You know over time I have learnt not to judge on first instance. Sometime in 2010, a guy offered to recharge my phone as we were talking and my call card got exhausted. He sent 300naira card despite being in the aboard .......it was small but I appreciated him for it. We are now married and I am enjoying the Bobo.

Chill, relax and watch what he has up there

Swissheart:
You know over time I have learnt not to judge on first instance. Sometime in 2010, a guy offered to recharge my phone as we were talking and my call card got exhausted. He sent 300naira card despite being in the aboard .......it was small but I appreciated him for it. We are now married and I am enjoying the Bobo.

Chill, relax and watch what he has up there

Wau! Interesting . But this one dey naija nau. I Know that abroad still make you get confidence say the guy was prolly pulling your legs.

Happy for you though.

waywardpikin:
Lol

This is really funny.

Y'all so triggered you had to comment twice.

Is the guy generally stingy? @ OP

ROTFLMAO What is this picture?

Is this not entitlement mentality we've talking about?

Uyi168:
Is this not entitlement mentality we've talking about?

Yeah. They feel entitled to the best husband whereas they are no better than the guys they reject.

Uyi168:
Is this not entitlement mentality we've talking about?

What are you talking about?

Karleb:


Yeah. They She feel entitled to the best husband whereas they She is no better than the guys they she rejects.

That makes sense

CalliDora1:


Wau! Interesting . But this one dey naija nau. I Know that abroad still make you get confidence say the guy was prolly pulling your legs.

Happy for you though.

Stop showing your poverty to the world

Publickk:


That makes sense

If we were to ask the guys they are complaining about you'd be surprised that those guys may just be managing them as they might not even be up to 80 per cent their(the guys) specifications.

Girls who behave like them are those that are getting old.

I was actually discussing with a female friend yesterday that sent me a snapshot of a message a guy sent her, that she finds distasteful. She was expecting that I join her in bashing the guy, but I actually exposed her biases, by bringing to her consciousness that impressing the other is not only the male job but the female job as well. Women usually have this mentality that men have to be so perfect, and measure men from a tiny filter loaded with her biases and surprised no man can pass it. Then you turn around and complain about the lack of a good man while completely being unaware of your bias.

If it was when I was still in the field searching for a woman for a committed relationship, you would have missed me. Because I could have been the guy offering you 50Naira. For me, I will test and test you to your last limit, and then I will think of committing to you if you passed. I am handsome and rich, well not Dangote rich, but I can afford to give any woman in Nigeria the upper lifestyle and travel to any destination globally and my pocket won't flinch, and women with this mentality are what I ran away from when I was searching. My partner won my heart because she passed all my tests, and was interested in me, not my money or whatever.

You can have all the standards you want and expect men to be superman, but remember that when it comes to marriage, it is the man, NOT THE WOMAN that sets the rules. Women choose who they have sex with, while men choose who they marry. I won't tell you to bring down your standards, but be realistic with it.

Karleb:




If we were to ask the guys they are complaining about you'd be surprised that those guys may just be managing them as they might not even be up to 80 per cent their(the guys) specifications.

Girls who behave like them are those that are getting old.

I guess the same way they are managing your sisters.

CalliDora1:


I guess the same way they are managing your sisters.

How do you expect to find a good husband when you don't have manners?

pansophist:
I was actually discussing with a female friend yesterday that sent me a snapshot of a message a guy sent her, that she finds distasteful. She was expecting that I join her in bashing the guy, but I actually exposed her biases, by bringing to her consciousness that impressing the other is not only the male job but the female job as well. Women usually have this mentality that men have to be so perfect, and measure men from a tiny filter loaded with her biases and surprised no man can pass it. Then you turn around and complain about the lack of a good man while completely being unaware of your bias.

If it was when I was still in the field searching for a woman for a committed relationship, you would have missed me. Because I could have been the guy offering you 50Naira. For me, I will test and test you to your last limit, and then I will think of committing to you if you passed. I am handsome and rich, well not Dangote rich, but I can afford to give any woman in Nigeria the upper lifestyle and travel to any destination globally and my pocket won't flinch, and women with this mentality are what I ran away from when I was searching. My partner won my heart because she passed all my tests, and was interested in me, not my money or whatever.

