13 Top secrets on how to co- exist peacefully with your in- laws without destroying your relationship with your husband.

Marriage involves the coming together of a man and woman to become one. But an African marriage does not only involve the couple, it extends to their families. Before an African marriage can be valid, parents of both couple must give their consents. This is how in- laws are imported into the union to make it one big extended family.

Believe me when I say that in- laws are the most difficult sect of people to handle especially if you live with them under the same roof. They can either make or mar your marriage.

However, it is quitessential to co- exist fine with them because of the power or influence they have over your own relationship with your husband and your general happiness in the family. At the beginning of your marriage, they may seem so sweet and loving but they can change at any time and frustrate the hell out of you if care is not taken. They can go as far as ruining your home and happiness and can even send you out of your matrimonial home.

But I have good news for you, here are ways to build a healthy relationship with your in- laws.

13 Top Secrets of an Excellent Relationship with In- Laws:

Live in a separate building/ house with your husband: No matter how rosy your relationship with them may be, please get your own apartment and live in peace with your husband.
They should visit and go back: Don’t accept them to live permanently with you in your house. “Friendship is sweeter from a distance”. They should visit and go back home. If they have no other place to go, then beg your husband to rent another apartment for them. It is for your own good!
Love your mother in- law and your husband’s siblings just like your own family: Most people always see in- laws as enemies but this shouldn’t be so. Some are really good and harmless. Never discriminate, show love to them just the same way you love your own family.
Create an avenue to bond with them: Create time to visit your in- laws from time to time especially your mother -in- law. Avail ample opportunities for you to know yourselves better. Play games and have fun together.
Don’t involve your mother-in-law in your conflict with your husband: Many women fall victims to this. No matter how angelic your mother or sister- in – law may be, don’t invite them to settle your quarrel with your man and don’t report him to them. Nature has it that they will support the man even if he is wrong. This might end up worsening the issue at hand. If you must seek counsel, then call on your marriage parents or spiritual director, they are in a better place to handle the issue.
Always keep in contact with them: some women soon forget about their in- laws as soon as they leave the village. This is wrong because they will feel neglected and abandoned. Call them from time to time to know how they are fairing.
Spend money on them and buy gifts for them: Whenever you travel to visit them, buy one or two gifts for them. This makes them feel loved and remembered. They will feel among those enjoying their son’s money.
Never prevent your husband from sending money or gifts to them: Here is the problem of so many women. Once they enter, they block whatever is supposed to get to the man’s family. This will make his mother to see you as a stumbling block and may try to get you out of her way. Encourage the man rather, to send stuffs to his family sometimes.
Ego/ Pride: Never feel too big to accommodate your in- laws. Don’t turn into a madam suddenly pushing them away. Relate fine with them even if you are rich because your pride can sour your relationship with them. This can make them determined to drag you down.
Avoid family gossips and negative talks: There is a saying that ” those who tell you about others must surely tell others about you”. When you join other family members to spread hate talks and gossips. One day, everything will be laid bare, you will be exposed and might now become the hated one. Be Mindful!
Be tolerant and overlook little offences: Tolerate your in- laws and overlook some little offences that they commit. You mustn’t complain about everything. It is not everything you see that you must talk about.
Show Appreciation: learn to show appreciation for any little thing that your in- laws do for you, no matter how little it may be.
Don’t ruin your relationship with your husband just to please them: Most women try to please in- laws at all cost so that they can be loved. They don’t mind ruining their relationship with their husbands just to be at peace with In- laws thinking that the in- laws will be there to support them in case of trouble. But this is false. Your in- laws can disappoint you in times of trouble. It is only your husband who can stand up for you and defend you if he truly loves you. Please them, as long as it pleases your husband.
If you build a healthy relationship with your in- laws with these top secrets, believe me, you will enjoy your home and marriage. You will be an excellent daughter – in – law and the best wife ever!

Drop more useful tips on how to manage in- laws in the comments box.

Credit : Agbaka Gift Lynda.