How my act of kindness brought me shock, and regrate this morning. In lekki Lagos

Around our shop, there is a single mum (we are from same tribe) cohabiting with a man (Ghanian). She has a son from a previous relationship with her, so, three of them are occupying a room.

The son do come (for two weeks now) over to our shop, he watches what we do and we took him as a protege, we buy him food( mostly lunch and some times breakfast depending on when he resumes) give him money which the mum collects from him. most of all, we see him as a family.

He came to shop on Friday with a moody face, so we asked him a lot of questions, and told us many things:

1. As at 1:30 pm he has not eaten any thing.
2. He was flogged at home for using their cream.
3. He told us that the mum doesn't beat him, but the man does. She too is seriously being abuse by the man.
4. Based on my observation, the boy is under fed, very timid, physically abused (from the bruises on his back), has ringworm and dandruff, his hair was bushy, and looked like he hasn't comb it for days.

After telling us everything, we bought him food, I brought my clipper from home for personal hair cut that day. I begged a neighbor to allow me use his light. So, I took him there and barb his hair, afterwards we closed around 5:30 pm.
This Monday morning, the first thing our neighbors greeted us with was that; the mother came crying and asking why we barb his hair, that if anything happens to the son, we are going to be held accountable.
That her mother had a dream and called her not to barb the boy's hair .......blab bla bla... Since morning I have been so worried, what if something happens to him? Won't I be the first to be arrested? We told the boy to stop coming to our shop, and I have seriously warned myself to mind my own business hence forth.

You don't go touching people's children hair without their permission. These days I won't even advise anybody to feed other people's kids without seeking consent from the parents first.

Africans and weird superstitions.
Nothing will happen to the boy.
So the woman wants to leave his hair like a forest?
You have done well, no shaking and do not fear.

she is just wicked

.

dominique:
You don't go touching people's children hair without their permission. These days I won't even advise anybody to feed other people's kids without seeking consent from the parents first.

I won't try it next time

Oche211:
Africans and weird superstitions.
Nothing will happen to the boy.
So the woman wants to leave his hair like a forest?
You have done well, no shaking and do not fear.

I became so scared when people started given me their opinions.

The truth is, Nigerians are very difficult to help, when you try to help, they make you feel you're doing yourself a favour.

But really, you just don't touch people's hair, there are some sensitive part of the body that people hold dear, and the hair is part of it, it's also a no go area for me and mine, take caution next time.

usj:

I became so scared when people started given me their opinions.

Just be calm.
Nothing go do you or the boy.
You did well

Actually you went with the barbing of his hair without the parents consent. Lets just hope nothing happens to him, sometimes we need to set boundaries during our acts of kindness and generosity.

dominique:
You don't go touching people's children hair without their permission. These days I won't even advise anybody to feed other people's kids without seeking consent from the parents first.

Thanks, much appreciation

Nothing will happen to him. Have faith.

Next time, mind your biz. That's what I'm learning to do now. To even interact with people these days, I'm careful cos humans are unpredictable.

Since your conscience is clear, relax.

You are a nice person... please keep it up.. But What u did cutting the young boy's hair was so in 1980s when every kid was everyone's child .. Don't do it again.

Times are hard nw and their are wicked people everywhere that y the mum is scared. She wouldn't kno if u actually used it for something negative.

Nothing will happen, just be careful and always asked for permission before u give or do anything to kids

hadisvisual:
The truth is, Nigerians are very difficult to help, when you try to help, they make you feel you're doing yourself a favour.
I remembered a time we tried to help a Neighbour's little girl who had an accident. She fell from their table with a deep cut. Their house help ran to us for a help.

We rushed the girl to a nearby pharmacy store to get her hand stich and stop the blood flow, to my greatest surprised when her mother's phone finnally went through, she threatened to arrest me and my husband if anything happens to her child.

We returned her back to her house even as she was crying with deep pain. We quietly went to mind our business.
Till date, she didn't say thank you nor a word.
Helping anyone in this part of the world, is another work on it's own

is because we don't trust each other due to past experiences

Whenever you intend offering assistance to a minor, please seek the consent of the parent(s) or guardian unless it is an emergency where prompt action is necessary to avert loss of life or damage.

Assuming there is an effective Child Protection Unit, the boy's mom and the Ghanaian she is cohabiting with should be facing the wrath of the law

It is disheartening that we live in a society where blind eye is turned on parents who abuse or allow their child to be abused thereby messing up a child's development and mental well-being but when such child through his/her resiliency makes something out of his/her life, many will start preaching forgive and forget, guilt-tripping the survivor even quoting the biblical verse "Honour thy father and mother" , that the survivor still needs the blessings of the dead beat parent(s).

I pause to ask, do a dead beat father or mother have any blessings to give their child(ren), who they are guilty of dereliction of responsibility of caring and nurturing?

Funjosh:
Actually you went with the barbing of his hair without the parents consent. Lets just hope nothing happens to him, sometimes we need to set boundaries during our acts of kindness and generosity.

Yes I did it without her consent, which I now know is wrong of me. I assumed she needed help with the boy's upkeep since she's Unemploy and has no business of her own. Some days ago the boy was feeling sleepy, so we asked him to go home and observe his siesta. Only for him to come back and said the the parents send him back that he can not come in now. We have been buying him food and giving money to him, which he takes home as a form of motivation and she has been collecting from him and never complaining. But, I accept I have no right barbing anyone's child hair.

Mindlog:
Whenever you intend offering assistance to a minor, please seek the consent of the parent(s) or guardian unless it is an emergency where prompt action is necessary to avert loss of life or damage.

