Hmmm marriage!!!! A union of 2 people from different social/ethnic/spiritual background. What seems normal for one person might be totally irritating to the other person. Thread carefully

My brother things wey I dey see for this marriage.

When you baby comes, she won't change diapers on time amidst other things. My brother if you can do those things yourself.

if you want your grey hair to come late stop complaining.


Just let her be, some of those things were learn over a long period of time in their own houses so it's very difficult to change.


P.s: I have to wash the toilet myself atimes.

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

A woman who doesn’t take correction especially where necessary is a huge burden. Didn’t u guys date? Didn’t u see this traits in her? The unwillingness to communicate properly, learn and be tidy? Once Ure married it’s hard to correct these bad habits. Unless u know how to apply the right formula for correcting difficult ladies. It’s a rigorous process.

What she’s doing can be tolerated by sm men while sm can’t stand such habits. Bt what more annoying is she’s not listening to ur concerns. Try talk to her like u will talk to brother. Don’t be harsh about it bt be calm and civil. U can even beg her so she doesn’t have her defenses up again. Gradually teach her things u want her to learn in a sensible manner and not like Ure talking to a child.

oodua1stson:
Oga, I won't slap her oo, but I swear it's either I send her out, I leave the house for her and of she misbehaves further I'll bring another into that house. It upsets me seeing men act the fool for a woman.



Too many weak men nowadays it makes me cringe

Another angle.

Yea, a man advice me when getting married to a woman he said you should be above her on 3 things; age, money and education and she will respect you is not a guarantee but sense they the talk.

Did you not cour/date her? How come you didn't notice all this?

There's nothing I detest more than leaving with a dirty person.

Just call a.family meeting let them talk to her. Otherwise mehnnn... I can't stand a dirty partner...

PataAlhaja:


You forgot to add bra too.

I'm telling you...lolzzz

Ewww...OP I feel your pain. I was almost throwing up. But let me just ask one question. How long did you guys date and did she display these traits then?

With COVID on a rampage, eating her food maybe a quick death sentence. Such a person won't think of washing her hands before you handling food, even after using the loo. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Was your marriage arranged?

decatalyst:
I hate to hear the statement "I am still the one to apologize" It sucks to hear this!

You make it seem like you are a simp! You are supposed to offer direction in your home. Tell her what she needs to hear to get the desired result. You don't have to shout on the woman please.

We can't even shout when we are being frustrated non stop. You all just want to turn us into zombie. Issoright

.

Taiwo20:
My brother things wey I dey see for this marriage.
When you baby comes, she won't change diapers on time amidst other things. My brother if you can do those things yourself.
if you want your grey hair to come late stop complaining.
Just let her be, some of those things were learn over a long period of time in their own houses so it's very difficult to change.
P.s: I have to wash the toilet myself atimes.

Seriously?

this is why u should date properly before marriage. i am courting an australian lady who i am supposed to marry after the lockdown, we lived together for like 2years non stop. now i am in nigeria and i am noticing somethings i do not like. i noticed shit like her pretending to be dumb when she is wise as hell, she even has the guts to challange me sometimes. well i can go on and on but iit is not nessary. i finally blocked her and told her to move on that i am not interested in the relationship again. to my suprise she hasnt trying contacting me after that and its close to 4 days now. i really hope she moves on but i am sure she will come back because my dick game is next to non. my happiness is that i am noticing all this befre getting married. if i still decded to get married to her then i should be ready to tolerate all this or i can just tell her when ever she contacts me to make up that i am not gonna tolerate this. if it repeats then i will have no option than to call it quit. so bro, from ur explanation, it is clear that u never lived to gether before gtting married. that is one mistake most guys do. before u get married make sure u live together for atleast a year

Ewwww! This one is serious abeg. What kind of nasty attitude is that. I can stand seeing someone's poo but not drool from the mouth, toothpaste drool or phlegm. Extremely disgusting. Abeg she shd adjust. She should think of something that highly irritates her and put herself in man's shoes.

