My problem is confusing the hell out of me. I have been married for two months to a guy that I have dated for 5 years before marriage. We tend to get into arguments and he is usually not very responsive during arguments which makes me feel helpless. Last night, we had such an argument over sexual matters where I felt that I can not sleep unless he resolves and does what I needed him to do and hence I kept asking him to make an effort but he kept telling me he is too tired to do anything now and we should wait till morning. So I was shaking him to keep him from sleeping and ended up frustrated enough to force him to have intimacy ,  the force did not work and he got angry and became more rigid and ignored me endlessly and finally he said he will hit me if i did not let him sleep now. He twisted my arm and that made me angry and I kicked him a few times when he said that he will go out of the house and I told him he should and that his anger is not going to resolve anything, this time his anger will end everything and he is too selfish to consider my feelings. This was when he slapped me and called me some names. I was too shocked and I slept outside and I have been thinking of leaving him ever since,  He still does not think he did anything wrong, just keeps saying that I made him slap him by not letting him sleep when he needed to and that he does not enjoy it but has to do it to stop me , I think thats crap since there can be no excuse for slapping somebody,  Should I leave the marriage right away?

unsuregirl:

My problem is confusing the hell out of me. I have been married for two months to a guy that I have dated for 5 years before marriage. We tend to get into arguments and he is usually not very responsive during arguments which makes me feel helpless. Last night, we had such an argument over sexual matters where I felt that I can not sleep unless he resolves and does what I needed him to do and hence I kept asking him to make an effort but he kept telling me he is too tired to do anything now and we should wait till morning. So I was shaking him to keep him from sleeping and ended up frustrated enough to force him to have intimacy ,  the force did not work and he got angry and became more rigid and ignored me endlessly and finally he said he will hit me if i did not let him sleep now. He twisted my arm and that made me angry and I kicked him a few times when he said that he will go out of the house and I told him he should and that his anger is not going to resolve anything, this time his anger will end everything and he is too selfish to consider my feelings. This was when he slapped me and called me some names. I was too shocked and I slept outside and I have been thinking of leaving him ever since,  He still does not think he did anything wrong, just keeps saying that I made him slap him by not letting him sleep when he needed to and that he does not enjoy it but has to do it to stop me , I think thats crap since there can be no excuse for slapping somebody,  Should I leave the marriage right away?

Sorry abt the slap,marriage is not a bed of roses,don't leave yet . . .
Sexual matters?Did u guys play abstinence during courtship or become sexually incompatible overnight?
When he is[b] tired please don't force him[/b],you are a woman,the power is already in u,utilize it babe . . .seduce him without saying a word,make him want you and long for more without going verbal or saying a word.Initiate those moves you want and when hes on it,reciprocate and let him know he is doing it right.
You both are wrong,go into the house babez and get those sexy lingerie out,cook him a nice dinner and get your groove on,take him the very moment he walks right inside the house and f, cuk him to submission.
IF se.x is the only problem u guys have,i wud say [b]DO NOT [/b]leave!

Well, sex is not the only problem, it is the last problem, the main problem is his anger as he usually twists my arm whenever he is angry and thats a pattern, sometimes he hits me when he is angry, not in a manner that might bruise me but its humiliating nonetheless. And he is angry whenever i complain for a long time and try to argue for long time (say more than half an hour), long accusations make him so angry that he loses all control

unsuregirl:

Well, sex is not the only problem, it is the last problem, the main problem is his anger as he usually twists my arm whenever he is angry and thats a pattern, sometimes he hits me when he is angry, not in a manner that might bruise me but its humiliating nonetheless. And he is angry whenever i complain for a long time and try to argue for long time (say more than half an hour), long accusations make him so angry that he loses all control

Did u just notice this side of him?
What do u complain abt?complaining abt anything for a long time=nagging.No one likes a Nag.
What do u accuse him of?
I think you first need to turn ur "complains" down a notch,try the ignore and overlook mode and see how it turns out but more especially,You guys need to sit down and have a talk and decide if this is what u want for yourselves.The marriage is merely months old.
Anger management therapies for u both wont be a bad idea.