You can have all the standards you want and expect men to be superman, but remember that when it comes to marriage, it is the man, NOT THE WOMAN that sets the rules. Women choose who they have sex with, while men choose who they marry. I won't tell you to bring down your standards, but be realistic with it.

.

Karleb:




How do you expect to find a good husband when you don't have manners?

. Keep deceiving yourself.

Karleb:


Yeah. They feel entitled to the best husband whereas they are no better than the guys they reject.

They are worse than the guys. Genuinely awful people with attitudes that stink.

pansophist:


You can have all the standards you want and expect men to be superman, but remember that when it comes to marriage, it is the man, NOT THE WOMAN that sets the rules. Women choose who they have sex with, while men choose who they marry. I won't tell you to bring down your standards, but be realistic with it.

This OP has spoken.

CalliDora1:
Yeah you read right! And now the why's

Why is that you meet a guy, he's everything you want but "rich".

Why is it that you meet another guy, he's rich but not everything you want?

Why can't there be a sort of balance? Like being rich and everything you want?

I'm not a leech, neither am I a liability but we all know how important it is for both couple to be financially ok at least for the unborn childrens sakes because no body wants to bring children into the world to suffer.

This is really making it hard for people to settle down because trust me, if you decide to go ahead just for marrying sakes, you'll regret it. Imagine a fine boy who can't do a 70-30 shared responsibilities with you or a rich man who can't be your fine boy and bestie in marriage, making you feel like you're one of his funitures.

Met one recently ( fine boy) and I decided to give it a shot.
So we went shopping and I was about to pay for my stuff and there was #50 naira on top, so I told the cashier not to do the 50 with my card that I'll give her cash. Next thing Bobo said, don't worry I can do the #50.. lol.... I developed instant headache. Like what? Even though I wasn't expecting him to pay, I wasn't comfortable with that gesture. He should have just kept quiet. So, I zeroed my mind about us ( didn't tell him though). Hm. It is well with our young boys.

I know this might sound silly to some, but it is what is still keeping a lot of people single. Speaking from experience. It's crazy though but real.

Why is life not balance?
Just thinking aloud this morning.

I don't see any issue here except that you are immature (no offense intended).

pansophist:
I was actually discussing with a female friend yesterday that sent me a snapshot of a message a guy sent her, that she finds distasteful. She was expecting that I join her in bashing the guy, but I actually exposed her biases, by bringing to her consciousness that impressing the other is not only the male job but the female job as well. Women usually have this mentality that men have to be so perfect, and measure men from a tiny filter loaded with her biases and surprised no man can pass it. Then you turn around and complain about the lack of a good man while completely being unaware of your bias.

If it was when I was still in the field searching for a woman for a committed relationship, you would have missed me. Because I could have been the guy offering you 50Naira. For me, I will test and test you to your last limit, and then I will think of committing to you if you passed. I am handsome and rich, well not Dangote rich, but I can afford to give any woman in Nigeria the upper lifestyle and travel to any destination globally and my pocket won't flinch, and women with this mentality are what I ran away from when I was searching. My partner won my heart because she passed all my tests, and was interested in me, not my money or whatever.

You can have all the standards you want and expect men to be superman, but remember that when it comes to marriage, it is the man, NOT THE WOMAN that sets the rules. Women choose who they have sex with, while men choose who they marry. I won't tell you to bring down your standards, but be realistic with it.

Hmmm

So what and what were your tests?

Lagos1991:


Hmmm

So what and what were your tests?

Her response in stressful situations. For example, going on a vacation with her, and due to feign emergency, the trip would change and canceled midway., how is her reaction? Also, testing if she is dependable. Like calling her in the middle of a night and ask for a quick favor. (not 2k favor lol) Also, ask her for cash, yep, a lot of it. Faking loss of financial buoyancy due to bad business deals and watch if her behaviors changed. Asking her about her ex and if she talks shit about them. Her relationship with her parents, especially her father.

Her kind of friends, if she is financially responsible by watching what she spends her money on. If she is religious, or submit to a sophisticated belief system. If she lives within her means. How she relates with people she gains nothing from (eg waiters), how she relates with the defenseless (animals and kids) if she can take good care of you when sick. Does she have it at the back of her head to be healthy and accentuate her femininity by eating healthy and keeping in shape?

