Tadeknkeepcalm:

Better shut up with your woke ideology.

Face your Canada, we will face our Nigeria.
What about the sacrifices he must have made as the husband of the family? Is he here complaining to anybody? A one time thing has become problem. The man is trying to work out solutions but you are here insinuating divorce since that's what your useless feminazi pages teach you.
I hope it's not too late before you realize the false ideology you have submitted yourself too.

It's okay please. I'm not here to cause a fight. I just need advice.

Look for two people you can pay to come to your house and help you do the cooking and cleaning up. Go to the market and buy the items. It is your committee, not your wife's

[quote author=SirMichael1 post=93497706]

The previous get togethers I went to, their wife did the cooking. It's just making of soup while I make the swallow.[/quote]

“Like happiness, unhappiness usually springs from a comparison.”
OP, you will do well to run your own race. Do not worry about the next person's pace, mind yours.
In my opinion, you erred the last time when she had to entertain while being 5 months pregnant. This is the time you should been considerate and gotten a caterer. I think this may be the crux of the matter. If you had done so last time, she may not be as vehemently opposed this time around.
Having said that, know that she has a right o refuse. Best you can do is to plead with her that you cant afford 20k Naira for a caterer. But then, you will open up the door to putting a price on her contributions

Is it possible to move your hosting rotation a few months out until you have the funds for a caterer? Perhaps swap places with someone else in the group?

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

Truth is, I've since considered this but the thought that my wife will sit while watching my friends and I do the cooking (I don't know how to make the soup. She's good at that) doesn't sit well. If she'd just agree, I don't mind getting more people to assist.

CanadianNaija:


It is not my fault that you’re frustrated, and your life is not worth living.
Take the easy way out and end it, Nigeria is overpopulated you won’t be missed.

You live in Canada. You're more likely to do that.
Don't worry, they will idolize you after.

SirMichael1:


It's okay please. I'm not here to cause a fight. I just need advice.

Did she adress the issue with this your same tone. One must also learn when to take a stand and not be a doormat.

[quote author=Liftmaster post=93498669][/quote]

It's quite late for that now. If I had known my wife would not agree, I would have told the committee to rotate me with someone else.

I'm even thinking of rewarding her, as a surprise, half the money the caterer asked of. That's 10k.

SirMichael1:
Truth is, I've since considered this but the thought that my wife will sit while watching my friends and I do the cooking (I don't know how to make the soup. She's good at that) doesn't sit well. If she'd just agree, I don't mind getting more people to assist.

Try to get her to cooperate.
She's your wife, so she should host your guest.

Invite your sister or sister in-law to come and assist you, please don’t invite church member, to avoid see finish.

So you don’t know how to cook soup

Tadeknkeepcalm:

Did she adress the issue with this your same tone. One must also learn when to take a stand and not be a doormat.

I didn't start my relationship on the note of being a dictator, hence I usually appeal to her emotions.

lilyheaven:
Invite your sister or sister in-law to come and assist you, please don’t invite church member, to avoid see finish.

So you don’t know how to cook soup

When he has a wife?
What is the use of an unreliable spouse then?

lilyheaven:
Invite your sister or sister in-law to come and assist you, please don’t invite church member, to avoid see finish.

So you don’t know how to cook soup

So what will my wife be doing?

I'll admit, I don't know how to like my wife does.

I don't know your location, but in Lagos, there are local caterers called OLOPO and they are way cheaper. You can look for someone like that in your church to come and do the cooking and pay about 5k to 7k for their service. The only thing is that you will have to go the market to get the foodstuff and may probably do the cleaning yourself.

Edit: @SirMichael1

From your recent posts, it's obvious you want your wife to cook for your friends, but she's not interested and I know you are not happy with her decision. The truth is, you can't force her and there's really nothing you can do about it. To avoid issues in your marriage, get someone to do it this year, then you plan towards next year. I pray she will accept to do it next year.

Shalom!

SirMichael1:


It's quite late for that now. If I had known my wife would not agree, I would have told the committee to rotate me with someone else.

I'm even thinking of rewarding her, as a surprise, half the money the caterer asked of. That's 10k.

