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Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met - Family - Nairaland

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Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 10:24pm On May 20, 2020
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. cry . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother cry cry cry cry . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 10:29pm On May 20, 2020
Suing him won't help you make things easy, instead they'll get so bad!
Why not try going through elders within your family, like your dad's parents or even a pastor he respects in his church.....it'll be better this way even though it might take longer time than necessary for the truth to come out.

Take things easy, it's best to

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Jullima(f): 10:32pm On May 20, 2020
Don’t conclude that your mother dropped you off and never bothered about you. Some men take a child from the mother and cut all contacts, since your father is so feared even by your family members, that’s a possibility. Also, he doesn’t even want to tell you who your mother is.

Do you have access to your birth certificate? You can start from the hospital you were born, they might have a record of your birth.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by sinaj(f): 10:38pm On May 20, 2020
Put up your picture(especially baby pictures), your dad's picture and your step mum's picture on different social media page.

Many people have reconnected with their family this way, Im sure you will reconnect with your mum too if she is still alive and sane.

I wish you plenty of luck.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 10:40pm On May 20, 2020
Jullima:
Don’t conclude that your mother dropped you off and never bothered about you. Some men take a child from the mother and cut all contacts, since your father is so feared even by your family members, that’s a possibility. Also, he doesn’t even want to tell you who your mother is.

Do you have access to your birth certificate? You can start from the hospital you were born, they have records.

I can't even hold my tears back, my heart is bursting out. I don't even know why I feel this amount of pain. My birth certificate says I was born in a private hospital that don't exist(I have gone there and its an office complex) and mother's name, occupation and signature is that of my mum(now step mum).

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 10:45pm On May 20, 2020
vikkimimi:
Suing him won't help you make things easy, instead they'll get so bad!
Why not try going through elders within your family, like your dad's parents or even a pastor he respects in his church.....it'll be better this way even though it might take longer time than necessary for the truth to come out.

Take things easy, it's best to

My grandparents are all late. My dads pastor sadly is not an option trust me.

20 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Ningen(m): 10:46pm On May 20, 2020
I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it.

You shouldn't consider that.
And don't be quick to conclude she left you.

Okay. Start with a name or picture.
You can accomplish a lot with that.
You've the internet at your disposal.

Also, keep inquiring. Grandparents, old friends, neighbors, place of worship etc. People will talk.

If all proof futile, then pressure your Dad.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Jullima(f): 10:48pm On May 20, 2020
Godlovesyou28:


I can't even hold my tears back, my heart is bursting out. I don't even know why I feel this amount of pain. My birth certificate says I was born in a private hospital that don't exist(I have gone there and its an office complex) and mother's name, occupation and signature is that of my mum(now step mum).
Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 10:50pm On May 20, 2020
sinaj:
Put up your picture(especially baby pictures), your dad's picture and your step mum's picture on different social media page.

Many people have reconnected with their family this way, Im sure you will reconnect with your mum too if she is still alive and sane.

I wish you plenty of luck.

My father will kill if I go that public.

12 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by merieam16(f): 10:52pm On May 20, 2020
Buh i tot u said it was a relative dat told u truth, go nd meet her 2 complete d search with u cos obviously she knows much.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 10:56pm On May 20, 2020
Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.

I am am a replica of my dad even more than all my siblings. I don't think I was adopted since I have older siblings.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 10:58pm On May 20, 2020
merieam16:
Buh i tot u said it was a relative dat told u truth, go nd meet her 2 complete d search with u cos obviously she knows much.

The person referred me back to my dad to get the identity of my real mum.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Ishilove: 11:03pm On May 20, 2020
Godlovesyou28:


I am am a replica of my dad even more than all my siblings. I don't think I was adopted since I have older siblings.
Then you are likely a product of away match.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by merieam16(f): 11:08pm On May 20, 2020
Godlovesyou28:


The person referred me back to my dad to get the identity of my real mum.
Go back 2 dat person nd b nice to her. she knos alot nd she will tell u with time cos she's also threadin carefully knowing fully well who ur father his.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Jullima(f): 11:09pm On May 20, 2020
Godlovesyou28:


I am am a replica of my dad even more than all my siblings. I don't think I was adopted since I have older siblings.
Still your birth certificate was forged, if your dad and step mum can go through the trouble of forging your birth certificate means they are trying very hard for you not to know your bio mum. That means you have to search for her yourself.

