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My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? - Family (12) - Nairaland

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Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Alfather: 7:23am On May 06, 2020
CHoccolaTE:


See painment

Men hustle oo, Hustle so that you will not suffer sifia pains when women say they want only rich guys grin
is high time you settle down, riches is not every thing
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Alfather: 7:34am On May 06, 2020
CHoccolaTE:


I will continue telling women to only marry rich/comfortable guys. No sensible human, male or female likes poverty, no woman in her right mind will open eyes and marry a poor broke guy, sorry if you are broke maybe that's why this issue is peppering you but remember that in your religion men are supposed to provide for women in exchange for women submitting to them.

That's why women look for guys that can do a good job providing for them.women dont attack you guys when you say you want to marry submissive and obedient women so dont get defensive when they say they like rich men.
being in rich man is not all roses, it takes years of hard work and deligent. Can the female folks wait? Your ideology is a support for the female folks,so you think, but it goes againts them in age. What you are saying indirectly is women should marry older men who are well extablish, and older men settle for younger women. So people like you end up being even newspaper.

4 Likes

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Jman06(m): 7:52am On May 06, 2020
crackkhaus:
Today they want men who will provide for them, tomorrow they will say men are no longer sole providers in relationships... cheesy

I can't keep up

The provision is hardly even the problem.
The real funny thing is that these women after getting the well-to-do guy, will always assume they are the only ones entitled to your money when in fact there are countless other women more beautiful than them willing to open nyansh for the same money... lol cheesy
Thank you sir for this post!

That's what I have been saying. Our fathers were the providers and we are ready and willing to also work hard and smart to be wealthy and also provide. But our mothers also knew their places as submissive wives and so, they were willing to accommodate and live with their co-wives and even concubines. So, our ladies should also be like our foremothers!

Many of us have resolved not to even "toast" Nigerian ladies until we have made money on the condition that when we eventually marry them, the following rules shall obtain:

1. We must be able to use our money to 'acquire' other beautiful and sexy women just like we acquire latest car models...it doesn't matter if we marry such other ladies or not, they can be side chicks or whatever

2. You must not see yourselves as equal partners to us. Just take whatever level we decide to place you in our lives based on your submissiveness. Just be submissive, we'll "take care of your needs" in our own ways.

3. Our relatives must have unrestricted access to our homes and you must not question our decisions to accommodate a relative. You must allow us to use our discretion to decide who visits or who doesn't.

I also expect Nigerian ladies to stop getting worried when a man insists on marrying virgin girls in their late teens and early twenties. He who has the money also has the right to make a choice.

6 Likes

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Nobody: 7:53am On May 06, 2020
ImaIma1:


Seems like you are just giving excuses for men and transferring the burden of making a marriage work to the woman alone.

I still maintain that both are responsible for the marriage and one should not be let off the hook for whatever reason.



In whatever pattern a bird flies we just av to throw it stone, i focus solely on woman here because the person in need of an advice is a woman. Her hubby might be the culprit buh it makes no sense advicing someone not here. abi
On another similar thread, the man seeking advice, i focus solely on the man suggesting counter behaviours ... seem he as tried every gud advice.. you shuld see that thread.

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 7:54am On May 06, 2020
duchaB:


You have offloaded all the garbage piled up in your mental body,
While in the field of practical life events, you would be completely clueless as to what to do.
You, give yourself wisdom and be quiet!


That's exactly what I'll do as well. A stingy man is a no-no for me.
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by crackkhaus: 8:04am On May 06, 2020
Jman06:
Thank you sir for this post!

That's what I have been saying. Our fathers were the providers and we are ready and willing to also work hard and smart to be wealthy and also provide. But our mothers also knew their places as submissive wives and so, they were willing to accommodate and live with their co-wives and even concubines. So, our ladies should also be like our foremothers!