Giving her handy crafted gifts and see if she appreciates it more or less than money. If she is a social media addict and attention seeker. If she respect things and people that are important to you. Does she give you gifts equally during events such as your birthday? Does she try to impress you? Does she have this disgusting mentality that you should be lucky for having her? Is she submissive (not to be confused with subordination), can she cook and spice up the home with her feminine allure?

Is she egoistic? (not to be confused with healthy pride). Does she argue unnecessarily to win, or to make sense and pass her point? Is apologizing when she is at fault a big problem for her? Is saying "sorry" automatic or forced? Has she grown past mind games and cheap manipulations? Does she weaponize sex? Does she go beyond her comfort to make you smile? How is her childhood like? (to know people deeply, you need to study their childhood), Can you be vulnerable to her?

Do you find yourself pleasing her naturally because her femininity shines out the masculinity in you? or she makes you do the things she wants by force? Does she let you lead? Is she complimentary to your life and brings opposing energy that balances your life?

Most importantly, a woman will naturally do most of these things and be on her best behavior if she chooses you. Do not ever try to convert a woman that has not fallen in love with you to do all this, it will be a disaster. Go where you are loved, and the woman will naturally submit if you are playing your part right. So do well for yourself, develop yourself as a man, so you'll have female abundance and leverage to set standards.

For now, this will do. If she passes all, congrats. You got yourself a queen.

pansophist:


Her response in stressful situations. For example, going on a well-packaged vacation with her, and due to feign emergency, the trip would become more stressful. Also, testing if she is dependable. Like calling her in the middle of a night and ask for a quick favor. (not 2k favor lol) Also, ask her for cash, yep, a lot of it. Faking loss of financial buoyancy due to bad business deals and watch if her behaviors changed. Asking her about her ex and if she talks shit about them. Her relationship with her parents, especially her father.

Her kind of friends, if she is financially responsible by watching what she spends her money on. If she is religious. If she lives below her means. How she relates with people she will gain nothing from (eg waiters), how she relates with the defenseless (animals and kids) if she can take good care of me if I am sick. Giving her handy craft gifts and see if she appreciates it more or less than money. If she is a social media addict and attention seeker.

And so much more.

Panso sir!

I appreciate your contributions here.

I wish you could list more sef

CalliDora1:
Yeah you read right! And now the why's

Why is that you meet a guy, he's everything you want but "rich".

Why is it that you meet another guy, he's rich but not everything you want?

Why can't there be a sort of balance? Like being rich and everything you want?

I'm not a leech, neither am I a liability but we all know how important it is for both couple to be financially ok at least for the unborn childrens sakes because no body wants to bring children into the world to suffer.

This is really making it hard for people to settle down because trust me, if you decide to go ahead just for marrying sakes, you'll regret it. Imagine a fine boy who can't do a 70-30 shared responsibilities with you or a rich man who can't be your fine boy and bestie in marriage, making you feel like you're one of his funitures.

Met one recently ( fine boy) and I decided to give it a shot.
So we went shopping and I was about to pay for my stuff and there was #50 naira on top, so I told the cashier not to do the 50 with my card that I'll give her cash. Next thing Bobo said, don't worry I can do the #50.. lol.... I developed instant headache. Like what? Even though I wasn't expecting him to pay, I wasn't comfortable with that gesture. He should have just kept quiet. So, I zeroed my mind about us ( didn't tell him though). Hm. It is well with our young boys.

I know this might sound silly to some, but it is what is still keeping a lot of people single. Speaking from experience. It's crazy though but real.

Why is life not balance?
Just thinking aloud this morning.

I don't think it's fair for you to expect him to pay for your shopping, without any prior agreement/discussion.

Are you encouraging him to be careless with his finances? I assume you needed those items, therefore you already budgeted for them from your income, but he didn't.

That being said, I agree that he should have just kept quiet. Offering to pay 50naira is foolish!!! If he couldn't pay for the whole shopping he should have just kept quiet. Was he trying to impress you with 50naira? So lame!!!

Lagos1991:


Panso sir!

I appreciate your contributions here.

I wish you could list more sef

I added more. Read it again.

pansophist:


I added more. Read it again.

Good ones.

pansophist:


...Her relationship with her parents, especially her father.
.

