HeadofWhite:
Pls follow ur mind .....tru b told u have ur own ego but then it can b control don't want 2 make u feel nice u ar a gud lady&wifey material.but has 4 him he can't control his ego Emotions.pls chat mi directly on this Fb a/c .sammy Dansu,so has2 hear fulldetails&way forward wishing u gud luck and best wishes. BRAVO 4 UR BRAVE COURAGE 4 SPEAKING OUT.

this one de look for already made woman. Nor go hustle first.

I will like you to move on because you deserve a better man than him.

Get books on the LAWS OF ATTRACTION and study them and in a short while you'll smile to alter to say YES I DO with the real and your future blessed husband!

You are inlove with a stranger....

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

Don't marry the guy because u are desperate to get married.
By now deep inside u, u could tell if he loves you or not, if he doesn't i will advise you to dump his ass. There are many man who will cherish and adore you. Be happy and don't get so stuck to him.

Shokoloko:


I might learn something from you. I always tell young men and women to maintain dignity and never stand and allow people to insult them. I advise them to walk away or cut the call when they are verbally abused.

How do you marry that with asking a person to stand in humility absorbing another human being's insults and not doing anything about it.

Does this standing / listening and accepting abuse apply to both gender?

Yes it applies to both genders.

In any marriage-based relationship, compatibility test is very key. There have to be compatibility(being okay with each other's actions and reactions) before both parties start involving each other deeply in their matters. And this compatibility can be found out within 7-8weeks of spending time together. Once its obvious they're not compatible, there's no need wasting each other's time. Both shd go their different ways.

Aside that, both parties shd be vast in knowledge about the opposite gender. This knowledge has to be put in play in trying to find out how compatible they both are. The man shd know a woman needs to be loved to blossom and the woman shd know that a man not only hates his ego battered, he lives on respect as fuel for happiness.

If this knowledge is understood, a rich and classic woman will become tender to her man or at least wise enough to avoid ego challenges. Once his ego is not traumatized, she may be the richest woman in the world, her man won't feel intimidated. That's d secret of some outwardly domineering women who have peaceful marriages...they act tender at home. The harsh female boss at work may be a dilly-dallying or crycry baby at home.

The problem with rich ladies is that they already have an ego-battering attitude beforehand, their wealth regardless (like being rude, domineering etc) probably from the way they were raised. It just became complicated with the wealth.

Attitude/understanding a man's psychic and riches are two different things that don't overlap. When a lady becomes disrespectful or claims equal right with her man, even if she's poor, the man will feel disrespected or ego-challenged(which is normal in gender psychology).

Now instead of such rich ladies to own up to their attitude, they usually shift the case to ...he's feeling intimidated by my wealth, he has low self esteem bla bla... Whereas, he doesn't even have a problem with her being rich. In fact, being the man of a rich woman is a great feeling when she submits despite the wealth.

Wahala be like bicycle.

victorazyvictor:


Move on! move on! move to where?

Proffer a solution to her by telling her to look inward herself and drop those things or characters that is making the guys feel uncomfortable with her than moving to next person with the same life. 4yrs not moi moi

If in 4 years, they can't be good friends to themselves

If in 4 years, the guy has NEVER found a reason to assist her financially - even when she has asked on few occasions

If in 4 years, he's still complaining that she's proud (whether true or not)

MOVING ON is the only solution - before someone ends up killing the other (check the news sir).

FOUR YEARS IS NOT MOI-MOI BUT FOUR YEARS IS CHILD'S PLAY COMPARED TO EXPECTED 60 YEARS OR MORE OF MARRIAGE

majorbravo:

Fact!

One or 2 days silence at most, may be enough for him to overcome his bad mood. But 3 weeks, that's a clear Abandon Ship signal.

The fact she wants to test if he loves her, 4 years into their relationship tells me she's probably older than him or now grown too old for him now.

That nigga been looking for an excuse to bail and she made it easy for him by not calling him to make peace after dropping his call in an argument. For crying out loud, she just sounded like she doesn't need him, he complained about this, and she banged the phone on him, proving his exact sentiment. What a way to lose a guy quick.

This dude obviously is either still young or has ego issues and needs the kinda woman who worships the very ground he walks on. I wonder how they lasted 4 years to begin with.

She really rub it to his face, if you're an independent woman, he already knows you don't need to rub it to his face, and the guy saw that as an avenue to bail.

tarantino1:
If you're 100 percent honest with what you wrote here, no plus or minus then your boyfriend is just plain insecure and childish.

The least he could have done was congratulate you and take you out to celebrate, not ghost you for weeks .

Did you the read the part where she said that her bf called to apologise for not supporting her financially? Then she went ballistic how she doesn't need his help? That kind of responses are relationship killers! No man, whether rich or poor would be comfortable with that kind of response.
Not saying the guy is blameless for being stingy and things like that but it is one thing for a woman to be independent and it is another thing to flaunt it in the face of her partner.

