Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by redcliff: 12:34am On May 22, 2020 |
Tripitaka: "I told him to" "I want him to" "I warned him not to" "I advised him to" "He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.
It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.
If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.
I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.
There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.
I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay oga abi na madam... you are not the one wearing this shoe so you cannot come and say rubbish here. whats the point of relationship if you cannot push your partner to be better parts of themselves, no matter the intention?.. this goes both ways. abi shey na only furcking una suppose dey do.? there is nothing wrong in her wanting her man to strive for greatness. infact some people need that in their lifes. they need the extra push, if not they are not mentally willed to push themselves. if i like a woman, as logical as i am, i would take all the advices she gives to me that would better me.. who does not want better? she know what she wants and she wishes that for her man too... why should anyone take the blame for wanting you to do better for yourself? I cannot be with any woman who is not ambitious to a point. the boy in question, based on her side of the story, does he look like he likes the life he has or does it look like he doesnt want to be able to shoulder his responsibility as the first born? what nigerian man does not like and want to make money? I do not see anyhing wrong with what the girl was trying to do. she has sense, its the one thag doesnt have sense that would not do the right thing. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Donwoosky: 12:35am On May 22, 2020 |
You de complain say guy man de give you 1k or 2k you no go thank your God no be your mate the change there guy life abi if you do am you go die... Ask de nigga what he wants I advice you there are Millon's of ladies better than you that will thank there God and grab that your guy with him 9k salary. He even get mob abeg tell your village people say e no go work invest more in yourself and always encourage your guy rather than fighting him... He is even a very nice guy if nah my kind person whe no like fight I for don leave you japa since. |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Judybash93(m): 12:35am On May 22, 2020 |
BigTableShaker: What tribe is your bf pls? I can't talk about a particular tribe. There's really no need for this |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by michaelwilli(m): 12:37am On May 22, 2020 |
Only thing I picked is that your bf has a car on a 90k salary. King of misplaced priorities 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by praiseneo(m): 12:43am On May 22, 2020 |
Op you are self centered You want him to live the life u want And u want him to kill himself for u to achieve ur wants. Fvck up 3 Likes |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by KoolBigk(m): 12:45am On May 22, 2020 |
You've said it all! Tripitaka: "I told him to" "I want him to" "I warned him not to" "I advised him to" "He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.
It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.
If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.
I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.
There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.
I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by mandate12: 12:46am On May 22, 2020 |
Acmepreneur:
Yes, I must marry next year. I can't wait till I'm in my late twenties, I hate marrying at 26,27,28,29. I seriously hate it ![cheesy](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/cheesy.png) like u have been married at that age in ur previous life and saw the demerits 9 Likes |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Thunderblasts(m): 12:58am On May 22, 2020 |
You won't last with my type o. Am a business man and fit your descriptions but will throw you away in just two months. Are you stupid? You don't have respect? You seem like a control freak and talks too much. I hate what I don't like. Seen your type recently. Will be recording your gots and stupidity for you till your cup will fill up and I call it quits on your face!� 1 Like |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by LeeSantos(m): 1:00am On May 22, 2020 |
Babe I will really tell you the truth. I share the same passion & dreams with you, basically what I'm saying is we are both the same kind. One thing I'm sure that will throw you into trauma is when you look back from next 10yrs+ and realising who you wanted to be, how you wanted it to be, your pictures of a your own family life but you never accomplished any cus u never worked or partner with someone of your own like. You will live a life filled with regrets.
You are the type that don't want to save before you get what you want, you want you kids to have anything they say they want, cus judging from what you said bout owning a book Wer u draft out your plans. I can picture the kind of person you are.
Sit him down, ask him what he wants, the kind of life he want, his picture of his family, life orientation. You don't want to have plan writing down and non was accomplished.
With his response, sit down to mediate, n evaluate the future with him. If it worth it.
If whatever you ask him aligned with your thoughts n wants. Don't wait for too long to leave him immediately if he isn't manifesting it.