Then hear this loud and clear. Tell them you cannot host at this point in time for family reasons. No further explanation needed. Heavens will not fall. I am sure the main purpose of the meeting is not to have a meal. The meeting can be held in the church.They can either cancel that months meeting or swap with someone else or host it in the church. You need to stop worrying about what people think about you and do whats best for your family.

SirMichael1:
So what will my wife be doing?

I'll admit, I don't know how to like my wife does.

You have begged her already, just tell her you want to invite your sister or sister in-law,
Believe me, once they arrive and start the cooking she will come out because she won’t like them to scatter her things, besides they will always come around to ask her were to get salt or extra pepper, I know she will answer them.

She might even end up cooking the food herself.

Two were supposed to become one

Differences swallowed up by mutual understanding and love

Sacrifice and selflessness being the banner

In all things and in all decisions agreeing, so shall two chase a thousand

Maybe you two should pray more together, go out more together.

This shouldn't be a problem at all, I think there's been a crack somewhere.

lilyheaven:

You have begged her already, just tell her you want to invite your sister or sister in-law,
Believe me, once they arrive and start the cooking she will come out because she won’t like them to scatter her things, besides they will always come around to ask her were to get salt or extra pepper, I know she will answer them.

She might even end up cooking the food herself.

Yes, but know that she will not be happy with this approach. You may have won the battle, but would have started a longer term war. Successful marriages take lots of give and take. Why must he win this particular issue? Especially at the expense of peace in the family? If he backs down and tells his wife that he will ask for a cancellation, she may reconsider. If she doesn't, at least she will appreciate the fact that her husband has consideration for her feelings and is looking out for her. The meeting is once in 20 months, he has to live with his wife everyday.

mariahAngel:


When he has a wife?
What is the use of an unreliable spouse then?

The truth is that, his wife doesn’t like what they are doing,
Imagine cooking for twenty to twenty five members, buy water, buy drinks.
For church meeting,
What is the economical value to the family involved
? It’s minus .

she is aware her husband doesn’t have enough money at the moment, she is saying no to save that income.

Apart from the prayers they receive FROM THE CHURCH, what economical value have they added to their family?

But I know she doesn’t want to say it, so that she won’t be termed unbeliever.

Besides it’s only soup which is very easy to do.

SirMichael1:


The previous get togethers I went to, their wife did the cooking. It's just making of soup while I make the swallow.

Hmm, you want to show them your wife can cook too.

SirMichael1:


I didn't start my relationship on the note of being a dictator, hence I usually appeal to her emotions.

Oga I wasn't refering to your wife. It's the lady in whose defence you came.

Liftmaster:


Yes, but know that she will not be happy with this approach. You may have won the battle, but would have started a longer term war. Successful marriages take lots of give and take. Why must he win this particular issue? Especially at the expense of peace in the family? If he backs down and tells his wife that he will ask for a cancellation, she may reconsider. If she doesn't, at least she will appreciate the fact that her husband has consideration for her feelings and is looking out for her. The meeting is once in 20 months, he has to live with his wife everyday.

While we consider the wife here,
Also consider her husband.

It’s stressful, yes.
But her husband has been eating from others,
That is why he wants to do it, despite him not having enough.

He is not going to invite her sister or sister in-law without her consent.

I don’t see any issues here, once she accepts any of the above mentioned can come around, case closed.

Theyoungmatron:
This is way above her duty as a wife except she is a caterer. Something of this magnitude cannot be done easily and it is like asking for more and she has the right to refuse. Cooking, serving, washing and cleaning after 25 men is not a small feat, it is a fulltime job for some people. I know you do not have a househelp, just her and the kids with the running of the home. That's how african men allow their wives to age before their time.
. Hire a caterer and let your wife do the serving.
Utilize a caterer or do the cooking by yourself.

.

You didn't include going to the market to buy the ingredients and drinks

lilyheaven:

The truth is that, his wife doesn’t like what they are doing,
Imagine cooking for twenty to twenty five members, buy water, buy drinks.
For church meeting,
What is the economical value to the family involved
? It’s minus .

she is aware her husband doesn’t have enough money at the moment, she is saying no to save that income.

Apart from the prayers they receive FROM THE CHURCH, what economical value have they added to their family?

But I know she doesn’t want to say it, so that she won’t be termed unbeliever.

