My parents have Four children, Two boys and two girls. My sister and I are twins and are the last born. Every since we were young, my mum has always favoured our older sister who is the first born at our detriment. I'm not against the fact that she's my mum's favourite but it's just annoying that my mum does everything to please my older sister, even if it means suffering we the younger ones.

My older sister does nothing in the house and is always on her phone from morning till night (mind you, she's 25). Whenever we complain, she usually hide under the guise of "she's your older sister". Whenever we're sick and we tell our mum, she'll shout at us to tell our dad but if it's my older sister, she gets emotional, crying at every instance.

Only my mum does the cooking even if she's not feeling well and it annoys me. My older sister has become the chairlady of the house.

My other siblings are already fed up but won't say anything.
Even when she wants to get something for personal use, my mum won't allow her go get it herself. My objection to the way my mum treats us has made me the black sheep of the family. My sister and I currently not on talking terms due to my objection to her laziness and surprisingly my mum supports her. They both gossip about us at every opportunity. I don't even know what to do again. How do you advise I deal with this?

But don't harm her o...like what happened in Kaduna

Ah! I hope this doesn't lead to fragmentation of that home. Some parents can be very insensitive and they prolly build a home that lacks genuine love.

Dear Op, please do not hate your sister. Never allow her see you and your younger ones as her enemy...very soon, I mean very soon, your mom will come to terms of what she is building. The loved ones don't always turn out to be the most caring to the parents. I have seen a lot of examples. In fact, at later years, they are usually the ones that brings so much anguish, pain and tears on the faces of these parents.

Try as much as possible to look beyond whatever you think is not being done right, if talking to your mother isn't bring positive changes.

2special:
But don't harm her o...like what happened in Kaduna

I would never do such thing. Such thought has never occured to me.

Relax and stop being bitter, every parent have their favourites only some are sensible enough not to make it too obvious.

if you were your mum's favourite being treated like this I'm sure you would have loved it.

Are you concerned out of love for your sister, or concerned about the hatred brewing in you towards her?

The characterization of your sister is likely not objective as you yourself mentioned; it won't be objective or a clear picture of what is occurring if truly you are beginning to despise her. Such emotions also beclouds judgment. Those whom we despise we castigate and those whom we love, we improve.

I will assume you love your sister, and you want the best for her and you see all happening as damaging to her vigour, diligence and virtue. But before you improve another, you must first improve yourself; examine why you have to characterise your mum and your sister's discussion as gossip rather than mere conversation, examine if you complain whenever you are delegated a task, out of sheer laziness on your part; if you see responsibility, or duties you are assigned as torture or suffering, then you must consider improving yourself as well. Also, I learnt something over the years, which is I try to give the best premise I can imagine to people's action. This is an opportunity for you, to nurture and become a better individual; try to convince your siblings that your mother love them more, even when it seems contrary; if you could do that, you are building relationships and nurturing love and kindness in them.

However if you have already done all of the above and more and you are concerned for your sister's wellbeing. Then you first understand, that you can only help her from a place of love, by your relation with her; one of respect and love, she will stem into your concern and become who you desire her to be.

Shalom.

I wonder how parents get to have a favourite child and make it so obvious...very sad!!!
I have kids that I love equally, putting things like this into perspective, is there a time when this favouritism just have to crop up?
I have asked my mum... She stared!!!!

All parents are bias. Each and everyone of them are bias. So your case is not different. In my own case, my immediate elder brother is my mum's favourite and unfortunately for her I'm my immediate brother's favourite. So imagine the clash. But as I got older the resentment faded away.

So get use to it fast.

luvmijeje:
All parents are bias. Each and everyone of them are bias. So your case is not different. In my own case, my immediate elder brother is mum's favourite and unfortunately for her I'm my immediate brother's favourite. So imagine the clash. But I got older the resentment faded away.

So get use to it fast.

