I will try to make this as brief as possible
I'm the oldest of 8 children in my family, 5 consecutive boys, two girls and another boy, it still beats my imagination why my parents decided to produce almost a football team regardless of the economic condition of this country.

I'm 28 still struggling and still struggling to finish school, used to do business but it collapsed due to circumstances beyond my control hence my late foray into school, my immediate younger bro is 23 and managing a small business. Now to the main problem, my dad is putting so much pressure on us to make money and help out in the family inspite of little financial investment in our lives, he keeps complaining that the burden is much for him( like say na we hold torch for am while im dey run im parole in the other room) .
On the outside we come off as a middle class family, he drives a mid range SUV and we live in a 3 bedroom flat, mum went into farming this year after many failed businesses, Dad provides just the basics like house rent and feeding plus school fees while the rest falls on her, she always ends up bankrupt because of expenses, we are only happy when she's doing business cos she provides everything without the kids asking.

I'm used to my dad's pressure, in fact we've had so many fall outs because of that, I sponsor myself 80% in school, yet he will always give me examples of other guys schooling and doing Mason work to sponser themselves and get their parents gifts, he quickly forgot how I shouldered most of his bills when I was doing business. Well I've developed a thick skin for his nagging but he has transferred it to my younger ones and anarchy is brewing in the family.

They're still very young to handle the kind of responsibilities he's expecting and its wrecking havoc in our peaceful home. My younger bro gave him #20k to add and pay rent last year and he wasn't impressed citing that the rent is #260k, this is a guy he gave just 30k to start business about a year ago. He doesn't ask him how business is faring what he just wants is bring money bring money.
He sent out our third born 21 as an apprentice to a rich man, it didn't work out because of the guys extravagant spending and he hasn't forgiven him since he came back last year. I managed to convince him to give the boy some money to start up something and he managed to give him 20k, few weeks later covid-19 set in and he lost the capital. He stays at home most times since he no longer has any capital, he was the one that gave the 2nd born about 100k to support his business while he was still in his ogas place( I got to know recently as it was a secret btwn the two).

There's fire in the house and I don't know how to handle it anymore, my mum is trying to douce the tension all to no avail, my dad's nagging is getting much and those boys are beginning to hate him. Despite his shortcomings I still love my dad and very grateful to have him alive cos I know what those that don't have is passing through. I've talked to him to cut us some slack cos with time he will enjoy the fruits of his labour but he keeps comparing us to other guys that he doesn't know how their parents set them up or what they do for a living.

I don't like coming home during break because of this, I've been home since I finished learning a trade during the lockdown but no capital to start and the pressure to do something is so enormous I sometimes wish I'm not born into this family. As the first child I'm supposed to control my siblings but I'm running out of options on how to achieve this, please help me out with advice.
Sorry for the epistle and any errors please, I typed this in a haste.

In haste? Really?

.

Your dad knows very well that if it was that easy he shouldn't still be living in a rented apartment with his family at his age. He was okay with having 8 children with no concrete means of providing for them to have better chances in life.

You all should put in your best effort to achieve your dreams but do not ever succumb to his irrational pressures and dabble into things that would mess up your lives.

Mindlog:
Your dad knows very well that if it was that easy he shouldn't still be living in a rented apartment with his family at his age. He was okay with having 8 children with no concrete means of providing for them to have better chances in life.

You all should put in your best effort to achieve your dreams but do not ever succumb to his irrational pressures and dabble into things that would mess up your lives.

Thanks man, we're doing our best but he's never appreciates our little efforts

Your dad has chosen the unwise path by comparing your family with other seemingly more successful ones.

This is so wrong! What a man!

God will give u d wisdom in handling issues in ur family.
U are strong and I appreciate d fact u are adding value to ur self.

Be patient, trust God that he'll change d situation of ur home

I have someone whose wife is on the 8th child and the first is only 19, once the kids clock 5years he pushes them to other family members, it starts from holiday and boom, the child begins to live with them.

It's pathetic how some men just breed kids anyhow without a plan for their future.

I dunno how people just like suffering in this life that is meant to be enjoyed.

