Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,201,967 members, 7,980,480 topics. Date: Sunday, 20 October 2024 at 03:45 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? (38034 Views)
Be Mindful What You Discuss When Your Kids Are Around / Marriage: Does The Length Of Courtship Matter ? / Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? (2) (3) (4)
What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Tioluwa(f): 2:25pm On Jul 20, 2007 |
What are the issues you discussed with you husband when you were in courtship or with your spouse now you are in courtship? |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by afolayangs(m): 4:09pm On Jul 20, 2007 |
issues like family background ur pass lover(s) And everything good or bad that 've done Treat each other as brother and sister and disclose things u can't even share with ur mum |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Tioluwa(f): 4:33pm On Jul 20, 2007 |
@afolayangs Thanks for your contribution. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by amodiaquin: 6:12pm On Jul 21, 2007 |
Remember that courtship isnt the same as boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.Here you hope to be heading for marriage.My advice is , Do not pretend, Let him know your likes and dislikes, your desired family size,where you both will fellowship, the location you guys desire to settle in, your future ambition and projections, relationship with inlaws and friends, finance management in the home, sharing of duties, plans for leisure etc 2 Likes |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by rikkyjen(m): 7:17pm On Jul 21, 2007 |
What about talking about Sexual compatibility? 1 Like |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by vigasimple(m): 4:02pm On Oct 15, 2007 |
In my own little opinion, this is the time that all cards are on the table, be naked to your partner, everything must be put on the table. So that if anybody or anything crops up in the future nothing will meet him/her by shock, he or she would even laugh about it and say he/she already told me or I am already aware. Trust is what you discuss, or how to build it, children(if you are planning to have any etc) finances , investments , work, spiritual life. foods, likes and dislikes., cleaniness. To be honest with you, you may need to find a christian book that discuss Courtship and marriage and both of you to read it and discuss things. In marriages, there are constant that can make or break marriages 1. communication 2.Trust 3.Finance 4.Care and attention 5. Sex without being used as bargaining tools from women in particular (sometimes some men-though more of emotional punishment with men) 6. Above all prayers to every situation I wish every bachelors and spinsters who are on this ladder best of luck. 4 Likes |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by almondjoy(f): 7:28am On Oct 16, 2007 |
Wedding and honeymoon Children Employment Place of residence/type of plan--double masters bedroom/double closet spaces. Plan for the future/finances/budgets Household chores Dealing with relatives and friends Choice of next of kins -- chosing at least 3 sets just in case---- Vacation spots Familly doctors and Pedriatricians Type of family cars Health history and genetics Food choices Diet and exercise 1 Like |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by mariejane(f): 3:39pm On Jan 02, 2008 |
so wat do u discuss wen u guys are dating and u dont mind getting married to each other though u v started off as boy/girlfriend? |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Busta(f): 4:57pm On Jan 02, 2008 |
almondjoy: That's it. . . All said! |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by zeetience(f): 10:34pm On Jan 02, 2008 |
for serious minded people who know what they want for themselves,they are to plan and discuss life both in the present and future tense coupled their individual basic priority that could help boost their marrital life.Most importantly,they should endevour they are truely compatible before setting up a marriage date.Good luck to you all. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Souljagirl(f): 10:47pm On Jan 02, 2008 |
do you snore when you sleep? (for those of you saints that are yet to sleep in the same bed as your partner) LOL. better to know ahead of time o. i tell you, some people's snoring can make you want to commit homicide! walai! |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by sylvex(f): 11:09am On Jan 04, 2008 |
vigasimple: well said! |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Souljagirl(f): 7:14pm On Jan 04, 2008 |
don't forget how you will both raise your future kids, for example, everyone's idea of discipline is different. i will make sure i lay it out to him that my children are precious, therefore, not to be beaten like goats when they do something wrong. in my opinion, beating a child does more harm than good, especially a female child. its a big NO NO! if you can't discipline your kids without giving them bulala (switch/cane), then you need help yourself. i know there are some kids that don't hear word, but a little smacking is ok, but not beating them like donkeys! 1 Like |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by jesuseun1(m): 9:50pm On Jan 05, 2008 |
discuss any issues on this earth altar call experience no of kids hw to fund the kids education what business to do 4 more income her menstrual period discuss dream,visions,aspiration discuss who will be mentors, counselors discuss hw long to stay in a rented apartment and pray |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Esss(m): 10:06pm On Jan 05, 2008 |
1. No of kids 2. No joint accounts 3. Kids names 4. Will she work or not 5. Visitation rights of family relatives 6. Sex (Frequency,positions and toys) 7. Late Nights 8. Medical history 9. Bills 10. Where we hope to be , time from now 11. Infidelity 12. Weight issues 13. Dress sense 14. Fears 15. Dreams 16. Likes and dislikes erm, 2 Likes |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Souljagirl(f): 10:10pm On Jan 05, 2008 |
