacher, are you actually sleeping in the middle of a class? - No, of course, I am not. - Then how would you explain what you are doing? - I am talking to God! The next day. The same teacher is tutoring the same class. It is just as dull as on the previous day, so Akpos exhausted and not at all interested falls asleep. The teacher walks up to him and asks: - Akpos, are you sleeping? - No, teacher, I am not. I am talking to God as well.

It is a very boring class. Students
 are taking notes, while a teacher
 himself falls asleep on his table. A
 few minutes later, students
 laughing and wondering how he
 could fall asleep during class send
 Akpos to him to wake him up.
 Akpos comes up to a teacher and
 asks:
 - Teacher, are you actually sleeping
 in the middle of a class?
 - No, of course, I am not.
 - Then how would you explain what
 you are doing?
 - I am talking to God!
 The next day. The same teacher is
 tutoring the same class. It is just as
 dull as on the previous day, so
 Akpos exhausted and not at all
 interested falls asleep. The teacher
 walks up to him and asks:
 - Akpos, are you sleeping?
 - No, teacher, I am not. I am talking
 to God as well.

It is a very boring class. Students are taking notes, while a teacher himself falls asleep on his table. A few minutes later, students laughing and wondering how he could fall asleep during class send Akpos to him to wake him up. Akpos comes up to a teacher and asks: - Teacher, are you actually sleeping in the middle of a class? - No, of course, I am not. - Then how would you explain what you are doing? - I am talking to God! The next day. The same teacher is tutoring the same class. It is just as dull as on the previous day, so Akpos exhausted and not at all interested falls asleep. The teacher walks up to him and asks: - Akpos, are you sleeping? - No, teacher, I am not. I am talking to God as well.

Among other funny Christian jokes of Akpos is the one called “Many are called” Akpos is at a Sunday school class. A taught is checking how people learned the Bible verses at home. So he starts: Teacher: Akpos, finish the sentence: “Many are called but…” Akpos: … but few have credit to call you back.

THE LETTER A teacher was explaining letter writing to her students she told them to write a letter to someone for classwork Teacher:Akpos who are you writing to? Akpos:I am writing to myself Teacher:what is in the letter? Akpos:I don't know I haven't received it yet. ATM Akpos just finished withdrawing money from his account a man saw him and said Man:I saw your account number.it is**** Akpos:Idiot my account number that is 5496 is what you are saying is ****. Business Akpos was eating chocolate in a brt bus Man:Do you know that eating chocolate could damage your teeth Akpos:Do you know that my grandfather lived 100 years Man:Was it by eating chocolate? Akpos:No it was by minding his own business QUALIFICATION Akpos was in a taxi with a man who was trying to outsmart him Man:Do you know about wind electricity Akpos:No Man:Do you know about nuclear power stations Akpos:No but let me ask you one question, rams excretes pellets, horses excretes lumps while sheep excrets the same things as ram why is it so? Man:I don't know Akpos:Do you really think you are qualified to talk about nuclear power stations when you don't know anything about shit? Arsen Wenger A guy was watching a football (soccer)match he had bet his friend 1000 naira that arsenal will beat west ham, in the first 10 minutes West Ham United scored 5 goals then arsen wenger brought on a baby to play for a substitute. In the end aresnal lost 23-1 his friend called him to ask for his money. He simply smashed his phone on the ground and took the quickest flight to England where arsen wenger was talking to the press Arsen:I don't know why we lost although all that matters is that we played for the spirit Man:ARSEN WENGER (DU DU DU DU DUN DUN)KONI DA FU IN (IT SHALL NOT BE WELL WITH YOU) RETIRE U NO RETIRE BUY BETA PLAYER U NO BUY STIIIIINGY COAH Arsen: young man you don't know the meaning of football it is played for tne the passion not for winning Man:OLOSHIIIIIII(FOOL)and jumped on arsen wenger I solely don't own any one of these jokes they belong to area, akpos jokes and some somebody made it up and please I didn't mean to be offensive in that last joke arsen wenger is a great guy DIFFICULT EXAMS Father: akpos how was your exams today? Akpos: it was very difficult so I didn't even go to the exam center Father: Ah ! If you didn't go there , how do you know that it was difficult? Akpos:I saw the questions yesterday. LOTTERY Akpos won a lottery of 10 million dollars, after claiming the money, he buried it at the foot of a tree, and took a picture of the tree. He then boarded a flight to London, on the plane feeling good about himself he looked at the photo and suddenly he burst into tears. In his hand was the photo, in it there was a man smiling at the top of the tree. If you were akpos what would you do? PLACE OF BIRTH Interviewer:where were you born Akpos:lagos Interviewer:which part Akpos:what do you mean which part? The whole body was born in lagos. TRUTH Cynthia:am I beautiful Akpos:yes Cynthia:am I smart Akpos:yes Cynthia:am I one in a million Akpos:yes Cynthia:why are you saying yes to all of my questions Akpos:because the truth is bitter.

A Nigerian man died and went to hell, on getting there, he detected there was a separate hell for every country. He decided to go to the American hell since he couldn't make it to America while on Earth.
On getting there, he asked for the kind of punishment served there, he was told that "You will be flogged by the American devil for 8 hours, you will sleep on a bed of nails for 8 hours and sit on an electric chair for 8 hours". He went round other hell and discovered the punishment was the same. So he decided to go to the Nigerian hell.
On getting there, he saw people from different countries all there, he called a Nigerian man and asked him why foreigners were there since the punishment was the same thing.
He was told that the Nigerian devil to flog for the first 8 hours is a ghost worker, nobody knows him talk less of ever being flogged by him.So, for 8 hours, you can sleep, play, gist or do whatever you like.
For the 8 hours on a bed of nails, the contract has been given out to over 5000 contractors but nobody has seen the bed, so they have stopped giving out the contract. That's another 8 hours of enjoyment.
He then asked about the 8 hours on electric chair, the man was surprised. He said "I thought you said you came here from Nigeria, Nigeria get 8 hours light for living beings na hell come remain?". No light for here o, the chair don rust tey tey, dem don throway am! Another 8 hours of enjoyment!
The man laughed out loud and woke up at his funeral!

It pays to be a Nigerian anytime!