Copyright ©️ Olamide Akanbi, 2021.
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TITLE: My Neighbor's Girlfriend.
GENRE: Humor.
AUTHOR: Olamide Akanbi

Episode 1

The wrong thing to ever happen to anyone is to wake up in the middle of the night so hungry and there's no food at home. That was what happened to me that very Friday when I woke up at around 2 a.m.

Nothing was in my kitchen to eat as I was not used to buying foodstuff, even provisions were a big deal because I was just used to eating outside. I nearly ate my Ceiling that midnight as I laid on my bed looking up, trying to get my sleep back but couldn't. The time was so slow as if the earth decided to deal with me by revolving slowly.

I was going through my Facebook when suddenly I heard "tatatatatatatata" and a loud moan. It was my next-door neighbor.

Why are people so wicked... Why this time, why adding to my pain, I'm hungry and you're still adding konji (sexually aroused) to my problem. You people will not know peace, God will punish you... (Sobbing)

Thou they're married and it's normal, but why must it be that time. Making me want to enter the wall as I rushed to place my ear on it to get the full soundtrack. Wished I could take the next round as my poron(manhood) was so erect as it trembles... Kikiki

It took me till 4:30 a.m before I could sleep as I was so frustrated and was in surprise that Mummy Sandra could be riding on the dick like that with her innocent look and holy moves. It's true, nobody holy... Kikiki

It's morning as I finally made it. I'm serving a living God, I survived the shackle of hunger and konji. I got up and walked out to get something to eat. Mama Sandra was seen outside sweeping and singing "Jesus you love me too much oh".

God will disgrace you! After riding on dick and causing me a sleepless night, you will never know peace (furious)

"Boda Ola good morning", She greeted as she swept round.

"Good Morning Mama Sandra oh, how you dey Nah?" I responded as I smirked.

"We dey fine oh", she answered.

Why wouldn't you be fine? After you've ridden on Papa Sandra's dick, This one he's not out yet, maybe he's still in bed resting due to the heavy backside she has choked his joystick with.

Mama Sandra is blessed with backside mehn... Comedian Real Warri Pikin is still learning in the big backside industry. Don't know why Slim Papa Sandra wants to kill himself. He was just knacking all through. Maybe he took Kolaq_Alagbo bitters because it took him about 15minutes on the first round.

Poor Ola, see how I'm taking record of another person's match... Kikiki

So I went outside the gate and bought some noodles and egg, then returned home to cook.

I cooked and ate then I later prepared for a business deal in town as a client asked me to get a car for him as I'm into trading cars online. We sealed the deal that day and I smiled home.

On my way home, I decided to Branch a the mall to buy a pair of shoes for myself and for my girlfriend Ene who's birthday is coming up in three days.

I got to the mall, bought the shoes then decided to buy some snacks as I was I will be expecting her that evening to come and give me some Pre birthday Shags... body no be firewood, I no be Robot... Kikiki

I went straight, got the snacks, and head to the cashier desk to pay. Getting there to my surprise, you wouldn't believe who I saw.

Ene, holding hands and resting on a guy's shoulder.

....tbc

Thanks for reading.

Follow me on all social platforms.
Instagram: @callmebodaola
Facebook: Boda Ola
Nairaland: CallmeBodaOla


Read all my humorous works.
Thanks and God bless.
I'm sending love.
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_________________________________________________
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Episode 2

"No it can't be Ene, abi I'm not seeing well ni...", I thought as I walked closer to her. I turned to her and to clear my doubt, she was the one.

"Ene", I called with a stunned reaction.

"Yes, how're you", she said without remorse as the guy stared at me with his Jaga Jaga eyeglasses.

"What are you doing here", I asked Furiously.
"Why are you asking, You brought me here?" She said as my heart skipped.

"Is this girl mad ni... Are you normal? I said what are you doing here?" I roared and everyone turned to know what's going on.

