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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do You Handle This? (3886 Views)
How Do You Handle This Type Of Situation? / How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? / How Can I Handle This Issue With The Wife Of My Boss? (2) (3) (4)
How Do You Handle This? by mbahdi(m): 1:01pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Is it rigth or wrong to send your elder brother on errand? You have a brother that seniors you with 4years,am 27,he's a final year student,he's going to school is a collective effort from the family but the Lions share always come from you the junior one,as the only person who has a meaningful business doing.others contributes tokens with food. So as soon to be graduate,your brother is planning to come stay with you for the main time so as to look for work or to check if your area will be good for him to put his nysc assignment.so the question now is who's going to be doing the cooking?like you took food items home after your busy schedule at the shop,but he was ahome all through the day,will you still come and do the cooking or indirectly tell him to cook it?wunt he misunderstand you?please I need answers. I don't mean he should come washing your clothes.but like cooking keeping the house clean since you are the one providing the rents food and every other things. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by Nobody: 1:06pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
mbahdi:your are just heaping curse on your head. Sending your brother errands because of his condition is brainless. You are very stupid for calling yourself breadwinner, who knows tomorrow? 7 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by mbahdi(m): 1:19pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Xiaomi1:Hmmm. Don't be stupid and pained bro. I only asked a question.no body knows tomorrow because you asked your brother to cook what he will also eat from.carry ur nobody knows tomorrow and shift abeg.whats bad in helping your struggling over stressed brother? But sending him you hard earned money isn't curse and you and heeping it on your head.but cause it's now time for him to help you,it's now curse.may God help your confused state of mind sir. But if I were to say it's my elder sister I mentioned you will say she's a woman and it means nothing right? You still live under your parents that's why you don't know how had life is,or fending for those who supposed be fending for you.may God give you the grace to grow up 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by Nobody: 1:20pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
mbahdi:hahaha haha, epe ti mo e 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by mbahdi(m): 1:23pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Xiaomi1:Lol o mu awon ebi re 5 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by Nobody: 1:25pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
mbahdi:sending your senior brothers errands = automatic God's curse |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by Caaz: 1:38pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Hustle o make your younger Bros no come dey feed you o. Lord verdermont I reverred your majesty...you might kuku join bang his babe as you're now the Lord provider. Life no really balance. 3 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by Caaz: 1:39pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Xiaomi1:The right word is elder brother not senior brothers. Mo kin yi ma. 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by GorillaApp(m): 1:45pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
mbahdi:From the way you sound, I can discern that you are looking down on your bro. That you provide doesn't mean you should lord it over him. I have an uncle ( my mom's younger bro). Whenever I travel to the village, I do stuffs ( financial) but i always give him his max respect and will continue even if i become dangote tomorrow. Your story reminds me of one shared by my colleague. There was this dude who graduated and there was no job. Soon his younger ones started overtaking him and before long, he was the butt of cruel jokes in his house and the mother even encouraged it. Dude almost committed suicide as the emotional and psychological torture was too much. He was dissuade from the suicide act by this my colleague. He invited him over to stay with him and before long, he got a biggggg job with exxon mobil. Dude first salary was bomb. Bought a car and drove to his family house. I wondered how the mum and siblings must have felt. Op, don't compel your bro to go on errands for you. Let it come from him. If he doesn't do, no probs. He will not stay with you forever. Don't brew a spirit of resentment in him pls. This is coming from someone you can regard as a senior bros to your bros. 8 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by LilMissFavvy(f): 2:01pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Is it really your blood elder brother that you are referring to? So you mean you cannot help your brother for some years to stand on his feet without rubbing it on his face? Your brother will not depend on you forever, he will surely be able to provide for himself someday. people's fulfill destiny differently, some early, some late. Fact is, if your brother has sense, he will gladly do chores, cook, and contribute his little quota without waiting to be told. Don't ask him to do chores or cook. He should know he is supposed to help out. If he doesn't help out, tolerate him till he finally gets a job and leaves. In my life the few times I have been opportuned to help someone older, i always feel blessed to do it. