prealjewel1993:
Good evening everyone
Please is it advisable to stay in the same company with your mother and wife
Here is the situation
I have a house , three flat , my mother stays in one of the flat
Me, i will getting married soon , some of my friends said i should go rent an apartment that i should not stay in the same company with my mother and my wife
Please i need your advice

Are you confused....the heading said " staying with mother-inlaw" but the line says"my mother and my wife"?

Rubbiish:

Do u mean 3 bedroom or 3 block of flats??
U want to go & rent when u have two empty flats because u want to get married?? Who are raising these kind of weak things called men? I already feel sorry for your mom

he can rent out his portion in the flat, use the money to get house in another place..
I have a 4 block flats, I refused staying there cos my elder sister and her husband have their house next to it.. They 're decision you take as a man to avoid future problems..
my father always say "friendship is sweeter when both parties are living apart*

descarado:

Vicious circle.
When husbands don't care for their wives , they turn all the love and attention to their sons. When son finally become man and relationship with husbands have ended to housemates or the man is dead, the mum wouldn't want to come to terms that her small boy is now and adult who need his freedom. You talk, she will come with emotional blackmail and crocodile tears

Boy/man will look back and yes, she was there for me so I must think of her first, any other person is secondary.

That's how more than 70% of men find themselves in this situation. And guess what?
They repeat the same stuff their dad did to their wives. Already,mum first wifey, you are on you own. Wifey will join herself with her new son.
And the circle continues.

Hmmm. That happens to some people truly.

mariahAngel:


Family is everything.

Considering that the op said he built 3flats, one would be quick to think they can live together with his mother, but if you think it through, as a new couple, they really need to be on their own.
The should have their privacy away from both their families.

It also depends on their situation.

Privacy Privacy...Okwa I taa o to o siri guo ha...


Before mma ha anu olu nwunye nwa ya e be o na enwe obi añuri na bedroom..;p

prealjewel1993:
Good evening everyone
Please is it advisable to stay in the same company with your mother and wife
Here is the situation
I have a house , three flat , my mother stays in one of the flat
Me, i will getting married soon , some of my friends said i should go rent an apartment that i should not stay in the same company with my mother and my wife
Please i need your advice

Every woman wants to be queen of her castle. Arrange a house as she wishes, cook as she wishes and dresses as she wishes inside the privacy of her home. No matter how angelic your mother and fiancée are, it is highly likely they will clash. Good luck to you sir

LilMissFavvy:
Yes you can live in one of the flat, just for management sake, but there is no way there wouldn't be issues, mild squabbles as long as you live in same compound. Mama would always want to have a say in your new home. Mama would always want to bring what she cooked to give you, not minding if your wife already prepared a meal, etc. If the issues become too much to handle, maybe you can rent out the flat in future, and get another place to live.

Na mama were no dey exposed go do all this one.
If its someone that is enlightened and exposed, she'll know her boundary even if she's staying in the same house with his son and the wife.
Oboy don't desert your mama because of woman o.

Baawahala:

That's the point,a good mother in-law, is good nomather where they are.
Yes,I believe some others need to be far to maintain that good relationship.
I believed you've not seen some wives who crave for their mother in-law because she makes the husband treat her better.All these things are relative.
But for someone to use another person's story as a yardstick for distancing away from her future mother in-law is highly suspicious.

I'm just saying it's best to keep your wife and Mother apart as a man. They will love and respect each other that way in their different positions in your life.

Nobody is dragging position, attention of affection.

Rubbiish:

Go build the foundation of a single room, then come back & quote me, only then u can sound sensible! U think building a house is buying makeup kits? That u want a landlord to become a tenant just because he wants to get married? Senseless thing!

Oga even if you own an estate without peace of mind its non sense.
The day you want to die young live together with your mother and wife.
You will understand.
The Bible that said a man should leave his mother and father and create his own family no dey mad.

Rubbiish:

@bold How do u mean only God knows? Something u & i know, u are saying only God knows? It is obviously because of selfishness!

