Our client, a Niger Delta Militant Group with
> > > branches in strategic locations throughout all
> the
> > > six South-South states of Nigeria is seeking to
> > > expand its operations to Abuja , the Federal
> Capital
> > > territory. This expansion has brought about
> > > vacancies for qualified and experienced young
> > > officers. The positions are:
> > >
> > > Area Head, Kidnapping:
> > >
> > > The successful applicant who will report to the
> > > Executive Council, and the Executive Director,
> Abuja
> > > , is expected to possess the following
> competencies:
> > >
> > > 1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant
> > > agitation. (Membership of Al-qaeda, Hamas or
> other
> > > similar organisation will be an added advantage)
> > >
> > > 2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English,
> Italian
> > > and German
> > >
> > > 3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos
> and
> > > Albinos
> > >
> > > 4) Ability to swim in deep waters
> > >
> > > 5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes
> by
> > > sight
> > >
> > > 6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and
> > > Ministers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
> > >
> > > Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG
> MEN
> > > must be provided (pictures preferable)
> > >
> > >
> > > Photographer:
> > >
> > > 1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos
> in
> > > war zones. (Domestic fights do not qualify as
> war
> > > zones for these purposes)
> > >
> > > 2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as
> camera
> > > lighting.
> > >
> > > 3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of
> > > expatriates, as an aid to taking high-quality
> > > pictures, is a must.
> > >
> > > 4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop,
> and
> > > Internet photo uploading software is a must.
> > >
> > > Please include a portfolio of previous
> photo-samples
> > > (must contain kidnapped persons OR be taken in
> > > war-zones OR be nightshots in blackspots like
> > > Oshodi, 3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)
> > >
> > >
> > > Militant Trainee:
> > >
> > > 1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and
> 50,
> > > be at least 4m tall, and may be male or female.
> > >
> > > 2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten
> > > certificate.
> > >
> > > 3) Jobless university graduates, and serving
> > > policemen will be given special consideration.
> > >
> > > 4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a
> > > must.
> > >
> > > 5) Preference will be given to persons with
> > > knowledge of foreign European languages, and
> persons
> > > with the ability to swim.
> > >
> > >
> > > Renumeration:
> > >
> > > Very attractive, competitive, and comparable
> with
> > > industry standards (payments in foreign
> currencies).
> > >
> > > Official guns, boats and grenades will be
> provided.
> > >
> > > Excellent training, involving offshore
> secondment (
> > > Iraq , Afghanistan etc) from time to time
> > >
> > > Regular appearance on CNN , Alaaroye, Time
> Magazine,
> > > The Economist and other International magazines.
> > >
> > > Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian
>
> > > politicians, oil magnates, and foreign
> businessmen.

Interested applicants should forward their
applications and detailed curriculum militae
within
two weeks to:
militant_recruitmen t@OsamaConsultin


      Everything works at the END, if things aint working now, relax  it is not the END.

way too long for my liking

Way too long for my liking too. In case anyone is able to read, please notify my to laugh in case it is funny.

Please whoever is gracious enough to read it should also tell me to enable me donate a laughter. . . if its funny, that is