Yes, I saw this side of him only after I moved in with him after the wedding. Earlier there were just arguments or silent times. But ever since I began to live with him, he has been pretty much scaring me with hitting me whenever he feels like during an argument, , I considered anger control therapy today but when I asked him, he refused, saying that he did what he did to stop me from nagging him and not out of pleasure.

unsuregirl:

Yes, I saw this side of him only after I moved in with him after the wedding. Earlier there were just arguments or silent times. But ever since I began to live with him, he has been pretty much scaring me with hitting me whenever he feels like during an argument, , I considered anger control therapy today but when I asked him, he refused, saying that he did what he did to stop me from nagging him and not out of pleasure.

Seriously,what do u guys argue abt/over?
You guys still need that "long talk".Get a grip on ur nags while he learns to control his hands.
Give him time before you suggest the therapy again but please let him know that the next time he hits you,u wont just walk out of the marriage but he sure wud be cooling his a55 down in jail.
There are other ways of dealing with a nagging wife,his using it as an excuse to hit u is pathetic.

Thanks , I appreciate that because thats exactly what I feel deep down that I might be nagging his brains out at times without intending to but he can simply leave me or go away but his raising his hand on me just so that he could sleep in peace (which is exactly what he did all night) has taken away my last 5 years that I spent with him, I am probably the dumbest person alive
Thanks again,

I moved in with him a month back and this has already happened 4 times, the slap was a progress, arm twisting to get me off his back has been a usual technique, even if I try to shake him to get his attention when I am talking about something that I disagree over, he says I am physically abusing him. Then what is he doing?

1.You keep going in circles and repeating yourself again and again. . . . . the question is . . . . . . . What do you guys argue about?

unsuregirl:

arm twisting to get me off his back has been a usual technique,

A usual technique that means he's been doing it even before you guys got married? and you went ahead with the marriage without resolving the issue first?

both of u are actually selfish. I know how mad u can be when you want him to do u. But dat very night, he was tired. I can assure you that, if he decided to grant u your wish, you might not enjoy him. And for the long time argument, do not argue with him again. Do not go away from him. Stay with him. You loved him. You dated him for 5yrs. Next time if u feels like having sex and he is tired, let him relax. He will surelly come for you. And if he does not, give him a crazy strokes in his sleep. STAY WITH HIM AND RETURN HIM TO THE MAN HE USED TO BE.

Arguments just mean regular arguments like regular couples, what does the hosue need or what is healthy food, but certain arguments can get blown out of proportion, and no! there was no physical abuse from his side until we got married. Else I would not have. Once in the last 5 years he had slapped me lightly but that was when I was going through a bad phase and was considering a break up, he slapped me lightly as if to bring me to my senses. This is different. And the first time he twisted my arm, he apologized for it, now it has become a regular. Now slapping will become regular, I fear.

@ Poster know ye that every releationship needs effort!! You guys just need to look at the arguement and talk it out to see if it is worth argueing about. Put some effort into the relationship and sometimes you just need to agree with him even though you totally don't! Also ask yourself, why am i argueing with him? Is this mine or his fault? If this is his fault then how can i talk to him patiently without totally blowing up? If this doesn't work just try not to give space to arguements.

ifyalways:

Sorry abt the slap,marriage is not a bed of roses,don't leave yet . . .
Sexual matters?Did u guys play abstinence during courtship or become sexually incompatible overnight?
When he is[b] tired please don't force him[/b],you are a woman,the power is already in u,utilize it babe . . .seduce him without saying a word,make him want you and long for more without going verbal or saying a word.Initiate those moves you want and when hes on it,reciprocate and let him know he is doing it right.
You both are wrong,go into the house babez and get those sexy lingerie out,cook him a nice dinner and get your groove on,take him the very moment he walks right inside the house and f, cuk him to submission.
IF se.x is the only problem u guys have,i wud say [b]DO NOT [/b]leave!

See to this advise, very correct.

@unsuregirl, looks like the guy is a hot tempered person, tell him what you have to tell him and let him think of it. excuse him for a while while he finds answer to ur demand

@chaircover, pls tell her more

@Poster
Gosh ! You asked for it, period !
How would you feel when you are dead tired and all you want is a wink of sleep, when your hubby pounces on you forcing you to do it. Trust me, there is nothing worser than being forced to have intimacy when thatz the last on your mind. Atleast he promised to grant your wish in the morning, you should have been patient enough to wait till morning.
The slapping part however needs to be looked into. One month and already arm twisting and slapping is not good news ! Talk to him, get him to understand that you are NOT AT ALL happy with his behaviour. Meanwhile investigate whether there is a problem at work/elsewhere for hm to change overnight.

