Yuneehk:
Even when you try to call for the reunions, I'm in the group of those who won't come. Family gatherings are exhausting to me. I don't talk to anyone except greeting. I decided to try a bit to mingle and got insulted. The luck of that person was being older than I am. Not that it has ever stopped me from giving back insults but I was undergoing change so I just withdrew back to default.

No one cares about your dirty pride, you look like someone that thinks she's better than others from your comments.
Finally your family is poor and you can't escape that. You'll never be born rich, I hope you know that.

True.

RoyalBlu:
Solid observation OP.

I won't lie, this worries me at times.

In my own case, my kids are only familiar with my immediate family members, siblings, and close in-laws and their kids.

The extended family is gradually fading off, sad to say. And tbt, unpleasant life experiences, bad blood and the 'village people' syndrome is to be blamed largely for this.

When you make phone calls to your brothers and sistes,, always call yr kids around to say hello to them

The problem is that the rich ones expect the poor ones to be the ones asking after them, and the poor do not want to appear as beggers, so everyone minds his or her business.

Let the rich ask and go after the poor, then things will change.

klap4gbens:
The problem is that the rich ones expect the poor ones to be the ones asking after them, and the poor do not want to appear as beggers, so everyone minds his or her business.

Let the rich ask and go after the poor, then things will change.

the poor feel entitled and their only weapon is the threat of stigmatization and ignoring you - imagine a 25yr old sponsored to go to the university of lagos with fully paid accommodation and expenses, she refuses for 3 years because she wants OAU to study with her boyfriend.. now the boy-friend is a graduate ans serving and dumped her.. rather than feeling sorry and thinking about school, she is demanding that she is sponsored to a US University. how can there be unity with a high level of irresponsibility

klap4gbens:
The problem is that the rich ones expect the poor ones to be the ones asking after them, and the poor do not want to appear as beggers, so everyone minds his or her business.

Let the rich ask and go after the poor, then things will change.

if it was easy to get wealth - there will be no poor ones abi? the poor should use the opportunity to grow.. it is not their right to demand to be fed, they must earn it by showing responsibility - nothing is free but ignorance

my brother, todays world is not the one of large family gatherings with barbecues and stuff. when my mom got pregnant for me out of wedlock her parents were pressurizing her to abort me. fortunately for me, she kept me. unfortunately for her, she was disowned by the whole family. so we have always being on our own.
my dad also disconnected with his people who were not nigerians by the way. so mum moved in with dad, bleh bleh bleh. when dad blow as in-get money, my mum started to reconnect with her family, everybody was smiling and what have you.
dad too decided to go back home to give his family the good news that their boy is doing fine only to come back and meet sack letter. fucking chechengi.
so money disappear, na so famiy members too disappear. my mums Father kon remember say he disown him daughter. we never reconnected with any of them again. until 2018. my mum whom still suffers psychological implications of being the black sheep (sort of) of the family thought may be her mental breakdown would be resolved. so she decided to see travel out of the country to see my dads parents, bleh bleh blehh. well for me i saw an oppurtunity to get the f--uck out of bloody naija, although i was thinking it was going to be hugs and kisses with my new family.
bleh bleh bleh
mum got back from abroad and suggested we all relocate, i said fine- awesome, bye bye buhari. upon getting here we met my dads people; they all seemed nice and all that. most of my first cousins were in swizterland nd others. so we were basically the small boys of the new family.
after one year of doing nothing at home, person start dey tire. we started calling my aunties attention for help with connections to jobs or a plan for our future. we were told to be patient but it didnt seem like anything was going to happen.
so we decided to move out of the family house to our own house(because my mom was already having issues with her mother-inlaw).
now nobody calls to check up on us. weve been abandoned. we are looked upon like the nobodies of the family.


so bruv, this is not america were people go to see behavioral therapist or a rehabilitation group. this is f--ucking africa were your family wont give a rats ass about you if you aint gat shiit ....

stay your damn lane and hold your family myfriend. trouble they sleep you watch oyinbo movie wan go disturb witches wey dey rest.

You needed MONEY

Dysfunction and toxic relationships due to trauma of some sort.