You na galant woman. You Sabi the bull by the horn

PatKing:
I wonder how parents get to have a favourite child and make it so obvious...very sad!!!
I have kids that I love equally, putting things like this into perspective, is there a time when this favouritism just have to crop up?
I have asked my mum... She stared!!!!

Live one day at a time ma'am. It will show when time ripe.

Your mum might be oblivious to her favouritism.
Unless you make her 'see' that, it'll not change.

Anyway, try not to resent your older sister.

Work actively into building a healthy relationship with her; which you can use to help her improve upon her idleness and laziness. She needs help.

Don't work up with her attitude

Na her husband go suffer. Plan to make money and get the hell outta there

I passed through the same but since I was the one doing virtually everything, it helped me today in creativity

Oluromantic:

Live one day at a time ma'am. It will show when time ripe.

Hmmm...
I pray not.
I have walked in OPs shoes, not funny.
Lots of resentment...
I pray I don't put my kids in that lane. Amen

othermen:
Are you concerned out of love for your sister, or concerned about the hatred brewing in you towards her?

The characterization of your sister is likely not objective as you yourself mentioned; it won't be objective or a clear picture of what is occurring if truly you are beginning to despise her. Such emotions also beclouds judgment. Those whom we despise we castigate and those whom we love, we improve.

I will assume you love your sister, and you want the best for her and you see all happening as damaging to her vigour, diligence and virtue. But before you improve another, you must first improve yourself; examine why you have to characterise your mum and your sister's discussion as gossip rather than mere conversation, examine if you complain whenever you are delegated a task, out of sheer laziness on your part; if you see responsibility, or duties you are assigned as torture or suffering, then you must consider improving yourself as well. Also, I learnt something over the years, which is I try to give the best premise I can imagine to people's action. This is an opportunity for you, to nurture and become a better individual; try to convince your siblings that your mother love them more, even when it seems contrary; if you could do that, you are building relationships and nurturing love and kindness in them.

However if you have already done all of the above and more and you are concerned for your sister's wellbeing.

Thanks for your advice. I love her and want the best for her, there are times that I let go of some of my needs just for my parents to meet up with her demands.
I've caught them times without number during their "conversations" insulting me and even saying things that I can't even write here

The sad truth is that the permissive parenting style your elder sister is "enjoying" now from your mum will backfire on both her and your mum and painfully, you and your siblings will be expected to subsidize it.

Look at it this way, U can't tell or dictate to someone/ anyone whom to love/like.. It just doesn't work like that. It's matters of the heart..

It's unfortunate that the law of Jacob applies/was applicable in your home. The advice was to press the ignore buttons..

if u don't apply wisdom/ maturity, jealousy will make history repeat itself and u sell her to the Ishmaels..

when they start their annoying loveydovey, leave that space. Besides have u considered channeling your love/ devotion to your dad/ brothers. It might be fun..

Please, retrace your step from what is happening, that is how siblings' rivalry starts.


Still consider her as the eldest daughter she is, with her regard and maximum respect.


The nearest you could do is to gently tell your mum that such lifestyle will affect the mum and your sister in future because she will not be good in anything at home. by extension in her husband's house.


As for your mum, she is really treading on a dangerous terrain that could backfire in future. This is the best time to train her daughter.


How about your dad?he has a big role to play here. But whatever happens don't hate your sister, just assume it is her luck.

I know I'm mom's favorite and I feel guilty at times, but I try to carry everyone along being the first.

[s]

xendra:
Relax and stop being bitter, every parent have their favourites only some are sensible enough not to make it too obvious.

if you were your mum's favourite being treated like this I'm sure you would have loved it.

[/s]

Sorry OP!
The way your sister is been treated by you mum was same way I was treated by my parents, but in my own case I'm the last born (youngest child). All the same sorry for you pain.