Do not walk out just because of this.

He hits you and has a history if being physically abusive. Next time you feel like nagging he might just break your head. I say you need to leave that situation until he learns to behave like a human being. If you guys go to church then I suggest you get some counseling either through church or a professional. You husband needs to take anger management classes and I hope those come with a daily butt whooping. The fact that you say it is humiliating for you shows that you are being abused mentally and physically. I feel sorry for you. You should not feel that way with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

@unsuregirl, take things easy with urself.

@poster

It's blatantly obvious that you not just asked for it but you actually crawled on your knees on broken glass begging to be slapped! ! ! Haba! This is a guy who was dead tired and pleaded with you to give him till morning to recuperate himself and you proceeded to get physical with him to the extent of kicking him. You dey craze? If i were him, i would have laid you flat on the ground with your face to the ground, pulled down your pants and flogged your raw yansh with belt till day break!

Nonsense and ingredients

Outstrip:

He hits you and has a history if being physically abusive. Next time you feel like nagging he might just break your head. I say you need to leave that situation until he learns to behave like a human being. If you guys go to church then I suggest you get some counseling either through church or a professional. You husband needs to take anger management classes and I hope those come with a daily butt whooping. The fact that you say it is humiliating for you shows that you are being abused mentally and physically. I feel sorry for you. You should not feel that way with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

See dem. Yeye feminazi wanna be's. He's now the abusive one abi? I'm pretty sure your petty biased and vindictive mind didn't comprehend when she actually mentioned shaking him up and KICKING him! Who's abusing who? Would the guy have gotten physical if she didn't start it all up in the first place? This is how a guy (not a close pal of mine though) used to be physically assaulted by his wife (now ex-wife). It started like this (small hitting and squabbles) every now and then and within 3 years of marriage, she was already bold enough to slap him several times in public in full view of everyone. Heaven knows how many times he couldn't make it to work because his wife had him in a grip vice at home. How many times did he have his shirt torn to shreds? How many times did he try counselling through church and family members? How many times did he hold "sit down" talks that led to no where? But the day he finally retaliated by showing her that she's not the only one who knows how to slap. . .he automatically became "an abusive misogynist husband" who "abused" the wife mentally and physically. . .lol

Useless yeye things. The truth is, once a woman starts getting physical, sooner or later it will become the norm until the man evens up the equation and then, he becomes the "bad evil man" who can't fight his mate on the street except his wife at home.

Hypocrites! ! !

harakiri:

See dem. Yeye feminazi wanna be's. He's now the abusive one abi? I'm pretty sure your petty biased and vindictive mind didn't comprehend when she actually mentioned shaking him up and KICKING him! Who's abusing who? Would the guy have gotten physical if she didn't start it all up in the first place? This is how a guy (not a close pal of mine though) used to be physically assaulted by his wife (now ex-wife). It started like this (small hitting and squabbles) every now and then and within 3 years of marriage, she was already bold enough to slap him several times in public in full view of everyone. Heaven knows how many times he couldn't make it to work because his wife had him in a grip vice at home. How many times did he have his shirt torn to shreds? How many times did he try counselling through church and family members? How many times did he hold "sit down" talks that led to no where? But the day he finally retaliated by showing her that she's not the only one who knows how to slap. . .he automatically became "an abusive misogynist husband" who "abused" the wife mentally and physically. . .lol

Useless yeye things. The truth is, once a woman starts getting physical, sooner or later it will become the norm until the man evens up the equation and then, he becomes the "bad evil man" who can't fight his mate on the street except his wife at home.

Hypocrites! ! !

