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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives (5144 Views)
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Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by Nobody: 1:01am On Jan 15, 2011 |
Umm umm ummm. . . I don't even know what to say. Here's an excerpt from: [size=18pt]Nigerian Men and their Foreign Wives[/size] Author: Sabella Ogbobode Abidde http://www.nigeriansinamerica.com/articles/616/1/Nigerian-Men-and-their-Foreign-Wives/Page1.html Increasingly, and in greater numbers, Nigerian men are marrying non-Nigerian women. In droves, they are marrying Caribbean nationals, White-Americans and African-Americans. . .I am stunned, perplexed, taken aback by the transformation Nigerian men, married to non-Nigerian women, have gone through in the United States (and perhaps all over the Western world). My goodness, here are a group of macho men, fiercely independent, with a burgeoning sense of entitlement who thinks the world belongs to them; and that women are made to be at their beck-and-call. Here they are; they have suddenly or gradually gone soft and sensitive and romantic and wide-eyed. How did these groups of men become “oh baby, oh baby” kind of guys? How did they become “yes honey, yes sweetheart, yes darling” kind of fellas? What has happened to them? What got to their hearts and soul? Opinion anyone? Is this a load of crap or. . .for the most part true? ![]() |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by 677ano(m): 1:36am On Jan 15, 2011 |
on what basis has the author come to this conclusion? I have a lot of friends here in UK married to non Nigerian wives and it is contrary to what the author has written here. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by iice(f): 4:46am On Jan 15, 2011 |
I think the author is prejudiced ![]() |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by LordReed(m): 6:33am On Jan 15, 2011 |
While I generally detest generalisations I do tink d writer has a point which is yall naija bros lets switch on d romance for our ladies maybe we can enjoy better homes n relationships dat way. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by Nobody: 7:45am On Jan 15, 2011 |
^^Yes he does have a few points but I am kinda annoyed with him. He says Naija women are best for Naija men (which they are) but he is praising them while also acknowledging (secretly) his belief that they are supposed to be in the kitchen and second to men. I am not trying to say that Nigerian culture is wrong but the underlining message here is that this man believes Naija men and women belong together and that the men must dominate. I am not even tripping about him saying we foreign women have Naija men whipped, because to a certain extent he is right but his portrayal of Naija women and then trying to butter it up, annoyed me. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by nguage(m): 8:12am On Jan 15, 2011 |
Another explanation for why Nigerian men are more"romantic" when they're with their non Nigerian wives is that many people try to be culturally sensitive and people try to adapt culturally. If I'm in a house where I see people feeding each other, I will feed the person next to me. It is also normal that men who marry western wives try to copy western men in typical western relationships. What's happening is that we are getting to a point where the African woman's notion of romance is from western pop culture. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by queensmith: 8:22am On Jan 15, 2011 |
It makes sense doesnt it?? When most of them dont have papers! 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by Jenifa1: 8:45am On Jan 15, 2011 |
n-guage: true. they are merely adapting to the foreign culture. and even still, not all do. I've seen posts here where foreign wives complain that their nigerian husbands are not romantic enough.
this is where the problem probably lies. To most Nigerians, when a man marries outside of the tribe, it is the wife's duty to assimilate into the husband culture. rather than the husband assimilating into the wife's culture. but what do you do when you are in a society where your wife's culture is dominant? that's why I came up with a theory that most intercultural/interracial marriages happen between males of the dominant culture and females of the minority culture. this is considering that both cultures are patriarchal. within a matriarchial dominant culture, the wife marries someone of a minority culture within a matriarchical minority culture, the male marries someone in the dominant culture. the aim of this is for both dominant and minorities to preserve their cultures within the society. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by LordReed(m): 9:08am On Jan 15, 2011 |
@MDS No I don't think he portrays Naija women as being servile on the contrary he shows their strength which is excellent support on d home front. Its the brodas dat get d bad lite n deservedly so. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by MrsChima(f): 9:20am On Jan 15, 2011 |
I am trying to see where the author get his information from. I am sure there are more Nigerian to Nigerian marriages/relationship than the non-Nigerian marriage/relationship. I guess I have to be a real Nigerian to understand. Sighs. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by Nobody: 9:22am On Jan 15, 2011 |
@Lord Reed: Hmmm. I can see how you have reached that conclusion however I still sense some prejudice from him. This guy is too bothered to ignore. That was only and EXCERPT, the whole article on the site paints a totally diff. picture ![]() |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by nguage(m): 9:23pm On Jan 15, 2011 |
Jenifa_: This is a very interesting theory |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by Jenifa1: 10:12pm On Jan 15, 2011 |
n-guage: lol. yup I was looking for criticism actually. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by nguage(m): 11:15pm On Jan 15, 2011 |
Jenifa_: Lol I can't criticize until I really understand it. I agree with you that the wife is usually the one that has to adapt to the husband's culture. But there's an exception when the Nigerian husband married to a foreign lady also lives in his wife's country. Consequently, the man now has 2 reasons to adapt to his wife's culture: 1. Adapting to his spouse's culture helps the relationship (less important) 2. By adapting to his wife's culture he is also adapting to his new environment (more important) The foreign wife only has 1 reason to adapt to the Nigerian man's culture and a less important one at that. That's my own theory for the exception. I have a feeling we're saying the same thing but I would love to understand your theory better especially the part about matriarchal and patriarchal dominated cultures. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by iice(f): 4:42am On Jan 16, 2011 |
Jenifa_: Quite true. But there are still instances the wife of a dominant culture still plays the minority part. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by IdiAmin2(m): 6:12am On Jan 16, 2011 |
I have to agree with you. The author is obviously biased and is guilty of generalisation. I have been married to a Russian woman for 7 years and my experience is totally different from what the author is trying to potray here. On the other hand, I know a Nigerian couple here in the UK where the wife reported the husband to local authorities because she caught him cheating. She has a British passport and they got married to help him get his papers ![]() ![]() ![]() 677ano: |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by Jenifa1: 6:36am On Jan 16, 2011 |
iice: yes definitely. In some instances the husband still resist the hindrances that the dominant culture poses and still want their wife and kids to adopt the nigerian culture. it is just very hard if you live in a society like US. how can one expect their kids to learn the language, expect the wife to become more nigerian etc unless you move to nigeria. otherwise, your wife's family/culture will just swallow yours up. and we nigerians are usually against that. it's so tricky. but i agree with you, in some instances it's possible n-guage: yea we are ultimately saying the same thing. what my confusion was is that oversees, nigerian men are more likely to marry foreign wives than nigerian women are. and this goes against the pattern i've noticed (the theory is just what I use to explain the pattern for myself) Patriarchy is a social system in which the role of the male as the primary authority figure is central to social organization, and where fathers hold authority over women, children, and property. It implies the institutions of male rule and privilege, and is dependent on female subordination. In a patriarchy, the man wants to keep his culture or family going so he hesitates from marrying a foreign woman in a foreign country. where as in a matriarchy (like the African Americans where the woman is the head of household), I can see why the man is more likely to marry outside than the woman. the male isn't really needed to keep the family going.