Many of us have resolved not to even "toast" Nigerian ladies until we have made money on the condition that when we eventually marry them, the following rules shall obtain:

1. We must be able to use our money to 'acquire' other beautiful and sexy women just like we acquire latest car models...it doesn't matter if we marry such other ladies or not, they can be side chicks or whatever

2. You must not see yourselves as equal partners to us. Just take whatever level we decide to place you in our lives based on your submissiveness. Just be submissive, we'll "take care of your needs" in our own ways.

3. Our relatives must have unrestricted access to our homes and you must not question our decisions to accommodate a relative. You must allow us to use our discretion to decide who visits or who doesn't.

I also expect Nigerian ladies to stop getting worried when a man insists on marrying virgin girls in their late teens and early twenties. He who has the money also has the right to make a choice.


You're a real G.

Any man who knows himself lives by these principles, I see them everyday around me...Men with well crafted OT.

As a wife/gf, you can't be well pampered and taken care of, then still want to open mouth to decide how your man should spend the money you did not make for him or who he can spend it on.

6 Likes

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Alfather: 8:09am On May 06, 2020
CHoccolaTE:



What kind of pained write up is this?
I don't understand this annoyance men feel whenever women advice themselves to marry rich men. Would they advice their sisters to marry poor men or struggling men?

Men themselves are looking for working class women to marry but expect women to struggle with broke bums.
If you decide not to get married in life is because you have failed in that aspect.
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Jman06(m): 8:11am On May 06, 2020
crackkhaus:

You're a real G.

Any man who knows himself lives by these principles, I see them everyday around me...Men with well crafted OT.

As a wife/gf, you can't be well pampered and taken care of, then still want to open mouth to decide how your man should spend the money you did not make for him or who he can spend it on.
The most annoying part is when they start creating boundaries between the man and his siblings in his house. That attitude annoys me like mad!
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by crackkhaus: 8:33am On May 06, 2020
Jman06:
The most annoying part is when they start creating boundaries between the man and his siblings in his house. That attitude annoys me like mad!
It shouldn't annoy you so much.

As long as you're in charge of yourself and your home, there's very little your wife will be able to do in manipulating you into having her way.

8 Likes

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by ImaIma1(f): 8:55am On May 06, 2020
emmaodet:


Ooohhhhhhhh (rolls eyes)
Nairalandersssssa
From my write up, did i say ladies shouldn't date rich guys? I only said they can date rich guys if the rich guys approaches them and that is how far their power is in the relationship and this is true. Whether the man will now marry you or not is up to him and not you anymore - Have said anything special here? Is it not the truth? He has many ladies at his disposal and when he is ready to settle down, he will weigh his options and pick the best for himself.
For example - when i was dating my wife then as gf, i had other friends but nothing attached. I had a civil defence officer, a custom officer lady , a lady from a rich home and then my wife from an average home (dad working as a doctor in saudi arabia, mum principal)
I can't have these type of ladies at my disposal at my level and settle down with a struggling poor woman who only has beauty and nice shape to display
Have paid my dues as a man and it is only normal to select who will complement me.


But a lady should have rich and poor guys at her disposal and settle for the poor one abi?

Rich guys are constantly marrying poor girls and rich girls marry poor guys. It's not only money people have to offer.

When I was also planning to marry, I had a guy that had his own company, plus an interstate transport business: quite rich and I had a civil servant working with the fed govt and another doctor based in the US. And I wasn't from a rich home. I chose the civil servant.

So stop thinking it's totally up to the man. What makes him decide to or not? Is it not the value you add to him? Or is it all about money for you?
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by duduade: 10:48am On May 06, 2020
So what I don't understand is why are people who are still managing go on to give birth to 3 or 4 or more kids when the more than average couple stick to two kids...

1 Like

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Raalsalghul: 12:04pm On May 06, 2020
duduade:
So what I don't understand is why are people who are still managing go on to give birth to 3 or 4 or more kids when the more than average couple stick to two kids...





"Children are blessings from God"

"God will take care of them"

"They are my investment"

"So they will take care of me"

You know, all those sentimental stupid statements with no iota of sense.