Drawing conclusion from your post it seems this is an arrangee marriage... Didn't you guys date?

Amanee:
Sometimes living together before marriage saves you a lot of stress in marriage

yeah. It also helps your sex life

manos:


Actually i dont take care of her responsibility, we share responsibilities financially and otherwise. but the problem does not come from who takes responsibility over what, the problem is all about willingness to change ingrained habits.

Do you guys still kiss at all cuz you seem really irritated. Nawa o, didnt you court? What was the attraction?

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

my brother marriage is for matured people who can adjust to behaviour. My wife uses plate to drink water and urinates in the wash basin sometimes. Very wrong and she just started it but I have never scolded her for it. Call me dirty or any names, I don enter I don enter. I just make sure my kids don't see it. Your wife is an adult and not a kid. If you didn't like her behaviour why did you marry her in the first place or who put gun in your head to marry her?

.

Why do women hiss sef. Mtchewww

step1. Buy kitchen key.
step2. lock kitchen.
step3 .Make kitchen cupboard.
step4. pack all important stuff in kitchen cupboard.
step5. lock kitchen cupboard.

All else will fall in place by negotiation.

I can never cohabit with a unhygienic person such as your wife. You have been docile for a long time and you need to man up and do the needful by acting like the man of the house.

Emescot:
What exactly is the issue with all this people shouting simp up and down.

This is marriage and he is in already, my question is OP, while you were courting, didn't she ever sleep over and had to brush early in the morning?
My best advice is for you to remove the kitchen sink and put a washing basin in the kitchen if you can't then stop complaining. Leave kitchen matters to her, atleast what you don't see won't hurt you.

But OP have you thought of the fact that ur wife gets disgusted brushing in the toilet that has alot of germs flying around, sit her down and talk it out.

If a toilet can be so dirty and irritating to the extent that germs will be flying around, then, the woman in question must be very dirty and she requires eviction immediately.

pretydiva:
What's up with this simp ish? Na the latest English for Nairaland be this ni
You guys cant give your advice without calling the op a simp. smh

ImaIma1:

Please stop this "simp" thing and make more intelligent contributions.
Some of you don't know anything more than "simp"

Biglittlelois:

I guess it's a new normal these days, smh.

They want any man being addressed like that to feel their disgust towards him, my opinion

100 % true bro my wife to be have been living with me since January and this is the first time we are staying together like this mehn of a we have been pretending all this year's am getting to know her better

jesmond3945:
my brother marriage is for matured people who can adjust to behaviour. My wife uses plate to drink water and urinates in the wash basin sometimes. Very wrong and she just started it but I have never scolded her for it. Call me dirty or any names, I don enter I don enter. I just make sure my kids don't see it. Your wife is an adult and not a kid. If you didn't like her behaviour why did you marry her in the first place or who put gun in your head to marry her?

you are a patient man

My brother ,you have to balance it,, she can't change ,when the kids comes ,it will get more worst ,....you can ignore some of her character but better still don't be going into the kitchen anytime she wants to cook ,...all the same ,try and take charge of your home ,....do it with common sense ,

Sicilyjoe:
Men's dey pass alots of things where women dey for marriage, my own friend dey complain say him wife dey shit for inside bedroom with custard paint, the worst part is that she won't go to toilet and flush it, she will just cover the custard paint and leave it in the room

jesus christ

sodiqapril:
Didn't you guys date or try living together before you married..I feel your pain, I might not be handsome or rich but you can never call me dirty or anything related to it and once I sense dirtiness in a woman. I flee..I'm not advising you to flee ooo. Lol..just finished reading, you guys don't have children yet, take a break from the house, if she's definitely in her mind she'll ask what she has done or report to someone and if she doesn't change.. marriage no b do or die affair....m judging from your words if I hear hers too .I might have to change my judgement

she can't change, op saw her before marrying her

Ditch her. Get another one

frugal:

Tell her to leave your house.

lol. werey

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Who send you