Oya let's go!
1.If God go do good, devil go do evil, my brother olybratt go become a spoiled brat... God don butter my bread na sardine i dey wait for
2.As a naija poor man, even when they give you yam and akamu to chop.... We go still say thank you
3.A calabar girl see ma dick yesterday and began to sing"If you touch my sea with dis rod i go faint!"
4.I can't stop laughing when my pastor chased his son out of the church becus he can't recite sam one to two. We still dey beg pastor o!
5.People say a lazy man can never chop.... Keep deceiving urself
my mother has two restaurants for banana island.
6.You invited me to ur wedding party, getting there, there are no chairs for me to sit, i later sit on the floor and yet you are calling me chairman.. udom god punish u o!
7.So me too i will do wedding and one yeye pastor will tell me to kiss my wife... me that i'm very shy, i will just bite her cheek and run away..
8.Once you buy car in nigeria people start saying"heyyy john so u are even rich? Noo i b church rat

10.Ugliness no good o! See me dey fear to post my picture on facebook, even to send to my facebook girfriend na wahala
11.Which one is "Happy matriculation" Age with grace? Yoruba people enh!
12.Pastor shout "FIRE" for mosque TURARI got burn...
13.yoruba are so anoinying, yesterday i was thinking about life when a fish seller came to ask me
fish seller:oga you go buy fish?
Me:yess o sheybi i resemble jonah?
14.My Mama be lyke
Mama:Holly, reduce dat ur mountain of eba is too much o!
Me:Mama! I don finish am already
Mama:Glutton, if na to wash plate, you no go finish am o!
Me:Mama, this is too much nah wat if my girlfriend hear you?
Mama:chidinma come hear and hear me clearly, sheybi you no get work for house abi? Lazy bone
15.Teacher:During ur exam period i will ask you to explain what happen in 1960
Me:Thank God i was born in the 2000s
16.Teacher:Make a sentence using the word "Sugar"
Me:I drank tea today.
Teacher:what of the sugar?
Me:is already in the tea.

To be continue.....

Why taking my jokes so seriouse? Tell me are you broke? i hate nonsense

I was shocked when a saw a Yoruba girl kneel in front of Atm and said"Good morning Mr atm, have you eaten? I want to withdraw money" yoruba girls get respect sha

To all those who go for HIV Test every 3 months, don't worry! One day you will find what you are looking for

Do you wanna know if ur girlfriend is cheating? It simple, just call her friends Ashawo and ur girlfriend's history will unfold in less than 2mins.

Girls with big lips, when they peck you, it sounds like screenshots!!!!

You apply a particular make up ur boyfriend see you and said you are beautiful, now the make up has finished for market, you now refuse to visit ur boyfriend...

Trouble is when a Nigerian pastor go to Egypt and hold a crusade Titled:The Egyptian you see today you shall see them no more...
i just talk my own.

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I like some girls they like saying the truth, they will be lyke"I know i'm ugly but marry me like that"

Maga go pay! Maga go pay, after 5years wetin happen? maga still go pay (my brother even when maga finally pay, your life no go pay you)


I saw a 100 Naira note on the floor today i just take it and tear it how can it have three zeros


Father:i want to sell my belongings
mother:personal belongings or general belongings?

I will soon leave this country for you all, i can't die when it's not my time

13years old girl is already giving people her number, this is one of the reason why population growth is increasing everyday. Becus our young girls will just be getting pregnante everyday by day

Think before you talk, becus once you drop the spit, you can't swallow it back again

Never give up on yourself, soldeir slap can't kill you..

Simple question
A Teacher called some of his students out to answer some simple questions
Teacher:Ebere how many times can 2 go in 8?
Ebere:four times
Teacher:Good! John, how can we avoid HIV?
John:By avoiding the use of sharp object
Teacher:Correct! then Success, how can we stop the spread of HIV?
Success:We should stop talking about it


Father and son
Mother:My son did not resemble my husband
Friend:You mean your son did not resemble his father?
Mother:Yes! their faces is different
Friend:Face? Please check their power horse maybe it is the same size


Actor was shot
Son:Dad, the Actor was shot dead in the movie
Dad:Heyyya, with gun?
Son:Nooo! With chocolate and strawberry


How many times
Uncle:Akpos!
Akpos:Sir
Uncle:Akpos!
Akpos:Sir
Uncle:Akpos!
Akpos:Sir
Uncle:How many times did i call you?
Akpos:So you also don't count it? well, it suppose to be uncountable times but you stop when you got tired

Question Tag

Teacher:Who can answer this question tag, Ada is a boy isn't he?

