UjuJoan2:


But our parents did not make sacrifices to send us to school just so that we will become dependent on others. Even back then, my parents would tell us girls to make sure we are self sufficient before getting married. He never entertained suitors for any of us untill we were through with school and working.

If it worked out so well for them, they won't be dishing out such advice.

The truth is that money empowers. A lot of the ill treatment women endure is because they dont have the financial capacity to stand on their own. Power corrupts. A man who has absolute financial control over his wife is very likely to abuse it.

I think the men just need to learn to compromise more.

Madam I don't agree with u on abuse of power. If women were to be men, believe me they would HV done worst than men, I mean abuse of power in their marriages.

UjuJoan2:


I think you have to know me personally to truly understand what I mean. I am 100% committed to my marriage if that's what you are asking. But I'm also not one of those I-must-stay-married-even-if-it-kills-me type.

I don't lash out at my husband, if anything he makes marriage more bearable for me. I knew I had no choice but to get married if I wanted to have kids, and I love love love kids.

But I also love my solitude. I've lived alone for like forever and I think I got too used to being alone, being free, being independent.

Children are not the Central reason for marriage though.

Would you have deemed your marriage unsuccessful if (God forbid) you failed to have children after a long while?

Asour:



Children are not the Central reason for marriage though.

Would you have deemed your marriage unsuccessful if (God forbid) you failed to have children after a long while?

I think I would have. But that's just me!

UjuJoan2:

I think I would have. But that's just me!

Wow!

Carchoice:
My sister, I thought it was only me that is feeling this way. My worry now is, after marriage, how can I just automatically stop admiring fine asxs and buubs. I can’t see that happening. It’s a future impossible occurrence.

Jesus will help you

@dyt,
Married for 10+ here,
The best advice is to marry your bestie.
That man you can fart in front of and you make a joke about it, who as no problem cooking when you can't, who has a good career going on and won't be intimidated by your success and who will even push and be supportive enough for you to achieve more of your dreams.
I can say I am still in my marriage because of my kids. I came from a separated home and I know how it felt like as a kid. So I don't want my kids going through same. I feel choked and controlled.
If I ever leave my marriage, I won't be remarrying for anything.
@Ujujoan,are you a pisces?

Spicywify:
@dyt,
Married for 10+ here,
The best advice is to marry your bestie.
That man you can fart in front of and you make a joke about it, who as no problem cooking when you can't, who has a good career going on and won't be intimidated by your success and who will even push and be supportive enough for you to achieve more of your dreams.
I can say I am still in my marriage because of my kids. I came from a separated home and I know how it felt like as a kid. So I don't want my kids going through same. I feel choked and controlled.
If I ever leave my marriage, I won't be remarrying for anything.
@Uju..joan,are you a pisces?

liberalchick:
An ‘easy’ marriage is not common even for those in-love. Sometimes I think the concept of marriage is unnatural but necessary. If I am single again (knock on wood) in the future, I wouldn’t want to get married again. Some marriages have its ebbs and flows. The first two years can be difficult for obvious reasons. Then marriage challenges in year 8 (that’s generally the time some marriages hit a wall).

DH and I are in cruise control now, children are getting older, careers are taking off with more responsibilities. They say if you make it past year 7-8 unscathed, you are good.

Modified.

Marriage is full of the inevitable unknowns

Dyt:


Don't make me laugh harder
I am in class pls
Before my students start to get worried

Nairalanding while in class

Dyt:
What is Before, In Between and After?

Yeah we all know marriage is an institution between 2 persons with the aim to have offspring and companionship, but is this all we see and make of it?
I am a person that believes in relationship/marriage and tries to go far in making it work well except when it starts to affect my mental health (i cant go mad all in the name of i want it to work)

Some say marriage is easy while some say its a hard work, we all have different opinions..
I for one been married before, it didnt work not because i couldnt try but (my choice anyway)

I am considering going into another and all the things that we do that counts now may not in few years, I mean the sexiness, the kamasutra and all, well ofcourse i am not just gonna be offering just sex, we both got more to keep us going for a 100years to come (my favourite part is the friendship and companionship)...