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by ImaIma1(f): 2:02pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Nothing wrong with sending your older ones errands especially when it's not like you're ordering them around. And a sensible older one should be able to use his/her sense to do some things without being told, instead of crossing legs and having "senior one entitlement mentality". I remember me and my immediate older sister working while our older sister was home. We would call and make requests and she would help us. We were not even paying rent or doing all that, but because she was free she was really there for us. Though a lot of the financing fell on us that were working. She was priceless and still is; everyone's favourite. She would cook, clean and do what she could. It didn't reduce the respect as our older sister. When she had to move, everyone in the family felt it. The issue here is that you guy's ego and pride is always your problem and it doesn't help anybody. Instead, it is a very large problem that should be done away with so that everyone can put heads together. 17 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by Nobody: 2:22pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Heart of a man!! ![]() I sympathize with your elder brother in advance. Buy handkerchief for him on my behalf. He’ll need it soon. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by Richy4(m): 2:34pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Carchoice:
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Re: How Do You Handle This? by mbahdi(m): 3:37pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
ImaIma1:I tnks for d contribution and not that of the slowpoke xaimo1 dat don't know he's or her left |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by mbahdi(m): 3:42pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
LilMissFavvy:Nothing as such.atleast.we are all humans and one sudnt feel entitled thereby not helping out.elder brother or not,it's annoying carrying ones problem and in return he or she don't help out in little ways u tink it doesn't matter.how is it bad he preparing the meal before you are back.is dat too much to ask?or treating him bad?@xaimo1 need a memory recheck.even his type can't contribute a dime to his family progress but going around looking for whom the gods will curse like his cursed family.....Oni iranu |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by RightToReject(m): 3:51pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Common sense and fairness demand that anyone in his would-be position does whatever possible he could in principle without being told to complement your efforts and spare you from drain and ruin. Should he fails to be conscientious in relating with you, then don't mince words or spare actions in treating him like a petty person and damn whatever any hypocritical and or foolish person would say. |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by LilMissFavvy(f): 4:41pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
It is wrong for you to instruct your elder brother to prepare the meals. If he was making his own money, you wouldn't try it. If you don't want to listen fine. mbahdi: 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by 1F30M4(f): 6:09pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
If he sits at home all day doing nothing, waiting for you to come back from your shop to do basic chores, then that is not fair at all.. The least he could do when you're away is to keep the house clean & tidy, that's basic home training and then make something he'd eat, ofcourse something his younger brother "fit use hol' belle" after the day's hustle, even if it's just to show that he cares and is truly concerned.. I'll tell you what, even if you were to politely ask him to help out, even if you were to go on your knees to beg him, he will "intentionally misunderstand" you, things will go from 0-100 real quick.. He'll flip the respect coin on you and play the victim card "of him being at your mercy" for friends, family and whoever cares to listen; the society will pat him at the back for not allowing you "lord over" him.. Nobody will see it from your own point of view, nobody will understand, nobody will hear you out.. But then, if you feel you could talk to him, you could try yh but I'll be verrry hopeful that doesn't cause badblood between you two.. If you ask me, I'd say you should try to overlook it all instead, it's very frustrating I knoww this but anything for peace to reign please.. I do know that he would do the needful or make plans for it if he was in his own house, ofcourse without having anybody to tell him or beg him to do so.. It's hard juggling business with chores but you have been actively doing it, the best way you could yh before your brother came in the picture and so I believe you can handle this, I know you can.. Sure there is a limit to what a human being can take and I can only hope he doesn't push you to your limits.. All the best! 3 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by sisisioge: 6:33pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Actually, we are Africans and we really do value respect for elders. Biko dont be tempted to send him errands, do what you can. I'm sure he will be reasonable enough to take up some tasks without being asked. Do not be unfortunate in your life by sending your elders message fa... just pretend as if you're living alone and do your chores. Good luck, may God quickly pick the guy's call o. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by GboyegaD(m): 7:30pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
You are guys so don't stress yourself on that. I am sure you will fix those things. |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by PuZZyNegro: 7:34pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