3 Likes

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by ImaIma1(f): 12:11pm On May 06, 2020
duduade:
So what I don't understand is why are people who are still managing go on to give birth to 3 or 4 or more kids when the more than average couple stick to two kids...




-Mindset

-Mentality

-Lack of planning

-Believing that God that gives children will take care of them.

-Saying they have always wanted to have a particular number of children without surveying if their pockets can handle it.

I have a family member/relative that has two kids and says he's done that he has no money for more. The wife gives birth abroad and they travel for vacation abroad.

Meanwhile, someone with so much less will go ahead and keep having them and saying God will take care of them.

2 Likes

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Genset: 12:43pm On May 06, 2020
Alfather:
being in rich man is not all roses, it takes years of hard work and deligent. Can the female folks wait? Your ideology is a support for the female folks,so you think, but it goes againts them in age. What you are saying indirectly is women should marry older men who are well extablish, and older men settle for younger women. So people like you end up being even newspaper.


U can't even type properly SMH. I say it again that na broke/poor/struggling people full nairaland.
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by emmaodet: 2:30pm On May 06, 2020
ImaIma1:


But a lady should have rich and poor guys at her disposal and settle for the poor one abi?

Rich guys are constantly marrying poor girls and rich girls marry poor guys. It's not only money people have to offer.

When I was also planning to marry, I had a guy that had his own company, plus an interstate transport business: quite rich and I had a civil servant working with the fed govt and another doctor based in the US. And I wasn't from a rich home. I chose the civil servant.

So stop thinking it's totally up to the man. What makes him decide to or not? Is it not the value you add to him? Or is it all about money for you?


Well, what else can i say.
Of course, money shouldn't be the bedrock or major determinant of relationship/marriage but it seems nowadays it is and more ladies are money conscious in their decision making but it is well.
May God grant all of us our heart desires,
Shalom
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Alfather: 4:20pm On May 06, 2020
Genset:



U can't even type properly SMH. I say it again that na broke/poor/struggling people full nairaland.
the poorest man is not a man without kobo, but a man without a dream.

millipede has many legs does not make him the fastest animal. That is, you are the richest does not mean you are the wisess.
dangote was once a poor man, he sold sachet of sweet back in his school days. What is he today? The richest man in the whole of africa.

wisdom gems: when a man is determine is a matter of time. The road to success is not realy easy, go ask joseph a former minister of egypt, he will tell you.
thanks

1 Like

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by djon78(m): 6:37pm On May 06, 2020
ImaIma1:


But a lady should have rich and poor guys at her disposal and settle for the poor one abi?

Rich guys are constantly marrying poor girls and rich girls marry poor guys. It's not only money people have to offer.

When I was also planning to marry, I had a guy that had his own company, plus an interstate transport business: quite rich and I had a civil servant working with the fed govt and another doctor based in the US. And I wasn't from a rich home. I chose the civil servant.

So stop thinking it's totally up to the man. What makes him decide to or not? Is it not the value you add to him? Or is it all about money for you?



Very good. I like this reply. Guys think women don't reject rich made guys. Everyone goes for what will work for them.

There was one where the first born of a billionaire was rejected by a girl from there town. And she picked an upcoming young dude. The guy rejected was mad that with all there money.

The truth is that quality, responsible women, young from poor homes still make there choices from various suitors. I have seen it countless times.

2 Likes

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by ImaIma1(f): 7:13pm On May 06, 2020
djon78:



Very good. I like this reply. Guys think women don't reject rich made guys. Everyone goes for what will work for them.

There was one where the first born of a billionaire was rejected by a girl from there town. And she picked an upcoming young dude. The guy rejected was mad that with all there money.

The truth is that quality, responsible women, young from poor homes still make there choices from various suitors. I have seen it countless times.


For me, I projected into the future based on the character of the three men. It wasn't enough for me to be married to a rich guy that was not disciplined in his life and now be frustrated later. Or to be miserable in the US with a man I wasn't sure I knew well.