Besides it’s only soup which is very easy to do.

It's a once-in-a-year thing heaven's sake! That is a poor mentality.

lilyheaven:


While we consider the wife here,
Also consider her husband.

It’s stressful, yes.
But her husband has been eating from others,
That is why he wants to do it, despite him not having enough.

He is not going to invite her sister or sister in-law without her consent.

I don’t see any issues here, once she accepts any of the above mentioned can come around, case closed.

The issue is asking or proposing to invite third parties into the picture after she has rejected her husbands offer to personally help. I would not do it if I was him. The fact that the husband has been "eating from others" does not mean he owes anybody anything, even up to the extent of inconveniencing his family. A wise husband will always protect and put his family first. Nothing wrong in postponing his hosting rotation or holding the meeting in the Church this time and hosting it later when he has the funds to get a caterer. The fact that he is insisting on exploring options to host the meeting after his wife has said she doesn't want to do it points to egotistical driven motives. It will be extremely therapeutic for this husband to swallow his ego once in a while to remind him that even though he is considered the head of the household, his primary responsibility is to his family not to any outsiders.

mariahAngel:


It's a once-in-a-year thing heaven's sake! That is a poor mentality.

If he had enough, he would have gone for a caterer.
He wouldn’t have bothered us.
Haeven sake! have you seen heaven before?

Liftmaster:


The issue is asking or proposing to invite third parties into the picture after she has rejected her husbands offer to personally help. I would not do it if I was him. The fact that the husband has been "eating from others" does not mean he owes anybody anything, even up to the extent of inconveniencing his family. A wise husband will always protect and put his family first. Nothing wrong in postponing his hosting rotation or holding the meeting in the Church this time and hosting it later when he has the funds to get a caterer. The fact that he is insisting on exploring options to host the meeting after his wife has said she doesn't want to do it points to egotistical driven motives. It will be extremely therapeutic for this husband to swallow his ego once in a while to remind him that even though he is considered the head of the household, his primary responsibility is to his family not to any outsiders.

Bro’s you can write o,

lilyheaven:


Bro’s you can write o,
You see , the sister is not coming as a third party, besides he is not going to tell her his wife refused.

My husband always host party from time to time, the first time I tried doing it on my own, it was so stressful, I was even pregnant cooking for 40 men,
What I do this days, I invite my friend and cousin for assistance.
My husband goes to market, I do the cooking, while they do the serving and cleanup .

Sista, but in your situation you are doing it willingly. The wife has said no, even with his help. Why can't he respect her opinion? If he truly loves his wife, as a church member should, he should go look up the definition of it. Love is patient, love is kind, love is longsuffering. etc. This is the time to excercise those definitions. They say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar! He should cancel and see how much more love and respect he will get in return.

SocialJustice:
Hmm, you want to show them your wife can cook too.

lol. In a way, yes. I can't trust a caterer whose food i haven't tasted to oversee the cooking. And damn, my wife cooks pretty good.

Liftmaster:


The issue is asking or proposing to invite third parties into the picture after she has rejected her husbands offer to personally help. I would not do it if I was him. The fact that the husband has been "eating from others" does not mean he owes anybody anything, even up to the extent of inconveniencing his family. A wise husband will always protect and put his family first. Nothing wrong in postponing his hosting rotation or holding the meeting in the Church this time and hosting it later when he has the funds to get a caterer. The fact that he is insisting on exploring options to host the meeting after his wife has said she doesn't want to do it points to egotistical driven motives. It will be extremely therapeutic for this husband to swallow his ego once in a while to remind him that even though he is considered the head of the household, his primary responsibility is to his family not to any outsiders.

trust me, If it was up to me to cancel or postpone, i would. If i had been informed that my wife would not want to do it, i'd have rightly interjected that sunday when it was announced and have mine shifted.

Liftmaster:


Sista, but in your situation you are doing it willingly. The wife has said no, even with his help. Why can't he respect her opinion? If he truly loves his wife, as a church member should, he should go look up the definition of it. Love is patient, love is kind, love is longsuffering. etc. This is the time to excercise those definitions. They say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar! He should cancel and see how much more love and respect he will get in return.

It’s okay,
He can talk to their president to change venue.
Today is Wednesday, they can move to the president house.