Why is the relationship with her father so important? What if the father was an abusive or deadbeat father, does she owe him a relationship? This is Nigeria where a lot of women experience abuse and neglect in the hands of their husbands which extends to the children, this will certainly mould how children relate with their fathers when they're older. Is it the one that witnessed his father butcher her mother with a cutlass or one that saw her mother locked up by her father for years will now grow up to become daddy's girl? Let's not talk about the ones sexually abused by their fathers.

A lot of fathers are slacking in their relationship with their kids. A child you didn't bond with or made to grow in a toxic environment can never have a close relationship with you when he or she is older. But all that is not important since it is more convenient to blame the mother for turning the children against their father than address bad parenting by the father.

dominique:


Why is the relationship with her father so important? What if the father was an abusive or deadbeat father, does she owe him a relationship? This is Nigeria where a lot of women experience abuse and neglect in the hands of their husbands which extends to the children, this will certainly mould how children relate with their fathers when they're older. Is it the one that witnessed his father butcher her mother with a cutlass or one that saw her mother locked up by her father for years will now grow up to become daddy's girl? Let's not talk about the ones sexually abused by their fathers.

A lot of fathers are slacking in their relationship with their kids. A child you didn't bond with or made to grow in a toxic environment can never have a close relationship with you when he or she is older. But all that is not important since it is more convenient to blame the mother for turning the children against their father than address bad parenting by the father.

Complete twaddle. I mean, absolute bullshit.

No matter the shortcomings of her father, a well mannered lady will still accord him respect as a father, not like it's becoming prevalent these days with ladies even summoning chutzpah to tell their dad to shut up.
I as a man have got all reason to disregard and be impudent to my dad going by all ideal standard, but I still have a warm relationship with him and still treat him with respect as my dad, how much more a women who should be a bastion of such virtue.

I don't know why women of these days are just looking for avenue to concort justification for bad and mannerless behavior.

Dominique, I've been watching your comments lately, and you've proven to be nothing but a closet man-hater. I think you're being surreptitious about it because you're a mod.

dominique:


Why is the relationship with her father so important? What if the father was an abusive or deadbeat father, does she owe him a relationship? This is Nigeria where a lot of women experience abuse and neglect in the hands of their husbands which extends to the children, this will certainly mould how children relate with their fathers when they're older. Is it the one that witnessed his father butcher her mother with a cutlass or one that saw her mother locked up by her father for years will now grow up to become daddy's girl? Let's not talk about the ones sexually abused by their fathers.

A lot of fathers are slacking in their relationship with their kids. A child you didn't bond with or made to grow in a toxic environment can never have a close relationship with you when he or she is older. But all that is not important since it is more convenient to blame the mother for turning the children against their father than address bad parenting by the father.

Hmm, this is a noteworthy perspective, nevertheless, my submission does not imply that a lady should withstand abuse from her father. The approach I used in the writeup you quoted was optimistic only, in a healthy family situation that flourished in bliss, love, and harmony. It doesn't apply in a dysfunctional family situation, and I will applaud a woman who will stand up to a tyrannically corrupted father. A good person is not a rabbit (incapable of standing up for the self), but a tiger (can defend oneself when necessary).

A weak person can not be a good person and a woman that endure tyranny from her father will make me suspect if she has a backbone, can stand for herself and kids, and her suitability for a long-term relationship.

I will even go further to say that a woman should stay far away from irresponsible men, and if her father represents everything you wrote up there, then yes, make him a stranger, and the bible supports that. A healthy relationship is built on mutualism, a place where we paddle the boat and move farther, not where one is a burden on the other either psychologically, physically, and more. I have lots of wonderful female colleagues and friends that do not speak with their father, and they are people I could see myself entering a long-term relationship with if I am single.

I have redacted the post, adding ''ceteris paribus'', to avoid misinterpretation. Thanks for pointing it out.

Poseidon000:

Complete twaddle. I mean, absolute bullshit.

No matter the shortcomings of her father, a well mannered lady will still accord him respect as a father, not like it's becoming prevalent these days with ladies even summoning chutzpah to tell their dad to shut up.
I as a man have got all reason to disregard and be impudent to my dad going by all ideal standard, but I still have a warm relationship with him and still treat him with respect as my dad, how much more a women who should be a bastion of such virtue.

