Am a married woman with two kids,i always beg my husband to have intimacy with me,he doesn't stay home,he complains of not having enough money which i supported him,doesn't take his kids out, comes home late,he cheats on me(all these have been going on before we got married)am very attractive young girl in my thirties.I already caught him cheating with my best friend,he apologized and i forgave him.I was pregnant with our third child last year and had a still birth,my husband was not there for me during my grieving period,he never cares to ask how i feel,during this period i found that my best friend already had a baby for him,and this is the friend i tell everything about my marriage.My husband did not deny the child and my friend did not stop telling people how my husband rented an apartment for her and the baby
Am tired,i don't know what to do.I can never accept her as second wife would rather divorce.I don't know if i can ever forgive my husband again,i feel so much pain that what i had labored for someone will just grab it out of no where.
I dont know what to do,am tired and helpless!

Where are you based?

from you write-up seems you ae spoon feeding your husbad and forcing trying to force him to Love you while he doesnt, the earlier you realise this and buckle up the better.
Frankly, it might really be time to move on very hard though.

He has been cheating and cared less even before you guys got married? You still went ahead to marry him? Your husband doesn't give an f about your marriage but you went ahead and kept  bringing kids into an extremely unsteady marriage? Did you think the more kids you have the quicker he'll change?

See how women use their own hands to go and look for trouble. Some Women are the architects of  their problems. They go ahead and bring trouble into their lives. You are one of them ''some'' women.

dami30:

Am a married woman with two kids,i always beg my husband to have intimacy with me,he doesn't stay home,he complains of not having enough money which i supported him,doesn't take his kids out,  comes home late,he cheats on me(all these have been going on before we got married)am very attractive young girl in my thirties.I already caught him cheating  with my best friend,he apologized and i forgave him.I was pregnant with our third child last year and had a still birth,my husband was not there for me during my grieving period,he never cares to ask how i feel,during this period i found that my best friend already had a baby for him,and this is the friend i tell everything about my marriage.My husband did not deny the child and my friend did not  stop telling people how my husband rented an apartment for her and the baby
Am tired,i don't know what to do.I can never accept her as second wife would rather divorce.I don't know if i can ever forgive my husband again,i feel so much pain that what i had labored for someone will just grab it out of no where.
I dont know what to do,am tired and helpless!

So sorry about your plight ma'am, but then your woes were so glaring,you didnt need an oyokometre to see thru ths man.
You acted desperate marrying him in the first place.
Most Africans just have this crazy mindset that all females must get married and ths pushes them to desperation. Sorry.
Hv you talked to your family? your husband's family? A respected friend of hs?

//

You husband is doing "great and big" things and you are here asking what to do

Stay dia dey watch and pray until he and his new sugar chase u comot with only wrapper for your waist.

First of,are u still  gainfully employed?have something that gives u your own money?Which type of marriage did u have?legal?Have you told your parents abt the new wife/gf and child?

sit your husband down and inform him that u have given him enough time to get back on track,what plans does he have for u,your kids,new gf and baby.His response wud be clear pointers on the way to go.

While at it,please secure your kids future now as much as u can.No joke/slack for dat side.

You never said a thing abt your own weaknesses too?are u one of those "angels" that married a "beast" ?

You saw all these coming before u got into the marriage,So brave up and deal with it.

Another story about a woman being maltreated! What?! Is it that the marriage institution is really going down? And why did you marry him even when he didn't treat you well before you said I do?

You can't force a man to love you,no level of sacrifice for a man will make him change. If you know that you can't continue like this, then do something about it. Like someone said, invite family members in,talk to him and if he doesn't change you know the next step to take.

Take heart ma.

Maybe u just try 2 focus on ur children and ur job if u ve any.If u dont ve a job,I'll advice u 2 pls get one.Jst get urself busy n u'll c how dat can help.Give him a break,its obvious he doesnt care about d way u feel.Jst let him be and move on.Perharps one day, he mignt come back 2 his family.Marriage is nt a do or die affair.
ABOVE ALL-dere,s someone dat cares n luvs u more than any oda-JESUS,u can talk 2 him,i'm sure he ll help out
GU LUCK!

Yes, this is what happens in real life. So many women make wrong choices and live unhappy lives. I guess they are now feeling more confident to share their problems; having realized that they won't be insulted (much) on this forum. @Poster, you seem resigned to your fate already, why are you complaining?

Stop calling that women "your best friend" by the way. If the things you complained about are killing you inside. Then, I suggest you make an exit plan from this unhappy marriage. Ensure that you are financially independent, try to divorce your husband as peacefully as possible, get custody of your children and search for a man that will love, respect you and your kids. Although at this stage if I want to be honest with you the category of men that are likely to be sincerely interested in you (and not out to play you) are widowers and polygamists (yes, I do not think it is a bad thing as long as all parties are responsible). The alternative is to take your husband as he is and try to make him a better man. Always be careful of the antics of your "best friend" turn rival though.

Welcome to 'born-again' love.