Assuming there is an effective Child Protection Unit, the boy's mom and the Ghanaian she is cohabiting with should be facing the wrath of the law

if I ever feel like helping a child next Time I will seek for permission definitely.

She is just scared. Any parent will be scared when their children head is Barb without informing them. You know the country we live in. So many povalty and superstition make every little has spiritual meaning.

usj:

Yes I did it without her consent, which I now know is wrong of me. I assumed she needed help with the boy's upkeep since she's Unemploy and has no business of her own. Some days ago the boy was feeling sleepy, so we asked him to go home and observe his siesta. Only for him to come back and said the the parents send him back that he can not come in now. We have been buying him food and giving money to him, which he takes home as a form of motivation and she has been collecting from him and never complaining. But, I accept I have no right barbing anyone's child hair.

I understand you well, we know the way this country is, they might wants to hold unto your kindness as diabolical. We just needs to be more careful when rendering assistance sometimes

There's nothing wrong with your acts of kindness really and the world needs more of persons like you. You have to understand that here is a part of the world referred to as a dark continent filled with ignorance, wickedness, evil and all manner of archaic and mundane practices. That woman is expecting or hoping for something bad to have to the child so she can start troubles and maybe cash out somewhere along the line. I tell you, she's a witch, stay away from anything that has to do with her. Pls just MIMD your business next time.

dominique:
You don't go touching people's children hair without their permission. These days I won't even advise anybody to feed other people's kids without seeking consent from the parents first.

Exactly
It was the advice a very wise friend of mine gave me over 6 years ago.
I was trying to buy some kids snacks because they looked hungry

My guy told me never in my life to try that again. What if I give those kids things and they fall sick, that there parents will arrest me.
I learnt an excellent lesson that day
Never tried it again


Op pray God nothing happens to that kid
Once the coast is clear
Never you make such mistake again
Mind your business

I made this mistake sometime ago. My landlord's kids that were between the ages of 4-9 years were playing in the compound.

So, the youngest child (a girl of say 4-5 years) came to my window and later ran away.

After sometime, she came again peeping through my window and I wasn't comfortable with that. So, in order to discharge her, I brought out three mints 50 naira notes and gave her to buy biscuit.

Few minutes after, the girl together with her siblings (they are actually two girls and a boy with the boy being the eldest) came and knocked on my door. When I opened, she gave me back the money that the mother said she should give it back to me.

I told my sister and she warned me never to give another people's children anything whether money or gift because I am not their uncle.

Sorry, I am uncle to many nephews and nieces so I thought I could give money to any kid but I was wrong.

I learned my lesson that day. Now, if those kids are coming right, I am tilting left, for my own sake.

Even to touch or carry a child of someone you don't know nor have any relationship with is risky.

Richy4:
You are a nice person... please keep it up.. But What u did cutting the young boy's hair was so in 1980s when every kid was everyone's child .. Don't do it again.

It's terrible the way things changed.
Every child is only for the parents unlike then your neighbors can punish you or feed you without fear of revenge from your parents.

I see what you did there Op, just be careful next time.
Useless dream from malaria!A dandruff and ringworm infested body is of interest to their spirit. Must be a very dirty spirit!

Just face front. Your pure heart n clear conscience will protect you.

PuZZyNegro:
I made this mistake sometime ago. My landlord's kids that were between the ages of 4-9 years were playing in the compound.

So, the youngest child (a girl of say 4-5 years) came to my window and later ran away.

After sometime, she came again peeping through my window and I wasn't comfortable with that. So, in order to discharge her, I brought out three mints 50 naira notes and gave her to buy biscuit.

Few minutes after, the girl together with her siblings (they are actually two girls and a boy with the boy being the eldest) came and knocked on my door. When I opened, she gave me back the money that the mother said she should give it back to me.

I told my sister and she warned me never to give another people's children anything whether money or gift because I am not their uncle.

Sorry, I am uncle to many nephews and nieces so I thought I could give money to any kid but I was wrong.

I learned my lesson that day. Now, if those kids are coming right, I am tilting left, for my own sake.

Even to touch or carry a child of someone you don't know nor have any relationship with is risky.

Haha, before now I use to be on hi alert especially when it come to the "girl child." I'm very cautious before I will start hearing funny stories. I don't allow children into my room. I relate with them in the open where everyone can see us.

Please give the boy food as you've been doing but leave his hair and body parts alone. Nothing will happen to him but dont allow him starve because of the mom's stupidity.

ifyalways:
Please give the boy food as you've been doing but leave his hair and body parts alone. Nothing will happen to him but dont allow him starve because of the mom's stupidity.

Haha! If you see how shivery I was yesterday, you will know it will be a cold day in hell before I ever relate with them again. While schooling in unilorin and during NYSC in Sokoto I've gone on with others on prisons visitations. I remember how innocent some inmate say they're and how they've been there without trials for years, some even say they don't even known what their crime were. If, it's within my power to help anyone, it can never be an unsolicited help again.

It is well...I feel for the poor boy. You should truly have asked before barbing his hair. But biko think about the boy himself...hunger is not good for adults let alone children. Whew!

If you feel concerned about the boy’s welfare call the attention of the authorities so it can be handled through official channels. The parents have no right to maltreat or abuse the child.

Though done with the best intentions, you too should be careful about rendering unsolicited help to other people’s children especially when they live with their parents.

I've also had my own experience.
Now, these days, to even carry another person pikin dey fear me, let alone offering them gifts, money or foods..