I don't know why women of these days are just looking for avenue to concort justification for bad and mannerless behavior.

Dominique, I've been watching your comments lately, and you've proven to be nothing but a closet man-hater. I think you're being surreptitious about it because you're a mod.

Bro, how about not using foul language? she raised a valid perspective. And no, respect is reciprocal. Fathers should respect their children equally. If a father is not acting within his responsibility, then that could jeopardize the relationship with his children (daughter), its common sense. A good leader leads by example, not by authority. Yes, she may respect him, but it would be the kind of respect given to authority because you fear consequence, I will call it ''obligated respect'', which is different from ''earned respect''.

Every father should seek earned, not obligated respect. Yes, she may respect her father because he is an asshole, but it is a respect that is predicated on the child's vulnerability, due to her inability to cater for her subsistence at that time for example. The moment the child gains financial independence, the respect is gone, and the father will have no leverage and be inevitably hated, it is only natural. If you are a father, will you want that? in a broader sense, it is the automatic respect to fathers/elders that led Nigeria to a mess, since the idea is to just respect, without expected any duty and responsibility from the respected.

Poseidon000:

[s]Complete twaddle. I mean, absolute bullshit.

No matter the shortcomings of her father, a well mannered lady will still accord him respect as a father, not like it's becoming prevalent these days with ladies even summoning chutzpah to tell their dad to shut up.
I as a man have got all reason to disregard and be impudent to my dad going by all ideal standard, but I still have a warm relationship with him and still treat him with respect as my dad, how much more a women who should be a bastion of such virtue.

I don't know why women of these days are just looking for avenue to concort justification for bad and mannerless behavior.

Dominiqu.e, I've been watching your comments lately, and you've proven to be nothing but a closet man-hater. I think you're being surreptitious about it because you're a mod.[/s]

See his mouth like no matter the shortcomings of the father blalabla. A person physically and or sexually abused by a parent or parents has every right not to have a relationship with such parent when he or she is an adult, it's not by force to bond with the person that hurt you. As a parent,you have to build a relationship with your children not outrightly demand it especially when they're grown and independent.

pansophist:


Bro, how about not using foul language? she raised a valid perspective. And no, respect is reciprocal. Fathers should respect their children equally. If a father is not acting within his responsibility, then that could jeopardize the relationship with his children (daughter), its common sense. A good leader leads by example, not by authority. Yes, she may respect him, but it would be the kind of respect given to authority because you fear consequence, I will call it ''obligated respect'', which is different from ''earned respect''.

Every father should seek earned, not obligated respect. Yes, she may respect her father because he is an asshole, but it is a respect that is predicated on the child's vulnerability, due to her inability to cater for her subsistence at that time for example. The moment the child gains financial independence, the respect is gone, and the father will have no leverage and be inevitably hated, it is only natural. If you are a father, will you want that? in a broader sense, it is the automatic respect to fathers/elders that led Nigeria to a mess, since the idea is to just respect, without expected any duty and responsibility from the respected.

This is why I seldom comment here , cos one always run the risk of being misconstrued and embroiled in needless back and forth.

All this epistle is inutile, cos there was no time I posited that the father earns high respect by dint of being a father nor is the onus to behave responsibly off his shoulder. if I recall aptly, I even indicted my own father, so, where in my comment warrant this puerile sermon

What I'm unequivocally saying is that; even if a person can not forebear and give his father regular respect as a dad, a father's shortcomings should never give any child the leeway to be flagrantly disrespectful, like it is becoming prevalent with kids summoning chutzpah to tell their dad to shut up or some even fighting him. That's all shade of wrong, and I will put on stretcher any idiöt I personally catch in the act, be it against his/her father or mother.

dominique:


See his mouth like no matter the shortcomings of the father blalabla. A person physically and or sexually abused by a parent or parents has every right not to have a relationship with such parent when he or she is an adult, it's not by force to bond with the person that hurt you. As a parent,you have to build a relationship with your children not outrightly demand it especially when they're grown and independent.

Stop bringing up stupid and disgusting scenario. A father who sexually abuse his child, have lost the right to father any child and should be in jail in the first place, and if peradventure he comes out, he should not go near the children he sired, cos he has got no right to be a father to any child.


Are you sure you don't have a twisted childhood for you to imagine such befouling scenario. no pun intended. lol