Me:It is isn't he


Example of Noun

Teacher:Who can mention some examples of Noun?

John:I ma, Ada, dog, table, lagos, e.t.c

Hollybratt:You miss it, etc is not a noun

Lol
1.So you lap ur younger sister and ur dick is rising.

oloshi

2.She told me her father is a doctor and her mother is a nurse, then i told her "Definitely u must be the patient" and she slapped me

3.Her:Call me with a romantic name
Me:Okay, my sweety puppy

4.Slim girls should use pad, fat girls should use towel
i come in peace o!


5.Must we have to suffer before getting what we want in dis country? only God knows what Lion eyes have seen before he became the king of the jungle today.

6.Do you know Crocodile was once a lizard before he joined cultist?

7.After scraching ur yansh to ur satisfaction, then the devil direct the hands to ur nose..

8.Even when you are ugly as hell, when u have money, ladies will still find something cute in you, they will be lyke"ohhh he has a nice finger nails," or "awww he has a fresh pimples"

9.I don't know why we guys use ladies to crack jokes everytime? Well! Even Helen paul has once use her mother to joke on stage...

10.Very funny Hollybratt, stay here for next

I don't even know what i'm good at cooking, i cooked indomie e no sweet. I later drink garri.
Adesewa forgive me, i will not do that again.


Since when i've been posting and submitting my funny stories and jokes i never got paid. Even those who are submitting papper to iya alakara are now using car

Education is the key to success abi? don't go and hustle, by the time hunger catch you, you will know the key to emmanuella

Yahoo guys are just making money, and sars are not saying anything.. Na wa o!

i wonder why i got inspiration when i'm in the toilet, my parent even though i'm mad when they hear me laughing in the toilet.

I took 1000 note to the aboki today, i told him to help me cut am into two. i feel like dying when the idiot took a sccissor and cut my money into pieces. It is not that it pained me, is just that the money is for my soldeir landlord...


Who am i not to greet those people sharing food at the party? Am i craze? Madam good aftertoon 50 times

Teacher:If your father give you 5000k what do you suppose to say?

Akpos:Wonder shall never end



Father:I used to washed my car with your white clothes and you don't say anything why?

Kid:You also don't talk when i've been cleaning the toilet with your toothbrush


Teacher:River benue is located in which state?

Kid:Liquid state sir


Teacher:Name 3 fastest means of communication

Kid:Telephone, Television and Tell A woman

Hollybratt:My dad fell inside well
Girl:Heeeyah! Is he okay?
Hollybratt:I think he is.. Cus he stopped calling for help since lastweek


Teacher:Femi! What is your surname?
Femi:Gbajabiamiala
Teacher:Please spell it
Femi:Am joking ni o! My surname is John J-O-H-N

Please help me share it.... thanks!
Lalasticlala
check it

23.A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on his wife's nipples while she was sleep.... The next day, their driver died from poisoning




24.Guy:I was told you don't know english
Girl:Na who tell you those?



25.Now i can speak french"Common serve her serve her beer mercy

Hollybratt jokes again

Girl:Baby, i don get belle
Hollybratt:Glory be to God, i pray to get my own too

Teacher:What is the different between Acid and Chemical?
Hollybratt:Ma! One is sweeter than the other

Teacher:Students! who among you can have sex with a ghost?
Hollybratt:Me
Teacher:So, Hollybratt you can have sex with a ghost?
Hollybratt:Ghost? I thought you said Goat.

After judging
Police:Now! mr man were you guilty? yes or no
Hollybratt:No!
Police:Why do you said no?
Hollybratt:Because am not guilty


Police:Why do you ran away yesterday when you saw me with a rod?
Hollybratt:Oh! I even thought it was a gun
Police:So, if it was a gun, what will you do?
Hollybratt:I would have jog with swag

Hollybratt want to sell his Android phone, his headmaster heard about it and sent for him.
Hollybratt in the headmaster's office
Headmaster:I like this ur phone. can you give me for free?
Hollybratt:But nobody will beat me in this school again?
Headmaster:Yes nobody will beat you again.
Hollybratt then handed the phone to his headmaster.
Next day, Hollybratt intentionally came late to school to see if he will be beaten
When he entered the school, he met the headmaster in the gate.
Headmaster:Hollybratt, am giving you 30 strokes of cane
Hollybratt:Why? Have you forgot our aggreement?
Headmaster:Actually, i on the phone yesterday and i can't find the battery....!!!