Imagine a girl I came to buy shoes for to surprise her on her birthday. This gender willy disgrace you! They'll frustrate you (Angry)

"Do I know you? What's your problem?" She ranted.

The guy: Baba Whatsup Nah? Where you know my babe from?

Me: ara adugbo ema gba mi... (please y'all should come and help me) did you just say your girlfriend?

Ene: baby pay and let's leave, ignore this guy abeg.

Me: did you just... (Gave her a thunderous slap)

Brethren that was the mistake I did. Lord safe my soul. This pain is too much for me. It was as if the whole people in the mall descended on me. (Sobbing) I was beaten like a thief.

The guy dragged me close and punched my face so hard as Ene also joined him as she planted her teeth on my back. I threw some punch at the guy but he dodged them all. Out of about 7 punches, only one could hit him. But all his about 12 punches were successful.

I was messed up but I still fought back.
People tried to separate us but I insisted and fighting back to balance the punches as my face is already swollen. I dragged the guy and threw a punch with force, but he dodges and it hit a woman beside him.

That was when everyone descended on me thoroughly and turned me into a Chinese man as I got a swollen face and the security men threw me out of the mall.

Noooooo! Why me! Kuku kill me... My hard-earned girlfriend did this to me because of one dirty boy. Handsome me! Sweet me! Kuku kill me... (weeping)

Passersby stared at me outside the mall as the security men dragged me outside with my swollen face.

"Oga make I carry my leather inside, my shoe dey inside", I pleaded but I was flung out like leather with poo in it.

Everyone stared at me as I pick up myself and walked towards a tree to dust myself. Emotions struck me so hard and I couldn't leave the spot due to the full basket of shame placed on me. The moment was too awkward as my eyes became wet and ready to cry... My mood was like that of Asa song Bibanke

Hook

"Bim ba n ke bo ban shun fi mi si le
Bim ba n ke bo jo ba n ro fi mi si le"

Link to the song below
(
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZKwbR1Kjr4)

I summoned the courage to move on as I walked towards the main road to board a cab.

Getting to the express while I waited to get a Cab, I saw Brah Blessing one of my neighbors coming towards me.

Why this time God... Why is it this awkward time Brah Blessing knows he wants to come towards this area? "Which kind wahala be this sef", I thought sadly.
Fortunately, he passed me without recognizing me.

"Ah! Thank God", I muttered.
"But wait, is my face so punched that no one can recognize me again?" I asked myself.

Ene God will punish you! Me that you said you can't do without, you said having me in your life is the best thing that has ever happened to you, me that you called "the love of your life", Ene God will punish you...(sobbing)

...TBC



Thanks for reading.
Follow me on all social platforms.
Instagram: @callmebodaola
Facebook: Boda Ola
Nairaland: CallmeBodaOla

Read all my humorous works.
Thanks and God bless.
I'm sending love.
Your favourite,
Olamide Akanbi
mailbodaola@gmail.com
__________________________________________________
Kindly Drop Your comments
__________________________________________________

Olawrites, jogojogo, adoyi8, Naam22, Vado, ARIINI, LawyerLomo, Ann2021

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WarriFirstBorn, Lakesc, Incognitress, SIMOYERA, Chidorx60

You will kill me with laugh. Please come and update oh

Nathan127:
You will kill me with laugh. Please come and update oh

I'm here till end. Update dropping soon

Hope Y'all enjoying my piece?

Hahaha! Very funny!

Femzaremz:
Hahaha! Very funny!

I appreciate your comment. I'm cooking more. Soon come

First 100views. This means alot to me. Let's make it 1k before 24hours.

Invite others

Episode 3


Fast forward, I board a taxi and I hopped in and we drove.

In the cab, the driver was trying to engage me in some political gist as I focused at the front, remembering the awkward moment in the mall, thinking how I've been a fool all this while, not knowing Ene has been cheating on me.

