Kandeed:
if she has not given birth, for the sake of ur sanity just leave home for her and live elsewhere give urself some peace

in the meantime stop buying food at home let both parties take care of themselves

Too bad but better than d one dat ask her husband to wash dishes women can b funny

If you lose your job she go show you say khaki no be leader.

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

My brother this thing call marriage no be by force reason why God make the husband the Head of family
So double ur hustle

OG...tank very much 4 this.
One silly fellow was talking trash earlier about how the lady is a good woman...yen yen yen

wirinet:


If your wife is your responsibility, what about you? Are you not also your wife's responsibility?
Marriage is a give and take from both partners and not one person always giving and the other always taking. You both must have married out of desperation and not out of love.
I also opened a shop for my wife and sometimes she does not wait for me to buy food for the house. Last term she paid the final balance of the children's school fees without even telling me. She told me after I told her i will give her the balance.

You guys don't have children yet, and she feels so entitled. What happens when the kids starts coming? You will be required to work yourself to death to solely take care of the family.

You wife giving money to male friend without your knowledge is a blood red flag.

You need to reassess the marriage and determine if you are gaining anything from it. You are lucky it's very early and no children involved. You might have to take your loss and move on.

Too many simps as husbands
A woman who has money in her account yet decides to bother her husband is a ticking time bomb and that mentality defeats the whole idea of marriage
Two should be better than one. Their reward for their labour should be better.

He that is faithful in little is faithful in much.

Truth be told a woman not willing to be a contributory partner in her marriage especially financially indicates lack of love for her spouse PERIOD.
Every man invests in the direction of their care.
Oga stand your ground and refuse to pay any rent. You can't demand her to support her self ( home) but can alter the way you relate with her financially by adjusting your life to your finances since she is a liability

LadySarah:


Mechilata Onu,you talk too much yen yen yen.Go and marry the jobless girl and let her remain submissive to you.Children havent even entered and you are fuming.It is your type that quarrells for Omugwo monetary gifts.Redpill choke you there.Anumanu!

As for your selfish wife,o dibeghi ready for marriage.Let her mother school her on how there should be a synergy between both of you and how her support includes finances too.How she should stop listening to what friends are telling her cos most times they are lies.Alot of women earn more and are running their homes without making noise.

If you guys arent ready,scatter this marriage before babies start coming.We dont want more foolish selfish ppl birthing .

so You really type this smelling shit? Bitter woman!

igwebest23:
My pastor warned me during counseling to be careful when ever I have issue with my wife, that if I go to her mum(I.e my Wife mum to warn her daughter, most parents will always side their daughter, d may not see any thing wrong with what their daughter is doing. Then if I go back to my parents, d will support me and conclude I married a Jezebel and for me to send her home. I need to go and report her to my pastors if she doesn't change, then I will have no option than to do d needful

Then you never really loved her, if it's so easy for you to let go of her- in your own words, 'send her packing' like she's some maid who worked for you and now her contract is terminated.

Look, bro, love is commitment, it doesn't look out for just its own interests, but the interest of the other. One big mistake you've made is bringing your marital issues here on nairaland that there are lots of inexperienced, frustrated folks. Well, what you're experiencing now is normal. You've gotten off the honeymoon stage and now is the time where you both will begin to piss each other off, to understand yourselves better while setting boundaries. It's likely not going to be easy. It's not Nollywood.

You should have discussed these things prior to your union. You need to set boundaries. Be open though. Let her trust you, when a woman trusts you, she tends to relax. Let her know how much you earn. However, firmly let her know she would have to take care of her business from the business account because that's how a business should be operated. A business is an entity on its own. Even her transport fare should be expended from the business account, not your pocket. As for the home, you both need to decide how you would pull your resources together to run the home, it's paramount especially if you decide to start having children soon. Finance and miscommunication are two things that can cripple relationships.

Modified: Please try not to involve third parties from family, no matter what. It's a resentment builder and marriage killer.

Send her away, she’s not a good wife, not ready to build a home, some women are just too selfish, they will carry your money and give their boyfriends can you imagine that.

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

If you've really swallowed redpill putting her in her place wouldn't have been a big deal.

Leetika:
I know her type . She is from a broke family, all her exes have always been the one providing for her, she is of the school of thought that men only are providers. If only she knew the stress men go through then she should be sensible enough to lessen that burden.