DaddyRochie1642:
Proud and non Submissive Women never ever go far in Relationship and Marriage.... I say this without Remorse

The funniest thing is that people here judging the guy don't realise many people will walk out of relationships without looking back because of attitude like that of Op. Even more, let's hear from the bf, it could be even worse on the part of the Op than what she stated here.

Funkyswagzz:
He just realized he can't handle you.. so he found an easy way out

What would a man be doing with a woman he couldn't handle. My guy has moved, she should be carrying her independence around. At least, she has something to be proud of. 90% of guys will quit that kind of relationship

This op side of the story no too straight �...if truly what you said is true ,the guy no suppose bash u like that or let say he has been seeing the triat for long and just decided to use that opportunity to flare up but tbh
Most financially stable Nigerian ladies are not submissive, talking from several experiences
If u are reading this and your woman is financially ok and she still respects you and she is submissive to you, abeg hold her well dem no plenty again o

Nnemuka:

What do men want?

Mtchwwww, do you book flight? I need a cheap flight from pH to Lagos next week

thebosstrevor1:
Insecured Men can not handle independent women.

He is financially not buoyant so he already feeling threatened.

If you are planning of marrying him, dont do it, you will regret it, his insecurities will make you go mad and might end up making the marriage filled with fights.

You don't want to be with a man that will accuse you of cheating, that will monitor your movements and accuse you of everything bad all because you have more money than him.

If he doesn't pick his call, ex him, go find for your levels.

I'm not sure you would smile like nothing happened if your gf had reacted to you just like Op did to her bf. Finding her levels wouldn't be a difficult thing, in fact they're the ones who will find her. But the question is that: how many guys can put up with attitude like that from a woman? My friend, not many men in reality. Men would prefer to settle down with poor ladies, uneducated ladies instead of the ones like Op who wear attitude like a badge

dont really no how most women reason, tha guy apologised that you shouldnt get angry cos he wasnt there financially and yet he gave moral supports. yet you were telling him that you dont expect beyond his moral supports, you are independent, you have money, you can get what you want bla bla bla, that he owes you no apologies. woman you are too proud. too proud. as a good woman and a humble woman, all you say is thank you and appreciate him for his moral supports even he didnt give you money., and then move on with your relationship.

This story honestly is one sided, you haven't really told us what you did.....

Is always him and him.

Anyway, my advise, you seem more mature and reasonable. Don't force this relationship because if you do. You will certainly regret it later my dear.As a lady, when a guy is not into you especially in relationships. That's the first sign to quit. Marriage will be tooooooo expensive for y'all......

Oluromantic:
What I see is incompatibility. I say so because what he did was wrong and your reaction also was mean. See lemme tell you one secret. When your partner does some extremely annoying things, it always wise not to obey your instinct of revenge because at long last, people won't see his wrong but blame you for your extreme reaction. That's the formula most men use to avoid physical abuse of their women.

You shouldn't have cut the call on him. And from the story, you seem to have had him in mind over his lack of support in previous times which was what pushed you to react that way, because if that wasn't the case, your conscience would strike you to call back and apologize for hanging up on him...that's the normal thing when in love.

Besides, waiting a whole week to call him back, truth be told, you seem to be emotionally stable than him and you're using it as strength against him. He seem more emotional, that's why he wanted to year you say something affectionate about taking his little offer of support for the car. If you had joked about it and gave him a tender feeling that you'll take his offer, that would have puffed up his masculinity and he'll feel honored. You need to study his psychic to know what response will soothe him.

You both need to open up to each other more. That issue of asking him for money because you have been the one supporting him was probably presented as a sudden rise of intelligence which he's not been used to from you. You shouldn't have presented it like "I can't afford it, I need your help". It would have been better if you had presented it like "I can afford it but I want ur support so I can remember you and brag of you" Not like a revenge strategy now but like I want your influence and aura in my things. That will not only make you wify but will also make him feel you believe in him. Wish I could advice you privately

Omg you're full of wisdom. Thank you so much for this.

Let

Him

Go.

God is saving you from pain. Do you want to marry someone that could leave you tomorrow ?

Haba.

thebosstrevor1:
Insecured Men can not handle independent women.

He is financially not buoyant so he already feeling threatened.

If you are planning of marrying him, dont do it, you will regret it, his insecurities will make you go mad and might end up making the marriage filled with fights.

You don't want to be with a man that will accuse you of cheating, that will monitor your movements and accuse you of everything bad all because you have more money than him.

If he doesn't pick his call, ex him, go find for your levels.

And you on the other hand, would you be happy and comfortable settling down with a woman who indirectly told you to shove your apology up your ass just because she is financially independent? She can go choke on her financial independence for all I care!

Sixfeetbelle:


He's insecure and he should go deal with his problems. Which kain nonsense submissiveness is he looking for?