Hmmm...
Op, you just have to be strong and also learn from this. Don't have so many children .

It's becoming annoying the way people just keep popping out children without thinking of tomorrow.

May God see you through.

In my opinion, what you need is to give your parents space.

CalliDora1:
Hmmm...
Op, you just have to be strong and also learn from this. Don't have so many children .

It's becoming annoying the way people just keep popping out children without thinking of tomorrow.

May God see you through.

Hmmmm I don't plan on having more than three regardless of the genders

Saintmary:
In my opinion, what you need is to give your parents space.

I don't really have anywhere to go, only school is my safe heaven

Unclesmart12:

Hmmmm I don't plan on having more than three regardless of the genders

Waaaat? Three is already a crowd. I'm not doing more than one.

Immediately I start making good money, the very first thing I'll do is build a house.

Can't just imagine myself paying house rents at old age.

CalliDora1:

Waaaat? Three is already a crowd. I'm not doing more than one.

For real? Are u Chinese?

tplayer:


For real? Are u Chinese?

Nope.

From my childhood days I've always said I'll have only one child. Even my mum used to rebuke me then. My mind is made up on that. One is ok for me.

When your dad compare your siblings to others, tell them to compare him to other parents too.


What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

It’s not easy anywhere but please Op get out there and continue to find ways to be independent. If one business is not working, try another and another, let this pressure from home serve as a motivation.

Also encourage your siblings to do the same.

CalliDora1:


Nope.

From my childhood days I've always said I'll have only one child. Even my mum used to rebuke me then. My mind is made up on that. One is ok for me.

You dont think your husband will have a problem with this idea. I mean, how many men in this world, and I am talking about the whole world, would be ok with just one issue?

Why one? Any real reason?

CalliDora1:


Nope.

From my childhood days I've always said I'll have only one child. Even my mum used to rebuke me then. My mind is made up on that. One is ok for me.

That decision is not up to you alone.

[s]

Klass99:
Where are all these multiply and be fruitful crew people?

And the god forbid vasectomy crew people plus family planning is a sin, crew?

OP, no offense meant but to slap your parents dey sweet me die. 8 children, for what nah?

The part that irritates and annoys me is your father's expectations and nagging for funds to handle his responsibilities.

No vex, I have no valuable counsel other than to express shock at how people can be incredibly foolish over certain matters.

[/s]

Slap yourself first!

If you were raised well and had reverence for your parents, insulting the Op's parents would've never crossed your mind.
I blame the op for bringing his family issue out here on a forum filled with irrational and disrespectful people to have a fill day.

Op, your father is just going through pressure and impatiently taking it out on you guys.
It is part of your duty as the first son to protect your family and keep them together. BE A MAN AND NOT A SNITCH!
Stop exposing your family.
Caution your brothers if they talk about your father in a disrespectful manner.
It is a blessing to be part of a big family, even if you don't see it that way now.
ALWAYS RESPECT AND HONOUR YOUR FATHER. It is important for you and your brothers as men.

As for you and some of your brothers, you can contribute and get a place so that you guys can move out of the house to ease expenses and tension.
Make una sef try hustle harder! Baba don try na!

Klass99:
Where are all these multiply and be fruitful crew people?

And the god forbid vasectomy crew people plus family planning is a sin, crew?

OP, no offense meant but to slap your parents dey sweet me die. 8 children, for what nah?

The part that irritates and annoys me is your father's expectations and nagging for funds to handle his responsibilities.

No vex, I have no valuable counsel other than to express shock at how people can be in credibly foolish over certain matters.

The insults were so unnecessary.
You had and have no right whatsoever to insult his parents.

Who gives birth to people like you?
Foolish thing!

CalliDora1:


Nope.

From my childhood days I've always said I'll have only one child. Even my mum used to rebuke me then. My mind is made up on that. One is ok for me.

