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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / How To Look Out For Yourself When Your Relationship Goes South. Part 1 (270 Views)
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How To Look Out For Yourself When Your Relationship Goes South. Part 1 by AnuoluwaAwe(f): 1:37pm On Sep 26, 2020 |
I built my whole life around him I was with him when he had nothing I was there for him I fed him I clothed him I encouraged him I prayed for him But what did he do; He became rich He slept with her severally He loved her He asked for a divorce He got married in three weeks He bought her a Porsche He gave her everything And then I wondered, Aunt Theresa, Why? And my Aunt said, I was the wife of his yesterday! Many times on this amazing earth, we see and hear of certain ‘good women’ who stood by their husbands when things were terrible, but they lose their husbands in the end. As a twenty-three-year-old young woman, I have learned a lot about situations like this. Some of which are; The victim mindset: A lot of women play the victim. Quite a number of girls believe they are less than boys. Less in the sense of physical strength, emotional strength, and sometimes even smartness. If, as a parent, you do not deliberately train your daughters not to think less of themselves but believe the best of themselves, they may walk through life with their shoulders and heads down. It has to be a deliberate effort on the parents’ part, especially the father, to teach his daughter to walk with her head up and shoulder high. Some of life has even made it possible for women to feel this way. During sex, a woman is known as the receiver. Many women may interpret this as subordinate, inferior, etc. It takes a woman with a healthy mindset and the right information to affirm that it takes a super being to receive, and not just the giver is great! This leads to my second point; Looking out for yourself. It is okay to be selfish. Yes, I know we have been taught otherwise but hear me out first. We have been taught to be kind to one another, but we forget that we have to be kind to ourselves to be effectively kind to others. You cannot give what you don’t have. But note that it is not impossible to be kind to others without being kind to ourselves. Hence, you can give what you think you have. This, my dear, is dangerous! Kindness, Joy, and Love come from within us, but it is rather remarkable how we let it flow passively without allowing ourselves to feel our own love! How do I know this is possible? It is because that is how we are as humans. For instance, If you walk from home to school every day, and it takes you to pass across three streets, one hilly area, and two gutters before you get to school. Do you know that even on the days you are not concentrating, you would still know when to climb over a step or make a halt to jump a gutter. This information has been stored in our subconscious mind. The same thing with eating food. There may be days when you pay attention to your meal, and you allow yourself to feel every taste and savor it. You enjoy it more those days than the days when you are texting, ordering an uber, shopping online, and eating simultaneously. You will miss certain sweetness you could have savored! It is called the act of being intentional. When it comes to looking out for you, it is a deliberate (conscious effort). It is like savoring every moment of chewing a tasty, hot and fresh pizza. First, it has to be spurred by your outlook on life. So let me share mine with you. I firmly believe that great things happen. Yeah, I know if I make them happen, but I also think certain great things happen that I had nothing to do with! The same with bad stuff. Bad stuff are ugly despicable situations. They also occur, and of course, some we are the cause, and some we had no idea how they came about. So this is what I have chosen; To live my life; to love; to cry; to be joyous, to feel the pain but either way, still live. I will make sure I am awake through it all and not miss any fun, irrespective of the situation! Because there are shits I still have no control over, and yet they happen, I don’t believe it’s my fault. So while I am looking for what or who to blame, I would savor the moments. So how do I look out for myself? Relationships: At different stages of life, we are presented with different kinds of relationships. Some we choose, and many we did not have a choice. Now that I am aware of this fact, I can love from a position of strength, not from giving and taking. I say to my cousin, “you can be an asshole for I care, but your assholeness isn’t going to stop my kindness.” At this point, I am living my life independent of other people’s actions. So if at the day’s end, I get to forty-three, and my darling husband runs off with a nineteen-year-old strikingly pretty girl. I am going to hurt! Nurse, my hurt, but deep down, all I will be saying is “Guy, I chose to love you, you won’t even be half the man you are today if not for me, but if you choose to express yourself this way, then bro that is your business…. Now, this is where my confidence is springing from; The fact that I had consciously let myself go, and i had chosen to love him. I sacrificed a lot and even got injured during the process, but you know what? It was all a choice! It was my choice, and I can deal with that! Through it, all, just at least make sure they are your choices too, then you own it downright! So worst-case scenario, I can forgive myself for letting such a person happen to me! Ultimately, I AM IN CONTROL! |
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