DISCLAIMER: Do not mind how I write as am just pouring out my frustrations. I really want to call off this process that I have started, but my uncles are saying that its not good to start a marriage process and then back out because of high cost list. My dad have already hands off cos initially he told me that marrying from that side is going to cost me a lot, but then I thought things have changed.
Am from the state of THE COAL while my wife to be is from the state of SUPREME COURT GOV. I hope you understand.

Shes a nairalander, so I wont be clear with some information.

First of all, I am not creating this thread for any tribalistic reason, so all these tribal warlords here on nairaland should stay off.

We all know that one of the process of getting married is Igbo land is to pass through traditional marriage and this comes with presentation of marriage list to be provided by the groom's family. The aim of this thread is to speak my mind on why the list should be made optional, ie if you can afford to buy the material then you buy, but if you cant afford it, you can be given the option of just paying the bride price(which of course is not usually expensive) and then proceed with the traditional marriage.

The economic situation of this country is no longer friendly and this have made a lot of marriageable youths to still remain unmarried as they cant afford to pay up the cost of getting married.

Am going to explain more with my experience so far in trying to get married.

A little background.

I graduated from school around 2012.
Did nysc 2013-2014.
Searched for job from 2014-2017 before I got one in a financial institution. I must confess, during the days of my job hunt, things werent easy. But thank God for where I am now.

The salary of my job was 80k. 2 years later it got to 105k and beginning of this year it got to 125k
I dont womanize, i dont smoke neither do I club. So I was able to save up a little amount of money. Around 2019 I invested a huge amount in a business which eventually crashed, so I lost the money. By March of this year I used the remaining savings I have with me to purchase a land in my state capital. Those of you from the east will know how expensive land is in capitals of eastern states. So financial, I was left with nothing and started afresh with a fresh savings out of which I will pay my rent by august.

Now here comes why I created this thread.

I started my marriage process about two months ago, gone the first visit to the girls parent, gone the second vist to collect the list in preparation for trad. Thats where my problem started.
With the current price of commodities in the market, the total cost of the list is about 750k. Now when you factor in other logistics surrounding traditional marriage which include transportation cost, cooking in my own village and other settlement, everything to spend on the trad and list could be shooting up to 900-1M. This is money I knw I dont have at all. So last week, my some of my uncles went back to the girls people to re-negotiate the list, they were able to bring down the list to about 470k. Which now makes the probable money that am going to spend on the list and trad marriage to approximately 700k.

Now based on the income I generate in a month which is my salary of 125k, it will take me 7month to raise that money, thats if all things goes well without any form of unforeseen expense. How do I make this work. I dont want to borrow to foot this expense cos I knw after the marriage, it will be difficult for me to pay back. I knw that definitely I will receive support from my family and friends, but its not wise to be planning such an activity based on support from a source you dont knw how much you will get. I called the girls dad and stylishly talk to him about bringing down the list, but from his body language, its like nothing will be done.
I spoke to someone that is from a neighboring village to theirs, and I was asking him that does it mean people who dont have money cant marry their women, he told me that the list gets more expensive when the lady you are marrying is a graduate. I didnt want to take his response serious, but to me its seems like the family are seeing me like one millionaire, cos the organization where I work have a very big reputation but they dont knw that the salary structure isnt as it looks.

Though right now I have the intention of buying one item each on the list and presenting it to them. If they decline it, I will have no option than to cancel the marriage then probably look for a lady from my side and marry just as my dad have been suggesting.

Why cant the traditional rulers from our side make amends on this issue. Let the payment of traditional marriage list be optional. If you have the money to pay good. But if you dont have, just pay the bride price and move ahead. Why must they make things difficult for young men. I work in the north and all my colleagues who are hausa have gotten married. Even those who earn far less than me are married. Their process is so simple, just buy the box of cloth for the lady as you can, then next thing they go to mosque for prayer and payment of bride price then boom, marriage ceremony is over. Those who can afford it will organize dinner for the family members, thats all. Why cant things be made simple for our young guys so that they can get married easily.

I just feel like talking on and on, but let me just stop here as my mind is not at rest.

That is why we have a lot of unmarried ladies in the east.

Get her pregnant, and thank me later .

This is an issue our parents are not looking into and most of these ladies don't even contribute anything when they get into the marriage. I am on this process of marriage rite after I just buried my dad two months ago, I have told my gf I will only do the best I can. I will not steal or engage in fraud because I want to do flamboyant wedding.

Opus85:
This is an issue our parents are not looking into and most of these ladies don't even contribute anything when they get into the marriage. I am on this process of marriage rite after I just buried my dad two months ago, I have told my gf I will only do the best I can. I will not steal or engage in fraud because I want to do flamboyant wedding.

You cannot come and go and kill yourself my brother...

tomtomastom4:
Though right now I have the intention of buying one item each on the list and presenting it to them. If they decline it, I will have no option than to cancel the marriage then probably look for a lady from my side and marry just as my dad have been suggesting.

Why cant the traditional rulers from our side make amends on this issue. Let the payment of traditional marriage list be optional. If you have the money to pay good. But if you dont have, just pay the bride price and move ahead. Why must they make things difficult for young men. I work in the north and all my colleagues who are hausa have gotten married. Even those who earn far less than me are married. Their process is so simple, just buy the box of cloth for the lady as you can, then next thing they go to mosque for prayer and payment of bride price then boom, marriage ceremony is over. Those who can afford it will organize dinner for the family members, thats all. Why cant things be made simple for our young guys so that they can get married easily.

I just feel like talking on and on, but let me just stop here as my mind is not at rest.

Simple question:

Is your wife-to-be from a poor or less than average family?

Bros find out how the people of that area, carry out their traditional marriage rites. It is ignorance that is killing too many people like you.
I have seen many so called traditional marriage lists and i just laugh.
I laugh because I know many of the things on such lists are not required, talk less of being optional. Yet you would still find such things on such list simply because the groom is ignorant.

Again find out how the people of that place do their traditional marriage rites.