thank you jare. hence, for those that think getting married is child's play, remember it is an institution and its got many many departments and offices. if you ain't ready, then chill out. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Tioluwa(f): 4:25pm On Jan 08, 2008 |
Thanks you all for your response. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Leilah(f): 12:50am On Jan 09, 2008 |
ess, can u please explain weight issues and dress sense please and how this is so relevant to courtship. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Nobody: 12:55am On Jan 09, 2008 |
Leilah: e.g is she the type that is going to lose herself after marriage, splurge on junk foods and get fat while tying wrappers around the house. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Leilah(f): 2:32am On Jan 09, 2008 |
So u mean in your culture its quite okay for you to put that comment to your fiance ie hey honey do u think you will eat junkfood and get fat? do you think you will always remain as appetising as you are today? So I take it its the norm to put these sort of questions to ones finace? |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Leilah(f): 2:36am On Jan 09, 2008 |
oh I forgot to mention the dress sense bit. How woudl you put it then david "do you think you can always dress trendy and be sexy and turn me on?" even when you have about five kids to take care of, you better still be quite hip, slim, and sexy! talk about the whiteman!!!!!!!! |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Leilah(f): 2:39am On Jan 09, 2008 |
actually I should have included that a big beer gut should be satisfied with a banquet on request. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Nobody: 2:53am On Jan 09, 2008 |
Its not a matter of culture . . . no one wants a fat slob around the house. You bet i will be snooping around to see if she is bingeing on junk foods. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Leilah(f): 2:57am On Jan 09, 2008 |
but in the topic its say the word discuss. So when youre thinking of marryig a lady would you put it to her that she should remain sexy etc and not get fat? |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Nobody: 3:06am On Jan 09, 2008 |
you dont "put it to her", that is like commanding her to stay slim or else. The type of woman she will turn out to be in 40yrs can be gleaned from the type of woman she is now. But it does help to let her know what you expect of her. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Souljagirl(f): 3:10am On Jan 12, 2008 |
yup. going on and on about a woman's weight might put her off, but when she sees your eyes going to the slim young things, then she won't need to be told. she go join gym kia kia one time. then again, no double standard o, if you want your woman to be slim and fit, you better work on your six pack abs too o. , no love handles and all that ugly pot belly. it has to go both ways now abi? |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by osisi5: 3:29am On Jan 13, 2008 |
The woman ought to ask the man if he can rise and stay risen . I'm serious. I heard a recent story of a sis that married a bro,they never chopped during courtship like good Christians and on the honeymoon nite,bro could not perform. They have since gone their seperate ways |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by debosky(m): 3:42am On Jan 13, 2008 |
That is really sad how is bros supposed to know if he can 'stay risen' if he's been keeping himself for his bride? Some dangling yekini's have been known to be 'strong' at other times but 'faint' at the sight of almighty Jerusalem, so bros himself may not even know. @ topic your life goals and dreams. . .are the compatible? what are you willing to compromise on? what will you tolerate and what is completely unacceptable to you? how many times a week do you want her to pound yam and egusi for you? how many shopping sprees allowed a month the last two are very high on my own list. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Esss(m): 2:22am On Jan 16, 2008 |
Leilah: Yes, It's something that I have noticed in most peoples marriages. After the first child is born, most women just let themselves go. They become annoying fat and also lazy. I really do not want to cheat on my wife so it would be to her advantage to stay sexy and hot. She has to give me a reason to want to come home every evening and hit that for the next 50 years. So you see it's important that such things are made known during the courtship period so as to avoid the drama later in the future. Leilah: It's just like davidylan said. no wrappers 24/7 around the house. I want my wife to look good all the time. save the wrappers for old age. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Souljagirl(f): 5:59pm On Jan 29, 2008 |
wrappers? most women nowadays don't go anywhere near wrappers. except traditional wear, and even that one is geared towards the older women like you said. wrappers can be so unflattering. i don't even remember the last time i went near one. but come o, if you want your woman to stay sexy and whatnot after marriage, it should be a joint effort. no be say na only her go dey stay trim. don't be carrying around a bear belly and expect your wife to still be looking like halle berry. go the gym together. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Nobody: 11:32pm On Oct 30, 2013 |
Nice thread.. Learning so much.. Thanks @OP for this topic.. |
Re: What Are The Issues You Discuss During Courtship ? by Oluquality: 4:22pm On Aug 25, 2016 |
