deniyor:

1. What is your dating history like? empty or being dumped countless times

I have given and received heartbreaks, and i am not new to relationships.

deniyor:

2. what is hers? why is she still single at 40? I meant the REAL reason she is still single at 40 not the official story

The REAL story? Well, she had to break off a very long-term relationship that was not worth it. She was very patient with The Guy and he wasted all her time, dancing round.

deniyor:

3. As a uni / college graduate, you couldn't find any girl in your entire sch during your years there? Are you that wowo or you just absolutely lack game?

Thanks. To another guy I may be considered wowo but I am above average looking and attractive to women; and I surely don't lack game. I don't need to think about that.

deniyor:

4. Wetin carry you go online to start a 'casual' friendship that developed into a blossoming romance?

It was a theology group online and not a dating site. Mere coincidence!

deniyor:

5. Have you admitted to her that you really hv a problem with her age? proofs 1. your heart sank 2. you lied to your bro abt it means you are also not comfortable abt it.

She knows. And I did not lie to my brother. He guessed her age and was wrong. I corrected him eventually and he was like what's the difference?

deniyor:

6. B4 you met her, what was your requirements in women and how hv they changed since you met her?

My requirements in women have not changed a BIT. The only thing I didnt have a rigid requirement with was the age of the woman, and that's where there is a problem today. Hilda fits the bill PERFECTLY otherwise.

deniyor:

7. you want kids?

Yes.

deniyor:

Answer those questions to yourself. Might point you in the right directions. Feel free to post her of course

Done. Thank you.

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Nakedwire. Thank you. I love her unconditionally and that's why I am even considering marrying her despite the troubles involved. BUT I dont want her to get hurt. The society has a way of hurting non-conformists and I don't want her to be one of them.

Just imagine it was Hilda who made the OP. So many insults would have been flying in her face by now by these great NL people. I love her, but if I need to leave her for her to TRULY have happiness free from trouble, I will gladly do it.

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Sochan. Another very useful post. Thanks a lot for this, sochan.

Thank you, everyone.

@poster. . . I feel very sorry for the doomsday future you are getting into. Guys your age are busy "sampling" and enjoying their youth and u are eager to throw urs away 4 a woman who has been giving head to guys while u were still wearing diapers. Even me thats heading to 31,in a relatnsp and all isnt thinking of marriage for anoda 4-8 years. She adopted. What does dat tell u? How are u sure dat her previous relatnsp didnt crash due to barreness? U say u are cool with adoptn. I hope u hold d same view in ten years time. U may know girls but u dont know WOMEN! This one in particular definitly has some crazy baggage u know nutin about. Do u think she would even remember ur name if a 40 yr old showed serious interest? Na small pikin dey worry you and i hope someday u will review dis post and laugh at ur noobiness. . .lol. Dont be naive broda. That lady is just using u 2 pass d time. Abeg,where are the real sistas on nairaland? Please talk some sense into this broda b4 he passes death sentence on himself.

Op,frm ur 1st post 2 subsequent replies,its obvious u truly meant wel 4 both of u.God,Y?u may sim 2 b asking,
Frm ur post u sim 2b vry much paticular by wat 3rd parties wil tink,say or do,dats if i got u rite.hv u tried bringin dis isue wit some close relatives n gettin their views-its beta dan swimming in a sea of guesswork!
Also wats d whole drama of consolin her ova n ova a fact,u both cnt alter(age).2me,ur subconscious minds is havin d beta of both of u.if ur down wit her irespective of d age gap,tak d bull by d horns(b da man)!stop rigmarolling!
At age 37,its possible 4 her 2 hav children but d risk of cogenital malformations(e.g downs syndrome) also increases.however u views on adoption is laudable.
All in all,if u feel wat u both hav is true love,i admonish u stick 2geda n harmonise d relationship,otherwise d earlier u bid each gudbye n best of luck,d beta 4 u both,

@harkiri
ur reply seems harsh,but i have 2 admit,it is d truth. . .

@philip0906. . . D truth always comes out dat. This poster is my broda's age mate (d last born) and i know so many things i would have done 2 make is earthly life miserable if he came home with an "aunty" to marry. This guy is very naive,doesnt have an inkling of what he's getting into and i'm taking it very personal.

I am surprised you took the time to reply my questions, kudos to you. I hv no other questions for you. thanks

Based on your responses, this is my advice to you:
Take time to know her. You cannot determine if a lady is the one based on a 7 wk relationship. People tend to put their best foot forward for yrs and the flaws  can be well hidden within couple of months. Online relationships, however how they began, complicate issues. You think you know Hilda but not as well as you should for marriage. Don't let the age issue rush you. Take your time to know her. Know her in person. It is easier to be patient when you hv 5 mins to reply to a txt or online msg. It is easier to hide your anger or irritation over the phone if you can't see the person's expression of anger or irritation. I will tell you this even if Hilda was younger than you are. If you can't live with her, for any personal or religious reason, live in the same place as her and get rid of the long distance. That is a small price to pay than to discover that 'all that glitters is not gold' in marriage.

Hilda, the above advice applies to you too. Don't be fooled. Take time to know each other, and work through emotional baggages you both might hv from previous relationships.
Good luck.

@ OP
This is a joke, right?

@poster i feel very much 4 u how closed and attached both of u hav been. tho the truth is somehow bitter to accept in this case but u hav to. u hav already mentioned the factors that cud affect ur marrige with Hilda; socio-cultural lives of our families, friends, the community we live in and the soceity at large. in as much as these factors shudnt determine our preferences, they also have positive or nagetive influences on the choices we make.
I think u already know dis wide age diference isnt confortable for u, and for how long will u continue to observe the shock when u remember this fact, do u think dis will guarantee ur happiness in d mariage in case u go ahead? well i hav seen men who married ladies older than they are but in ur case the differense is very pronounce. i think she will find someone who will luv and appreciate her at her age and not marriage for emotions the way am seeing it.
However, jus take ur time an see if ur preferences will still remain the same cos ur are still young at 25.
all the best!

@ OP
Its a simple matter but yet complicated.
Simple because you claim that both of you have same kind of feelings for each other and complicated because of our community and mentality - what will people say.
I'll advise you to free your mind and ignore what the people may say. Then ask yourself what are the pros and cons of going into a serious relationship or perhaps marry a lady older than you by at[b] least 12 years.[/b] Are you ready to wake up in 20 years time and realise that you are only 45 while she is 57 though age is nothing but numbers, so they say.
2. You have been communicating via phone calls and emails, hmm, my brother everybody will try to be at his best on phone. So do you read in-between lines of the emails, and listen to the unsaid/silent words during your phone calls?  Why don't you control your emotions a little longer till when you guys meet and see if she is how she sounds on phone; I mean understand her body language. Moreover, 7weeks of a long distance relationship is not enough to start forming serious love. For now, think more with your head and less with your heart.
3. The final decision is yours, brother. You are going to live with this woman yourself and not your community.

@ poster,

What if you are like her last hope? What if she's like this cuz of pressure on her to get married and with the fact that she approaching menopause soon? What if she's dangling a carrot in your face like a hunter would dangle a carrot in rabbit's face? What if she's just desperate to have a man to herself especially because she's late already? Don't u think u should simmer and try other great, wonderful and younger girl and then compare and draw your final conclusion? Would you feel the same way about her if your were to be involved with naomi campbell or other beautu queen considering your age? What would be your stand about her in 12 years time? Lastly, do you really wanna do this?

I wish u the very best in all that you do!

Cheers

Thanks for sharing your wisdom, everybody. We will go and think about everything you have said. We appreciate you and wish you all the best with your own lives as well.

Bye.