Listen id iot. It is obvious that you are a woman beater. My prayer is that you meet the one that beats the crap out of you and then feeds it to you. She mentioned that he twisted her arm and then she kicked him. Did you miss that? I am sure twisting her arm is the same as pre-intimacy to you. She had every right to defend herself. If in your opinion a woman who defends herself is a feminist then I think every woman should be a feminists. The problem with abusive people like you is that you can never hide your true colors. A woman saying she kicked a man after he assaulted her gets your blood boiling. So tell me, how many have you hit? Does it make you feel manly that you slapped a woman around. Does it make you feel in charge? You really sound juvenile. At best you are an abusive, ignorant n-word that has probably been locked up a few times for beating his wife. If you haven't been locked up for spousal abuse it's only because she has been too afraid to call the police on your a ss. I bet you probably beat her up and claim that she made you do it. She provoked you. She nagged you so much you lost your cool. You woke up one morning and you realized she was ugly. She looked at you funny. YOU ARE NOT A MAN. You are simply a creature with a peni s. Nothing special about you. You do not deserve anybody's sister, daughter, or loved one. You should be with another man who is big and bad enough to whip you into submission.

well, after all said, i would say you should try and not force him to make love when he is really tired, put yourself in his shoes like Naijafrend said, you wouldnt like it if u were the one who needed sleep and your husband tried to force u to have sex, that would have been an abuse.
Why not try and avoid unnecessary argument that could lead to any physical or emotional abuse or any form of abuse at all.
I would suggest you make him a good meal and try apologise to him. I believe he would apologise to you too. Apologizing first does not make you a fool o, someone is just trying to make things right. I'm not sure you truly want to leave a 2month old marriage. If he is an irrational person like someone i know, try and have a serious conversation with him explaining to him that you dont enjoy him twisting your arm or slapping you whenever he feels like. As a woman, I believe there are ways you can be in charge without sweating.

harakiri:

See dem. Yeye feminazi wanna be's. He's now the abusive one abi? I'm pretty sure your petty biased and vindictive mind didn't comprehend when she actually mentioned shaking him up and KICKING him! Who's abusing who? Would the guy have gotten physical if she didn't start it all up in the first place? This is how a guy (not a close pal of mine though) used to be physically assaulted by his wife (now ex-wife). It started like this (small hitting and squabbles) every now and then and within 3 years of marriage, she was already bold enough to slap him several times in public in full view of everyone. Heaven knows how many times he couldn't make it to work because his wife had him in a grip vice at home. How many times did he have his shirt torn to shreds? How many times did he try counselling through church and family members? How many times did he hold "sit down" talks that led to no where? But the day he finally retaliated by showing her that she's not the only one who knows how to slap. . .he automatically became "an abusive misogynist husband" who "abused" the wife mentally and physically. . .lol

Useless yeye things. The truth is, once a woman starts getting physical, sooner or later it will become the norm until the man evens up the equation and then, he becomes the "bad evil man" who can't fight his mate on the street except his wife at home.

Hypocrites! ! !

Outstrip:


Listen id iot. It is obvious that you are a woman beater. My prayer is that you meet the one that beats the crap out of you and then feeds it to you. She mentioned that he twisted her arm and then she kicked him. Did you miss that? I am sure twisting her arm is the same as pre-intimacy to you. She had every right to defend herself. If in your opinion a woman who defends herself is a feminist then I think every woman should be a feminists. The problem with abusive people like you is that you can never hide your true colors. A woman saying she kicked a man after he assaulted her gets your blood boiling. So tell me, how many have you hit? Does it make you feel manly that you slapped a woman around. Does it make you feel in charge? You really sound juvenile. At best you are an abusive, ignorant n-word that has probably been locked up a few times for beating his wife. If you haven't been locked up for spousal abuse it's only because she has been too afraid to call the police on your a ss. I bet you probably beat her up and claim that she made you do it. She provoked you. She nagged you so much you lost your cool. You woke up one morning and you realized she was ugly. She looked at you funny. YOU ARE NOT A MAN. You are simply a creature with a peni s. Nothing special about you. You do not deserve anybody's sister, daughter, or loved one. You should be with another man who is big and bad enough to whip you into submission.

ROTFLMAO
Not had a good laugh in a while till i saw this. outstrip did a serious comeback. Waiting for part 2, marvelous entertainment.

dsgirl:

well, after all said, i would say you should try and not force him to make love when he is really tired, put yourself in his shoes like Naijafrend said, you wouldnt like it if u were the one who needed sleep and your husband tried to force u to have intimacy, that would have been an abuse.
Why not try and avoid unnecessary argument that could lead to any physical or emotional abuse or any form of abuse at all.
I would suggest you make him a good meal and try apologise to him. I believe he would apologise to you too. Apologizing first does not make you a fool o, someone is just trying to make things right. I'm not sure you truly want to leave a 2month old marriage. If he is an irrational person like someone i know, try and have a serious conversation with him explaining to him that you dont enjoy him twisting your arm or slapping you whenever he feels like. As a woman, I believe there are ways you can be in charge without sweating.