I am scared sometimes waking up to him every other day and same way it excites me

How has it been with those married for 5years and counting? the joy, feeling, the tears, the arguments, the sex, I mean all of it....

I think the challenges in marriage outweigh that of a boy-girl relationship. Working more on yourself and the marriage at the early stages involves a lot of sacrifices. One ought not be disappointed if you are not lucky to fulfill your fantasies soon after saying I do

Luak:
I think the challenges in marriage outweigh that of a boy-girl relationship. Working more on yourself and the marriage at the early stages involves a lot of sacrifices. One ought not be disappointed if you are not lucky to fulfill your fantasies soon after saying I do

But sometimes we need to apply the boy and girl relationship to keep it moving as some are different after marriage

Marriage is much more than what we think we know. It requires so many things. I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly scenarios even from people I hold in high esteem.

I think it takes God to make marriage successful.
I've seen partners that aren't Godly have a successful marriage whereas partners that are Godly have broken marriages.

For me, once I see a good lady and I get married to her and with God on my side; we would face every challenges together..
#NogoingBack..

BTW
I'm still single

oluwatosin070:
Marriage is much more than what we think we know. It requires so many things. I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly scenarios even from people I hold in high esteem.

I think it takes God to make marriage successful.
I've seen partners that aren't Godly have a successful marriage whereas partners that are Godly have broken marriages.

For me, once I see a good lady and I get married to her and with God on my side; we would face every challenges together..
#NogoingBack..

BTW
I'm still single

The advert

Dyt:


The advert

You can never tell where you can meet your partner... I'm open to meeting you..

Marriage is easy. Once you both are willing to do the work.

It's a lot of work. It's compromising. It's sacrificing. It's submitting. It's providing. It's tolerating. It's more than this.

But once you put in the work, it becomes very easy and very satisfying.

LewsTherin:
Marriage is easy. Once you both are willing to do the work.

It's a lot of work. It's compromising. It's sacrificing. It's submitting. It's providing. It's tolerating. It's more than this.

But once you put in the work, it becomes very easy and very satisfying.

LoL. The “work” in marriage is what makes it not easy and most people underestimate how much effort of “work” you have to put in a marriage to make it work for BOTH. What you just said is like saying “it’s easy to make money, once you are willing to do the work” duh.

oluwatosin070:




You can never tell where you can meet your partner... I'm open to meeting you..

Nice to meet you

Jullima:

LoL. The “work” in marriage is what makes it not easy and most people underestimate how much effort of “work” you have to put in a marriage to make it work for BOTH. What you just said is like saying “it’s easy to make money, once you are willing to do the work” duh.

That is the point.

People think the work is too onerous, too stressful. It isn't. While it takes effort, the result makes that effort seem insignificant. Same with making money.

An example I give is sports. Let's say the players of Bayern Munich. How much effort do you think they put in their game against Barcelona. But thrashing a team like Barcelona 8-2! Do you think they'll see their effort as stressful? More likely the joy of such success will remove all thoughts of that effort.

Same with marriage.

However, both partners need to put in the work though.

Dyt:


Nice to meet you

LewsTherin:
Marriage is easy. Once you both are willing to do the work.

It's a lot of work. It's compromising. It's sacrificing. It's submitting. It's providing. It's tolerating. It's more than this.

But once you put in the work, it becomes very easy and very satisfying.

LewsTherin:


That is the point.

People think the work is too onerous, too stressful. It isn't. While it takes effort, the result makes that effort seem insignificant. Same with making money.

An example I give is sports. Let's say the players of Bayern Munich. How much effort do you think they put in their game against Barcelona. But thrashing a team like Barcelona 8-2! Do you think they'll see their effort as stressful? More likely the joy of such success will remove all thoughts of that effort.

Same with marriage.