LaEvilIMiss:


the poor feel entitled and their only weapon is the threat of stigmatization and ignoring you - imagine a 25yr old sponsored to go to the university of lagos with fully paid accommodation and expenses, she refuses for 3 years because she wants OAU to study with her boyfriend.. now the boy-friend is a graduate ans serving and dumped her.. rather than feeling sorry and thinking about school, she is demanding that she is sponsored to a US University. how can there be unity with a high level of irresponsibility

that one no get sense. make una come sponsor me

Travel make kidnappers carry u

No truer comment has been written.


It is pretty difficult to bring jealous family members together.

zachanalysis:
Your palaver is a common case these days. To a larger degree, the disunity that is now common in most families of today is traceable to two factors- the Innate jealous nature of man and the warped prophesy of dubious clergymen.
Jealousy sets in when one or very few members of a family are progressing while many others are not. This naturally creates bad blood and jealousy. The unsuccessful ones see the successful ones as not better than them and wonders why they should be the ones succeeding and not them. This scenario is made a lot more worse when the successful ones happen to be arrogant and try to appropriate all the respect to themselves even at the expense of those much older than them in the family. Normally, a sensible man should see others success as a promoter for him to work harder or do things better. Over here, what most people do is consult spiritualists - Alfa, Pastors or some weird looking baba who, rather than tell them the truth about doubling their hustle, would come up with warped up prophesy that the successful ones are behind their misfortunes. This not only fire up the hatred, it raises it to the power of infinity. Religion is expected to naturally improve relationship among people. I'm pressed to say however, that our own version of religion- especially our interpretation of Christianity and Islam is seriously promoting division and fueling the ambers of hatred in families today.

PuZZyNegro:
Depending on the size of the family. Some families are concerned about cousins, uncles and aunties.

No, my family is concerned with just my mother's children. This is largely due to high number of children (10 children, 9 married with kids).

One of the causes of the disunity is this general saying "nobody owes you anything". Some family members make it earlier in life and thus turn their back against those still struggling.

And when those struggling ones finally makes it, they wouldn't want any association anymore.

You can put it generally on imbalance in financial strength.

Death of parent(s) is another factor. Once the father and/or mother dies, the family is disintegrated. Parents act as a force bringing children and cousins together.

It's more when the ladies are married and the male children leave the family house to build houses elsewhere. Even when they return home, they are in their respective houses and visiting the family house, they appear like visitors.

It's not compulsory to relate with every member of your family. You decide your friends based on interest and mutual feelings but you don't decide your family members. Some family members are better off kept at arms length.

So, in an attempt to unite, an experience may make you regret ever attempting the reunion. Just take those that are already close to you and relate with them.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Guy u be smart guy. Only u spoke de gospel truth. How can some ones first born make money at 25 n rush to Marry because he owes no body anything. Buh wen he was looking for job all members of de house join hand ...please I can't continue because something make me cry

Richy4:
I think the hash Economic situation in some countries plays major role on this... Every one is trying to make ends meet. The time that is convenient for Mr and Mrs A, might not be convenient for Mr B and family..

Even those that might be less busy might claim busy just to avoid certain people within the family...

Yeah as u said apart from funeral and weddings, I don't think any other functions can bring families together nowadays.. if gathering should happen with out those two functions , that means it will take a charismatic individual to put it together

Yeah just like the one dat died...

Yenefer:
Hate to break it to you, try your best for God sake. it's like part of human evolution there's nothing you can do that will reverse this trend. Money can temporary unite them but as soon as money disappears it will be Worse.

Chamath Palihapitiya, former vice-president of user growth, expressed regret for his part in building tools that destroy ‘the social fabric of how society works’

“tremendous guilt” over his work on “tools that are ripping apart the social fabric of how society works”, joining a growing chorus of critics of the social media giants.

“The short-term, dopamine-driven feedback loops that we have created are destroying how society works. No civil discourse, no cooperation, misinformation, mistruth.”

“This is not about Russian ads,” he added. “This is a global problem. It is eroding the core foundations of how people behave by and between each other.”