Using u as an example, u are suggesting he rent a mini flat for his mum because that is the same thing u would have told your husband to do! Now if that woman was your mother would u have suggested same? My friend's wife mum has been living with them ever since they got married & everything has been peaceful, but I am very sure if reversed was the case, that marriage won't be the way it is now.

Its always different at this aspect.
When my mum came to my place, she knows her place, she will not cause issues, she help in chores sometimes.
She even help wash my husband's cloth sometimes when I am busy.
Its a different thing when she goes to my brother's house. She will sit and want to be served
My mother in-law came, it was different, I take care of her, my husband and my daughter, I work too, she stays home all day.
I wash there cloth, cook, sweep and others things.
It was quiet hard leaving someone who is strong at home coming home to a bigger mess than you left it.
I am just saying the entitlement kills, your wife if she isn't patient will keep complaining.
In my own case I didn't for once complain cause I know she will eventually leave someday but imaging if she stayed permanent.
Yes she tries severely to get between I and my husband.
Don't get me wrong my mother in-law is a very good woman.
Sometimes it doesn't work so well.
Its only natural, so a man who wants to live long knows not to stay together permanent with both.
One dey my husband caught her looking at me with a bad eye and he was mad cause what happened was what could easily be sorted instead of her reaction and my hubby was mad, he couldnt even hold it, he thrashed it out with her immediately.
To them sometimes they don't know boundaries, they are at they son's place and want to log heads with you as a head in your own house and also trying to be first in there son's heart which might be an issues.

Munzy14:

Privacy Privacy...Okwa I taa o to o siri guo ha...


Before mma ha anu olu nwunye nwa ya e be o na enwe obi añuri na bedroom..;p

No, it is beyond that.

You know mothers have the tendency to interfere in their children’s affairs, and they can’t help it.

What would you do in op’s situation?

mariahAngel:


No, it is beyond that.

You know mothers have the tendency to interfere in their children’s affairs, and they can’t help it.

What would you do in op’s situation?

Growing up you have to Cleary tackle the mother interference from early stage to avoid her becoming too comfortable with it.

Mma m na enye m my way...ya fodukwa mgbe luru nwaanyi..

The mother interference thing is not limited to sons o, even daughters..My last relationship, babe si mma ya no like me...Because i am a Catholic..

Like that...5yrs something A gbasaa...No quarrel no beef...

O si m na ogahu agba akwukwo na church m, umu m will not be dedicated in my church...

Ugbu a i lee anya, nne ya bu influence...But to what gain..Is no big deal o, I so much planned bigger life for her then, mana ihe n'ile ahu a gaa la...


New phase.

Mothers have shattered their kids happiness...directly or indirectly in a way.

As far as say na different flats...I no get issue...but mma m bido anything, mu akporo nwunye m kwa pu from that setting..

reading

dmostcheerful:

Oga even if you own an estate without peace of mind its non sense.
The day you want to die young live together with your mother and wife.
You will understand.
The Bible that said a man should leave his mother and father and create his own family no dey mad.

The bold is for weak men! Living with my mom was a test my wife had to pass before marrying her! I can't marry a woman that can't accommodate my mom! God forbid bad thing!

The same bible also says honour your father & mother! Because a man wants to get married doesn't mean his parents are no longer part of him & he should abandon them! Do u know if his mother is aged?? Majority of u ladies only hate your mother inlaws for fear of scrutiny, forgetting u will also become a mother inlaw someday! So the cycle continues!

Munzy14:

Growing up you have to Cleary tackle the mother interference from early stage to avoid her becoming too comfortable with it.

Mma m na enye m my way...ya fodukwa mgbe luru nwaanyi..

Well, some are just too attached to their children.

The mother interference thing is not limited to sons o, even daughters..My last relationship, babe si mma ya no like me...Because i am a Catholic..

Like that...5yrs something A gbasaa...No quarrel no beef...

O si m na ogahu agba akwukwo na church m, umu m will not be dedicated in my church...

