In my experience involving God always messes things up. Thank God for something today and tomorrow I will lose it brutally.
Life is always easier when I acknowledge that I am on my own and take matters into my hands.
I'm always scared to pray or thank God about anything because it always end in premium tears. It goes smoother when I don't. Infact I'd rather work and not pray because the prayer always seems to spoil the expected result.
What do you guys think about my experience ?

teemotee:
In my experience involving God always messes things up. Thank God for something today and tomorrow I will lose it brutally.
Life is always easier when I acknowledge that I am on my own and take matters into my hands.
I'm always scared to pray or thank God about anything because it always end in premium tears. It goes smoother when I don't. Infact I'd rather work and not pray because the prayer always seems to spoil the expected result.
What do you guys think about my experience?

From my own experience, very similar to yours, things didn't start to make sense until I made the decision to let it all go and trust God.
I had noticed a pattern similar (there were others) to yours early on in life, and it caused me to abandon the notion of God entirely but the patterns persisted... Even worse, I noticed that even that which I acquired through the works of my hands eventually seemed to turn to dust. At first, I read it to mean I had to work harder and harder, but the harder I tried the worse my situation(health included) got. Until there was no denying that the pattern was real... it was as though someone had been trying to get my attention all that while.
By this time, my body and mind were exhausted, but I kept pushing, only the harder I pushed, the more meaningless things got- one could say at that point, my spirit was poor as well. Then I stopped and decided to seek an end to it all - God or burst! And that is how my journey to finding the one who created me began...