Mu he he he he he
Anoda wan don come.
May I never be caught dead lamenting over a man and his 'wandering' third-leg agenda issues in the name of my God.
Amen.

Thank God for full time employment and many Married boyfriends with loaded pockets and 'pants'!

Shioooooooooooooor!!!

Next topic please.

Am not married but i feel ur pain.
If u shld make the mistake of  moving out of that out, that second woman wuld pack in and it wil take only prayer to send her out.
y did u marry him in d first place whn it was obvious that he was cheating on u. Most men cheat but they kinda give respect to their women by keeping it as secret.
mayb u didnt marry ur divine husband right for the start but the bible says if the foundation is destroyed wot can the righteous do? The righteous can pray !!! you need to first pray that God shld deliver ur husband and marriage from sytrange woman.
You dont knw the extent ds woman has gone to so u need prayer to snatch ur husband back. Am not saying u shld start lighting candle ooo.
Read the book Hosea,a particular chapter talks abt strange woman.
After prayer to God to bring ur husband back to his senses. You can change him only God his creator can change him.
Pls since u hav ur job, dont give him money for now. face ur children and start saving towards dir future. Forget that u have a husband now. if he is still doing his responsibilities, do ur own responsibilities as wife 2.
I knw u r married, forget sex wit him for him. Forgive him within ur heart so that ur prayer can be answered.
If u have made a mistake by not consulting God be4 u got married to him thereby getting married to d wrong guy, ask God for forgiveness. He is merciful and He wil show u directions.
My advise again, dont leave ur home and be prayerful
The woman out mayb doing somethg that wil make u to leave ur home, pls dont leave.
Am sure family is aware dont involve dem only involve God.
God wil see u thru

the man is taking you for a ride

You married a man that cannot take care of himself not to talk of a family. One idle enough to find time to cheat with your best friend and rent a house for her. Still you are supporting him. I guess indirectly you are paying the rent for your best friend and her child. It would be best for you to pack the man's belonging's into your best friends house so that she can see that all that glittters is not gold. Your lazy husband is an ingrate. He does not respect or love you. Neither does he love the other woman. He is just a lazy man with misplaced priorities. It is best you leave the two thieves alone and wise up. Stop paying their bills, i am sure you can do better for your children with the money they (husband and friend) expect you to provide for them. Just leave them to enjoy themselves, God will guide you. Stop giving this man money or financial support . Focus on your life and your children. You will find someone else that will treat you like a human being, not a ridiculed animal.

Dear God where is thy face, I have only read this and yet feel so down, what about this daughter of yours going through this, this is so sad, and as if you have not been through enough, you had to lose your baby whose pregnancy you selflessly carried and nurtured for nine months all alone, after birth too. My heart really goes out to you. I wish I could give you a hug right now. The hard cold fact is that she is already the second wife as he has not only accepted and continued the relationship with your best friend, but he has already set up home for her, and with your money too, damn, gaddemmit.

This is too much for one person to handle, have you involved your Parents in these, what are they saying? You cannot handle this all by yourself, you will break down and will not be able to be a good Mother to your children. It seems you want to stay and fight for your marriage, so the only thing you can do is notify the elders and start praying earnestly, if you have not started yet, for God to preserve and make you endure so you can stand strong. I will keep you in my prayers too. God will reward your longsuffering, you will smile again. It is well.

Good advise in this case is difficult. I can feel you pain and I reach out to you as one woman to another. Please do not despair God will take control. Sometimes we have difficult loads to bear but it will come to pass. What do you feel like doing staying or leaving the marriage. That decision is entirely yours to make. I think only then can people advise you on how to go about it.

BB God will only come in when you want him to. Sometimes he tels you what to do but we humanbeings are just too stubborn to let go. Let me tell yous a story.

A Zimbabwean friend of mine faced almost the same issue here the only difference was that her husband's mistress was a 'MARRIED WOMAN' . She is a Nurse and just decided to move out of her husband's house to another city . The city I currently live in. She wasn't even a strong christian and I did not bother asking her to become one. Anyways we got talking and she told she wants to move on and get someone else and my first ever question to herr was ''Is that what God wants you to do?'' , I was like . . . . . . . .  Why not find out what God really wants you to do before taking another step'' . . . . . .  meanwhile Her hubby was practically on his knees begging her to come back, reported himself to his family and her family. Anyways she finally gave her life to christ Anew and told God she wanted him to tell her what to do before the end of the month(the months this was all happening) It was as if God was just sitting down for one corner and waiting for her to ask him for help and he did come IMMEDIATELY into her case. Infact the speed at which he came into her case sef, me I was jealous

What I'm I trying to say? . God does come in but we sometimes refuse to go by his OWN rules.


@Nikkykay
For the last time , how is your relationship going?

@OP

We all make mistakes don't we. Unfortunately, we must also live with the consequences.

Sit your self down and convince yourself you've made a mistake by marrying this man. This man
was never yours and never will.

meanwhile, look for other things to make you happy.

