I am dating a Nigerian guy; we've been together 8.5 years.  We both want to marry each other, but we are experiencing some resistance from his side of the family.  His parents do not have anything personal against me, I am just not the ideal match for their (first born) son.  I am white, I am not Nigerian and I'm from a completely different country/culture than they are.

I have met his parents, as well as extended family members.  I send gifts back to them for holidays, birthdays and for no reason at all.  I speak to them on the phone as often as I can and I've hosted them when they came to visit us.

His parents feel that I am too old for him (we're the same age, they want him to marry someone younger than him).  They want him to be with a Nigerian girl, which I completely understand, because I know how important a role being the first son is.

We love each other very much and want to be together.  He speaks to his parents about me, but neither of us want to put any pressure on them to give us their blessing, for fear they will disown him.  We want to allow them time to get used to the idea that I am not going anywhere, but again, it's been 8.5 years. 

My question is what else can I do to earn their approval so that we can be married?  I am trying to be the best (almost) Niger-wife I can be, but it's hard.

My honest answer to ur post is dis,pray more 2 God and if he wills dat both of u be 2geda,race/color/natianality etc can't stop it.Bt limit ur giving gifts 2 d family or else dey assume u wanna buy their heart/luv wit ur wealth/generosity.Furthemore relate wit dem honestly dont show dem dat their decision is bothering u cos in God's agenda 4 marriage age is not a barrier talk more of being jus agemates.As long as their is compatibility n luv wit undastanding fear not rely/trust in God for a change in the new year.Wishing u breakthru in dat family.

8.5 years, no signs of getting married soon, and you are still in that relationship? Do you really think you can buy their approval with gifts,food,e.t.c?

The truth is this , they want a nigerian,he himself probably wants a nigerian. What on earth are you doing in that relationship?

They dont want you, move on

The cultures dont match, the expectations wont match and there may not be any solution for this. Except you will learn to pound better fufu and cook abacha and amala/ewedu soup.
I know for a fact my parents will resist such marriage, she will readily point to five of my village people that married whites, the whole women dont come back to live here, alienating the grand children from their roots.

Wel u v said it all
all dey want 4 him is dere choice
rili hard 2 move on
bt d truth must b told
get ursef anoda man

@Blueeyes02
Are you guys Christians ? If you are Christians  meet your pastor. The church knows what to doin such cases . Besides  your man has to be a man. He should not put you under the pressure of trying to please them for approval. He is a man and he should act like one. They should not dictate his life for him. He marries for himself and not for them. He ought to make his stand clear , and persuade them . If they seem to be unreasonable , the church has power to join two of you without their consent . That is if their stand is unreasonable and unscriptural. But before such stand is taken , the church must have done the best to persuade them. So go through the church.

BlueEyes02:

I am dating a Nigerian guy; we've been together 8.5 years.  We both want to marry each other, but we are experiencing some resistance from his side of the family.  His parents do not have anything personal against me, I am just not the ideal match for their (first born) son.  I am white, I am not Nigerian and I'm from a completely different country/culture than they are.

I have met his parents, as well as extended family members.  I send gifts back to them for holidays, birthdays and for no reason at all.  I speak to them on the phone as often as I can and I've hosted them when they came to visit us.

His parents feel that I am too old for him (we're the same age, they want him to marry someone younger than him).  They want him to be with a Nigerian girl, which I completely understand, because I know how important a role being the first son is.

We love each other very much and want to be together.  He speaks to his parents about me, but neither of us want to put any pressure on them to give us their blessing, for fear they will disown him.  We want to allow them time to get used to the idea that I am not going anywhere, but again, it's been 8.5 years. 

My question is what else can I do to earn their approval so that we can be married?  I am trying to be the best (almost) Niger-wife I can be, but it's hard. 

8.5 months or years?
Please if its the latter,its time u move on . . .long overdue sef.
If the guy wants to marry you,he shld have done so regardless of what his family syas or thinks,moreover its not even like u are going to be staying with his folks.
If they have refused to accept you for 8.5 years,when do u think they wud bend?when u date their son for  18.5 years?
You can however hang on,if u don't wanna get married or u ok with being his mistress or long term GF.

@ poster
You can't force the family to accept you and culture pose lots of problems in interracial marriage.

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*waka-pass je-je*. . .

No case to judge this year.

Well maybe we should first know for how long they have been talking of marriage, I mean the fact that they have dated 8 years does not mean that they have been trying to get married that long.
Even if you put pressure on him to marry, he can still turn round and get a wife of his parents choice.
Polygamy is very possible in Nigeria.
Be very sure of what you are doing and don`t waste the best time of your life.

