I am a married woman with lovely kids. When I was about to have my last baby i discovered that my husband has a love child with another woman about 2 yrs ago.It was really painful and I almost had a miscarriage. But along the line we discussed it and he actually promised that such thing would never repeat itself out of love I forgave him and life continued hoping that such will not happen again.

Unfortunately for me I discovered that my Husband still cheat on me. How did I know? First he keeps calling and chatting over the the phone for long hours,and he comes back late at night. Out of curiosity I decided to check his phone and read his sms. I got so mad there was nothing I could do. So I decided to have another dialogue with him. He actually denied having anything to the with this so called girl,and I asked him why all this sms on his phone from this particular girl every blessed day.

I have tried my best to be the best wife I could ever be but it seems not to work, I have cried, begged, nagged but non is working. I have asked my husband what he wants with this lady the answer is always vague.He spend more time with her than me and when he get home he continues gisting on the phone. Pls my people I dont want him repeating same mistake twice, really am depressed because I think he realy doesnt love me. There is no time he is going out with this girl that I dont know and it kills me.I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your condition is really sympathetic. Looks like your husband has taken you for granted. He thinks he can get away with all his acts because you forgave the first time. Well, I feel he is a serial womaniser and can never stop with the nagging/loving/begging, Is he hanging out with the same woman with whom he had the child ? If yes, I suppose you know what it means and should just let things take its course,

Why don't you talk to his mom or some other senior woman in the family and try to get their advice? Incase that is not possible, get a common friend to talk to him about the matter and try to get him to understand his folly ? Prayer does wonders, so keep praying too,
Meanwhile I sincerely hope he comes back to you and becomes a faithful husband and loving father

^ nice reply.
@poster, Lord is your strength.

Thank people. I have actually talked to a lot of people about this, some have fought for my course and some have talked to him about it even his closest friend. Though he keeps reassuring me that he can never marry another woman aside me but, one might not know when another mistake will crop up, am so depressed and scared,his actions are tearing me apart. It seems as if he doesn't want to stop.

Now he is seeing another lady and I believe she is not so far from our neighborhood, cos any time he comes home early say around 4pm, he looks for one excuse to go out immediately and doesn't return until 10pm. I wonder what the girl could be offering him because he does this everyday. Do you know what? I think sex life is great, so i don't just understand the basis for his action. Please good people what could be wrong?

Well, ask a family memeber-preferably from his family- to stay with you for sometime. Let them handle his late nights.

On the other hand, you sound very insecure. There is absolutely no point in putting yourself through so much pressure. You have answered the most troubling question yourself, that your hubby has promised he can never marry anyone else. Be grateful that he comes home to you first, at 4pm instead of heading towards her staright from work. Isn't that a ray of hope ?? He will surely understand his mistake in course of time and will be all yours. You just need to be patient and be tolerant. Meanwhile just find means to keep yourself busy like a new job or some new hobby.
Keep praying.

@chaircover, thanks so much for your advice, am really trying hard to get a new job with that I will think less of him, and with that I can go out more because for now am always at home with my laptop.It's wonderful sharing with you guys.Thanks so much. BUT BY THE WAY WHY DO MARRIED MEN CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES EVEN IF THE WOMEN ARE SO DEAD FAITHFUL ITS SO PATHETIC AND PAINFUL.

zeelah:

@chaircover, [b]thanks so much for your advice, am really trying hard to get a new job [/b]with that I will think less of him, and with that I can go out more because for now am always at home with my laptop.It's wonderful sharing with you guys.Thanks so much. BUT BY THE WAY WHY DO MARRIED MEN CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES EVEN IF THE WOMEN ARE SO DEAD FAITHFUL ITS SO PATHETIC AND PAINFUL.

That is the reason why he cheats. The guy don tire for you. So many men will ask their wives to sit at home, so that she can become dependent on them. Then they soon begin to resent her and take her for granted. Even if you are not working, maintain a business or something that keeps you busy and out of the house for a few hours. Not something that will make you stay out of the house permanently ooh. Everything in this life is about balance. Get your mind busy and get something doing. It also helps you prepare to stand on your feet just in case the marriage does not work out. I advise you first get yourself something doing, and then sit him down for a serious discussion. Let him know he will lose his home if he does not quit. Also let him know if he decides to change you will let go of all resentment and living in the past over this issue. If he changes keep your word, and let go of everything for the sake of your home. If he doesnt i advice you to leave so that you can keep you and your children safe. He is exposing you to very dangerous situations, as this life is very complex right now. You dont want him to bring you a disease that will prevent you from seeing your children pass so many milestones in their lives. Think well and build your pride and self esteem back up. Let him see you are a new person, that values yourself and your children's future. They are innocent in this, dont make them suffer because of your selfishness of wanting to die with a cheating spouse. I am sure he showed traits of cheating when you were dating, and were probably the person he cheated with. As you make your bed, you lie in it. make the best decision for you, aye ti le oh. PLEASE GET TESTED!!!

zeelah:

@chaircover, thanks so much for your advice, am really trying hard to get a new job with that I will think less of him, and with that I can go out more because for now am always at home with my laptop.It's wonderful sharing with you guys.Thanks so much. BUT BY THE WAY WHY DO MARRIED MEN CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES EVEN IF THE WOMEN ARE SO DEAD FAITHFUL ITS SO PATHETIC AND PAINFUL.