You won't understand

Just move on. He can't take care of you financially. You may regret marrying such man because he will always have that in mind that you have to take care of yourself since you are also financially stable.

Though i think he belongs to the SMAN group (Stingy men)

Wetin U do? Well, until we hear his version.

Leave that kid....

GetMeRight:


What would a man be doing with a woman he couldn't handle. My guy has moved, she should be carrying her independence around. At least, she has something to be proud of. 90% of guys will quit that kind of relationship

I once did something like that buh I must tell u it is pure stupidity. I regret my actions cos it will make u work harder. What ever u are good at make it beta. U guys will definitely find a ground to make the relationship work cos u both love each other.

The girl in question is a doctor and her dad is a professor(hod) in Anambra state university then. Very pretty and down to earth lady. I was a bit naive then shah

Listen to this Advice...Best advice so far���


What I see is incompatibility. I say so because what he did was wrong and your reaction also was mean. See lemme tell you one secret. When your partner does some extremely annoying things, it always wise not to obey your instinct of revenge because at long last, people won't see his wrong but blame you for your extreme reaction. That's the formula most men use to avoid physical abuse of their women.

You shouldn't have cut the call on him. And from the story, you seem to have had him in mind over his lack of support in previous times which was what pushed you to react that way, because if that wasn't the case, your conscience would strike you to call back and apologize for hanging up on him...that's the normal thing when in love.

Besides, waiting a whole week to call him back, truth be told, you seem to be emotionally stable than him and you're using it as strength against him. He seem more emotional, that's why he wanted to year you say something affectionate about taking his little offer of support for the car. If you had joked about it and gave him a tender feeling that you'll take his offer, that would have puffed up his masculinity and he'll feel honored. You need to study his psychic to know what response will soothe him.

You both need to open up to each other more. That issue of asking him for money because you have been the one supporting him was probably presented as a sudden rise of intelligence which he's not been used to from you. You shouldn't have presented it like "I can't afford it, I need your help". It would have been better if you had presented it like "I can afford it but I want ur support so I can remember you and brag of you" Not like a revenge strategy now but like I want your influence and aura in my things. That will not only make you wify but will also make him feel you believe in him. Wish I could advice you privately[/quote]

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

He is obviously married and you had been an.option.

Please move on my dear, we guys can always reach out especially after you have sent numerous messages.
Take care and start your year Strong and Bold.

Is Drake your favorite musician? Even if he is, STOP LISTENING TO THIS ONE PARTICULAR TRACK : "laugh now cry later " and instead turn it the other way around.

The call you ended angrily triggered his long awaited time , dream and opportunity of ending the relationship



Sorry

Ishilove:
Aunty talk true and tell us what really happened because no sane man will just go off on you because you bought a car with his knowledge. You people come online to paint the other person bad in order to reduce the guilt of fücking up.

When you give us the true picture of what happened then I will know what to tell you.

you are so blessed.

cooooooks:
She should consult this 'man' about car she is buying for herself with her own money?

Maka Gini?

Is he Innoson?

am sorry for u Oga... If ur wife can't seek for ur advice b4 getting something....that means u guys have interchanged positions oo... Even b4 the husband gets something into the house he must consult his wife... It only if it's a surprise.... Thats accepted... In my opinion sha

babakb:


Look at how heartless people like you sound, do you know how hard it is to make money out there, the useless guy has been leaching on her for 4 good years yet she should keep quiet and listen to all his insults on phone, it's like you guys want OP to develop high BP or become a slave to that egocentric guy.

OP listen with your 2 ears, harden your heart and dump that bastard, take your mom and sister and cruise your car, focus on your hustle and the right guy will approach you, if you accept him back you will never be happy.

did u jus asked me how hard it's to make money? Like who do I think I am? Jobless? See my guy, u ve not heard from the other end, so u base ur assertion from one end? Check her writeup, she was so defensive before attacking the guy.

obviously ur in love bt truth is that guy has been looking for some opportunities to use as an avenue to end it and that was it.... i don't see any harm in ur statement rather guy's are even looking for asset and not liability and he's got one still talking trash ...

for the sake of ur mental health move on move on i repeat move on don't let love get u stuck with people who don't deserve or know your worth...

maybe he prefers urgent 2k girls
life no balance what you've been searching for is what another guy is treating anyhow tueeh

To be honest, there are more to this than all you have stated. This guy might be deeply in love with you as much as you are with him. You never tried to find out from him why he is behaving the way he is doing,but you assumed you already know.

Men can hide a lot inside them especially the gentle ones like us. Little things makes us happy and little things gets us agitated.

Make efforts to locate him,sit him down,tell him how you feel about the whole thing,ask him to talk to you without holding anything back. Ask him to tell you all he wants from you. Be humble enough in your approach. The outcome of that meeting will determine your next point of action.
Good luck