Teacher:I will give you 5marks, if you can Make a sentence using the word "Snake"

Hollybratt:Lala love snake

Teacher:Wow! You have 100 marks

Dem no dey share food with respect again "Hello Glutton, hope you are ready to eat?"
.
Interviewer:Your street name please?

Hollybratt:Okeiridimunoklokomopuororo street

Interviewer:Please spell it

Hollybratt:Sorry it is Oke street O-K-E
.
Don't be a boring wife, each time ur mother inlaw is with you, walk naked to her, touch ur butt and said"Mummy, dis is what your son is enjoying o!"
.
Relationship stress can actually make you put ur head inside the toilet sink instead of ur butt.
.
Imagine going on ur way to a party and a little boy approach you and said"Oga food don finish for dat party o!"

.
Nigeria will never believe you are sick until you are unable to finish the food given to you

.
Somewhere in nigeria, there is a guy smelling his boxer, to see if he can still wear it after 4weeks

.
The fact that i joke alot does not mean i tolerate nonsense, for the last time... Who RAPE MY CHICKEN......?. ..?. ..?
.
You laugh abi? Oya like and share make ur followers see it. Thank you

Laff

somebody cannot go to shoprite in peace again! Everybody will just be looking you as if you are cause of their predicament

:
UBA bank call me yesterday to come and withdraw the remaining 120 naira in my account
am going with my ghana must go bag
:
A girl posted her picture on facebook, her jehovah witness mother see it and commented"My daughter you are beautiful in jesus name"
:
I called you darling, you are calling me honey, indirectly my mother is a bee abi? Ifeoma come and be going...!
:
My girlfriend text me "Sugar" and i replied "Groundnut" and she blocked. I thought we are drinking garri
:
Sister mary becus you are the new choir mistress now! Almighty God is now Almary Gad
you dey craze?


:
I hope you laugh !
pls click on this link http://www.facebook.com/Hollybrattjokes/
To like my page for more of my jokes. thank you

Hollybratt:
Laff

somebody cannot go to shoprite in peace again! Everybody will just be looking you as if you are cause of their predicament

:
UBA bank call me yesterday to come and withdraw the remaining 120 naira in my account
am going with my ghana must go bag
:
A girl posted her picture on facebook, her jehovah witness mother see it and commented"My daughter you are beautiful in jesus name"
:
I called you darling, you are calling me honey, indirectly my mother is a bee abi? Ifeoma come and be going...!
:
My girlfriend text me "Sugar" and i replied "Groundnut" and she blocked. I thought we are drinking garri
:
Sister mary becus you are the new choir mistress now! Almighty God is now Almary Gad
you dey craze?


:
I hope you laugh !
pls click on this link http://www.facebook.com/Hollybrattjokes/
To like my page for more of my jokes. thank you

Nice one bro

Rickmann:


Nice one bro

Thank you!

Bros davido, after Mya it is simi .... I hate nonsense


:
Mum when i grow up i will buy you Aeroplane. My brother now you are 43 years and u still dey for facebook dey tell people to join group, you see ur life?

:
Somebody should tell my landlord to stop toasting a girl, if he can't toast. Which one is "I want us to be boys and girls"

Me and my girlfriend were arguing...
Girl:Baby, that is not possible now? Are u mad?
Me:In ur life, never tell me am mad
(at night when i feel hot)
MeTouching my girlfriend's leg)
Girl:Who is that mad man?
Me:Am the one ma!
:3

:
Father:Don't do that again, you this crazy boy
kid:daddy! Our Aunty said you should not tell us that kind of word again
Father:Okay, sorry you are mad

:
Teacher:Can you eat one bag of rice?
Me:Yes
Teacher:One bag of rice?
Me:Noo! I thought you said one bag of dice

Laugh! Hollybratt is here again!