It's hard to tell why, 60% of faithful wives are victim of unfaithful husbands.
Only God will help our men with this cheating habit.

My dear don't kill urself, get urself a job u will see how u will no longer set eyes on all his outing.
When u re idol ur 90% thinking is about him, but when u will start up something that will take most of ur time, when will u ve the time to check clock?? If he promise u he will not marry any other woman, he is openly telling u that he can ve a GF but will never marry her! Damn it. It hurts but be couragous, don't forget to involve ur God in this matter.

^ ^ ^ ^
60 percent? Where did you get your stats from? Oh, women!

A few things; CC made a couple of good points however, I would not bother with point #2. Trust me, most men that cheat on their spouses, do not cheat because the woman outside is more beautiful or appeal to them better than their spouses. There's usually an intrigue, a spark, something that causes them to look out. It's just like eating some nice home cooked meal you appreciate and then going out to a few times to eat junk; sometimes the junk taste good, most times, it's just junk. Hence, my advice.

If this dude was not like this initially, then it's obvious the spark in your home is gone. Sometimes, it may be an attitude that is repelling him, not sex. "A do me I do you" attitude is a shot in the dark at solving the problem. Most times, you are officially giving the guy license to roam and if you really want your home back, then you have to work hard at it. You need to re-generate that spark. What got you folks going in the first place? One major issue in most marriages is lack of communication. You folks need to re-start doing things together. If you are serious, this is a task that you have to go 100% regardless of his initial response. Take the initiative and come up with social activities that will get things going again for you and your family. You need to also make him realise that he is disrespecting his family, not just you and at a point, stand your ground and let him know you would no longer be taking crap from him.

If the dude has been like this from the beginning, then he needs to grow up; nada you can do will change him except God.

BTW, did you speak with his folks?

Goodluck.

Why did you go spying on your husband and looking into his phone without his permission?
That was stepping ou of bounds.
Then you got so mad that- you decided to have a dialogue with him or rather you confronted him because you probably did all the talking.
Now this may seem hard but when you go complaining about your husband, most people just end up laughing at you once you turn you back. Please try to maintain respect for your family and stop exposing your family to ridicule.
Either you can`t stand it and live or you contend with it.
Most men that are like that have probably always been like that and I almost believe you accepted him that way, believing he would change.
If you intend contending with it stop nagging and begging and just play your role as a wife. That way you may have some success.
Darling welcome and not where have you been?
You are not the first woman and you are not going to be the last. You may not be able to stop him but you can maintain your dignity.
Personally I would not tolerate a man cheating because that is for me a health hazard.

.

chei! what a patient woman !!!

the man needs to get into a rehabilitation center for sex addiction asap

in my opinion tewmuch and cc have said it all

zeelah:

@chaircover, thanks so much for your advice, am really trying hard to get a new job with that I will think less of him, and with that I can go out more because for now am always at home with my laptop.It's wonderful sharing with you guys.Thanks so much. BUT BY THE WAY WHY DO MARRIED MEN CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES EVEN IF THE WOMEN ARE SO DEAD FAITHFUL ITS SO PATHETIC AND PAINFUL.

Because that is the only way we can get past all the emotional ups and downs women put us through. This is not the only reason though. I hope you are not a nagger and complainer. If you are, then stop and that may help the situation. Also, I hope your man is responsible sha. I hope he's not banging women without condom because that's just straight terrible

^^^^ Seriously . . . are you trying to justify it?

Let me start by saying I empathize with you my sister, I can imagine what you are going through. It is not an easy task trying to change a human being believe me, of all God's creation, human beings are the most stubborn not even goats!
I agree that you need to get your self busy as much as possible, and then you need to let the man realize that he is exposing you and the children to attacks( health, spiritual, etc). This is what men do not realize that when you hurt your wife, you are literally hurting yourself( can a man put coals of fire in his laps and not get burnt?). If you say doing other women is your solution for her nagging, or her clumsiness, or whatever pisses you off, then think again. Think what your children will say about you as a father in ten, twenty years to come. The generation of our fathers, those who were irresponsible among them are blaming themselves now. Judgment begins on earth I believe. why don't you open up, be matured, and talk to your wife like your sister and let her correct herself instead of resorting to solve evil with evil. Ahhhhh, it is really tiring with African men!
Please pray my sister, while this is going on and I pray that my God who instituted marriage will send you grace and help from Heaven. I feel you dear.