“exploit[s] a vulnerability in human psychology” by creating a “social-validation feedback loop”

Parker had said that he was “something of a conscientious objector” to using social media, a stance echoed by Palihapitiya who said that he was now hoping to use the money he made at Facebook to do good in the world.

“I can’t control them,” Palihapitiya said of his former employer. “I can control my decision, which is that I don’t use that shit. I can control my kids’ decisions, which is that they’re not allowed to use that shit.”

He also called on his audience to “soul-search” about their own relationship to social media. “Your behaviors, you don’t realize it, but you are being programmed,” he said. “It was unintentional, but now you gotta decide how much you’re going to give up, how much of your intellectual independence.”

“That’s what we’re dealing with,” Palihapitiya said. “Imagine when you take that to the extreme where bad actors can now manipulate large swaths of people to do anything you want. It’s just a really, really bad state of affairs.”

We are been programmed and destroying family values is one of there primary objectives

You may be right but I beg to differ. I differ in the sense that most parents get it all wrong and are making it look like the theories invented by human can go a long way in telling how we live our lives. A theory would work on you when you throw away CORE VALUES! Values that has been from the foundation of the earth and originated by GOD HIMSELF!

Until we accept individually that family is more important than even making money, we would be making a very big mistake.

Personally I love my family and no matter where I am and live I ensure I get connected with them and same goes to others.

The truth is that the invent of the internet, phones and social media has been abused rather than been used to bond families no mater the difference and distances between.

My uncle's second son created a family WhatsApp group and it's been of great help. All my siblings and cousins are in it. We check on each other almost every day. We post pictures of our kids, birthdays, weddings, events etc and it's been great.

My siblings and I also created our own different WhatsApp group that includes our Dad and Mom and we chat everyday, post different activities of the day and it's been great too. My mum prays for us there, my dad advices us there and a whole lot.


In my family we believe family is ALL and it's been beautiful even though we all live in different part of the world.

And again, we call each other almost all the time via audio or video. My kids know most of my cousins not to mention my siblings even though they've never meet just because we call and video call each other

MY FAMILY ROCKS.

It's been a generational thing and will also pass it down to my kids and grandkids by God's grace

PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How often do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.

As long as there is no fighting in your family, you are united . Members of family can visit one another or exchange greetings through video calls or sending gifts. The practice of extended family yearly or periodical meeting is become old-fashioned . Most people are busy with many activities. Members of family are living far apart unlike in the past. Bad roads and insecurity also discourage people from travelling for social reasons.

Hathor5:
Time, food and traditions keep families close. Invite your family over for celebrations (Christmas, Eastern if you are a Christian) and on Sundays (once in a month) to eat together. Everyone can contribute some home made food. We always divide the dishes among the family members. Some of us make the starter, others the main course, the jollof, the cake and so on and so forth. We also plan trips together taking the kids to the park to have a picnic or some other fun place. And do not underestimate the power of the little things in the daily life. My brother told me yesterday how he hasn't eaten some food one of our aunties used to prepare when we were young ever since. Guess what I will surprise him with tomorrow. I will just drop it at his door on my way to work.

Nice one... Keep it up!

FlordFlorez:
This isn't peculiar to all families and i think money is the binding factor. However, Igbos are trying in this respect. They occationally gather their family members especially during festives.

Nice one...

Sho! See question!? Get rich! Oga, get rich!
When you are rich, throw a Christmas party, birthday and invite the ones you get along with FIRST, no mention of reunion or family things - just plain simple fun...keep things up and in time, some will fall in, others will not - nothing you can do about that...
Ironically, those who ask or want to do such things you re thinking of, are not the wealthy members of the family...

oluplus:
Start by creating a group on whatsApp and add every concerned person. Then let the discussion start from there. Some will appreciate it while others may not. They can even pull out. Don't be discouraged. Raise your concern there and let everyone say whatever is in his/her mind.
You can then organize how you'll all meet physically

Well said...

sassysure:
Well, depending on your ethnicity sha. Mine follow a cultural pattern. Even when u want to be left alone in peace, those cultural norms passed on by generations of old will force you to unite with your family members, or distant relatives at a particular time of the year.

