femi4:
When you found him, take him to his village where he can relate better with his peer. Don't leave him here in Lagos, he will be lonely, won't be able to cope

Where he is from is no longer a village, he cut ties with his family for a long time, I don't know if he can remember his frends, he doesn't remember much anymore, but he still recognizes his children..

cybriz82:


Now wey d poor man no dey missd they are nice planning to move him away from d house..ishun...small pikin beat ur sister n u cudnt call olopa or civil defend to help u touch iz brain small

We were Helpless, we had lots of pending issues, u really don't know we are going thru emotionally... I hope we find my dad that's what we are particular about now....

I think paying him a visit from time to time will go a long way

Collegenews:

What is wrong?
Do you ever get tired of spending your entire life on Nairaland insulting people ishilove?
If a grown up finds delight in jumping from thread to threads trolling, then believe me she is a baby adult.
Pay attention to your family so that they won't beat you up as experienced.
No insult intended dear.

Use the same energy to advice yourself so that you will rise above mediocrity.

Sososo:
I think paying him a visit from time to time will go a long way

We do, but I personally don't go often, cos I hate drama, my mum is so dramatic, my sister who visits him often usually returns sad, cos my mu has high expectation of her and because Dat is not met, she starts saying all manner of things to her which gave my brother the guts to beat her up, dats not even the thing bothering me now, but having my father found.....

I don't know if I can post his pictures here to aid his search, he was last seen in Ikorodu, Itamagha

Ope88:


We do, but I personally don't go often, cos I hate drama, my mum is so dramatic, my sister who visits him often usually returns sad, cos my mu has high expectation of her and because Dat is not met, she starts saying all manner of things to her which gave my brother the guts to beat her up, dats not even the thing bothering me now, but having my father found.....

how about renting a place for him no matter how small cause he needs to be happy in his old age. He can't suffer to raise you guys and still suffer at this time when you are all grown.you can also bring him over to your place if your husband is okay with it and mum doesn't react.

Ope88:


Please where can we find one in Ogun state or Lagos?

I know one in Ikorodu & there's another am sure of @ Iwaya , close to Q.C... Queens college

Sososo:
how about renting a place for him no matter how small cause he needs to be happy in his old age. He can't suffer to raise you guys and still suffer at this time when you are all grown.you can also bring him over to your place if your husband is okay with it and mum doesn't react.

We are looking at this possibility when he is found....

monopolistic:


Can you please share what happened? At list we can learn,
Thanks in Advance

Sure but I don't wana derail from the main issue & on someone's thread , we Took him to an old home , he ran away & was missed for days , only to surface @ his balcony .. he will violently charge @ anybody who wanted taking him out of his house , so I think they left him , i wasn't in lagos then , he refused taking drugs & so on , he died March 2020.

I always say this a lot.

Religion has fvck up a lot of us here in Africa.

I can relate to what the op is a saying.
Your father is a bipolar disorder patient, all that man need is just a medical intervention.

If u are in Lagos here I can refer you to yaba.

famousNdee:
I always say this a lot.

Religion has fvck up a lot of us here in Africa.

I can relate to what the op is a saying.
Your father is a bipolar disorder patient, all that man need is just a medical intervention.

If u are in Lagos here I can refer you to yaba.

I'll get back to you when he is found, I hope he can still be treated at 70.....he was 70 in March.

Ope88:



I'll get back to you when he is found, I hope he can still be treated at 70.....he was 70 in March.

My Uncle was same age too , I pray he's found &very soon

OP, so sorry about your situation. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. There are several issues that need to be addressed here I think.

First, your father must be found and I hope you do find him alive and well enough.

When he is found, he needs medical attention, psychiatry is very essential.

Your mother as someone mentioned is not only a religious fanatic, she appears to be narcissistic. Unfortunately, you cannot help them. The more you try to talk to them about their ways, the harder they come for you because they see it as a challenge. Leave her alone.

Your brother is a victim of poor parenting and unfortunately, he has become in my opinion a sociopath. It is almost impossible for parents like yours not to raise a child like him. It's very unusual that they have children like you and your other sisters if you guys don't have the similar pattern of behaviour. Avoid your brother like a plague to avoid confrontations. The boy obviously has some serious issues, God help him.

It all boils down to what you have control over. You can't control the outcomes of your mother and brother but there is hope to see your father live the rest of his life in peace.

Also, your mother and brother cannot be allowed to sit on your father's properties. If it's not safe for him to return there when he returns, get lawyers involved and have that place leased or something. The proceed can be used to care for your father. Of course leave a flat or so for your mom and brother. Two narcissists cannot live together for long, they will soon find that out and the situation will take care of itself. It's always a matter of time.

Lastly, if you find it in your heart, pray for eveyone even your sadistic family members. Believe me we are all victims of our experiences. Some of us are just lucky or blessed to come out better than we are set up. God help you.

elektra:


Are you okay?
Help how? Na dem born am?
All of them should have stayed home to raise the 26 year old last born?