However, both partners need to put in the work though.

You couldn't have used another example?
On my thread still lashing my team?

Bekiaful arakunrin

Dyt:


You couldn't have used another example?
On my thread still lashing my team?

Bekiaful arakunrin

Apologies ma'am. It's the thought that counts

TripleOh7:

Tommorow may be too late.
Too late for what?

For the salvation and redemption of your soul.

shakespere:
I have been married for 14+ years and would like to share the following without long epistel. I am very happy in my marriage, the danger is your response during the low season.

- Listen to your spouse, it's not about you alone, even if they sound unreasonable. Negotiate with fun

- During fights or disagreement watch what you say, it is never forgotten. Avoid roforofo fight, you are family

- Temperament and communication is key. I am tired, sorry I don't feel like talking, do you mind if I sleep early? Show care. Bad day at work, remove it before you get home and communicate it to your partner so he leaves you alone or can understand if you snap.

- Always ask yourself will I like this?

- Turn arguments to joke: If my wife say something's I just say, I be your mate? I no get power for fight this night, I don declare you winner, I no you sturbborn pass me, ok no vex my wife, e be like your eye de shook this night make I leave you.

- Accept changes. wife may not be very experimental again, negotiate once in a while make extra effort to get her aroused. She probably have peaked and the man is still peaking.
A certain day I went to a concert with my wife (2 face, davido, asa, KSA, etc) middle of it she says, what am I doing here, mother of 3, out by past 11pm thinking about her children instead of fun.
Outing like bar etc, does not enjoy it again, the younger girls in skimpgy get disapproving looks and caution my spending infront my friends, so I try to find a reason to go with my friends n bring her package home.

Bottom line, respect, care, patience, help tour wife (kitchen, career etc) , apologies even when wrong for peace n peace of mind, listen, be truthful, earn her trust, angry? call her inside n tell her your mind, no de shout, you de yeye yourself, remove third parties, you are both adults, manage your affairs. Finance, no hide, show her and this is what you want to spend. And pray. Even the maddest woman go calm, if you no wan fight.

Honestly, your post here is one of the most reasonable and realistic posts I've ever read on Nairaland.

You're so mature and you know what it takes to keep a peaceful home. (your wife is so lucky to have someone like you, sincerely speaking).
Other guys should take a cue from you, and know that a happy wife is a happy life.
GOD bless you and keep your home.

. . . 'give it you best shot'

babythug:
RE: How has it been with those married for 5years and counting? the joy, feeling, the tears, the arguments, the sex, I mean all of it....“

I’ve not been too lucky so far! Many dashed expectations and turbulent times through the marriage and even though now we are on a somewhat cruise control I can’t say I feel joy or peace at being here.

There are children and financials to consider hence why I’ve not moved on as it were!

But now I feel marriage is a game of chance and what you see is literally what you get. Some are able to get it right with a few tweaks here and there but for some
Despite best efforts it just won’t work.

For anyone looking to delve in , I’d just say give it your best shot and what will be will be !

Thanks for that. Wish you better days.

Dyt:

You couldn't have used another example? On my thread still lashing my team?
Bekiaful arakunrin

Do you have enemies, 'cause I'm wondering how someone can hate you

Fvcknames:


Do you have enemies, 'cause I'm wondering how someone can hate you

You so sweet

Dyt:


You so sweet

Yes I no. Tanks
Hey . Are u interested in become a high paid nollywood star for a movie audition role? all u simply needs to do is stand naaaaked in front of me for only 10 minute so our company can no if u get the role. Deal?

TheCork:


Yes I no. Tanks
Hey . Are u interested in become a high paid nollywood star for a movie audition role? all u simply needs to do is stand naaaaked in front of me for only 10 minute so our company can no if u get the role. Deal?

I am not lightskin Mr.cork

Dyt:


I am not lightskin Mr.cork

Dyt:


I am not lightskin Mr.cork

Kaiiii.. u gots nyansh mennnnn.. we need to discuss