The reason why people from my side travel for Xmas celebration isn't because they love Christmas too much.
They travel to meet with families and it's done by a gathering called kinsmen meeting. Nobody jokes with that. From the general kinsmen meeting to smaller units of closer families.
Within the space of few days, u are supposed to tour the various houses of your extended family, even your grandmother's family join and u go with goodies. They do the same too. Married women do their own meeting too. That's why some married women spend part of their Christmas holiday in their fathers house. It's something u can't avoid and it has always kept families united at the front even if they are fighting within. I hope u understand what I mean by that.

If u happen to live in a city e.g. Lagos, u will join your kinsmen there and do monthly meetings, u join what we call your village, town meetings. U see, you can't run away from your people even if you want. It's a cultural norm. People that are free of this somehow are those living abroad. Still, you are very much represented. Has nothing to do with money or influence.

Thank you so much...

God bless you too...

It really has NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY!

Hathor5:




We should all do lots of happy things.

That just it...

JourneytoEL:
You can start by creating a whatsapp group for the extended family without excluding everyone. Make it a culture to celebrate and share their picture on their birthdays. Include other fun things like who is this uncle, who give birth to this girl and the winner gets a free recharge card. Little by little their hearts will warm up and they will begin to miss the family togetherness, then you can proceed to having a family thanksgiving/get together on a fixed date. I am sharing from my personal experience.

Great suggestion....

akaahs:
Don't wait to gather everyone extensively, start with ur sister and family or any family around you. Cease the opportunity of festive season were everyone might likely be in attendance, tell them is just short gathering from there you can build on it.
This is exactly what I did when I realised same. Believe me I'm not the most senior but I was able to bring in not only the eldest but the most oldest man in the family. We meet every first January every year with every family in attendance with family. We have family account that every family contribute yearly for the progress of all.
Start even if na only ur family by making ur kids know ur extended family, please don't presume they are just kids ooo.

God bless you...

dawnomike:
You can try if you have the financial means to host everyone... But family gatherings is a culture that is fast eroding as stated by @yenefer.

The world is now on a fast pace

That fast pace is the destroyer of the foundation and fundamentals that the world is built.Home training is lost,respect for elders is gone to the wind,young ones queries their parents rationale with impunity.
we rushed in to eat,rushed out to beat traffics that is uncontrollable,yet we abandoned the life of our loved ones to baby seaters, then rushed home to sleep and wake up.indeed,we are building a society.above we leave God behind claiming we are wise. This world is unsustainable!

That's it, I've try that and it worked out for good our Daddy die 13 years ago, I organized prayer for our Daddy once in a year which is second day after ileya festival, and everybody must come with their children, I singlehandedly financial it for good four years, send money to anyone that complain about transportation, then I kill ram for prayer also provide drinks we also called our friends to celebrate with us.

we used that avenue to discuss family issues and anyone that need help we provide for him we're all guys no woman among us. Also our children will meet themselves, today everybody knows that date as very important.

Niebuhr's prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

You are worrying about things you cannot change, dont forget family differs, many are even hiding there heads.

More so, the world has moved from that old communal lifestyles to individuality, thanks to dispersion through occupation, marriages etc.

However, technology has solved this problems, with an app like WhatsApp you can create a family group, celebrate birthdays of one another etc, you can even make life meeting conference with apps like zoom, Google.

Finally, do not forget to recognize and respect privacy.

PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How oft en do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.

first create a family what sap group and start from there.

LaEvilIMiss:

if it was easy to get wealth - there will be no poor ones abi? the poor should use the opportunity to grow.. it is not their right to demand to be fed, they must earn it by showing responsibility - nothing is free but ignorance

The problem is if the poor person finally makes it without the help of his or her rich siblings.

That's how it starts, he or she will forever see other family members as devil.

GboyegaD:
The stress going on around in recent times coupled with competition/lack of time/funds adds to why it might be difficult to have such reunions.

. POLYGAMOUS Families are the worst case scenarios for this. Talking experiencially.

There are some of my cousins , I don't that exist sef, and they don't even know me sef , we only meet on Facebook