Ugbu a i lee anya, nne ya bu influence...But to what gain..Is no big deal o, I so much planned bigger life for her then, mana ihe n'ile ahu a gaa la...

What!?!?
...and she gave everything up just like that without at least making her mother see reasons?
Very painful.

New phase.

Mothers have shattered their kids happiness...directly or indirectly in a way.

They most times think they know best.

As far as say na different flats...I no get issue...but mma m bido anything, mu akporo nwunye m kwa pu from that setting..

Do you honestly think op and his wife will be staying in one of the flats, while his mother occupies another alone by herself?
I believe, they’ll all share one flat laslas!

Hmmm

mariahAngel:


Well, some are just too attached to their children.



What!?!?
...and she gave everything up just like that without at least making her mother see reasons?
Very painful.




They most times think they know best.



Do you honestly think op and his wife will be staying in one of the flats, while his mother occupies another alone by herself?
I believe, they’ll all share one flat laslas!

Ya...gave up all...I was very stubborn to her trying to bend me...


O di mma nwoke i maitain his stands with valid reasons..A gwara m ya, n'ala Igbo anyi, nwoke na alu nwunye ya kporo ya gawa church ya and not the other way..


It's possible o...Me I won't share flat in such case...I will keep her in one with househelps...Then occupy one with my woman...I thank God for udi parents m nwere...freedom is easy for them to give...

Rubbiish:

The bold is for weak men! Living with my mom was a test my wife had to pass before marrying her! I can't marry a woman that can't accommodate my mom! God forbid bad thing!

The same bible also says honour your father & mother! Because a man wants to get married doesn't mean his parents are no longer part of him & he should abandon them! Do u know if his mother is aged?? Majority of u ladies only hate your mother inlaws for fear of scrutiny, forgetting u will also become a mother inlaw someday! So the cycle continues!

The person that should be accommodating in this aspect is your mum.
You just don't understand, you probably still a baby or so.
It's not about accommodation is about comfort, if you are not ready to choose your wife over your mum you are not ready to grow a family.
But the issue here is always the mum accepting the fact that you head a new home and your new major responsibility is your new home.
It's about you being put in a place of choosing between two people you where suppose to love dearly, to avoid that drama it's better they stay separately.
I am not saying your mum shouldn't come stay with you, I am staying it's not wise her staying permanently with you and your wife.

dmostcheerful:

The person that should be accommodating in this aspect is your mum.
You just don't understand, you probably still a baby or so.
It's not about accommodation is about comfort, if you are not ready to choose your wife over your mum you are not ready to grow a family.
But the issue here is always the mum accepting the fact that you head a new home and your new major responsibility is your new home.
It's about you being put in a place of choosing between two people you where suppose to love dearly, to avoid that drama it's better they stay separately.
I am not saying your mum shouldn't come stay with you, I am staying it's not wise her staying permanently with you and your wife.

See how your post is riddled with selfishness!
Because u can't tolerate your mother inlaw doesn't mean every woman can't! I read in your first mention where u stated your husband said his mother was looking at u with a bad eye & I already knew the kind of woman u are & could imagine what you have reduced your husband to! Please do not quote me any further if u have nothing sensible to say! Not every man is as helpless as your husband!
Someone shared his story on this same thread below and the wife is a lady like u!

okoroemeka:
I was in a such dilemma when I wanted to marry,we have six flags building with me and my mother and househelp occupying one,my wife bluntly refused even for us to shift to another flat,we lived together with my mother, and my wife was driving her to work every morning before going to school,it continued for six years before my mother died suddenly of stroke in 2006,they lived together happily like mother and daughter and I was privileged for her to name 3 of my children before she died,osodiemeaku RIP.

You married a good woman!
She deserves all the best life can give!
God bless her

Sotland:


One of the reasons is position.. But the truth is that any girl that cannot cope with her mother inlaw has a bad character.. Although there are a few instances where the mother inlaw is extremely bad, however, the girl would have noticed or known it, yet she choose to ignore it.. How and why should a girl marry a guy when she's not liked by the mother inlaw..

