Goodmorning all, I will try to make it very brief. This lady has tried and needs urgent counselling.
She seems to be the breadwinner of the family while her husband while a way with I don't care attitude,such as not providing feeding allowances, coming home very late at night often,with no good reason,not picking calls when he travels to his village, leaving the rent almost completely for his wife to pay,not allowing his wife siblings to spend the night in his house but his own relations will do,not bothered about the wife concerns to make peace.
Recently the wife family members had a meeting with him to resolve differences but after a while he continued again and this is virtually affecting all areas of the family psychology and mental health even spiritual.

Please what is best counsel out there we can give this relation of mine,remember she has tried prayers and still praying, she has contacted a few family members of her husband but they are all in support of the man.

Your input is appreciated for sake of peace

be a submissive wife.

Separation! Dont quote me wrong. Remember i didn't say divorce oo.

Enstrangement..Let her leave the house for the man..If he has decided not to conform and he doesn't Wana talk. He probably just needs space then.. But she should do a soul search as well to see if the fault is her own doing.

You see all these things you have written is still one side story because I take it that you are in support of the wife for what she is allegedly going through .. Any body who has any experience in this matters will instinctively know that unless you see the whole picture, you haven't seen the whole story..but being that the man can't come to his own defence, let me then proceed to add my advice based on the info I have...

The man is not worth another second of that woman's time ... Children or no Children ... After all she is surviving on her own .. She should just make it a duty to get on with the rest of her life and it will free her from the stress of thinking about one man-child somewhere...

Since all other means seems to have failed ... Make she dump am simple and short ...

Souqwaqif:
she has contacted a few family members of her husband but they are all in support of the man.

peace

Are you certain the lady hasn’t done or said something that has affected him Psychological aswell?
Every mad person get Wetin start e madness oo... ask her well

Souqwaqif:
Goodmorning all, I will try to make it very brief. This lady has tried and needs urgent counselling.
She seems to be the breadwinner of the family while her husband while a way with I don't care attitude,such as not providing feeding allowances, coming home very late at night often,with no good reason,not picking calls when he travels to his village, leaving the rent almost completely for his wife to pay,not allowing his wife siblings to spend the night in his house but his own relations will do,not bothered about the wife concerns to make peace.
Recently the wife family members had a meeting with him to resolve differences but after a while he continued again and this is virtually affecting all areas of the family psychology and mental health even spiritual.

Please what is best counsel out there we can give this relation of mine,remember she has tried prayers and still praying, she has contacted a few family members of her husband but they are all in support of the man.

Your input is appreciated for sake of peace

Oh why stress yourself... The major mistake was from the beginning, marrying a man without doing the necessary checks and balances of his reactions when frustrated or angry or tired.... It is clear the dude is tired of the bondage called marriage, also he may be jazzed by another woman.... Many of you who claim to have prayed actually do not know how to receive answers in prayer.

Prayer is a dialogue, and not a reported speech. Lemme not start preaching.


God wants you to be strong and move on with your life. And you can ask for a divorce whenever you deem it time. You have done the biblical part of trying to make peace, after all you have done, even the Bible says you should treat such a person as an infidel.

You clearly married an unbelieving believer. But it is not the end of the world. If you continue in this abuse, it can make you bitter and bitterness takes people to hell. So I plead with you by the mercies of God, kindly divorce relocate.

If you can't do both, just keep praising God and ignoring him, he will either repent or totally backslide. Don't let anyone twist the Bible and make you feel less of whom God has made you,


Africa is still a dark continent concerning marriage and religion, soon it will dawn on many that marriage is not a Must neither is it a DO or DIE affair. There is life after marriage. Do not let a man ruin your life when he is not the Lord of the Rings.

Stay safe.

Franzinni:
You see all these things you have written is still one side story because I take it that you are in support of the wife for what she is allegedly going through .. Any body who has any experience in this matters will instinctively know that unless you see the whole picture, you haven't seen the whole story..but being that the man can't come to his own defence, let me then proceed to add my advice based on the info I have...

The man is not worth another second of that woman's time ... Children or no Children ... After all she is surviving on her own .. She should just make it a duty to get on with the rest of her life and it will free her from the stress of thinking about one man-child somewhere...

Since all other means seems to have failed ... Make she dump am simple and short ...

Sir, am not in defence of anybody if not for anything the man should support his wife who works round the clock to ensure the family survives,I have witnessed the husband attitude its not welcoming at all,however we know sometimes women can offend but nevertheless he should not take it too far as to affect even the little children

Souqwaqif:



Sir, am not in defence of anybody if not for anything the man should support his wife who works round the clock to ensure the family survives,I have witnessed the husband attitude its not welcoming at all,however we know sometimes women can offend but nevertheless he should not take it too far as to affect even the little children

you are very right ..

Souqwaqif:
Goodmorning all, I will try to make it very brief. This lady has tried and needs urgent counselling.
She seems to be the breadwinner of the family while her husband while a way with I don't care attitude,such as not providing feeding allowances, coming home very late at night often,with no good reason,not picking calls when he travels to his village, leaving the rent almost completely for his wife to pay,not allowing his wife siblings to spend the night in his house but his own relations will do,not bothered about the wife concerns to make peace.
Recently the wife family members had a meeting with him to resolve differences but after a while he continued again and this is virtually affecting all areas of the family psychology and mental health even spiritual.