I wished I could type more. But remember this. Post covid19 effect will change everything that 70%+ of the world population will be poor. |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Nobody: 1:01am On May 22, 2020 |
Op, there's absolutely nothing wrong in having those expectations you have for your bf. However, I don't believe in 'changing ' a person, which appears to be exactly what you are doing. People only change when they want. There's a difference between setting goals and having dreams. Your bf seems to be doing the later. If he wants to do his Masters abroad, what exactly is stopping him? He could have accepted the job his dad offered and worked towards his goal. If he really wanted to travel out, he'd be saving the money he's wasting on rent to plan accordingly. He seems to be the type to always complain, but never take actions to solve the problem. The type that lives in s bubble world, want to live a particular life style, but aren't working towards it.
I do agree with those saying you talk too much, you should have broken up with him a long time ago.
And as for the getting married next year, why the rush? 1 Like |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Danielkupiejo: 1:01am On May 22, 2020 |
As u dey yan also remember where she said she must get married next year, that is also an extra push. If u are determined to buy a car within a year are u not going to maximize every opportunities?. Be in d guy shoe first. No help anywhere, 90k salary how much will he save in a month and still afford rent family and himself. Why d gal no advice him to sell his car ![](/faces/huh.png) redcliff:
oga abi na madam... you are not the one wearing this shoe so you cannot come and say rubbish here. whats the point of relationship if you cannot push your partner to be better parts of themselves, no matter the intention?.. this goes both ways. abi shey na only furcking una suppose dey do.? there is nothing wrong in her wanting her man to strive for greatness. infact some people need that in their lifes. they need the extra push, if not they are not mentally willed to push themselves. if i like a woman, as logical as i am, i would take all the advices she gives to me that would better me.. who does not want better? she know what she wants and she wishes that for her man too... why should anyone take the blame for wanting you to do better for yourself? I cannot be with any woman who is not ambitious to a point.
the boy in question, based on her side of the story, does he look like he likes the life he has or does it look like he doesnt want to be able to shoulder his responsibility as the first born? what nigerian man does not like and want to make money? I do not see anyhing wrong with what the girl was trying to do. she has sense, its the one thag doesnt have sense that would not do the right thing. |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by mandate12: 1:02am On May 22, 2020 |
Acmepreneur:
Hmmn I think I will just look for a fine guy to give birth for. And take it that men are useless, and thus there won't be any fight. My beautiful children would be my happiness. I can't date any guy again and be witnessing rubbish. I don't have heart to argue or anything. If I go into labour, then I'm doing that to give birth to a beautiful baby,so that it worth is very well. ... and this is the best bet for Mrs ambitious? Someone rightly said u r the prob in the relationship. 3 Likes |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Wizzler: 1:02am On May 22, 2020 |
The real problem is you want him upgraded for your family approval, you are not impressed yourself? You are selfish. Let him grow.. he is obliged to his family, dude probably knows what he is doing and wants ... he got a car, he is trying... if you love him , all your I want, I want should stop , it should be what does he want himself ... 6 Likes |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by PattyMike(m): 1:03am On May 22, 2020 |
Millenniumlady: Stop thinking with your d*ck Better chill. You dunno if he's the one that will finally help you send the 1k you've been taxing Nairalanders. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by IM0Y(m): 1:22am On May 22, 2020 |
Acmepreneur:
I'm a witch? Lol Money is very important to me and to everyone. My siblings and I suffered due to poverty and we shouldn't be where we are today if not for poverty. My siblings won lots of things at junior level that was snatched away from us at our very own eyes. I don't want that for my children, I pray they are intelligent though Acmepreneur:
Lol, my dad won't be where he is today if not my mum, some people need the push. I as well do not appreciate wives with husband that is not progressing, we tell our women to be a pusher in one statement you have suffered as a result of poverty, in another your dad is where he is because of the push your mum gave? while it is ok to advice and want the best for ur partner, I think you should learn the difference between nagging and advice just like someone advice earlier, your too much pressure on him will only make things worse, nothing stops you from doing all what you are advising him. |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by smiliyB(f): 1:24am On May 22, 2020 |
Exc2000:
Mindset and Proper Communication is the key to a successful relationship, not money and ambition
Lets say you read what you wrote from a neutral point or you reverse the case and put yourself in his shoes then you would understand the cause of friction
* you started off by saying this ; "This my guy is not serious at all" .. Flipping it, lets assume your boyfriend also hold the thought of you in a negative way: "This my girl is too greedy and loves money too much."
