UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

You must have obtained from him a lot, for him to get to this level of wanting to know your income..I fear who no fear women like you.

Moreover, as a man, if we cant trust each other with our bank accounts and share our privacy, forget it.

That means u cant even use my credit card to shop under emergency??

Talk abt next of kin, before are u going to use another person's child to do it


Madam u are hiding things from him...Go and redeem your yourself or you quit, stop using him.

If you like depend on advise from single ladies here, who can't keep a relationship for 2days..las las you go deh alright.


Again, u married an akpa-amu. who told him, he owns you?... He doesnt know you are smart and manipulative.

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

If I were your husband, I would only worry quietly about your finances. This will only mean that beyond the finances, I cannot trust you in any aspect of our marriage. I won't trust you if you said you love me. I won't trust you if you said you are pregnant. I won't trust you If you said you will spend the weekend with your parents. Infact, I may not trust you to have sex without condom.

In this case, we will be having an unhealthy marriage.

Your secret has put a strain on your marriage its your choice that you rather your income remains a secret than have good marriage. You have made your choice and should expect the outcome you get.

Lastly, your husband shares a fault too. Its your choice to get married to him and its a choice to quit or commit less than expected to the relationship. It is wrong to say he owns you.

jeff1607:
And you call him your husband and I guess you know about his finance as well.

just wondering o, since you are from the Igbo extraction going by your name, when he was given the list and made to pay all the stuff in it, why wasn't he stopped or prevented.

Finances of both individuals should be open , so you guys can plan . But you Ladies sha, can put a child before the man that married you.

Child that you are not even sure you are the father o. Some ladies are heartless

Some of u are just talking nonsence . Read and comprehend . The man never asked her for money . Only to know how much she earns . This is marriage and not dating . The girl is selfish . Already see her mindset of making her unborn child next of kin. This is not marriage but thug of war.

He is going about it the wrong way and creating suspicion. But he is right to want to know your finances especially if he is open about his own as well

These are things you should have discussed before marriage including what each person contributes to the dream life you share. And if u ain't the type that believes in supporting your home or u believe in doing it at will and not on a regular defined pattern...U should have also discussed that prior marriage and take a walk based on irreconcilable differences on family finance.

Newboss:
Don't disclose anything to him. You have a choice. It's your right.

This is how rape happens. This is the financial version of rape. We need to emphasize on consent in every aspect of life, not just sex.

You have as much right as any man called your husband. Independent finance is important for women as much as it is for men. Don't let the blackmail get to you. You have the same right to your finances as he does to his. You are not his subordinate

Exactly, very good points coming from a man. Op, d best thing to do now is to go to bank, open two seperate accounts, do not collect Atm for one n collect Atm for d other one. Next, transfer half of your salary every month to the new account without Atm. Anytime u need money, withdraw from that account into d one that has d Atm from d first account without atm. Use online banking to transfer. Never collect atm or use ussd on that account ok.
Once u receive salary, always share into 2 n secure into d new account n use d remaining half for the both of u, since he has d atm. Give him d pin to that one n watch him closely, how he withdraws money n spend it, that way, u will know whether to completely close that account or not. As for d two new accounts, protect your new atm, u can keep it anywhere safe but far away from him because he has shown he can't be trusted. Men like that makes a woman's life miserable n Las Las, he will use your money on girlfriends outside. Be careful

LilMissFavvy:
It is the duty of a man to provide for the home, while you as a wife contributes, so why is your husband after your money? Do you not help out financially to support the home in your own little ways? If you earn more than your husband, and you open up about your salary, make him understand that you have future plans for your money, so that he will not dump his financial responsibilities on you, while he squanders his own on women/relatives. You can tell him your salary, only if he has told you his own. Assist the home in your own little ways, open a new account if you think he will be taking your money from you.it is possible to operate an account without ATM card.