But then again you saw the red flag and you still went for it. When you were courting did she out of the goodness of her heart surprise you with gifts , I am sure the answer is No. plus you know she is not wife material that is why you refuse to tell her your salary . If you knew this why did you go ahead and marry her. Omoh forget communication is good. You shouldn’t be hiding your salary from your wife . So u have a bad foundation to begin with in your marriage. U guys better go for counselling. And may God help you and your Selfish wife, because she thinks about her self alone from what you wrote there.

Don’t be such a dumb primitive misogynist...

If he couldn’t solely provide for his family/wife, he should have made that clear BEFORE marriage...
Instead, like the typical INSECURE Nigerian male, he was probably foolishly flexing (could be why he hid his salary) . SMH
>

@okine4real:
This feminist is so bitter that your wife worships the ground you walk on
E really pain am

9jaRealist:


The typical Nigerian misogynist....
Marriage is all about ME and everything should revolve around ME. SMH
>

Bro am a guy, you are not matured enough for marriage. If you have 2k at home and your wife have 1 million naira, the total money you have at home is 2k. Secondly you are very wrong for not disclosing how much you earn to your wife, because you might be earning 150k and she will assume you earn 1million monthly, so show her your pay slip open up to her use wisdom and treat her right i promise you she will love you more and open up to you and tell you everything including her account balance, she will empty her account for you when she knows you need it even without you asking. Your wife can be an angel or a jezebel and it all depends on how you treat her

seanwilliam:


I’ll disown him as my son , if he were to be one..

Nonsense ..

Why would someone be advocating that a man should be 100% financially responsibility in this kind of economy??

Honestly, that is why it is not advisable to date talk more of marrying a jobless and idle lady with a high level of ENTITLEMENT MENTALITY in this economy.
Mehn na dye for the man wey go marry that kind lady.

Note: A lady may be jobless but not idle with entitlement mentality and still be supportive while doing her vocational training.

I have seen ladies without jobs getting married and from their husband's homes they became fashion designers, bakers or whatever they want to be.

Rush In rush out

Godada:





This matter has not gotten to the point of sending her away. Do you have a marriage sponsor? It's time to get them involved. Also you need to call a meeting among the elders to iron out house keeping and management. It is usually a male ego thing as well as a societal responsibility forced on men but at this age, it's not out of place for a woman to contribute to the needs of the family.

It's imperative that she contributes to the family welfare or at least she takes care of herself alone this should include her clothing, needs and paying for her shop. If she cant afford to pay for herself it spells she doesn't know what she doing and the shop should be closed.

About her insulting you, she should be warned in the strictest manner possible that a repeat cannot be tolerated.

On a final note, It's obvious you didn't know what you were getting into. Her asking about your salary and demanding for a shop should have raised red flags. But I can guess you got carried away.

It's not wise to spend so lavishly on a wedding when you could have had her choose between wedding and a shop.
Your wife is a selfish woman.

I hope the elders from both family can resolve this matter. Your marriage is too young for such misunderstanding

I have been seeing your counsel for a while and it seems we have another ahithophel in Nigeria. You are wise Sir.

Telling your wife 100k plus range is very very ok
How can u live with a man and not able to gauge his financial level and know if he is struggling or not

Pls he married an entitled selfish woman who's mentality is skewed towards always being at the receiving end of care. This mindset is prevalent with women.

Very few understand the concept of marriage , partnership and power of 2

Maobichek:


I must be open with you because I calmly read and digested all you wrote here; you are only reaping what you sowed.

From what you said, it was clear that you were not open with her at first, a woman who would spend the rest of her life with you should know what you receive and not just 100k+ as you put it. If you had been open with her, you will have the basis to complain ok.

You gave an example with your sister buying a jeep and helping her husband build a house. The truth is that you sis knows what her husband earns or receives per month.

You are not ready for marriage, marriage is not just paying bride price and doing white wedding. Every home you admire today is built by the wife (woman). This simple but the bitter truth.

Pls retrace your step, it's not too late ok. Most times, we accuse women of saying and displaying the attitude of "my money is my own, his money is our own" but we cause it some times, you did by laying a bad financial foundation in your home.

Sit your wife down, talk to her, all you have is her own and all she has should be yours, thank you.

Maobichek:


I must be open with you because I calmly read and digested all you wrote here; you are only reaping what you sowed.

From what you said, it was clear that you were not open with her at first, a woman who would spend the rest of her life with you should know what you receive and not just 100k+ as you put it. If you had been open with her, you will have the basis to complain ok.