Remembering the good times we've spent together. How she does sing "John Legend's Song All of me" to me in a melodious voice. Ene you will not know peace. That boy will not enjoy you (sobbing)

The cabman kept pestering me with the gist.

Cab Man: Oga wetin you see about this presidential election wey dey front, who you dey vote for?

Me: (Sighed) anybody.

Cab Man: you no fit say anybody Nah, you suppose get who you dey vote for. Me I want make Buhari win oh. I don tire with the way people dey die die up and down for this Naija. Everything just get as e be. Abi you like the way people dey die ni? Eeh Oga?

"Seems this man wants to be unfortunate, why's he engaging me with is nonsense gist. Alaye take me home", I meditated.

Cab Man: Oga you no answer me (grinned).

Me: Oga are you mad? Se oloriburuku ni e ni (are you an unfortunate person?) Take me home or I drag this starring with you and we both die together
(ranted).

Can Man: Oga wetin nah, e never reach like that nah. Make you dey calm down oh.

He turned on his tape and played music so he could focus on his driving and mind his business.

Unfortunately for me, this bastard played an emotional song. Why are people so wicked? Why's everyone so mean to me. How could you be? How could you be playing such music at this moment?

He played and was vibing to Westlife Soledad.

"Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad?
In my heart, you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad?"

The link below is to listen to the song.
(
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUkGrSPbSOE)

With more than 80millions of music in the world, it's this particular one you chose to play... God will punish you (sobbing)

My eyes were wet with all my soul covered with emotions. Thinking of how that boy will shag Ene tonight when they get home.

The love of my life, me that was thinking I've found true love. I did everything possible to make you happy, cooked for you, wash for you, even washed your pants (crying). I washed your pants. I will naked myself, put one finger in my anus, and swear for you...(sobbing) It will never be well with you... (sobbing)


Fast forward, I got home, paid the Cabman and he drove off.

I walked through into the gate and another awkward moment befell me. Almost all my useless neighbors are at home, sitting outside. About 6 of them.

"These bastards didn't go to work?", I mumbled and walked in clumsily.

"Una well-done oh", I greeted calmly as I walked towards my door.

"Welcome bros", they all echoed.

But there's this useless neighbor of mine Brah Mathew, he always enjoys being a bastard, he loves to poke nose. He can never see things and ignore them.

He will always want to talk. That was how he snitched on the next compound that they don't pay bills and one of the Nepa officials still snitched on him and came to tell them.

He got the beating his life that very day. But he'll never change. That's why he lost his job. Now He's a newspaper vendor (Angry)

...tbc

Thanks for reading.
Follow me on all social platforms.
Instagram: @callmebodaola
Facebook: Boda Ola
Nairaland: CallmeBodaOla


Read all my humorous works.
Thanks and God bless.
I'm sending love.
Your favourite,
Olamide Akanbi
mailbodaola@gmail.com
__________________________________________________
Kindly Drop Your comments
__________________________________________________

Sonnobax15 come here

abeg continue ooo, I don laugh tire ooo. ola Neva see something...

Deasegun19:
abeg continue ooo, I don laugh tire ooo. ola Neva see something...

new episode cooking. Invites others to enjoy. Don't enjoy alone

Nathan127:
Sonnobax15 come here

I'm here brah
Nice write up men..

Sonnobax15:
I'm here brah
Nice write up men..

You're welcome. Serving you more non-stop

CallmeBodaOla:


You're welcome. Serving you more non-stop

please do bro... you're making my day already..

Sonnobax15:
please do bro... you're making my day already..

Don't worry. I will serve y'all more of me... I'm ready for this. Fully prepared

Except new Episode by 6:59PM Prompt

You are doing well

daddio:
You are doing well

Thank you daddio

Y'all keep reading. New episode cooking

CallmeBodaOla:
Except new Episode by 6:59PM Prompt

I Really do not give attention to write up like this. Today, maybe be due to boredom just decided to read a few part but I ended up reading all. You know how to lock in your reader’s attention. You have got flair for writing,

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