I agree with u, it ia abusive to force your man for love making when he is very tired and about to sleep.
This is valide for the opposite. I guess that was the LCM of the slap issue. But in any case the man couldn't ve gone this far as slapping her. I hate men that raise thier hands up to hit thier wife.

unsuregirl:

My problem is confusing the hell out of me. I have been married for two months to a guy that I have dated for 5 years before marriage. We tend to get into arguments and he is usually not very responsive during arguments which makes me feel helpless. Last night, we had such an argument over sexual matters where I felt that I can not sleep unless he resolves and does what I needed him to do and hence I kept asking him to make an effort but he kept telling me he is too tired to do anything now and we should wait till morning. So I was shaking him to keep him from sleeping and ended up frustrated enough to force him to have intimacy , the force did not work and he got angry and became more rigid and ignored me endlessly and finally he said he will hit me if i did not let him sleep now. He twisted my arm and that made me angry and I kicked him a few times when he said that he will go out of the house and I told him he should and that his anger is not going to resolve anything, this time his anger will end everything and he is too selfish to consider my feelings. This was when he slapped me and called me some names.

@Op,

You too think about it, Hw can someone have sex when he is tired? Would you have preferred if he just slept off while doing it or he collapses?

Sex involves energy, Your partner was tired and he told you he wanted to sleep and do it in the morning, yet you were shaking him. Abeg I have seen ppl who broke bottle on the head of someone who disturbed their sleep.

Lemme ask you, If you were dead tired and your husband was shaking you that way, I wonder how you and your friends would describe him: Animal, Abusive, Insensitive, Uncaring, Unloving etc.

I dont know about the other incidents where he hit you but this one was triggered by you

I was too shocked and I slept outside and I have been thinking of leaving him ever since, He still does not think he did anything wrong, just keeps saying that I made him slap him by not letting him sleep when he needed to and that he does not enjoy it but has to do it to stop me , I think thats crap since there can be no excuse for slapping somebody, Should I leave the marriage right away?

What gives you the excuse to shake someone and disturb someones sleep? Doesnt that count as an attack on him?

unsureirl,
please grow up!!!
That is the best advice i can give you.

mutter:

unsureirl,
please grow up!!!
That is the best advice i can give you.

^
Seconded By me.
Have a foresight of where any argument wif him might result to and ignore him.
Overlook some of those lil' fins, sometimes arguments are just pointless.
Partaining the se.x issue, gosh gurl, U claim to have been wif this guy for
five good years and you don't know what makes him tick? . .too bad.

Lol when you two should be enjoying honeymoon you are busy arguing over nothing

Both of you are jobless, get a job,get a life and then think about growing up

.

.

tpia*:

if he's too tired for sex, then wait a little until he comes around. Sebi na man.

You know how we do right?

Thanks everyone for their advice, Though everyone has been supprotive here, there is still one thing that I need to clarify, If I had even an iota of a thought that I was nowhere at fault then the situation would not have been confusing the hell out of me as I mentioned in the first line of my previous post. I do realize that I should have acted in a more mature manner and the only reason I acted the way I did was out of utter sexual frustration and an extreme sense of loyalty towards him. I told him plenty of times that night that I want nothing more than him right now. And no matter how tired or sleepy he was, I am still not able to justify his slap.
It has been more than 24 hours now and if I feel anything, its worse only. Neither did he think of apologizing for the slap. He believes it was correct and I provoked him into it. Well, I can't agree. I don't want to talk to him or touch him or look at him. I am not just angry but tired, exhausted, humiliated and sad because I made a mistake by letting him go away it the first time when he twisted my arm, which was on our honeymoon. And that was the only time he had apologized for being physically abusive.
Had anyone else posted such a situation here, I never would have thought that they deserved to be slapped. Nobody deserves that unless they slap someone first. And ya, the same night when he slapped me, I went into the room after half an hour and slapped him. I am not a goddess. I don't want to be one.