* I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.... --- You sound manipulative without even knowing it, you believe change is the only permanent thing and you are soft with people because you think you can change them... how would you feel if instead of accepting you your boyfriends constantly tries to change you? what if you being an introvert isn't cool with him and he starts forcing you to parties, lecturing you on how going out boost career prospects? you clearly don't accept him for who he is so leave him, break up and look for who fits your ideal man
* I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams--- You claim to be ambitious but the real question is are you successful ? perhaps the main reason he isn't buying your ambitious story is because with all your big plans and big dreams, big business fancy talks you haven't shown your self as a success in his eyes, and he feels if with all your masters talk and business talk you haven't helped your own self why should he abandon the career path that pays him 90k to follow your own dream that pays you next to nothing? Maybe he is a realist and not a dreamer and wouldn't take stupid uncalculated risk in the name of dream
* Masters degree isn't a means to earn more money as many believe or boost your certificate, in real world masters just sharpen your skills, before you force masters on him again, try and select an MSC coarse for him, check out all the courses module he would take for the 2 years and tell your self in all honesty which of this courses would make him better and worth his while for loosing 90k job?
.
Well said, you deserve a big round of applause...while reading her post, I was just smiling because I was once like her(not the relationship aspect) but the career and ambition stuffs ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) I had to do some many things, planning on how to accomplish my big dreams, infact I engaged in so many activities from offline to online and was thinking before 26, 27 I must have settled down...Lol...But life isn't like that at all, now I have learn to be more patient, work gradually...slow and steady to accomplish something meaningful. If not with all the garagara nothing will come out of it. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) I so much like your second point (b) you're a man of wisdom. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by breezydude: 1:25am On May 22, 2020 |
God bless you for this man. I was just waiting to see who would say something exactly the way I was thinking. You're respected my me. Tripitaka: "I told him to" "I want him to" "I warned him not to" "I advised him to" "He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.
It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.
If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.
I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.
There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.
I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by profmallor: 1:27am On May 22, 2020 |
Pain is a better motivator than comfort, he is not as ambitious as you want him to be, though your push is for selfish reasons, but hey, who doesn't make decisions based on self interests. The same reasons we chastise and put our children under pressure to make them perform, to enable a better future for themselves and ourselves. Ideally, There is no easy way to get someone ambitious as he might not see things the way you do. As soon as any of his younger siblings start to out perform him, he would wake up, if he is not there yet mentally then you cant force it. Learn to move on 1 Like |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Naija4love(m): 1:28am On May 22, 2020 |
Acmepreneur:
I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.
(here you talk like gold digger ms Josef alala)
The problem 1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest
(seriously that's what you are to him)
2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky. His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.
(here you see the gold digging am talking about) has not been more than 1k, 2k because you're just planning the big cake for yourself
3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends
(this shows you don't love him)
4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care
( because you always push him around with your plan, you don't give him chance to do so)
5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,
(Josef the dreamer, how much did you give to him to start what you need... Because is not what you want this time)
6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship
(seriously you don't love this guy with this talk here)
7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night
you have already make up your mind, with all this your I can't marry him or anyone this way
ALL AM TRYING TO TELL YOU IS, IT YOU THAT WILL TAKE THE FIRST STEP IF TRULY YOU LOVE HIM. BY GIVE HIM WHAT HE NEEDS TO BE SUCCESSFULLY IN LIFE NOT BY TELLING HIM, IF YOU TRULY LOVE HIM BECAUSE HE'S NOT TAKING WHAT YOU SAID NOW. YOU KNOW SHOWING PEOPLE HOW TO DO THINGS IS DIFFERENT FROM TELLING THEM
Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect
(we have nothing to Note here because you have already show it all to good thinker in the house) 1 Like |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Bewiseedet(m): 1:30am On May 22, 2020 |
Is your guy from cross river? |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Nobody: 1:32am On May 22, 2020 |
Acmepreneur: This my guy is not serious at all.
I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.
When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all. My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.
I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.
My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all. I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc
Our fight now
Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla
Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.
Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.
Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.
My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.
So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.
Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.
He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla
He will not apply for better jobs as well He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.
So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.
He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.
