Female lawyers move fast in the marriage transfer
market. They can be loyal, dependable and
protective spouses … if well treated.
My brother, to marry a lawyer, you can start by
catching her young when she is still at the
university. To do this, you must penetrate her
circle. You know student lawyers are always
decked in their official black and white outfits.
They tend to move together in groups and most
times give off a snobbish vibe to the outsider who
wants to get close. So you have to wear your
white shirt atop a black trouser, black belt and
black cover shoes. Hang around the law faculty,
lecture rooms and courtrooms. With your outfit,
you will blend in easily and the beautiful law
student will give you a listening ear.
If you want to marry a lawyer you must be very
vocal about the rule of law on your Facebook
page. Make several posts and comments
demanding that the rule of law must be respected
by the government of the day. Declare that you
can never vote for any government that interferes
with the judiciary. Call for a mass protest against
the president for removing the Chief Justice of
Nigeria unconstitutionally. Ensure she sees the
posts. Tag and mention her. Your lawyer crush
will notice you and will start loving your posts.
When you slide into her DMs with “Elo baby,” she
will welcome you with a kiss smiley.
Congratulations bro.
If you want to marry a female lawyer, ensure that
on the day of her call-to-bar you put up a
congratulatory post with her picture in official
lawyer regalia. Write in the caption that you
always knew that she would make it through the
tough law school. Include in the post that you
can’t wait for her to become a SAN. If you are
eyeing three lawyers, schedule your posts to
appear at different times in the day: One in the
morning, afternoon and evening respectively.
There must be no conflict. There is no
forgiveness for failing to put up a post for her on
this day. Don’t be like Effiong who forgot to put
up a post for his lawyer crush on the day of her
call to bar and suffered the punishment of being
banished from her heart forever.
If you want a lawyer to say yes to you, you have
to help set up her private practice. Do you have
space in your house? Look for one room or a
container space that can fit in a table, chair, few
files and desktop computer that has been around
since the days of Charles Babbage. That will
serve as the office space for her law firm. Give
the firm a name. Call it Ima & Ikpaeduok
chambers.

You know one interesting thing about lawyers is
that a single case or deal can turn them from a
hundredaire to a multi-millionaire. So you need to
get clients for your lawyer crush if you want her to
surrender her heart to you. You have to befriend
property owners. When they have buyers for their
properties, recommend your lawyer friend as a
competent attorney who will draw up the legal
agreement and contract. When she gets the deal,
she will tuck in 35% of the sales amount as her
legal fees.

You also need to make friends with people who
are having serious issues in their marriages.
Encourage them to divorce their partners. Your
lawyer crush will end up as their attorney and will
charge 40% legal fees. When you finally pop the
marriage question, she will say yes. How can she
refuse you, her backbone? Together you two will
buy a mansion in and relocate to the Island of
Malta.

My brother, you can’t escape speaking legalese if
you want to marry a lawyer. To improve your legal
vocabulary, read all the novels written by John
Grisham and watch all the seasons and episodes
of Suits .

Use legal rulings to spice up your convos. Tell her
that a precedent was established in the case of
Mma Ikwo Vs. Ikakke 1973, stating that stealing
meat from the pot at 2 AM in the kitchen is legal
as long as the cooking pot is not properly
covered by the owner of the pot. She will be
impressed by your legal knowledge and will start
seeing a pleasant future with you.
Lawyers like to be respected, so if you want her
to marry you, before you make any request from
her, bow before her and address her as “My
Lord.” Avoid arguments with her, just say,
“Objection sustained” to every point she makes.
She will fall head over heels in love with you.

Whenever she makes any post about attending a
law dinner, drop a comment expressing your
admiration of the concept of law dinners. Lament
that for five years of your stay in school you never
had the opportunity of sharing a packet of cabin
biscuit with your lecturers talkless of having a full
dinner of fried chicken and tasty wine with them.
She will invite you for a private dinner and if you
play your cards well, you will win her over.
Finally, if you want her to marry you, buy a new
wig and send it to her as a Valentine’s Day gift.

Thank God the ASUU strike has been called off.
Let me go and iron my black and white outfit in
preparation for hunting tomorrow.


https://www.bellanaija.com/2019/02/iniobong-umoh-marry-female-lawyer/#comment-2403514

Very funny article. A nice read tho.
A bit of ashwa with classy vibes.