The major problem of most men these days is that they don’t get to know their girl before jumping into marriage and same apply to the ladies too

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

You know what to do. Madam save your life first. Leave him

Moneystopnonsen:
Truth to God ure a goat.. That's all

And you're a bloody fooll.
You and the mod that blocked me.

nahzyla:
Op

Please disregard the advice from males on this thread, please
Many men these days are just lazy and entitled and gold diggers. And selfish and evil.
They want an obedient slave as wife who will also hustle hard to feed them and take care of them.
While they spend their own money on personal projects or on women so ignore male advice here because it will lead you astray. Some of them dont believe you have any right to have dreams and ambitions as a wife and that you came to this world to help them fulfill their own ambitions. If he decides to chase you out tomorrow for no reason or to end the marriage you will have nothing to stand on and you will end destitute because he bankrupted you.
Get another account to transfer your money and show him like only 40% of the money you own.
This new account should not have an atm or send bank alerts to your phone or email.

Men are hypocrites. The same bible rgst teaches him that he is your leader or that he 'owns you'
also teaches men to provide for their wives.

You are just typing trash here without having a second thought.

Firstly, the accusation against the man is his enquiry about her salary, and not reckless spending of all her savings, which you have concluded upon.

From here, we can deduce that OP knows the salary of her husband, while her husband knows nothing about hers. If not, we would have seen a statement like 'why should I disclose my salary, when he has not disclosed his?'.

For me, it is two things. Firstly, there are bigger responsibilities on salary of the man at present, and he is trying to see the way his wife could get involved in domestic spendings in all ramifications. He might have found it easy before marriage, but marriage comes with bigger responsibilities as we all know.

However, his motive cannot be totally ascertained at present, and early disclosure of salary by his wife could have brought this to the limelight before the seizure of her ATM.

Secondly, the wife earns more than the man. Therefore, she sees the disclosure of her salary as a threath to her personal savings and financial projections which she has without her husband in the equation.

Advise - Any marriage not built on trust has a shaky foundation. If you cannot trust a man, even with your finance, never follow him to the altar. For instance, I settled a case among husband and wife last week because of finance. The husband needed 150,000 as a loan to roof the building under construction, which his wife knows about, but his wife said she has no penny. The man borrowed from cooperative society, and added the money to the one he has saved to finalize the project. This happened three week a go.

Fast forward to last week, the same woman sent 200k to her brother. Remember, this was the same amount her husband was looking for three week ago. Unknowingly to the woman, her husband saw the chat and the transfer made, but kept silent.


Last week, they have a minor conflict and the woman started saying all sorts of things like; '' I know how I have suffered in your house, because of the building you are constructing, as my weekly money for home upkeep has been reduced by two thousand' bla bla bla and this got her husband infuriated.


The Bible you quoted make you to understand that two shall become one. So, is it possible for mouth to eat without the knowledge of the eyes, nose, and eyes!

I repeat, never go to the altar with a man or woman you can't trust with your finance. Love cannot be sustained without money and it requires openness and proper planning between the parties involved in the marriage.

Maybe I should hear from your husband. Hearing from one side and advising could be dangerous.

Dear poster, you need to be very careful. If I may ask you do you know his atm pin, do you know his salary, if you dont hmmmm make sure you inform your parents especially your mom. Just know you're not safe. Notify your bank and block your atm again. I repeat he should not know your worth cash wise.

nuggarito:
the story is of mischief, a man won't just ask of your financial status if you aren't contributing anything to the family. perhaps you are the type that just lurk around without contributing any dime yet you are working, my elder sister and husband were lecturers they divide their finances, the woman takes care of feeding, the man takes care of rent and fees. it seems your money is not going anywhere in your family.

my advice for you is never reveal your salary pay to your husband but rather share in responsibility, that way he won't have to complain and the burden on his shoulders will reduce.

If we go by not disclosing salary info then they are just (responsibility) partners and not married couples. How do marries survives on so many secrets? Go to the banks and see so many dormant accounts that the dead owners kept as secrets from their families. At the end it becomes banks' money.

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

First of all, intending couples are encouraged to discuss everything including finances.
Your story reeks of lack of trust from both parties.
Does your husband work? Is he gainfully employed?
What are your reasons for hiding or not disclosing your finances/financial status?
Do you contribute to the upkeep/ running of the home?
And yes(like it or not) ; by virtue of your marriage with him, he owns you. However, he doesn't have the right to forcefully seize your ATM card.
Lastly, The God ordained institution is called marriage because you are no longer two in the eyes of the Almighty but one..
Please revisit the foundation of your marriage, what was it built on? Eccl. 4:12

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

Lol, u have married a traditional African man, were do girls meet all this type of people sef. Well just tell him u want to know all his finances. U should play same game with him, he wants to know everything about u,u too wants to know everything about him. U own him too.