The problem 1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest
2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky. His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.
3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends
4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care
5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,
6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship
7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night
Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect I almost taught you were referring to me. Lost my Dad too, read computer science and dislike masters. But I dream big and dislike company work. I am a serial entrepreneur. Incase you need a change in boyfriend, I am available. Na be the better version. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by smiliyB(f): 1:34am On May 22, 2020 |
Thunderblasts: You won't last with my type o. Am a business man and fit your descriptions but will throw you away in just two months. Are you stupid? You don't have respect? You seem like a control freak and talks too much. I hate what I don't like. Seen your type recently. Will be recording your gots and stupidity for you till your cup will fill up and I call it quits on your face!� Oga it hasn't gotten to that nah, you don't have to call her names, that's unfair...at least she's trying to help her man be a better person, just that she's going about it in a wrong way and she may not even know. @Op I apologise on his behalf, Biko don't take it to heart. Just communicate with your man, by listening to him, let him do the talking this time around. Ask him what he wants to do, how is he going to accomplish it. This'll do more good to his brain than the way you're going about it. His brain will start processing the "how" to accomplish his goal. |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Thunderblasts(m): 1:42am On May 22, 2020 |
smiliyB: Oga it hasn't gotten to that nah, you don't have to call her names, that's unfair...at least she's trying to help her man be a better person, just that she's going about it in a wrong way and she may not even know. @Op I apologise on his behalf, Biko don't take it to heart. Just communicate with your man, by listening to him, let him do the talking this time around. Ask him what he wants to do, how is he going to accomplish it. This'll do more good to his brain than the way you're going about it. His brain will start processing the "how" to accomplish his goal. Thanks for the little correction. I never called her names. I rather asked her questions coz it's obvious she lacks total respect for her man. She never indicated supporting him in anyway, rather telling us how he gives her 1-2k. Ok what does she bring to the financial table? Gibberish words? This girl is confused. Let her wait till 28 so that her brain will stop being naive. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Ayobami0411: 1:45am On May 22, 2020 |
Acmepreneur: This my guy is not serious at all.
I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.
When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all. My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.
I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.
My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all. I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc
Our fight now
Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla
Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.
Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.
Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.
My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.
So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.
Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.
He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla
He will not apply for better jobs as well He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.
So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.
He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.
The problem 1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest
2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky. His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.
3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends
4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care
5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,
6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship
7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night
Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect OP am only seeing you trying to polish a man to suit your own ambition maybe as a result of what you av experienced in life while growing up but to be honest with you, it doesn't walk that way with a man... U can only influence a man if you are competent enough as a lady, u can't force him and to me, this guy is doing well, is not lazy, he may even not have passion for business or any entrepreneur you are thinking, he is honest wit u, very open wit u, atleast u know where his interest lies.... Haba.... u just work on ur entrepreneur skills if he allows it, den u continue with the relationship In short, stop being a burden to him if u can't respect him for his decision as a man... Stop trying to control a man, u can only influence him |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Ayinke93(f): 1:45am On May 22, 2020 |
Acmepreneur:
Women like me are many, just try not to pick girls that fix nails or like wigs and big hair. Fall for a simple girl First of all, the fact that you don't fix nails and your hair doesn't mean anything. as long as a woman Can afford that without help from anyone, I see no reason why a guy should run from her. And concerning your boyfriend, I know his type. The earlier you leave him and grow on your own, the better. People like him just do a lot of wishful thinking with no actual plan or actions, he'll slow you down. you'll find someone better on the way. |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by profmallor: 1:48am On May 22, 2020 |
Encouragement are for those that are climbing and are almost there, battling and have almost won, striving but failing, a man (first born) FAF-in around in Nigeria of today needs horrible words by those that love him, because very soon the siblings he helped school and same society hailing and encouraging him would ask what he was doing when his mates were planning ahead. AfroKnight: Thank goodness you’ve broken up with him. Your wahala is too much. He will sort himself out.
You say you’re ambitious but all your ambition is on behalf of another person.
There’s encouragement and there’s nagging. Learn the difference.