this comment of yours is what striked me because that isn't what you would typically expect a nigerian man to do because our culture is strongly patriarchical. the man doesn't assimilate into his wife's family. it is usually vice versa. lol so in essense we were basically saying the same thing. it just struck me what immigration does to a society/culture. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by iice(f): 10:45am On Jan 16, 2011 |
Jenifa_: True that. Anyway, people do what they can to make their marriages work. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by MOBO444(f): 11:34am On Jan 16, 2011 |
Nigeria men rock anytime,ok. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by misanho: 12:17pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
@mzdarkskin,Africa is God's own continent, we abide by not only religiouz law, ethical lawz but also tradition which analogous, Bath a pig,comb a pig, dress a pig it still is a pig, Wen U r in america bhave like an american, and wen in african u bhave lyk an african, 9ja men r smart nd wud go 2 any lenght 2 get a stay in d so called civilized nation whether it meanz marrying a non-9ja, bhavin lyk d indigenez, havin a by a non-9ja or reducin dere age, after which dey get d STAY, MONEY, etc dey really want n bcome who dey really R, get a divorce, collect dere share nd come back home 2 settle wit our obedient, lovin, carin African Queenz, If hw many 9ja nd non-9ja marriagez really work? Mayb 1%, lol |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by Tosinville(m): 12:50pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
@mzdarkskin, juz view ur profile but believe the whites folks are the jamo(S) whilst the AA are simply the akata(S) lol |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by mudiwa(f): 2:23pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
am a zimbabwean living with my naija guy and from the way i see it naija women want to control men and make them their babies, they re too violent . ve no time for loving only screaming and shouting. and with all that u expect ur guys to stick with u, now the guys who date foreign women they re respected loved given all the attention a man needs, after all pple re meant to love each other not be afraid of each other, pple will say we re only after naija guys for their money but how many of u naija guys ve got the money, so my fellow NL, we do love these naija guys and shall continue to do so, the naija women instead of screaming and shouting try loving ur men, ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by annawhite(f): 3:17pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
mudiwa:mudiwa,mudiwa!! mudiwa!!! that u have a nigerian guy dancing to your music dosent give you the right to come up here and roll this out. you can use watever emoticon u want to use but i gotta tell you,mind your language |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by eridah2007(m): 4:07pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
Lolz ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by MrsChima(f): 4:14pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
misanho: So basically what you are saying that all those OYINDO WOMEN that have created posts about I LOVE MY NIGERIAN HUSBAND, I HAVE MARRIED A HUSBAND NIGERIAN MAN, I WANT TO MARRY MY NIGERIAN BOYFRIEND, I HAVE BEEN CHASED BY MY NIGERIAN BOYFRIEND AND HE ASKED ME FOR MARRIAGE, I AM PREGNANT BY A NIGERIAN MAN, MY NIGERIAN BOYFRIEND PROPOSED TO ME, AND I WANT TO VISIT MY NIGERIAN BOYFRIEND HOMELAND BUT I HAVE TO BORROW MONEY will not have a successful marriage with a Nigerian man? Just asking. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by jpworld(m): 8:28pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
I am married, we have 2 kids, 1 more on the way, she cook, and wash my cloths, she cry when am angry, she never challenge me, she is far better than Naija woman, I have relocated my family to Lagos for the past 6 months, And we are living happily Lagos, |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by MrsChima(f): 9:00pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
jpworld: Okay, I am not Malaysian nor Nigerian however just because you got you a piece of asian meat doesn't mean she is any better than the African sister. You like what you like but you do not need to tear the others down to justify your reasons of liking skewed cat roast. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by misanho: 9:06pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
@ mrs chima, dependz on hw U c it, half full or half empty, itz just d koko, |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by amefi(m): 9:08pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
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Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by MrsChima(f): 9:09pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
Why are you smiling Amefi? |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by delagasky(m): 9:22pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
interesting. . . .NLers having a good intelligent discourse on a very nice topic and nobody has derailed it (yet), no fighting (yet) ![]() ![]() |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives by amefi(m): 9:26pm On Jan 16, 2011 |
Mrs.Chima: i hv a secret as regards d topic. funny enuf mzdarkskin, inked nerd, lola, mayb 190 kn abt it. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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