Maybe that was your dad’s way of placating your step mum for having a child outside.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 11:20pm On May 20, 2020
Because you don't know the circumstances surrounding her leaving and not returning, don't make the conclusion that she dumped you for your wicked stepmother to raise, at least not yet. I pray you're able to get a head start in locating her.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 11:50pm On May 20, 2020
Ishilove:

Then you are likely a product of away match.

I don't know what the story is; and I clearly do not care how I came... Am here now, and need to know who my mother is.
But for the record, the relative told me that my father paid my real mother's dowry when he Briefly separated from my step mum but returned it afterward after sending her out to bring my step mum back. I do not care what the history is; I just want to know my real mum.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 11:57pm On May 20, 2020
aeion:
Because you don't know the circumstances surrounding her leaving and not returning, don't make the conclusion that she dumped you for your wicked stepmother to raise, at least not yet. I pray you're able to get a head start in locating her.


My step mum is not wicked, she only gave me crumbs... Honestly, she even tried because some women would have done worse. I just wonder about many things.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 11:59pm On May 20, 2020
Godlovesyou28:

My step mum is not wicked, she only gave me crumbs... Honestly, she even tried because some women would have done worse. I just wonder about many things.
Ok, that's good to know.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by adebayour26: 12:39am On May 21, 2020
"for we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and power..."


There's more to it than taking an irrational step. Please be wise. Don't let your emotions, anger and curiosity cloud your wisdom.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 12:45am On May 21, 2020
I just told my dad I was going to kill myself if he fails to tell me who my mum is and he told me not to mention his name on my death note and Hung up cry

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by adebayour26: 12:49am On May 21, 2020
Godlovesyou28:
I just told my dad I was going to kill myself if he fails to tell me who my mum is and he told me not to mention his name on my death note and Hung up cry
Jesus!!

I told you so.
Two things are involved: physical or spiritual (am sure of the latter)

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 12:55am On May 21, 2020
Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 1:01am On May 21, 2020
Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.

Please how do I locate a private investigator. Am loosing my mind.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 1:05am On May 21, 2020
adebayour26:

Jesus!!

I told you so.
Two things are involved: physical or spiritual (am sure of the latter)

Its nothing, he is usually hard on me when he is with my mum(step mum).
He will apologise by morning if am still around.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by adebayour26: 1:07am On May 21, 2020
Godlovesyou28:


Its nothing, he is usually hard on me when he is with my mum(step mum).
He will apologise by morning if am still around.
Wait!!!
Do you really mean to kill yourself?

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 1:16am On May 21, 2020
[quote author=adebayour26 post=89782104]
Wait!!!
Do you really mean to kill yourself? [/quoI couldn't...
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Jullima(f): 1:17am On May 21, 2020
Godlovesyou28:


Please how do I locate a private investigator. Am loosing my mind.
Lagos?
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 1:18am On May 21, 2020
Jullima:

Lagos?

Abuja
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Godlovesyou28: 1:39am On May 21, 2020
All my siblings have ganged up against me; they say am trying to break our family up cry. How is that even possible when I have never even existed.
I just need one person... My own mother cry cry cry
My own mother, if you know how this sounds in my heart.
I'll hug her when I want.
Buy her gifts that she would accept.
Show her off to my friends
Bring her to live with me if she
I don't care if she is blind, lame, deaf, dumb or even mad (no offence to people who are); I just want to love her.

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by VickyRotex(f): 1:54am On May 21, 2020
Godlovesyou28:
All my siblings have ganged up against me; they say am trying to break our family up cry. How is that even possible when I have never even existed.
I just need one person... My own mother cry cry cry
My own mother, if you know how this sounds in my heart.
I'll hug her when I want.
Buy her gifts that she would accept.
Show her off to my friends
Bring her to live with me if she
I don't care if she is blind, lame, deaf, dumb or even mad (no offence to people who are); I just want to love her.

Awwwwwnnn this breaks my heart. cry cry cry

I cant even imagine the hurt you feel. I'm so sorry. embarassed

Please dont kill yourself. Please go with the reasonable advices given on this thread and see what works for you.

I hope those wounds heal soon. Sorry

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Victornezzar: 2:35am On May 21, 2020
Wow

OP just go back to the person who revealed this to you.... Tell her to trust you and do not leak the identity of the person to your Father

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