@poster
i really feel your pain
every one prays for a wonderful marriage but not every one gets it
just know that some marriages were never meant to be and yours is one of them
you know they say love is blind and love accepts all things
that is my fear with you,that you might still be in love with him?
If you still are, you need to work on this for the sake of your kids,you need to 'unlove' him before he destroys you.
is it possible that you move away from that surrounding as soon as
and pls don't tell him when and where you are going,leave get your footing first and then start a divorce proceeding against him
thank God you have children: live your life for them for now,and later you will be able to decipher an honest man from a user

you have tried done your best,its now time to move on without looking back
May the Lord be your strength (Amen)

jennykadry:

BB God will only come in when you want him to. Sometimes he tels you what to do but we humanbeings are just too stubborn to let go. Let me tell yous a story.

A Zimbabwean friend of mine faced almost the same issue here the only difference was that her husband's mistress was a 'MARRIED WOMAN' . She is a Nurse and just decided to move out of her husband's house to another city . The city I currently live in. She wasn't even a strong christian and I did not bother asking her to become one. Anyways we got talking and she told she wants to move on and get someone else and my first ever question to herr was ''Is that what God wants you to do?'' , I was like . . . . . . . .  Why not find out what God really wants you to do before taking another step'' . . . . . .  meanwhile Her hubby was practically on his knees begging her to come back, reported himself to his family and her family. Anyways she finally gave her life to christ Anew and told God she wanted him to tell her what to do before the end of the month(the months this was all happening) It was as if God was just sitting down for one corner and waiting for her to ask him for help and he did come IMMEDIATELY into her case. Infact the speed at which he came into her case sef, me I was jealous

What I'm I trying to say? . God does come in but we sometimes refuse to go by his OWN rules.


@Nikkykay
For the last time , how is your relationship going?

JK, wot relationship are u talking abt ?

Lol you want me to say it here abi? you were fast enuff to modify your post on that thread you opened weeks back wen you mistakenly posted with your nikky id. I saw it joooo,but how is it going. reply in parables like me

^^^ Amebo

^^^^bia na uju be dis? uju long time no see saw, i think say you don abandon nld after you found your missing rib in Mr cork's anatomy. heehehhehehhe . OK hard to reveal my identity but just to tell you say my second igbo name na uju sheeeshhhh. That is why I am so obsessed wth you

*Interesting*

jennykadry:

^^^^bia na uju be dis? uju long time no see saw, i think say you don abandon nld after you found your missing rib in Mr cork's anatomy. heehehhehehhe . OK hard to reveal my identity but just to tell you say my second igbo name na uju sheeeshhhh. That is why I am so obsessed wth you

Blushing @ 'obsessed with me'. Lol

So your name na Uju . . . . no wonder! We ALWAYS stand out!

Odunnu:

*Interesting*

It's okay . . . you can name your 1st daughter Uju too . . .

Kadry swore before marriage never to name our daughter ''uju'' .His words were . . . , ''too stubborn, can only deal with one not two.

jennykadry:

Kadry swore before marriage never to name our daughter ''uju'' .His words were . . . , ''too stubborn, can only deal with one not two.

ROTFLMAO . . .

Okay . . granted! But 'stubborn' is good . . I think.

Uju? Not when we'l b based in a SW state. You dnt want to know how those awusa boys with their accent spoilt my native name

^^ Lol

It is sore thumbs that sticks/stands out y'know, tee, hee hee,



Jenny
I hia you, but this na the ultimate betrayal of the highest order, losing your dearest Husband to your best friend and she has a baby for him too, whilst the OP lost hers after carrying it to term, sad story man.

Just like i said on the other thread, Its only your enemy that would tell you to hang on with this man and keep trying to win him back.

Start living your life separately, and the sex, you should be the one running from it self.

1. You already have 2 kids, why would you wanna have another in this situation when your marriage is actually about to crash

2. What if your serial cheat of a husband infect you with something.

Right now, Get your finances straight dont give him any more money, look for things that would make you and your kids happy without him, Take the kids out on weekends and make yourself happy.

Act like he doesnt exist and GOODLUCK

chaircover:

This is really sad and I really feel for the poster.

I don't think this man loves you or ever did but somehow you missed the warning signs. You say that you supported and laboured for him so maybe he was kind of pushed into marriage & it wasn't from the bottom of his heart.

He has lost all respect for you and doesn't really care that you find out about his cheating. His not sleeping with you is another glaring sign that he wants out so maybe you should let him free; he may or may not come back but if you think about it, all you have now is a ring on your finger but no marriage.

Sit down and think about your choices, aspirations, future and of course your children and think of a way forward with or without him; that is entirely your decision to make. I pray that you are able to get through this.

I agree with every other things in your post but the bold. There is nothing for her sit and think about. Her marriage has lost meaning and value from the start, and seems to be getting only worse. The OP should take a break, get out of her husband's house and look after herself and children. Whatever other consideration that will be made should come later.