Leave him alone. 1 Like |
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Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Omobola121(f): 1:53am On May 22, 2020 |
No girl! you're pushing him too hard. This your attitude is liken to some of our Nigerian motivational speakers who are just full of "talks" and audio money, plans etc. When advising someone, you don't force the person to take your advice rather, you allow them to decide on which ways they want to go.
I understand you're trying to secure your future but what's stopping you from making the money too? There is nothing bad if you're the one with the money.
You keep on talking about you're the best bla bla, babe, that your mentality is not needed in the street world. Your certificates doesn't mean it will bring you millions of naira immediately. And if you're that good, your schools would have retained you by now coupled with the fact that you're young.
I'm a female like you, will be 26 by August and I graduated as one of the best students in my department. When I graduated, I had the intention of furthering my education quickly but along the line, I decided to delve into some business just to have the feelings of the real world.
During my service year, I ventured into so many businesses ( yam business, palm oil business, rice business etc). There was a post I made on Yam business here some years ago and I am glad I was able to help some people who called. Along the line, I took form for my masters and I was given admission but I rejected it because I didn't want to leave my business ( it needed my full attention) and it might affect my program too.
Few months after my service, I got a state job in one of the state polytechnic and I applied for my masters again. Now I'm done with it and getting prepared to take PHD form. And for the record, I don't deals in thousands now,I'm beyond that.
The essence of my story is this, you don't motivate people with ordinary words of mouth but you motivate people with results.
You are there talking about big plans here and there( my dear, you no get plans reach me o) and you are not making effort to be better financially. I'm a realist too and I believe in seeing result.
All these talks will be given the poor guy headache. Stop disturbing him, work and focus on yourself. He will be intimidated when he sees you going far. 10 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by larryking540: 2:01am On May 22, 2020 |
benzene00:
mumu
I'm sure you didn't read anything up there Am very sure , that lady didn't read at all |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by openmine(m): 2:02am On May 22, 2020 |
Tripitaka: "I told him to" "I want him to" "I warned him not to" "I advised him to" "He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.
It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.
If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.
I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.
There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.
I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay Superb!
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Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by IM0Y(m): 2:09am On May 22, 2020 |
Omobola121: No girl! you're pushing him too hard. This your attitude is liken to some of our Nigerian motivational speakers who are just full of "talks" and audio money, plans etc. When advising someone, you don't force the person to take your advice rather, you allow them to decide on which ways they want to go.
I understand you're trying to secure your future but what's stopping you from making the money too? There is nothing bad if you're the one with the money.
You keep on talking about you're the best bla bla, babe, that your mentality is not needed in the street world. Your certificates doesn't mean it will bring you millions of naira immediately. And if you're that good, your schools would have retained you by now coupled with the fact that you're young.
I'm a female like you, will be 26 by August and I graduated as one of the best students in my department. When I graduated, I had the intention of furthering my education quickly but along the line, I decided to delve into some business just to have the feelings of the real world.
During my service year, I ventured into so many businesses ( yam business, palm oil business, rice business etc). There was a post I made on Yam business here some years ago and I am glad I was able to help some people who called. Along the line, I took form for my masters and I was given admission but I rejected it because I didn't want to leave my business ( it needed my full attention) and it might affect my program too.
Few months after my service, I got a state job in one of the state polytechnic and I applied for my masters again. Now I'm done with it and getting prepared to take PHD form. And for the record, I don't deals in thousands now,I'm beyond that.
The essence of my story is this, you don't motivate people with ordinary words of mouth but you motivate people with results.
You are there talking about big plans here and there( my dear, you no get plans reach me o) and you are not making effort to be better financially. I'm a realist too and I believe in seeing result.
All these talks will be given the poor guy headache. Stop disturbing him, work and focus on yourself. He will be intimidated when he sees you going far.
OP, see fellow girl like you wey get sense abi? all you do is talk and talk and disturb the young man. Abeg just let the poor guy concentrate on his siblings, your wahala too much. The one wey dey vex me now be say na him subscribe for you to dey type all this rubbish. single sense you no get (No be insult o) but if you see am as one then naso e be. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Break Up Or Make Up With My Boyfriend? by Dshocker(m): 2:14am On May 22, 2020 |
Millenniumlady: Girl this is 2020 and if a man ain't ready to do all you want then boy bye. Even if you wanted him to be a native doctor? 1 Like |