Blackmann001:


What is so special in your original post..?

Your i tensions is what is judge

Oga you aren’t even coherent in addition to being a lazy reader. If you are too lazy to read or to dumb to comprehend my post pele. Ire a kari.

No mind dem ooo,na dem gang

One hard truth u have to hear is that u can't keep ur finance record away from ur husband and a sensible responsible husband will not force himself on u either.

Tell him about the figures to make peace reign or are u Bill Gates daughter?
Is ur husband jobless and dependent on you?

A lot of questions u need to answer here and if u still think on the other hand that u want to do ur wish, I will advise u to block ur card and don't use ATM for now till u r through as u can withdraw money via several means : Biometrics, withdrawal slip, sending to a colleagues account number etc...

In all, the problem remains: You are the PROBLEM

Hmmm, I don't understand .

Is there any reason why your husband shouldn't know how much you earn?

It seems you guys are not close, you are even threatening to quit if it wasn't too early. Nawa

chiddyok:

Oga you aren’t even coherent in addition to being a lazy reader. If you are too lazy to read or to dumb to comprehend my post pele. Ire a kari.

"dumb"... Watch it.. Trust me, U can never win in this direction of insults....dont go this road with me

And the most anoinying thing is She will come over here asking for advice from bunch of KIds who knows nothing about Marriage.. That shows how immature you are.. your unfortunate hubby should just divorce ASap..

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

Why shouldn't your husband know about your finance?? It is good to know about each other finance in order to plan financially and secure a future for your unborn kids... At least he hasn't asked you to give him money or remit your salary to him monthly.... U both should discuss your finances it's no big deal.... Your kind are the kind that buys properties or build properties without the husband's knowledge....

pek:
You learnt the wrong thing. We are talking about your spouse. If your spouse doesn't know and have a say in your salary, then something is definitely wrong with the marriage. Couples have issues like these there is no trust and understanding and this is what marriage should be about. You share your body, thoughts, plans etc but you can share your money. How weird.

I can't do it. You sound as if humans are so perfect and are not known to take advantage of people. Forget spouse, we are humans and its in our nature to take more. I can't leave myself to prone to anybody, not even spouse

Young lady, stop making life difficult for your self.
If you really love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, hand over the financial stress over to him.
If he abuses it, then you have reason to play 'wise' next time.
Let him know how much you earn now and if he abuses it, next salary raise, keep it as savings.

Nairalandmonika:

Lol, u have married a traditional African man, were do girls meet all this type of people sef. Well just tell him u want to know all his finances. U should play same game with him, he wants to know everything about u,u too wants to know everything about him. U own him too.

Gbam, only on this condition, should a woman disclose her real salary.


HI peeps, see another entitled guy �

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

Do whatever it takes for peace to reign in your marriage, because it is too young to fail.
Peace is worth every price.
You chose that man, so you both try to meet each halfway and accept each other for who you are.

Marriage is not competition, you're taking it as one from this write-up. Besides, experience has shown that one sided account is always not accurate.

My wife and I both work. She knows how much I get in a month and I know hers. Once salary alert enters I tell her and when hers enters, she tells me. We aren't obliged to do so but it has served us so well the past 12 years we've been married.

Yes, I don't control her spending, it's not because I can't and not because I earn far more than she does but because it's the fruit of her labour and she respects me for that. Before we engage in major projects from any source, we discuss it and agree. Openness with finances in marriage is very important.

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

I read the story on fb few weeks back and you edited it.

He's probably a lazy man.

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

You are one of the confusing types that mislead innocent ladies.

Why are you hiding your money from him in the first place.

Some of you women, when you do any little thing in the house to support your husband's you start telling the world. We don't care to know what and what you bought for your apartment. Your hubby must have done a lot as well.

Stingy woman.

If you can surrender your body to him as your husband...then why is it so hard to be open with your finances...I mean he is no stranger to you.