Please what is best counsel out there we can give this relation of mine,remember she has tried prayers and still praying, she has contacted a few family members of her husband but they are all in support of the man.

Your input is appreciated for sake of peace

If you will take my advice

Let her make up her mind to see herself as a single mother

Let her stream down anything that will create cost so that she can carry the family with grace of God and train her children through school

If the rent is too much for her, she should find a smaller apartment which she can pay with out affecting other things that needs financial attention

She should keep praying for Gods grace in her struggle to raise the children

She should stop reporting her husband to any body again even her own family and her husband family, there is no need again and the ones she reported, nothing came out of it

She should see herself as a woman without a husband but have children

She must make sure she doesn't get depressed because that will worsen her case

She should stop expecting penny or asking kobo from her husband, just see him as a decoration

She will just be looking at him and don't get bothered about his movements

All these will keep her safe because staying with such a man and doing the above will trigger Molestation, that's why she has to be calm

As for the husband, he will be served a hot dish very soon, you can't cheat nature

That crown the man doesn't want to wear by taking up his responsibilities, nature will crown the wife

Don't be surprise if the man starts passing through hardship, he brought it upon himself

When a man starts dodging his responsibilities and runs away from it, tell me why God should bless him ❓

A woman will marry to have a peace and a happy home, one animal will be tormenting her just because she is helpless

Nonsense ❗

Souqwaqif:
Goodmorning all, I will try to make it very brief. This lady has tried and needs urgent counselling.
She seems to be the breadwinner of the family while her husband while a way with I don't care attitude,such as not providing feeding allowances, coming home very late at night often,with no good reason,not picking calls when he travels to his village, leaving the rent almost completely for his wife to pay,not allowing his wife siblings to spend the night in his house but his own relations will do,not bothered about the wife concerns to make peace.
Recently the wife family members had a meeting with him to resolve differences but after a while he continued again and this is virtually affecting all areas of the family psychology and mental health even spiritual.

Please what is best counsel out there we can give this relation of mine,remember she has tried prayers and still praying, she has contacted a few family members of her husband but they are all in support of the man.

Your input is appreciated for sake of peace

The wife has to come here to achieve any result.

First, you say 'it seems' meaning you are not sure.

I can summarize some issues:
1. Financial irresponsibility:
a. Not providing feeding allowances
b. Leaving most of the rent for the wife to pay

2. Disrespect:
a. Coming home late without informing her
b. Not allowing his wife's family to visit while his family does

3. Nonchalance towards his wife
a. Not communicating when he travels to his village
b. Not responding to the wife's efforts to make peace

1. Let's assume the wife pays for feeding and 80% of rent; Who pays for children's fees? children's clothes and feeding? Utility and bills? Home repairs? Care for the in-laws and other expenses?

2. Was this from the start of the marriage? If no, what happened?

3. Same as 2. Why is the wife trying to make peace? Did she offend him? Does she think he is reacting to something?

.

It's quite dicey here, esp as it's difficult to candidly counsel married a couple.

I wonder why she's a married woman when she's a single mom to the core

Ladylite:


Oh why stress yourself... The major mistake was from the beginning, marrying a man without doing the necessary checks and balances of his reactions when frustrated or angry or tired.... It is clear the dude is tired of the bondage called marriage, also he may be jazzed by another woman.... Many of you who claim to have prayed actually do not know how to receive answers in prayer.

Prayer is a dialogue, and not a reported speech. Lemme not start preaching.


God wants you to be strong and move on with your life. And you can ask for a divorce whenever you deem it time. You have done the biblical part of trying to make peace, after all you have done, even the Bible says you should treat..You clearly married an unbelieving believer...

Whatever you stated here doesn't make sense. 'Dump him, unbeliever' you've allready judged the man and condemned him as religious extrimist you sounded.
Note that op is not the woman. Have you heard from the man? Mr/ms pastor?

Op, having gone through your post here, you are just reporting this issue as a third party and not the victim. I want to ask you a question; have you attended one of those meetings where the accussed was present? Have you heard a word with the man to hear his own side and proffer solution? You stated that and I quote you ' it seems the woman is the bread winner' that statement by you seem to sound that you are not sure of what you sounded 'seems' you equally said that the husbands family were in support of their sons attitude. Do yourself a favor by finding the man and sit down with him and hear his own side b4 coming back to this forum. This is a family issue and you are a third party so that you don't add to their problem. This is one sided story and I don't offer solution to one sided story.

She’s not the first not last to marry a spouse that doesn’t do his bit.

She has to reorganise herself mentally and decide if this is what she wants for herself forever or otherwise.

If she wants to stay even if temporarily she must do the following:
1. Realise that he cannot be better than what he is for now as such she should focus on her own goals and life as much as she can.
2. The bills are on her. She should cut expenses to what she can comfortably bear and ensure she saves a good percentage of her income

Brb

Separation is the best option here... She should get a new apartment!