Golfing Genie - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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| Golfing Genie by Akin007(m): 4:07pm On Jul 04, 2007 |
One day a blonde was golfing. She hit the ball into the sand and went to retrieve it. She was just bending down to get it when she heard a small voice" If you pick me up I will grant you three wishes." "ok" she agreed. She picked him up and he said" Whatever you wish your husband will get 20 times more" "alright, for my first wish I want to be beautiful and flawless" "Ok that can be done but remember your husband will 20 times more beautiful!" "ok" She became beautiful."For my second wish I would like to have a trillion dollars" "Ok remember about your husband!" "I dont mind" The blonde felt a wad of money grow in her pocket. "ok for my last wish I would like to have a small, tiny very little heartattack" "Ok but your husband will get 20 times, " |
| Re: Golfing Genie by Akin007(m): 4:09pm On Jul 04, 2007 |
new preacher A new preacher told his wife he was going to preach on water skiing, she said you can't preach on water skiing. if you do i am not going, so she stayed home in the house behind the church as the preacher listened to the singing and got ready to preach and thought I don't know anything about water skiing I will preach on sex, after church a deacon walked by the house and told the preachers wife it sure was a good sermon. and the preachers wife said am really surprised he only tried it twice and fell off both times. |
| Re: Golfing Genie by Akin007(m): 4:32pm On Jul 04, 2007 |
Happy Birthday To Me! A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32", the clerk replies. "I'm actually 47," the woman says happily. A little while later, she goes into Mr Bigg's, and upon getting her order, asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd quess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47." Now she is feeling really good about herself. While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is starting to go. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands up your shirt and feel your boobs. Then I can tell exactly how old you are." They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman, and she finally said, "What the hell, go ahead." The old man slips both hands up her shirt, under her bra, and begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes, she says, "Okay, okay, how old am I?" He removes his hands and says, "You are 47." Stunned, the woman says, "That is amazing! How did you know?" The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at Mr Bigg's." |
| Re: Golfing Genie by jesusfreak(f): 12:39pm On Jul 05, 2007 |
Akin007!!! That was very funny, i'm actually LMFAO now. Especially the last one, although she's 47, i can bet she's got a 2yr old brain.  |
| Re: Golfing Genie by Akin007(m): 2:56pm On Oct 03, 2007 |
The End Is Near A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" to let pple know the bridge ahead is broken They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?" |
| Re: Golfing Genie by Akin007(m): 3:11pm On Oct 03, 2007 |
Watched By Jesus A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes." He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses." The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?" The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus". The Confession Matthew goes into a confessional box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman." The Priest says "is that you Matthew?" "Yes father, it is I." "Who was the woman you were with?" "I cannot tell you for I do not wish to sully her reputation." The priest asks "Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "No father." "Was it Fiona MacDonald?" "No father." "Was it Ann Brown?" "No father, I cannot tell you." The priest says "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys." Matthew goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks "What did you get?" Matthew replies "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads." |
| Re: Golfing Genie by mimiko(f): 11:21pm On Oct 03, 2007 |
nice ones cooooooooooooooooooooooool |
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