You gave an example with your sister buying a jeep and helping her husband build a house. The truth is that you sis knows what her husband earns or receives per month.

You are not ready for marriage, marriage is not just paying bride price and doing white wedding. Every home you admire today is built by the wife (woman). This simple but the bitter truth.

Pls retrace your step, it's not too late ok. Most times, we accuse women of saying and displaying the attitude of "my money is my own, his money is our own" but we cause it some times, you did by laying a bad financial foundation in your home.

Sit your wife down, talk to her, all you have is her own and all she has should be yours, thank you.

Bro you talk as dou women are from another planet..tge inner soft nature of a woman mostly calms nerves at home...why didnt the wife play it calm and submissive ,many atimes this trick plays into a mans psyche.. And he witttles down..but a woman who want tit for tat is ready to be single

9jaRealist:


Isn’t that a decision you (both) should make BEFORE marriage?
Of course, the problem is that many Nigerian men LIE about their finances. SMH
>

Lying about ur finance is not a crime and it’s not a reason for being 100% responsible for your wife financially needs provided she’s working..

The op is already providing basic needs.. shey u no Dey pity atall ?? Why y’all wicked for Christ sake !!

moriss33:
@okine4real:
This feminist is so bitter that your wife worships the ground you walk on
E really pain am

BOTH of them should worship the ground each other works on...
>

Romanoff:
This Red pill you people are swallowing, I hope you know the side effects?

People spend so much time during courtship or dating doing irrelevant things like having sex and galavanting all over the place, leaving aside important things that should be discussed like Finances, number of children, splitting of bills and chores, child care, faith, goals and ambitions, etc.

Your wife is earning enough to pay her own rent and as a fellow tailor, there is a maths to how much you charge customers which includes materials, operations cost and profit.

If you know you can't handle the financial burden on marriage, you should have discussed splitting bills with her, how much to save for projects etc.

You didn't discuss it, now she feels it's your right to pay rent for her shop while she pockets her profits and still claims you don't support her.

First error is not letting her know your salary. The positives of a woman knowing your salary outweighs the negatives if you shined your eyes and married a prudent woman.

A woman can better plan her life if she knows how much you earn factoring in your yearly rent, monthly feeding allowance, child care, savings and upkeep for both of you. You earn 100k but refused to tell her. She prolly thinks you earn over 500k and she prolly even earns more than you but since you're both not open about your finances, you're playing the blame game.

Una never know wetin marriage be, if not, you'd both be open about your finances. It's not about having joint account or she submitting her profits to you, it's about planning the little you both earn to benefit your family.

Make adjustments sir.

no adjustment to make here the woman simply does not love him..let him disembark bfor kids enter

Truth is your wife has being angry with you since the day she asked for ur salary n u refuse to tell her the exact amount you been paid!she has make up her mind to deal with u since u keeping ur salary a secret!don't be surprise when a meeting is been called they might want you to tell her ur salary for peace sake !plz do not tell her if not you a goner !truth is she wants to be in charge of your money there by making decisions for you as to her the money needs to be spend why she keeps hers plz be wise n don't let that happen coz if it does you no longer in control!plz try n take care of the things u know are In ur capacity especially home n her !while at that don't kill urself for her coz she we never appreciate it .I hate women who don't like assisting their hubby or appreciate little all coz of their entitlement mentality .lastly don't quite ur marriage coz is too early n look for people she respect to talk to her to make her see reason that she's no longer a lady on her own but a married woman who has responsibility too.

Have you heard from his wife ?
Do you know what her own story would be ?
Do you know if she would tell you any different ?
Ur just bitter abeg...u no dey like see where women dem worship man.

9jaRealist:


BOTH of them should worship the ground each other works on...
>

seanwilliam:


I might be wrong for concluding from one side of the story, but this is an obvious fact that is obtainable in an average Nigeria marriage settings at least 90% of time z we all believe a man should bear 100% responsibility of family . is it easy ??

In this Buhari’s regime. Minimum wages is 30k yet you sit your sorry asś down there and expect someone to take your full responsibility while u bring nothing tangible to table.. nonsense!!

Please do read from the other side of the story too. You will be surprise

Story about divorce is complex when you listen to both side of the story.

Every party will want sympathy

Some comments here shows that SOME PEOPLE here are actually stupid.

Coming to say trash online and in reality doing the opposite.

If na me , if na my husband, if na my wife.......

Oga, madam wetin you go really do?

I think the problem really started after you did not tell her about your salary.