Tyrone007:
My parents have Four children, Two boys and two girls. My sister and I are twins and are the last born. Every since we were young, my mum has always favoured our older sister who is the first born at our detriment. I'm not against the fact that she's my mum's favourite but it's just annoying that my mum does everything to please my older sister, even if it means suffering we the younger ones.

My older sister does nothing in the house and is always on her phone from morning till night (mind you, she's 25). Whenever we complain, she usually hide under the guise of "she's your older sister". Whenever we're sick and we tell our mum, she'll shout at us to tell our dad but if it's my older sister, she gets emotional, crying at every instance.

Only my mum does the cooking even if she's not feeling well and it annoys me. My older sister has become the chairlady of the house.

My other siblings are already fed up but won't say anything.
Even when she wants to get something for personal use, my mum won't allow her go get it herself. My objection to the way my mum treats us has made me the black sheep of the family. My sister and I currently not on talking terms due to my objection to her laziness and surprisingly my mum supports her. They both gossip about us at every opportunity. I don't even know what to do again. How do you advise I deal with this?

I think its best you over look them and start planning on how to build your future while is a enjoying her lazy life

You may not know what your mum promised while searching for pregnancy or what made her to give her is useless support

Be yourself and over look them if possible so that you can find your bearing and pack out

Leave both of them, at the end it's either she regrets or get rewarded

I can totally relate to this story.

Your sister na set awon barakat, I'm sure she no sleep house last night

johnkey:
Your sister na set awon barakat, I'm sure she no sleep house last night

Lol, She's not a waka-about

AnonymousRebec:
I can totally relate to this story. My parents are kind of scared of my elder brother and they don't send him any message. He is the first born. But they want to kill me and my two younger siblings with all the house chores. We have complained many times to my mum but her excuse is that he is the first born. Then we start wondering if because he is the first born, he should not lift a pin.

Sometimes if it is only my parents and my brother at home, just know that my mum will do all the work by herself or send him on very few errands. Then she will call us on the phone and be telling us that she is tired. And in my mind I'm like wetin concern me, shebi you get son you can send, why are you doing everything by yourself. But if it is another child, they will not let somebody rest.

Anyway, long story short, we have gotten used to it. My mum normally beg us not to be angry. The issue is that they are scared of him, and myself and my two younger ones have noticed. Sometimes we come out straight to ask my parents if they are scared of him, and they say that they don't want him to get angry because my brother has anger issues sometimes. He collected it from my father. He is all this kind of quiet people that don't talk but the day they are angry, all hell will break loose. Unlike myself and my two younger siblings, we set people straight immediately they get us angry and we are more outspoken.

Now, nobody cares anymore. We do the message we can do and leave the rest. We cannot come and kill ourselves. Everyone now is just planning their lives. Me and my siblings have told my parents to consider getting a young relative that can come and help them because we are gradually moving out of the house.

Thanks for your opinion. It's these kind of toxic parenting that fuels the fire of siblings rivalry.
I'm now seen as the black sheep of the family because I tell my mum to at least let her do little house chores like helping with cooking.

frozen70:


I think its best you over look them and start planning on how to build your future while is a enjoying her lazy life

You may not know what your mum promised while searching for pregnancy or what made her to give her is useless support

Be yourself and over look them if possible so that you can find your bearing and pack out

Leave both of them, at the end it's either she regrets or get rewarded

Thank you so much

Lol, sibling rivalry brewing up slowly.

Take it easy...
It's not that serious

crackland:
Lol, sibling rivalry brewing up slowly.

Take it easy...
It's not that serious

It is o.
It's intense and it's effect can be felt generation after generation.

Every mom is bias somehow... In my own family, my mom loves my brother a lot eehn... My brother's a nice person so I have no reason to hate him...

sassysure:

It is o.
It's intense and it's effect can be felt generation after generation.

It's serious and can become lasting/intense ONLY when someone like the OP takes it too serious and lets the emotions overcome him.

Which is why I'm advising him to not take it serious.