I am okay. Help how? Was he 26years when they were all together? No. The foundation was faulty and they were together at the beginning. They watched their mother pamper him and he got wings that could not be clipped after they all left. Of course, they will eventually marry. Is it only ones parents that gets to train a child? No. So, madam some of us think wider than others.
Personally, I have had my parents send our last born to me when I saw he was academically poor and near spoilt, I helped re-set him and sent him back to them. Thank God, he is a better person now.
BTW, I am more concerned about the missing grandfather than a dry fish that can't be bent.
Don't get me wrong too. A child can be properly trained and will still choose to go rogue.

Firstly your sister's husband ought to arrest that brother of yours for battering his wife and kids.

Keep searching your your father, when he returns one of you( daughters) should take him in and live with him, the one that has more space in her home either rich or not. It's just additional mouth to feed.

About the house, it depends on your tribe. Igbos hardly give females inheritance except for the very rich and enlightened one. But for your story plot, I guess that you are yoruba; if this is true then once your dad is of sound mind again let him get a lawyer and pen down his will.

PrimadonnaO:



The consequences of having a badly raised child are GRAVE!

The consequences of having a home where a man is unable to intelligently wield his mantle as head of the home are GRAVE!

This situation seems intractable. Whatever comes to mind right now may only aggravate the situation.

You saw the mistakes your parents made with religion. You and your siblings, how’s your relationship with God?

The way I see it, you need fervent prayers. Whatever has gone wrong with your younger brother and mother, y’all have to pray it doesn’t visit and disrupt your new homes.

But while on that, report your father’s disappearance to the authorities, take him to a psychiatric clinic for treatment, and let him live with one of you for a while after he’s been found.

AFRICANs and prayer what has prayer gat to do with this?? SMH
She needs solution urgently u are saying Prayer
Chai

Ope88:

Where he is from is no longer a village, he cut ties with his family for a long time, I don't know if he can remember his frends, he doesn't remember much anymore, but he still recognizes his children..

Your father most likely has Alzheimer's Disease. It's a type of Dementia. A progressive disease that destroys memory and other important mental functions.

If and when he is found, he needs to be institutionalized in Elderly home or kept in a place he can't wander off.

I hate to tell you that this disease is not curable and will only get worse with time, so plan for this eventuality.

I join you in praying for him to be found.

...

.

..

Spanishmilf:
AFRICANs and prayer what has prayer gat to do with this?? SMH
She needs solution urgently u are saying Prayer
Chai

Non-African, go on. Give her a foolproof solution that will fix everything.

You think this life is a joke.

Beautiful people, he has been found.... Badly beaten and bruised....from what my mum told me.... I'll get back to u all on this.

Ope88:
Please don't read and pass, also Pardon all my typo, I'm typing out of duress.

I am from a family of six, 3 girls, 1 boy including my parents.
I had a horrible childhood experience, My Mum (no thanks to her) was something I can't quantify, I can't start writing every of the things she did and I can't say If the religion she practiced contributed largely to the devilish attitude she put up while growing up.

My mum has no good record anywhere, in the church, with the neighbours, with her siblings, we the children, her in laws and even at work, She was always at war with people, if she dreams that someone was trying to attack her in the dream, if she sees the person the following day, she was ready to attack the person.

Also, she would curse her children at any slightest provocation and leave only my brother out(last born and spoilt), She doesn't have any good relationship with her siblings and won't allow my dad visit his family member, I remembered them (Mum and dad) always saying this (don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers). To them anyone who isn't a Christian (deeper life) is not supposed to be associated with.. My dad on countless occasion will call his mum a witch just because she was a Muslim and one of the oloyes of allasalatu(Muslims will understand this) and had nothing to do with his family members.

This went on and on like this until my elder sister moved out of the house and in the process of trying to find her feet, she got pregnant and my mom practically tormented her life, she later got married to the man, and for that act alone, she's always at logger heads with my sister and her husband..

Later, I got married and then my younger sister followed suit, leaving my dad, herself and my younger brother (whom I have disowned).

Ever since the three of us got happily married, and left the home, my dad slipped into severe depression. Although he has been depressed given lots of things he encountered, job loss, no social interaction, unforgiveness amongst others, it became severe when all his female children left, then from severe depressgion, he started having mental issues, he would wake up and leave the house talking to himself, or start preaching and going out of point with anyone he finds on the street, sometimes he would leave and come home at night, my younger brother who is supposed to comfort and help him, treats him with disdain, my mum who is supposed to check mate his excesses would leave him to his folly and now he has started standing up to her and everyone else in the house..

At 26, he doesn't know his bearing and obviously we have been seeing signs of him wanting to inherit the houses my father built in the same compound.. (and we have noticed that my mum has been making him understand that every of the property belongs to him).

The last straw which broke the camel's back happened one week ago, my elder sister ( who is 9 year older than him) took advantage of the lockdown and visited my father, he is usually exited when we are around him whc helps his severe moodiness. There and then an argument broke out between my sister and my brother, she asked why my brother was insulting our mum for an action that happened in the compound, he beat my sister up and her three children and boasted that, the rest of us (my sister and I) dare not do anything and that by the way we must stop coming to the house, that if he sees any of us He will beat us up, My mum who was supposed to resolve the matter started blaming my sister, asking her why she always love to come visiting, that she's supposed to be in her husband's house or father in laws place and immediately called her hubby to come pick her.