And I have been enjoying peace and happiness for the past years. Thank God

2 Likes

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by djon78(m): 8:05pm On May 06, 2020
ImaIma1:


For me, I projected into the future based on the character of the three men. It wasn't enough for me to be married to a rich guy that was not disciplined in his life and now be frustrated later. Or to be miserable in the US with a man I wasn't sure I knew well.

And I have been enjoying peace and happiness for the past years. Thank God


You were wise and you knew the most important thing you wanted in life.
And you made the right choice.
Enjoy your life jare
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by cocolacec(m): 6:44am On May 07, 2020
Drince:
grin
This matter tie wrapper, wear shoe still put face cap..
How long have you been married?
How old are your kids respectively?
Do want a divorce?
Honestly i'm currently watching this kind of film live between my mom and dad,except from the shouting and beating grin honestly i can talk to them but i want to learn how they would make up..
The person below can be of help

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by COdeGenesis: 11:58am On May 08, 2020
nautybride:

It's not about the only thing one can give. I guess you didn't read my previous post that said some couples keep having babies that would make them neglect taking care of themselves. People are broke, and they will keep popping babies probably because they have all the time to sex when they are supposed to be out there making money or in there brain storming.

You tend to forget money is not everything. Marriages this days do not last long because people dont create time for themselves. Even married couples don't know themselves. Money is not everyone's priority. It is not a do or die affair aunty
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by platido(m): 10:07pm On May 11, 2020
cry
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by apexc122: 10:08pm On May 11, 2020
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Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Layographics(m): 10:10pm On May 11, 2020
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Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by GeneralPula: 10:13pm On May 11, 2020
The percentage of useless marriages is way higher than the percentage of happy marriages..

Marriages are for olden days people.. When every gender knows his or her compulsory role..

Some factores like being submissive, loyalty has already gotten extinct. You won’t just find them anymore..
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by hustla(m): 10:14pm On May 11, 2020
All those guys wey dey form Pastor, runnnnnnn from them. So obvious your husband has low self esteem

2 Likes

Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by FGonline: 10:16pm On May 11, 2020
Jullima:
My dear you have described most Nigerian marriages. We see it here a lot on NL. Keeping malice and Nigerian husbands are 5&6. You are not allowed to express your feelings, it’s called talking back. You’re also supposed to apologise for something you were a victim of. If the husband is not 100% the breadwinner, even worse, any body language or words are interpreted as “you don’t respect me because you are contributing”

P.S our NL favourite matron will come in and blame you for not choosing right, even though he presented himself as a godly man or you must have done something to change a godly man.

Sis, it is well.
if you can comport urselv and talk......fine
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Toks2008(m): 10:17pm On May 11, 2020
MizJaY this is a phase in your marriage. Relax and be prayerful. It will pass and you will have a reason to thank GOD you never gave up.


Your husband is still the spiritual and loving type, just passing through some form of pressure. Respond less to him and pray more for him and your family.

It is well with your marriage.
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by igbowoman: 10:18pm On May 11, 2020
MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Husband matter no easy.Please manage him.Get yourself some friends and gisting buddies. Join a good facebook or whatsapp group to use and distract yourself so you dont keep looking at his face.
Find your class alumni group and join them online.
Start an exercise routine to stay fit
Squeeze out money buy some shoes
Get your hair done or get 2 good wigs for your hair and make up for your face.You must do that
Take care of yourself
Dont allow him stress u out or you will get a stroke,you are already on BP medications.
Download some good music and dance
Get some good books or ebooks and read
Dont apologize if you've not done anything and I promise you he will have no choice but to change or adjust.
If you keep apologizing he will never learn.
You must find what makes you happy and do it.
If you spend your life looking at his face you will die young
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Dcoy: 10:19pm On May 11, 2020
MizJaY:


U hit d nail on d head. A BROKE MAN WITH EGO. That's my husband.
See how quickly you join mouth with stranger online to insult someone you have four kids with.. now that's a part of you, your story did not tell us.. you are the type that discuss your husband with everyone and join them to criticize him.. that's if this thread isn't fake

3 Likes

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