My friend that married, immediate the wife entered his house. He asked her to pay his family house a visit and spend sometime to know them because they never dated, it was matchmaking thing and his family never saw or knew her in person until the wedding day. Boom! The wife started to feel irritated, "she wants nothing to do with his family". She cannot go there and spend a week, why would she? All sort of things she said.. A mother inlaw that was so welcoming, she sees her as a nobody.. But then she had her two sister living with them in my friend's house. My friend send some money to his mother when she was sick, told her and boom! She asked him "how much have you sent to my own mother?" A marriage of barely 3 months oo..

This is a broad topic, it contrast more than whether the two can live together or not.. Even if they live separately, a bad mother inlaw, remains a bad mother inlaw and a bad girl remains bad..

Relationship between MIL and DIL is a broad topic. I can't stay with my MIL; in fact I will avoid it. I don't think my husband would like the idea himself.

His mum that can be calling his phone that can be ringing at 6am continuously for nothing urgent. I can imagine her coming to knock early in the morning.

Our relationship is better from afar. It can be more easily managed like that.

Rubbiish:

See how your post is riddled with selfishness!
Because u can't tolerate your mother inlaw doesn't mean every woman can't! I read in your first mention where u stated your husband said his mother was looking at u with a bad eye & I already knew the kind of woman u are & could imagine what you have reduced your husband to! Please do not quote me any further if u have nothing sensible to say! Not every man is as helpless as your husband!
Someone shared his story on this same thread below and the wife is a lady like u!


You married a good woman!
She deserves all the best life can give!
God bless her

I have made my post, it's quite unfair you went as low as this, I made my point and never ridiculed you.
Dragging my husband into this shows how lowly you are but its fine cause I wont go lowly as you. saying am selfish too was out of contest but it's fair too since you are saying from your own perspective.
I still stand by what I said anyway, it's not mentally healthy for a wife to live in with her mother in-law.
The new home is her's and she should be in control, which might bring a loggerhead when both women are together.
It's not healthy too for the man cause no matter how respectful the wife is and how peaceful the mum is one day a situation will come that will get him to really stand with just one person and that might be an issue for the man.
Your mum should come to your home I am not against that but staying permanently is just not advisable.
Like I said when you get married you will understand.
Don't tell me you are married just as you lied above on your post.
Your mentally on this issue recks of in-experience.

Going with the comments am seeing here shows some ladies get relaxer for their brain. Selfish and manipulative species.

Munzy14:

Ya...gave up all...I was very stubborn to her trying to bend me...


O di mma nwoke i maitain his stands with valid reasons..A gwara m ya, n'ala Igbo anyi, nwoke na alu nwunye ya kporo ya gawa church ya and not the other way..

It is good you stood your ground.
You’ll be fine.

Owu nwaanyi mba ka owu onye ebe ulo unu?

It's possible o...Me I won't share flat in such case...I will keep her in one with househelps...Then occupy one with my woman...I thank God for udi parents m nwere...freedom is easy for them to give...

It is most likely they’ll all share a flat.

dmostcheerful:

Oga even if you own an estate without peace of mind its non sense.
The day you want to die young live together with your mother and wife.
You will understand.
The Bible that said a man should leave his mother and father and create his own family no dey mad.

A man should leave the house that he built and become a tenant because he wants to marry a wife?

LutanFyah:
A man should leave the house that he built and become a tenant because he wants to marry a wife?

If he can't leave he should find an apartment for his mum.
Its as simple as that.
Abi he no get father?

dmostcheerful:

If he can't leave he should find an apartment for his mum.
Its as simple as that.
Abi he no get father?

Why should he find another apartment for his mum when in this context he has 3 units of flats?

ImaIma1:


Relationship between MIL and DIL is a broad topic. I can't stay with my MIL; in fact I will avoid it. I don't think my husband would like the idea himself.

His mum that can be calling his phone that can be ringing at 6am continuously for nothing urgent. I can imagine her coming to knock early in the morning.