Your husband will not agree to it, all this one u dey talk naa initial gra bra, atleast 4 is OK, 2boys, 2 girls,

mariahAngel:
Op, your father is just going through pressure and impatiently taking it out on you guys.
It is part of your duty as the first son to protect your family and keep them together. BE A MAN AND NOT A SNITCH!
Stop exposing your family.
Caution your brothers if they talk about your father in a disrespectful manner.
It is a blessing to be part of a big family, even if you don't see it that way now.
ALWAYS RESPECT AND HONOUR YOUR FATHER. It is important for you and your brothers as men.

As for you and some of your brothers, you can contribute and get a place so that you guys can move out of the house to ease expenses and tension.
Make una sef try hustle harder! Baba don try na!

Shut up¡
Destiny differs and with time he'll arrive. Should he get into yahoo plus or the likes to please his father bcoz he's a 1st son?he's trying his best. Stop making him feel bad.
I know the pressure on my husband as a 3rd child out of 10 but 1st son is going through including my 1st bro. I just feel for them.

It took pains and shame to write these.
He didn't ask the father to keep cumming .
That's how we emasculate our men until they commit suicide or go into crime.Let him vent,let him cry,let him laugh.he's human first !

mariahAngel:
Op, your father is just going through pressure and impatiently taking it out on you guys.
It is part of your duty as the first son to protect your family and keep them together. BE A MAN AND NOT A SNITCH!
Stop exposing your family.
Caution your brothers if they talk about your father in a disrespectful manner.
It is a blessing to be part of a big family, even if you don't see it that way now.
ALWAYS RESPECT AND HONOUR YOUR FATHER. It is important for you and your brothers as men.

As for you and some of your brothers, you can contribute and get a place so that you guys can move out of the house to ease expenses and tension.
Make una sef try hustle harder! Baba don try na!

Aunty thanks, but its obvious you don't understand how I feel cos apparently you're a lady. I never stated he's not trying, all we just want is a little time. Its not easy starting from nothing, no inheritance, no rich relatives, no connection, nothing.....out of 8children I'm the only one in the university and my body dey tell me. You sow in order to reap my sister, as for hustle commot that side cos if riches is by hustle I for don blow tee tee, I ventured into biz early so I can help out as e no work out make I kill myself in I'm in pains biko don't compound it

[s]

LadySarah:


Shut up¡
Destiny differs.Should he get into yahoo plus or the likes to please his father.he's trying his best. Stop making him feel bad.
It took pains and shame to write these.
He didn't ask the father to keep cumming .
That's how we emasculate our men until they commit suicide or go into crime.Let him vent,let him cry,let him laugh.he's human first ¡

[/s]

Never in your life should you try this nonsense again! I SWEAR! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE THE CONSEQUENCES!

Try to twist my words with your twisted mind; Have you lost your mind?

Unclesmart12:

Aunty thanks, but its obvious you don't understand how I feel cos apparently you're a lady. I never stated he's not trying, all we just want is a little time. Its not easy starting from nothing, no inheritance, no rich relatives, no connection, nothing.....out of 8children I'm the only one in the university and my body dey tell me. You sow in order to reap my sister, as for hustle commot that side cos if riches is by hustle I for don blow tee tee, I ventured into biz early so I can help out as e no work out make I kill myself in I'm in pains biko don't compound it

I never said it was easy, what I'm saying is you should cut your dad some slack. Bear with him. In no time, everything go set.

Tony142:




Your husband will not agree to it, all this one u dey talk naa initial gra bra, atleast 4 is OK, 2boys, 2 girls,

He just has to agree. He ain't got any choice.

mariahAngel:


That decision is not up to you alone.

We'll both agree to it before tying the knot.

Klass99:
Where are all these multiply and be fruitful crew people?

And the god forbid vasectomy crew people plus family planning is a sin, crew?

OP, no offense meant but to slap your parents dey sweet me die. 8 children, for what nah?

The part that irritates and annoys me is your father's expectations and nagging for funds to handle his responsibilities.

No vex, I have no valuable counsel other than to express shock at how people can be incredibly foolish over certain matters.

STFU if you have nothing meaningful to contribute. Why are you so pained when it's not like the guy is asking you to help their situation, y'all kids need to go upgrade your morals.