mbahdi: Deliberately sending him on errands you can do by yourself isn't healthy. However, he should be able to use his conscience to do some certain things without waiting to be told. And when he fails to use his conscience, you can tell him to get some things done if you are not able to do them as a result of your busy schedule. I traveled to the village with my elder brother last December. He's more than 10 years older than me. We needed to buy everything we would use to cook including pots, plates, spoons, knives, buckets, etc. I bought them all. We went to the market and I bought everything that we cooked including food, meat and gas. Don't you think it will be haram for him to sit down while I enter the kitchen to cook and let him eat? Of course, he used his conscience and did the cooking. Since, he couldn't contribute anything financially, while will he relax and still let me do the cooking? Being an elder one doesn't mean a superior one. Things should be done accordingly that each person must contribute to the successful running of the home either financially or physically. He's your elder brother, not your boss. 3 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by halogate: 8:55pm On Jun 07, 2021 |
Hmm... The question I would ask is..if he wasn't staying with u, would u still not cook the food whenever u get home or tidy the house as when needed??. U were doing these things normally without his presence,..so why change ur routine because he is now available? ..well, them say na condition make crayfish bend. .. anyway, whether he cooks the food or not... anytime e ready, naim we go chop. .. he's not going to stay with u forever. Apply wisdom in ur dealings with him. Personally..I wouldn't even ask, think or demand such from my elder brothers. 3 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by Cossybob(m): 9:43am On Jun 08, 2021 |
There is something about some folks, you came on here asking and seeking advice and there it is, opened with many opinions or rather good advices expedient to be followed but what do they do? They try to bash back. @mbahdi, since you don't heed to the advices offered by others don't come here asking for advise. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by efficiencie(m): 10:58am On Jun 08, 2021 |
Carchoice: This is why as a man never put yourself at the mercy of another man even if that other man is your blood brother...the OP is seeking permission to send his elder brother on errand. Soon he will seek permission to bang his wife or fiance...na normal thing in this mumu world wey we dey. 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by efficiencie(m): 10:59am On Jun 08, 2021 |
Cossybob: He has already made up his mind na...he is just coming here for validation. Perhaps he has already even started targeting something else in the life of his elder brother that he wants to appropriate to himself! Na dis kain person dey give him brother wife belle! 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by efficiencie(m): 11:01am On Jun 08, 2021 |
PuZZyNegro: ...if the age of his brother means nothing, then the age his parents too mean nothing...we could equally say the same of the age of anyone older! Yes, the elder brother could be a jerk but as younger one regard and respect him if you want the regard and respect of someone younger... 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by PuZZyNegro: 12:21pm On Jun 08, 2021 |
efficiencie: Age is a just a number. He should not respect his elder brother because of just age but for the fact that he is the elder brother. You should respect your parents not because they are older but because they are your parents. Are you saying that a woman who gave birth at age 35 should be respected more by her child than a woman who gave birth at age 22? The relationship here is what you should respect and not the age. |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by brownemmanuel43(m): 12:37pm On Jun 08, 2021 |
Chaiiii, abomination!!!!!!!!!! People get mind I swear. Your elder brother to be doing errand for u? Chai the world dun spoil finish, I can't even imagine it my elder brother to be cooking for me all in the name of busy in the shop. Haven't u being cooking without before your elder brother came into the picture? U never even marry u dun dey use your elder brother do boy boy, that means if u come marry one Jezebel na to slaughter your elder brother bi that. Remember, no condition is permanent, he might be jobless today and tomorrow he will become employer |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by efficiencie(m): 1:00pm On Jun 08, 2021 |
PuZZyNegro:you contradicted yourself...age is the only factor taken into consideration when you refer to a person as "elder brother"...he is an elder brother because he is older! Your analogy is quite interesting but you can reasonably expect that the respect that will be accorded to a 10 year old would be very much different from the respect accorded to a 50 year old, right. This is so because we expect that with age comes experience and with experience comes wisdom...this may not be correct all the time because 10 a year old genius could be more highly respected than a 50 year old fool and in this regard I believe you are right that age is nothing but a number but within the family it is the age of the elder brother that makes him to be regarded as an elder brother and nothing more...so in this regard age does have some sort of significance! |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by ImaIma1(f): 2:00pm On Jun 08, 2021 |
LilMissFavvy: You make it sound bad when you say "instruct". Is there really anything bad if an older one compliments his younger ones efforts by preparing a meal or helping out? It seems we carry titles in this country like a badge and neglect basic things we should do, hiding under elder one syndrome. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by LilMissFavvy(f): 3:03pm On Jun 08, 2021 |
In my first comment I stated clearly that any wise elder brother in that condition should help his younger one with chores, cooking, without waiting to be told. No sensible human would stay in a house without helping out. ImaIma1: 2 Likes |
Re: How Do You Handle This? by ImaIma1(f): 3:12pm On Jun 08, 2021 |
LilMissFavvy: What happens when he doesn't? 1 Like |
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