Our relationship is better from afar. It can be more easily managed like that.

Different strokes for different forks. For me, any DIL who can't manage her MIL has a questionable character. It amuse me how today's girls are so quick to judging their MIL from afar. Pathetic.

LutanFyah:
Why should he find another apartment for his mum when in this context he has 3 units of flats?

Oga, let's not drag, if him, his wife and mum can cope together good for him.
He should try and see.
The best thing is to move them now rather than when his wife comes to avoid his family saying his wife made him to.
Because in the long run he will find reason to move them apart.
My uncle stays at the village currently. his late father(my grand dad) have a 4 bedroom flat and 3rooms boys quarters.
He came back from the north and decided to stay in the village and start up a business there.
His wife is an angel, my grand mum too on her side is good(she is a born again, she goes to the Lords chosen).
When they where states apart, every month this lady sends her(my grand mother) money monthly until they started staying together.
From one complain to another, mother in-law doesn't help me take care of the kids, mother in-law on her part says she tries her best. She her self was complaining daughter in-law doesn't tell her when going out, doesn't leave cooked food for her sometimes.
The said lady have been taking care of her kids herself when she was in the north and my grand ma herself have been feeding fine before there coming.
My uncle had to rent an apartment out from home.
Am just saying all this could have been avoided if they where apart.
But because they are together, all this small issues are coming out.
You yourself, how often do you have banter with your mum?
Its often, you feel the need to correct her, cause you want her to know her time and your time are different so she should know what's up. she also feels the need to correct you in some certain things, like telling you this is not how this should be done.
Your wife can't talk to her any how, she have to mind how she threats her, how long will a woman keep pretending or trying to please someone?
It will always be hard.
Your mum will always feel the need to show case her strength and authority this is my son he should heed to my opinion and advice forgetting that you and your wife are a different family from her. your wife on the other hand will feel this is my family I should say what happens and so on.
How long will you keep someone's daughter in a corner to please your mum?
Was your grand mother living with you people when she(ur mum) married your dad. Will you be happy if your own daughter live together and serve her husband and the mother too?
Put yourself in your wives shoe and then come back before playing woke.
As a man to avoid issues best thing is to separate them.
Your mum should come to your place once in a while, when she is sick, when she needs rest and not to form a residence.
You still think I am a bad wife?
I am selfish?
He put his house from rent and use the money realised to rent a house from the mum simple.

mariahAngel:


It is good you stood your ground.
You’ll be fine.

Owu nwaanyi mba ka owu onye ebe ulo unu?




It is most likely they’ll all share a flat.

Yea...It's one of the toughest decision I took in this life and I know I saved myself from a future catastrophe...It's better starting afresh now, than a messy marital home...It can kill a man faster.


O wu Abia....

Sharing flat not advisable...Like some older and experienced folks told me it's a no no...

My grandma when she was alive, hates to visit her children's home...

Except when she is undergoing medical check ups..
She can only spend time with my aunt...Her only daughter's house...And she passed on in her house..Though she wished to transit from her husband's house...All the same she lived a life well spent and a longgg one..

Till she died in 2019, my grandma never had any issue with any of her daughter-in-law...

She so much liked my mom then...quiet daughter-in-law wey dey treat her very well...And married to her most stubborn son...

She blessed her sef..for taming her wahala son..And being a huge backbone to him.

Munzy14:

Yea...It's one of the toughest decision I took in this life and I know I saved myself from a future catastrophe...It's better starting afresh now, than a messy marital home...It can kill a man faster.

Yes. You don’t want to get it wrong.
It takes courage to make decisions that might break your heart, but bring peace to your soul.

O wu Abia....

Ok.

Sharing flat not advisable...Like some older and experienced folks told me it's a no no...

Definitely not.

My grandma when she was alive, hates to visit her children's home...

Except when she is undergoing medical check ups..
She can only spend time with my aunt...Her only daughter's house...And she passed on in her house..Though she wished to transit from her husband's house...All the same she lived a life well spent and a longgg one..