:
It was so funny today when a pastor at the market was preaching about alcoholism but using alomo bitters box to collect offering
:
When you sit down for interview and the interviewer greet you by your facebook name
Good day"Miss slay queen hottest bae.
my sister just pack your CV and run
:
Breast-less girl still wearing bra. What are you trying to hold? Your heart or your feelings.
:
Don't imagine too much! If you imagine things too much you will end up doing crazy things. This one of the reason why i became a comedian today. *Listen i am not crazy o!*
:
If you want to see a girl inner beauty, just give her sugar cane to chew.
:
Finally i have made it in Naija. I can now speak French.
Born June Mama, Come On Serve Her, Serve Her Beer Mercy.
:
My grandma heard my girlfriend calling me "My love" and she asked"What does that mean?" i reply"It means MY CLASSMATE"
:
i hope you laugh?
don't forget to like and share bro and sis

LaughOOOoooo
1.better laugh at jokes now so that you will not grow up and be looking like slowpoke when you grandchildren crack jokes
:
2.before you toast a girl,my brother make sure ur zip is well close, i was about to toast chioma yesterday when she look me and said"Oboy close ur bush first"


3.I've unfollowed all the beautiful girls on my profile, if u are not among them, just know you are like VAMPIRE
4.Friend:my mum is dead and i seriously need money
Me:Ehyaa! Sorry for the lost! Have you buried her?
Friend:Yes!
Me:So, wetin she wan do with money again?
:
5.Come to think of it i've never see an Ambulance in the filling station. Are those guys using blood?
:
6.If someone calls you UGLY here's a good come back. Tell them excuse me? I'm not a mirror.
:
7.Teacher:What is a baby lizard called?
Me:Lizzy baby.
:
8.Women alseady have 3-5 days of loosing blood every month. Can't mosquitoes be considerates and focus only on men
NaJOKE search and like my page on fb: Hollybratt jokes

A GIRL DIRECTING HER NEW BOYFRIEND TO HER NEW APARTMENT:
GIRL:Come straight down the main road and stop at the flats on your left floor, there is an elevator, get in and press button 8 with your elbow.
When you arrive at room 8, press the bell [button] with your elbow and i will come and open.

BOYFRIEND:Ok, but why do i have to press the buttons with my elbow?

GIRL:Are you coming empty handed?
..
:
A man asks his son" You always called me your uncle when you are young? But now that you are old you started calling me your dad, why? The son replys"Each time i failed my exam my teacher always called me a dullard and my mum keep saying i resembled you"
:
Wife:If i knew you were this poor i wouldn't have marry you
Hollybratt:Bravo! Ur father once said that to ur mum

:

Co-worker:Hey Mr Bratt
Hollybratt:I ought not to have answer you
Co-worker:Why?
Hollybratt:Why do you called me Hey before when you know my name

Friend:Hello! I am in trouble my grandmother just died
Hollybratt:I'm about to tell you that i'm also in trouble
Friend:Did ur grandmother died also?
Hollybratt:God forbid! It was my phone battery that die

The way Nigeria is now, if oyinbo bring ship to start shipping people to the UK for slave trade, people will be struggling to enter.

I Remember when i used to smoke weed, i use to think that January is the last month of the year, Not knowing it's the 4th day of the week.

Short women 10x hotter when you piss them off. They'll start vibrating like a small gen >>>>>>

Each time i cook at home, everyone will just decide to drink garri, don't know why

Bants about Ants #Thread
Ant wey get good vibes:Vibrant

Ant wey get landlord:Tenant

Ant wey be sellout:Informant

Ant wey dey bad belle:Antagonist!!!

Ant wey no dey hear word:Adamant
#LOL please click on the link to like my page for more funny jokes and stories. Thank you.
http://www.Facebook.com/Hollybrattjokes/

1.I say No to Alcohol but e no dey listen
2.Whenever i find the key to success, someone changes the lock
3.So you lap ur younger sister and ur dick is moving oniranu
3.Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
4.How can u update ur statuse on facebook as: Micheal jacob is suffering with 85 others in abeokuta nigeria
5.When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
6.I took a Nigerian girl out to a restaurant on Monday and Tuesday... and she ate more than i have eaten in ten years in two days.
7.American jokes aren't funny, their jokes is always about Asshole! Asshole! i wonder if their president is from Assholesian
8.Going to church doesn't make you a christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car
9.They just make a new prostitute shoe..... It's called Tiwa savage..... Oh sorry i mean Twitter savage
10.When two 'fat' women are gossiping Its called a Heavy discussion
11.When ur teacher gives 30 minutes speech about not wasting time.