On this beautiful Saturday afternoon, Dele called and asked if I was free so we could hang out and catch some fun.
I obliged and asked him to come pick me up at my place since he was close by and this was around 3:0pm.
We went to a restaurant, go something to eat, then we head to the cinemas to catch a movie.
The movie lasted two hours, after the movie, this was around 7:30 pm, He asked if I was ready to go home so he could go drop me off at my place.
I felt it was still early and besides I was enjoying his company and again, my place wasn’t too far from his, so he suggested we go to his place to play some game.
We entered his car and off he drove to his place, I must confess, he has a nice apartment, well furnished and equipped with gadgets.
He took me around the house, and then we went back to the sitting room. he excused himself, went to his room to change his clothes, then came back to join me in the sitting room wearing a three-quarter short and an armless Man United jersey.
We decide to play FIFA, he won the first game beating me 2–0, we laughed over it and decide to play a second time, and this was still around 9:00 pm.
We played the second game but this time I won him 2–1 and I made a jest of him and we but laughed hard at each other.
Checked my time and it was few minutes to 9:30 pm, so I told him I was ready to go home, he said ok.
He said he enjoyed my company and we should it some other time and I responded with a big YES.
He opened his arms for a hug and I went straight into it, he wrapped his arms around me and I felt the warm embrace. He reached out for a kiss. Gave me a good kiss, felt it and I kissed him back, we kept kissing and got down, he reached out for my boobs, I held him close because I was feeling it myself.
I felt how hard he has become down there, he reached out for my pant so he could penetrate, by this time I regain my consciousness, so asked him to STOP.
He didn’t answer, I said STOP again and again three times, he didn’t listen, I couldn’t push him away because he was bigger and I didn’t have the strength to do it, “He raped me”.
He finally stopped after he was satisfied.
After he was done, he apologized and said he didn’t know what came over him. I couldn’t say anything because I never expected this from him.
I trusted him but “He raped Me.”
I’m sure you are familiar with this kind of story, either you’ve experienced it, read or heard something similar.
This is a perfect scenario of what usually happens between two close friends of the opposite sex.
Here’s what I deduce from the story
1. Two adults who are good friends and are fond of each other
2. The lady likes the guy as a friend(because the story didn’t say if she had feelings for him or not)
3. She trusts him (That’s why she agreed to follow him to his place)
4. He also likes her
5. They enjoyed each other’s company.
6. They both enjoyed the kiss
7. They both enjoyed the touches that followed(from the story}
8. She didn’t want to continue so asked him to stop
9. He refused to stop
10. She felt betrayed
11. He apologized
When it comes to the ‘matter of RAPE, different people have different opinions. But the underlining and common concept is that there was no mutual agreement between the two parties involved n the act.
I will like to use the story above to explain and hopefully proffer a solution to avoid that kind of situation.
First, let me explain some psychological difference between a man and a woman when it comes to sex
1. For Men Sex begins in the Body, For Women, it begins in the Mind.
While women’s desire for sex may be prompted by their mind, memory, or emotional feelings of connection, for men desire is physical. For active men, an erection springs up at the slightest provocation. A normal man will get an erection on seeing a naked woman. It’s not his fault, but that’s how he was wired by his creator.
2. For men, sex is a hunger But Women Sex is about being desired
Yes, he wants to be full. But his craving for sex is like a craving for food: Each sexual activity is like quenching his hunger for food. A day is hardly complete without food. That’s exactly how he sees sex. Don’t blame him, that’s how he was wired by his creator. For women, know her man is hungry for her engages her imagination and ignites sex thoughts in her brain. Without the feeling of being desired by her man, she doesn’t see the need for sex as a means of love and affection
3. For Men Sex is energy, sex is a reward, For Women, it’s a mixed bag
For an average man, sex gives him energy which gives him the drive and aggression to pursue his life’s purpose and work and to pursue his partner. He pushes through daily monotony, tantalized by the fantasy of a sexual reward at the end of a hard day.
Women love sex but the desire for sex can easily be derailed by tiredness and psychological problems of pain and menopause, childbearing, and other changes that come with pregnancy.
4. For Men Sex is excitement, For Women Sex, is Contextual
Man’s body is a great pleasure machine that they like to fully enjoy its fullest. Since orgasm is usually reliable and easy, a variety of sexual acts, positions, and rhythms seem to be a fantastic way to explore and elevate his gratification. For women, she needs to feel emotionally safe before the sexual moment.
Romance and seduction are ways that both men and women can co-create a context for sex that helps her separate from the cares f her day and her mental checklist to things to do.
5. Sex is the way he gives love, this goes for women but in another way.
The moment his partner gets turned on is often the moment men describe as most sexually satisfying. It’s baffling to men when they are called selfish because of their preference for sexual connection. In their hearts, there is an expectation of mutual, exquisite bodily pleasure.
For women, when she recognizes her partner’s need for sex and despite her lack of inclination, she may want to meet his need.
6. For Men Sex is love, For Women, it is an aspect of Love
Sexual release makes men feel like they are finally home. After the world’s hurts and challenges, sex embodies love and care and provides soothing and support.
For women sex, talking, hanging out, working together, family as a team, feeling appreciated, celebrating a holiday, giving and receiving gifts all comprise love for women. Sex is part of a whole and not a defining factor.
While most women may wish for an emotional connection before having a physical connection, for men sexual connection is often necessary to feel safe enough for emotional vulnerability. Ultimately, male sexual drive in a relationship is a gift — it’s another path toward love.
Understanding this psychological difference between men and women, how can you prevent the kind of situation above?
Spell Out The kind of friendship from day one
Most men believe they can have sex with any woman as far as they are not related, and they believe women want sex as much as they do but don’t just know how to demand it. As a woman, you need to state the kind of relationship you guys are going into.
Set Your Boundaries
Yes, you need to let him know what you can accept and tell him the consequence if he fails to honor your rules. For example, You only accept handshake no hugs. If he attempts a hug then the friendship is over. If he truly values your friendship then he will be cool with it.
Avoid being in a secluded environment with him alone
It takes a well-disciplined man and a man who knows there’s a consequence for every of his action not to have sexual thought when with the opposite sex. Many men will deny this just to safe face and look like a saint. But our mind (men) is wired in such a way that we have a flash of sexual thought in such a situation. So as a woman, avoid being alone with a man you are not in a sexual relationship with. Hang out in public places and if you must visit him, tell him you will be coming with a third party.
Read the situation and take action.
If you feel uncomfortable being around a guy, then there’s no need for faking it. Take the appropriate action, tell him you are not comfortable, and take your leave immediately. It’s better to be sorry than to be sorry.
Don’t start what you can’t finish
From the story above, she enjoyed the kisses and touches but does not want to get down, at that point the man is already in gear five and you know it’s never easy to move from gear five to gear one (if you know how to drive}, asking him to stop at that point is like telling a dog to let go a bone you’ve given to it which will be very difficult to retrieve. So Never, Ever even allow a hug in that situation not to talk of a kiss.
These are some of the ways we can all prevent a situation like the story above.
If you feel I left anything out, kindly comment and make your contribution below.

P:S I’m not in any way justifying rape and anyone found guilty should be punished according to the law