Yes.

Most would rather remain in the village with their goats and chickens, than live with their children. And owu otu okwesiri I di...except when they need medical attention.
Being in a rural/natural environment keep them alive for longer.

When my grandmother came to the city for my uncle’s wedding, immediately after the wedding, she couldn’t wait to go back to the village.
She said her goats might die if nobody feeds them (I found it funny before, but now I understand better)

Till she died in 2019, my grandma never had any issue with any of her daughter-in-law...

She so much liked my mom then...quiet daughter-in-law wey dey treat her very well...And married to her most stubborn son...

She blessed her sef..for taming her wahala son..And being a huge backbone to him.

Almost the same thing my mum said my grandmother told her.
My mum says the way you treat your mother-in-law would be the way you would be treated when you become a mother-in-law.

mariahAngel:


Yes. You don’t want to get it wrong.
It takes courage to make decisions that might break your heart, but bring peace to your soul.



Ok.


Definitely not.



Yes.

Most would rather remain in the village with their goats and chickens, than live with their children. And owu otu okwesiri I di...except when they need medical attention.
Being in a rural/natural environment keep them alive for longer.

When my grandmother came to the city for my uncle’s wedding, immediately after the wedding, she couldn’t wait to go back to the village.
She said her goats might die if nobody feeds them (I found it funny before, but now I understand better)





Almost the same thing my mum said my grandmother told her.
My mum says the way you treat your mother-in-law would be the way you would be treated when you become a mother-in-law.

I swear...It's something I can easily advise people on...So i wouldn't want to be caught in situation of not practising what I preach...It can be a regret for life..

Peace of mind wu nu ihe n'ile if a lady is surely with you, she will follow you without blinking..And her struggles will become yours, like wise yours becoming hers as the man.

Grandmas and goat...

They used to say I am reincarnation of my grandpa...So she soo much used to like me when she was alive... Had the honour of giving me my native and English names.

Chai when I was a teen, if I visit home she will dash me money... Original love.

Grandmas and love for goat...And if you see how they talk to them like humans..
Mine like her dog join..

Those are unique words your mom said there...It is a pointer too..

When u visit a home, to marry a lady...

I. Watch how her mom relates with the her Dad.

2..How her mom relates with her MIL..

Very two Important things that can scatter a family for life..

Same apply when you visit a man who wants to marry you...

How his Dad treats his mom..

Is a thing to look out for.

Munzy14:

I swear...It's something I can easily advise people on...So i wouldn't want to be caught in situation of not practising what I preach...It can be a regret for life..

Of course.

Peace of mind wu nu ihe n'ile if a lady is surely with you, she will follow you without blinking..And her struggles will become yours, like wise yours becoming hers as the man.

Peace wu ultimate o!

Grandmas and goat...

I believe animals make old people live longer.
They’re good company.

They used to say I am reincarnation of my grandpa...So she soo much used to like me when she was alive... Had the honour of giving me my native and English names.

Ha si a wu’m nne nna nna’m.
My late grandfather treated me special...a bit than the others.

Chai when I was a teen, if I visit home she will dash me money... Original love.

Gi e chere aka nara okwaya?

Grandmas and love for goat...And if you see how they talk to them like humans..
Mine like her dog join..

They actually love them.
I learnt from my grandfather not to treat animals badly.
One time, my grandfather’s goats went grazing by themselves, but when they came back in the evening, he counted them and found out they were incomplete.
He said the missing one must have lost his way home, and it was already getting dark.
My grandfather took his flashlight to go look for the missing goat, and he did not return till he found it.
Every time I remember it, it reminds me of that parable of the lost sheep.

Those are unique words your mom said there...It is a pointer too..

When u visit a home, to marry a lady...

I. Watch how her mom relates with the her Dad.

2..How her mom relates with her MIL..

Very two Important things that can scatter a family for life..

Same apply when you visit a man who wants to marry you...

How his Dad treats his mom..

Is a thing to look out for.

True.