8.5 yrs later and still no futher commitment? I'd say it's never gonna happen. Time to pick ursef up, dust up and move on!

jennykadry:

8.5 years, no signs of getting married soon, and you are still in that relationship? Do you really think you can buy their approval with gifts,food,e.t.c?

The truth is this , they want a nigerian,he himself probably wants a nigerian. What on earth are you doing in that relationship?

They dont want you, move on

Jennylove, I know you speak the truth, raw and undiluted. . . abeg try diluting it a little bit this 2011. you harsh small


OP.

Honestly, I dont know anything else you can do to be accepted since you can't change the reasons for which they are rejecting you. . .

I know it's difficult cos both of you are in love, but you have to move on. Some relationships just cant work or they are not meant to work.

mutter:

Well maybe we should first know for how long they have been talking of marriage, I mean the fact that they have dated 8 years does not mean that they have been trying to get married that long.
Even if you put pressure on him to marry, he can still turn round and get a wife of his parents choice.
Polygamy is very possible in Nigeria.
Be very sure of what you are doing and don`t waste the best time of your life.

Bless you.
The guy wud simply marry In naija while at the same time married/shacking to her in Obodo Oyinbo.
One day,say after 5 yrs,she wud find out abt the naija wife and the rant begins . . .how she dated him for 8.5 yrs,sent gifts/money to the family,bla bla bla.
Somethings hard as it is are simply not meant to be,best thing is to advice urself,embrace the bitter truth . . .who knows,a better man is out there waiting for you.

Let's all be positive. It happened for Prince William's bride to be right? I reckon both of em share the same middle name: Patience or Aunty Peshe for short.

what about your parents aproval? if yes,pls go ahead and get pregnant because time wait for nobody beside 8.5years is not 8 months, infact both of you are already married, you are just waiting for celebration of it.

alagha:

what about your parents aproval? if yes,pls go ahead and get pregnant because time wait for nobody beside 8.5years is not 8 months, infact both of you are already married, you are just waiting for celebration of it.

Are you ok? how are they married and just waiting for celebration? so cos they have dated for 8.5 yrs they r married?

They are just Live-in-fornicators. Simple

jennykadry:

Are you ok? how are they married and just waiting for celebration? so cos they have dated for 8.5 yrs they r married?

They are just Live-in-fornicators. Simple

yes sir/madam! reseach has proven that more than 70% of our marriages originated from fornication,therefore since they( both) have understood themselves very too well ,no parent can tell them more about the opposite sex among theirself.

^^ If you read through the lines properly, you will see that the man isn't even ready to get married to her cos if he is he would have gotten amrried to her a long time ago without "his parents telling him about the opposite gender"

Let me ask you a question, do you think she can drag him to the altar with pregnancy? seriously? I will not advise her to get pregnant cos that is not a guarantee that he will marry her or be with her, he is going to marry someone else so the poster is going to end up being a single mother who gets paid for child support and has a child constantly nagging her with the usual "who is daddy" or "why didn't daddy marry you mum" line

She had better think with her brain and not her anus and avoid getting pregnant, it will take luck to make another man come marry a woman with a child.

going through the lines indicates that the man is ready to marry her but the parental influence on him hindered his decision, however she can not drag him to the altar but she can keep her marriage without any external interference,i.e managing a relationship up to this level of years(practically) with one man automatically make no difference in marriage.

Lol Believe me when I say that a man that wants to marry a woman will marry her no matter the circumstances surrounding the relationship.

I hope the poster is wise and smart enough to hold on and not get pregnant, cos if the family like you say "hindered or are hindering" his decisions then they are going to keep hindering it and that is going to make the poster end up as a single mum.

No woman in her right mind will wanna intentionally get herself entangled in that workload called single parenting.

lets remove pregnancy out of this, marriage is a life time thing btw adults so why should even our parents come to ply a role within our decision making period for God sake? well ,we know that even the heavenly accepted ones(marriages) do face challenges to be called temptation by us, how much more this one, i suggest they marry with one side parental blissing first. God will handle the other side of the jungle.

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From ur post, i bet you're approaching ur mid-thirties. Gurl 8.5 years and nothing to show for it?. Since ur guy doesn't wanna make a move towards marriage, i suggest you just move on wif ur life and settle down wif someone more serious.
Don't be suprised when u wake up when one day and guess what?
MENOPAUSE!

Gooluck.

Na wa o

^^^ Will you stop spamming the whole thread with your fake prophet story and get a real job? Mstcheeee.