Hey everyone.

Silent reader here. Now I need some advice. I have been married several years and my spouse states he is happy however I am not. I'm resentful and bitter and its basically because of three things

I have a child who has fighting some health battles for years. Now part of the medication means that one person has to do a vigil every Saturday (overnight) monitoring the administration of medication. it has to be at night when child is asleep. I work 7am to 7pm everyday except weekends, and my spouse works two weeks onshore and two weeks offshore. I have asked for him to take a vigil once a month and I handle the remaining three weekends but he refuses. I am happy to do it for my child but I am not happy that my spouse refuses to do even 25% - its draining not being able to rest every weekend. He is not curious about his child's medication or treatment: the only time he asked questions was when he was asking if the medication could help his younger brother and if I could take his brother to my child's doctor.

Second, I am not happy with his reaction to excess drink. He drinks, and then vomits allover the room, takes off all his clothes and is starkers on the ground. Lots of times my kids are crying that they want to see their dad who is lying in a pool of his vomit - when he is sober he starts to tell me how a parent must never be naked in front of his kids .
I have asked him to stay in the car and sober up before coming in but he refuses. He says he drinks because I have a body odour and so he has to drink to deaden his sense of smell. However he was drinking heavily before we dated but I never knew he got drunk as we never lived together. I have asked my family members, friends and have been to several clinics, spas, herbalists for help but they are not able to treat me as they all claim that I do not have a body odour.
When I see a lot of people together I deliberately go into their midst to check their reaction if I really have a body odour and no one yet has reacted like I do. I do not want to believe that he is just lying to hurt me. However he does not claim any smell when we are intimate.

Third, I believe couples should perform what Nigerians would call "eye service" for each other. Now I do not see him try to have a relationship with his kids. Whenever I call home, The help always says he is garden or at the pool, and she is with the kids. And when I call him, he says he is with the kids. I try to sneak into the home at lunch time to catch daddy and kids playing, but I have never seen them together.
And when I ask why I never see him with the kids, he says he spends time with them in my absence and will not go out of his way to play with the kids in front of me and that would be eye service. He says once I come back from work the kids are mine to handle as he has spent time with them for the day. I still think that couples should be able to compromise or do "eye service" for each other if that is what makes the other person happy.

Financially he is doing his best and I have no complaints as I can supplement easily

But here is the issue: I'd like to forgive him but first I want to understand where he is coming from, what drives him to treat I and the children the way he does.
However he refuses to explain why he will not help me in the vigil, refuses to explain why he will not stay in the car inside the compound till he sobers up but would rather let the kids see him naked in his vomit, refuses to expatiate on the body odour he perceives and refuses to explain why I have never seen him spend time with the kids in my presence. Sometimes I ask him: wouldn't you think it was weird if your fridge was full of delicious food everyday and you never saw me cook and I tell you that I cook only in your absence?

Can someone else explain on his behalf why you think he would do this? Why does he not want to do his part of the vigil when he has two weeks to rest at home? Is he scared that he could fall asleep and leave the child unmonitored? Why would he not want to help me defeat this "body odour"? Is my help lying or is he lying?

Looking forward to reading your KIND responses

This story get as e be sha..First of all I think your husband is just being himself..He is a an 'I DONT CARE' kinda dude.
As for the issues you raised,I think he doesn't feel he can take care of the child on those weekends like you would do. He is busy thinking of other stuff and what have you. Why not get a specialist to assist on those sorta moments..
For the drinking, that's quite immature really. He should fear for his health. The fact that he drinks slot means that he is not happy. He is depressed. Many men will hide their true feeling. They will never speak up. Try to find someone that can talk to him maybe his best friend..That is the person in position to tell you the truth.
As for the body odour. Well since you say you have exhausted all options and there's no issues, I think it's high time he visits an ENT to check his sense of smell. Probably he has an issue with the nose and he isn't aware of that who knows....Either ways just endure. Trust me a lot of guys are seeing horror in marriages, they are not just speaking up. Many are quite unhappy, they just keep smiling. Cheers

Melokuhlea:
Hey everyone.


Looking forward to reading your KIND responses

My response may not be very kind. I think your spouse isn't happy or into you much. I think he is depressed and that's is why he is drinking. And I think he is trying to use non-verbal means of telling you to leave. A man will do anything to protect the woman/child that he loves.

Now here are my questions: For how long will your husband manage a marriage that makes him depressed? For how long will he punish the kids for a wife that causes him depression? Why put his health at risk by drinking because of you when it is NOT easier, BUT HEALTHIER to walk away

IS THERE AN AWARD FOR BEST MARRIAGE-SUFFERER?

there is a high possiblity that this your husband has kids outside that you are unaware of.


make i no talk more

How can you even think of allowing a drunk to monitor religiously a medication your child is taking?
Please, it's in the best interest of your son not to have his father administer that medication. It could end in tears.
I think your husband understands this and knows his capabilities hence he doesn't want to risk the life of his son.
I'm not making excuses for him btw and he's probably not much of a great husband or even dad, from what you've written there.
Perhaps he could seek some help for his drinking? Any rehab or Alcoholic Anonymous organisation where you are ?

I suspect Your husband is unhappy in the marriage. It could be something you’ve done or not. Or he may be self destructive mode for whatever reason worse still it could be the child’s illness affecting him in such a manner. We could continue playing a guessing game on his behaviour for a long time and may never find the answer.

The real issue is if you want to stay or leave the marriage. Weigh the pros and cons and make a decision to suit yourself and the children.

Firstly, are you a Nigerian

You need to have a heart to heart talk with your hubby

Dear op, first of all I will applaud you for all that yoi have done and had to put up with so far just to keep it together , managing work and your child ,these sacrifice you have made will not go unrewarded irrespective of what happens.You are indeed a strong woman,a rare gift.

To your husband, there is a level to how much and long you can continue to make excuses for him, you can only take a horse to the stream...
He is going through something he has not told you,,it is also possible that he is being manipulated by another,,,Can you help, yes if he opens up...I fear that whatever has taken over him is engineered to destroy him, starting with his family,unknowingly to him, he is making their plan easy.

My advice, pray for yourself, you are the pillar and once you loose strenght, the home falls..
When I say pray, I mean get yourself focused on christ, forget the problems, act like he doesnt exist, tackle the problem in prayer..while at this, find joy in the little things that matter, love who loves you,ignore who doesnt..take care of yourself, ur kids, dont kill yourself over any man, do the best and expect nothing.

The devil is working to distract you with issues and make you lose a lot, but if u can get yourself together you can save a lot.

I am attaching a link here to a prayer group, you are welcome
https:///KbDLvQ3FQ9z6wRpPnX5u7r

May God continue to fight for you and see u through

This your mata tie gele and double wrapper, come wear canvas join.