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Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by IfeLuvely: 9:20am On May 20, 2011 |
Argggh, so i just did a pregnancy test, and there were two lines on the stick ![]() ![]() |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by obowunmi(m): 12:50pm On May 20, 2011 |
Are your parents willingly to negotiate ? Probably not. Most parents want their pregnant daughter sitting in her husband's house or want their grandchild born into a marriage. Its not up to us to decide but for you to find out if your parents are willingly to compromise. |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by TeeJay6(m): 12:52pm On May 20, 2011 |
doing what your way? Do you mean having seeex your way(style) or your parents's way? |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by jaybee3(m): 12:53pm On May 20, 2011 |
How about our way? Is he OK with the idea of having the wedding after you give birth? At the end of the day it's you guys wedding not your folks so do whatever u guys r comfortable with. |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by Nobody: 1:04pm On May 20, 2011 |
LOL Save your saliva for prayers n hope that he marries you.lol |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by Blazay(m): 1:52pm On May 20, 2011 |
You should have contacted us before phocking. Abi we dey for dia to hellep you preggo? Shiooooooooooooooooooor!!! |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by TeeJay6(m): 1:56pm On May 20, 2011 |
jay bee:Not so, at least in the nigerian context where the wedding is an occassion where the family(father) give the daughter away in marriage, the reality of this case is that the family are looking at damage limitation, they don't quite like the idea of their daughter having a child outside wedlock and would rather do a hush hush marriage before the baby comes than after. The poster should have considered all angles before deliberately getting pregnant on the premise that it would keep the couple together. What if the guy decides against marriage? Anyway my advice is discuss with your parents and rather than hold on to your "way" see how you can reach a compromise on this |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by jaybee3(m): 2:08pm On May 20, 2011 |
^^^ She doesn't live in Nigeria so less obligation to follow the crowd. Do you even know why most parents frown at the idea? They probably do cos of what people will say not because it's a tradition or what not |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by TeeJay6(m): 2:14pm On May 20, 2011 |
jay bee:But she is a nigerian. Look I'm trying to see the arguement from both sides, while trying to be sympathetic to her plight; just because she is living abroad does not mean she should abandon the tradition her family subscribes to in its entirety especially when it comes to issues like marriage where families tend to see it as a very big deal. I know a couple who actually live in UK are were in the same boat as the poster at the end of the day the parents flew over from naija and insisted they got married before the pikin arrives. I guess for what it's worth the poster should consider the parent's "way" afterall shebi na to get married ni |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by IfeLuvely: 2:25pm On May 20, 2011 |
We have already started saving for a summer wedding nxt year, and because of the way we are, we wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves, with no help at all from any of our parents, we only just reached half our target for the budget, Me personally, I will like to wait till next begfore we get married, so we can still reach our target, but i know both parents will now say that they will contribute if we decide to get married before the baby comes, I hope this makes more sense now, at T-J of course I am Nigerian, but like jay bee sed its frowned on to get pregnant before getting married because of what "people will say" not cos of anything else |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by Nobody: 2:36pm On May 20, 2011 |
IfeLuvely: That's funny . . . .You have a 'target' for getting married and yet NONE for having babies ![]() ![]() If you can't afford a wedding now, what makes you think you will one year from now when you have a baby to take care of. Believe it or not, you savings will go down the drain, taking care of your child and you are just gonna wake up and realize you waited for nothing. You don't need a summer wedding or any flamboyance that comes with weddings . . . If you and this man wants to be together, then you have to realize how important it is for you guys to tie the knots NOW! But if you still want to wait . . . . it's ur choice! |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by TeeJay6(m): 2:37pm On May 20, 2011 |
IfeLuvely:I think for what its worth you guys should try and reach a compromise, the good thing is that marriage is in the offing, so all the parents are asking is that you bring it forward, let them know what your reasons are for wanting to do it next year and if they still insist they would rather have it sooner then they are free to bear the financial burden and you guys can keep your savings for the real issue of bringing up a child in the uk. I wont l |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by Nobody: 2:38pm On May 20, 2011 |
jay bee: It's not a completely ignorant tradition either . . . I mean if they are going to get married anyways, then pray tell, why should they wait? The baby is coming already so they can as well forget the princess wedding and get it over with! My opinion . . . ![]() |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by jaybee3(m): 2:43pm On May 20, 2011 |