She go reason say

You no tell me your salary , how i won come tell you my own?

Forgetting this is marriage and not some competition between you and her.


Please kindly find a way to settle this matter and talk to your wife.

Even though you cant tell her the real pay, just mention something close to it
Also, plan how you both will run your home in peace and happiness and prosperity.


Marriage is about give and take, not TAKE, TAKE AND TAKE.


FATALE.

seanwilliam:
Lying about ur finance is not a crime and it’s not a reason for being 100% responsible for your wife financially needs provided she’s working..

The op is already providing basic needs.. shey u no Dey pity atall ?? Why y’all wicked for Christ sake !!

I see that you missed (or misunderstood) the premise...
It’s a decision that should be (mutually) made BEFORE marriage!
The reason it’s often not made (or discussed) is usually lies/misrepresentations about finances.
>

Dear man,

You lack wisdom as a leader in your home...
1. You created distrust when she asked for money to start a shop. You didn't believe in her cos she's a woman but now things are turning around for her.... Imagine her family people had to assist her.

2. Know that even if your wife earns more than you, be reminded that you are the leader of your family and as such run your home within your limit. Every woman expects support from her man. Do you discus with her on how her business goes or you are just interested in her contributing money to the family....

Try and get involved in her business by giving her moral support genuinely and see things turn around for you... She will change....

But your kind sounds like a stingy who will not disclose his account to his wife but wants the same wife to be part of the family financially.... Do you share house chores as you want her to share her finances?
As regards her rent, let her pay it... The business should be able to do so.....

In summary, do unto your wife what you will want her to do unto you....Else sending her away , is the beginning of your rot......as that woman is a good woman in a stingy hand (you). Cheers...

Na feminist...always bitter at men for no reason.
If u see as she vex cuz person talk say him wife dey totally submissive.

seanwilliam:



Lying about ur finance is not a crime and it’s not a reason for being 100% responsible for your wife financially needs provided she’s working..

The op is already providing basic needs.. shey u no Dey pity atall ?? Why y’all wicked for Christ sake !!

Man money na our money...
Woman money na her money..
Such entitlement mentality nai make men nor dey last.
Why woman nor go help out for house expenses if she is working?

moriss33:
Have you heard from his wife ?
Do you know what her own story would be ?
Do you know if she would tell you any different ?
Ur just bitter abeg...u no dey like see where women dem worship man.

I have heard from him...
And the primitive misogyny came direct from the horse’s mouth!
>

Dear man,

You lack wisdom as a leader in your home...
1. You created distrust when she asked for money to start a shop. You didn't believe in her cos she's a woman but now things are turning around for her.... Imagine her family people had to assist her.

2. Know that even if your wife earns more than you, be reminded that you are the leader of your family and as such run your home within your limit. Every woman expects support from her man. Do you discus with her on how her business goes or you are just interested in her contributing money to the family....

Try and get involved in her business by giving her moral support genuinely and see things turn around for you... She will change....

But your kind sounds like a stingy who will not disclose his account to his wife but wants the same wife to be part of the family financially.... Do you share house chores as you want her to share her finances?
As regards her rent, let her pay it... The business should be able to do so.....

In summary, do unto your wife what you will want her to do unto you....Else sending her away , is the beginning of your rot......as that woman is a good woman in a stingy hand (you). Cheers...[color=#770077][/color]

Godada:





This matter has not gotten to the point of sending her away. Do you have a marriage sponsor? It's time to get them involved. Also you need to call a meeting among the elders to iron out house keeping and management. It is usually a male ego thing as well as a societal responsibility forced on men but at this age, it's not out of place for a woman to contribute to the needs of the family.

It's imperative that she contributes to the family welfare or at least she takes care of herself alone this should include her clothing, needs and paying for her shop. If she cant afford to pay for herself it spells she doesn't know what she doing and the shop should be closed.

About her insulting you, she should be warned in the strictest manner possible that a repeat cannot be tolerated.

On a final note, It's obvious you didn't know what you were getting into. Her asking about your salary and demanding for a shop should have raised red flags. But I can guess you got carried away.

It's not wise to spend so lavishly on a wedding when you could have had her choose between wedding and a shop.
Your wife is a selfish woman.

I hope the elders from both family can resolve this matter. Your marriage is too young for such misunderstanding

I like your view bro, 99.5 % of Nigerian women are like this. They placed all responsibilities on guys as if it is an abomination for them to support the family.