Its been one week my sister left for her house, my daddy who enjoyed her company when she was present started misbehaving again at home. He started roaming, he started cursing everyone.

The reason I'm writing is this, my dad is no where to be found, he left the house yesterday Friday 15th May 2020 and was last seen in ITAMAGA IKORODU, we keep trying his number but he is not picking and now his number is switched off, I'm sure he is still wandering about.

My sisters and I have decided that even when he is found(by God's grace) we do not what him to go back living with my mum and brother.

What other alternatives do we have to care for him, as his own siblings are not happy with him either for abandoning them and their mum (his own mum),, when they needed him the most..


I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG POST.. PLEASE HELP ME.

Sorry for the whole embarrassment

Report port your dad as a lost person to the police and hopefully he would be found

He has been tormented by your mum and brother so it's affecting him psychologically

When you find him, get a room apartment far away from your mum and brother let him find a woman to be friends with and from there he will start living normal

If your father has any property, put it on sale and use the proceed and start something doing for him

Back out from your mum and brother let them deal with them selves

The three of you with your sisters should join hands together to raise your father

Let no one except the three of you know where he is staying

If you guys can't get accommodation, let him stay with one of you until his senses are back

The three of you will share the cost of rehabilitating him

Thank God. So relieved on your behalf. .. So, what are you guys gonna do to prevent a reoccurrence?

Ope88:
Beautiful people, he has been found.... Badly beaten and bruised....from what my mum told me.... I'll get back to u all on this.

I feel sad for your dad.

He might need bigger help than what you and your siblings can provide by yourselves. He needs formal mental illness diagnosis so that appropriate treatment can commence.
Glad you found him. And you’re right he shouldn’t live with your mom and brother anymore.

@ Op - Pardon my saying this but Your mum's issues were not caused by the church cos if they were She'd get along with people in the church. She may have experienced something in her past that made her that way but if she was aligned with the church, how come she had issues with church people? Tradition and extreme religion are oftentimes people's excuses to behave badly and blame it on some force beyond them.

For instance, Okonkwo in Things Fall Apart was warned by Traditional Elders - that boy calls you father, do not have a hand in his death. Next thing, he still killed Ikemefuna, Was that the fault of tradition or the fault of Okonkwo's fear of being a failure as a man that propelled him to kill a boy he bonded with more than his son?

nautybride:


I am okay. Help how? Was he 26years when they were all together? No. The foundation was faulty and they were together at the beginning. They watched their mother pamper him and he got wings that could not be clipped after they all left. Of course, they will eventually marry. Is it only ones parents that gets to train a child? No. So, madam some of us think wider than others.
Personally, I have had my parents send our last born to me when I saw he was academically poor and near spoilt, I helped re-set him and sent him back to them. Thank God, he is a better person now.
BTW, I am more concerned about the missing grandfather than a dry fish that can't be bent.
Don't get me wrong too. A child can be properly trained and will still choose to go rogue.

Did you consider the perculiarity of the Op's situation or you are using your experience to measure hers? Did you recall the part where their mum was always putting them down before the brother? Has it not occurred yet to you that their mum will even torture anyone of them that dare to correct their brother? something she deliberately refused to do. Do you also not know that from when their brother entered puberty, chances are that he also gained physical strength to beat his older sisters?

Ope88, your sister's husband didn't try for her to allow your brother go free like that, seems he is not financially strong, but even at that, he should have marked his territory.

Op, you guys should take your father away from that environment and get a lawyer, see how he can sell his properties except the one your mother is staying. Use the money for business or empower any of you girls not doing so well so that you girls can take good care of your dad. It is the best you can give your dad and yourselves now because I can't see the energy to fight your brother after your dad's demise and your husbands may not want to involve themselves. You also need to sell the properties with your dad's approval now, because next person you brother will try to send to early grave is your mum and she will run to you girls for help.

PrimadonnaO:


Non-African, go on. Give her a foolproof solution that will fix everything.

You think this life is a joke.

We still have a long way to go i n Africa

Ope88:


He was too soft and cool, always listening to my mum and does everything he says like he was bewitched, but then my mum had no Frends, just goes to church and returns, so we had no evidence she was a witch whatsoever.

Take my advice almost similar to the one given by someone up there.

Use SARS and get your brother and mom arrested and let them tell you where your dad is.

Meanwhile, while they are in detention, go to your dad's place and check for the house papers and you and your sisters sell it off sharply.

Rent a place for your dad or take him to an hospice to live out the rest of his days in peace because trust me your mom and brother will kill him eventually.

Let your brother and mom go back and start from square one...

Rubbish

Ope88:


We are looking at this possibility when he is found....

ok fine at least that should assauage the situation

Your dad cannot go to his people bcs he abandoned them. That's why Nigerian women are not ripe to be given to power.
All this shit started from when they were dating, your father gave room to all this shit.
I will advice, as somebody suggested u pay some soldiers 5k, your brother's case is settled.
Yours mum: U all should use rope on her, bcs this is now a case of dog eat dog, survival series. Apply force on your mum