Ujujoan:They are meant to have own choice not parent's choice => Ma point They are the ones getting married not parent hence going along with what's comfortable for 'em both. At the end of the day they are paying for it so why allow parents dictate? |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by r231(m): 2:44pm On May 20, 2011 |
IfeLuvely: but you guys can still do registry for now if you are trying to please your parents and do the big one later |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by Nobody: 2:48pm On May 20, 2011 |
jay bee: An adage says, what an elder sees sitting down, a child cannot see it from the highest ladder! Granted, it's their life, it's their wedding bla bla bla . . . . But this is their parents we are talking about. No parent will want something bad for h/her child. She's the girl and it's only natural for them to insists, lest they have their young daughter raising a child all on her own . . . The uncertainty of the relationship is great enough,without the guy going off on his own! And yes, they have the right to dictate. They are her parents . . . . |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by jaybee3(m): 2:54pm On May 20, 2011 |
Ujujoan:Meaning they are always right ![]() Ujujoan:Not disputing that fact but the wedding is going to be between Mr A and Miss B Ujujoan:Ok this is not part of the script. We are talking about having a wedding before or after giving birth Ujujoan:So does having the wedding before the child birth guarantees he would not run off if that has always been his plan? Ujujoan:No they don't if they aren't paying. |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by dayokanu(m): 3:05pm On May 20, 2011 |
Why not do some court/registry stuff, Something that ties you legally to your bf, Else you might be on the path to being a Baby momma. I dont know about you but its somehow shameful for a Nigerian to have a kid outside of wedlock and thats what you are about doing. It doesnt look well on your upbringing |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by TeeJay6(m): 3:09pm On May 20, 2011 |
dayokanu:ooops dont let naija girls living abroad see that comment |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by r231(m): 3:10pm On May 20, 2011 |
dayokanu: says who? you are doing good until you get to that bolded part |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by IfeLuvely: 3:20pm On May 20, 2011 |
Ujujoan: We started a child fund like 2 years back, that is currently sitting in an ISA, ![]() |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by dayokanu(m): 3:27pm On May 20, 2011 |
r231: How would it look on you when your daughter gets pregnant and has a child before getting married |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by r231(m): 3:31pm On May 20, 2011 |
dayokanu: it depends on the age |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by Nobody: 3:32pm On May 20, 2011 |
jay bee: They are not paying because they were asked not to and I don't think they will hesitate to contribute if neccessary. Parents might NOT always ne right, but in this case . . . they are! There is nothing stopping them from getting married now if they really know the meaning of marriage. Having a wedding might not be a 100% guaratee that he won't run off, but it definitely is an 80% guarantee! Not having a wedding however, is an 20% guarantee! And incase you don't know, when parents insist their daughter must be married before starting a family, it's partly because they don't want their daughter ending up a single parent! |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by Nobody: 3:35pm On May 20, 2011 |
IfeLuvely: You guys seem to be good planners, I must commend that. But what use is a plan that can't be flexible. I'm sure you didn't bargain for a child this earlier, but it has happened. And if your plans cannot make the right provisions for that, then it's not a good plan. All I'm saying is that you try to do the right thing. You are gonna marry him anyways, so why wait? You want a 'summer' wedding? Well you didn't want a child now and it came . . . things happen so change is allowed! |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by Nobody: 3:39pm On May 20, 2011 |
Blazay: LOL. well, from you and your fiance's actions, you've already decided to do wedding first, baby second. what does your fiance say about your parents' wishes? that's the important thing. if i were you, get the court license now and do the big celebration later when you all are ready. |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by dayokanu(m): 3:42pm On May 20, 2011 |
r231: How do you mean it depends on the age? If she is old enough to get pregant why not just marry the baby Daddy |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by Nobody: 3:47pm On May 20, 2011 |
dayokanu: Haba! So any woman that gets preggy must marry the baby daddy? Mba nu. But in this case, they already have plans to get marreid so why wait? |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by r231(m): 3:49pm On May 20, 2011 |
dayokanu: hahaha. . . . . . . 10yr old kid gets pregnant this days ![]() ![]() basically what i am saying is if she is over 25 then its allowed |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by TeeJay6(m): 4:06pm On May 20, 2011 |
r231:What is allowed? so the parents should sit back fold their hands and watch their daughter as she decides to be sisi London, mba nu |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by r231(m): 4:10pm On May 20, 2011 |
Tee_Jay: 25yrs old is ADELEBO ![]() ![]() so really they can just do registry for now since she is pregnant alrdy |
Re: Help! My Parents Way Or My Way? by Genius100: 5:06pm On May 20, 2011 |
This is very simple. Do a court wedding now. Then you can do your big wedding after you have your kid. |
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