POINTS TO DISCUSS DURING COURTSHIP Rather than just engaging yourselves with things that will not build your home, take time during your courtship to engage in effective communication that will enhance the success of your home. It has been discovered that greater percentage of the reasons why marriages are collapsing and there is high divorce rate in our generation is as a result of faulty courtship period. Below are some suggested points you can discuss during your courtship period in addition to praying together, visiting places together and the rest. Ensure you both agree on all the points as that will help you to understand each other better and prepare for your future home. Don’t try to win an argument but rather see things from the other person’s point of view and then come up with a mutual agreement. Suspend any issue you can’t agree on till another time to allow time to think or ponder over it well. Also note that the key point is that you hide nothing from your spouse as you both discuss your Past, Present and Future. Tell your partner about your past lifestyles but with the appropriate timing (let there be love, trust, and confidence before discussing certain issues) In addition to telling stories about your childhood and places you’ve been and past life experiences, Discuss the following and every other thing: Finances Budgets, bookkeeping, how to handle household finances. What kind of account do you want to keep? Separate account or joint account, joint account does not necessarily means opening an account in the name of the two of you although that can also be implied, families handles their finances in different ways; both of you can bring in certain percentage of your income to meet the home need, or add the income of the two of you together and then do the home budget based on the total income, some can also divide the responsibilities based on the earning power of each person decide on how you want to run your finances. Categories of spending in budget Who is responsible for what in finances? How to work together on bookkeeping, paperwork Debt Credit cards, ATMS Used vs. new – cars, clothes, etc. Tithes, offerings, benevolence (giving to people) Savings Investments Relational Balance of job and family Overtime work – evenings and Saturdays When wife disagrees with husband – what should happen? Should any information be withheld from a spouse? If so, what and when? Decision making – What is the wife’s role? What is the husband’s role? Role of father and mother in relationship to children What if the wife is negligent in an area of her responsibility? What if the husband is negligent in an area of his responsibility? What are the basic responsibilities of a wife? What are the basic responsibilities of a husband? What role do in-laws play in a marriage? How to handle disagreements with parents or in-laws Care of elderly parents and grandparents Holidays – with extended family or at home? How important is the extended family? Ever consider moving far away from extended family? Under what conditions? The role of seeking counsel when making decisions When is it appropriate to reject the counsel of others? Role of female friends in wife’s life Role of male friends in husband’s life What if the spouse is going against the clear teaching of Scripture and church leaders? How to resolve disagreements and offenses? How soon? What compromises are you willing to make? Who has the final authority in areas of disagreement? How much time do you want your spouse spending on activities away from home without you? What are specific ways that a wife can serve as a helper to her husband? Do you like lots of company, or do you prefer more time to yourself and alone with your family? Do you want to use the service of a housemaid, if yes, what should be the sex and age of the housemaid and at what point in time will you need a housemaid? What type of dress is appropriate and inappropriate in courtship or when married. Do you like lots of company, or do you prefer more time to yourself and alone with your family? Food: choice, favorite meals, preparation, restaurant etc. Division of responsibility in home – i.e. emptying garbage, keeping the car clean, yard work, housework, cooking, shopping, etc. What are your fears, likes, and dislikes? Your personality and values. Cars. Children How many? Names. Birth control or as God grants them? Discipline – Observe situations or make up hypothetical situations. How would you handle them? When to use spanking? Who disciplines the children when both parents are present? Should grandparents discipline their grandchildren? Goals for children Sports involvement What to do when one spouse disagrees with decision or discipline of other spouse How should daughters be raised? How should sons be raised? What if older children disagree with some of your beliefs? How much should the family be away from home when young, when older? Ideas about memorizing Scripture, catechizing, family worship Dresses vs. pants on little girls, older girls Standards that govern relationships with those of opposite sex. Favoritism and sibling’s rivalry. Education Schooling options What are the goals you seek to reach as you school your children? What subjects are most important? Would you consider having others teach your children certain subjects? Schooling methods Music education Scriptural instruction – how and when What is the father’s role in home lessons or tutorial and homework? What is the mother’s role in home lessons or tutorial and homework? Church Church vs. family – is one higher priority than other? Time commitment to church vs. family What about mid-week activities and meetings? When and what would lead to leaving or changing churches? How to handle disagreements with church leadership Youth groups and youth activities without families Church attendance – frequency of going to church services Bible doctrines & beliefs. Time Morning person or night person? Arrive early or late to commitments? How much time for work vs. how much time for play? Use of leisure time What are appropriate uses of leisure time? Reading materials Regarding movies, games, etc. TV? Vacations – What makes a good vacation? How often? What are inexpensive alternatives for young families? Background music or quiet? Medical Standard medical practice vs. alternatives – do you use traditional medicines or just orthodox? What necessitates a doctor visit? What other alternatives are there? Prenatal care and birth options Diet preferences – homemade, package, whole grains, etc. Political Does wife vote according to husband’s direction or by her own conscience after his counsel? What if wife disagrees with husband? When is resistance to government appropriate? Dreams & Goals Desired accomplishments – Writing? Business? Etc. Travel – when, where, how much Family, Home, estate, vacation etc. Cultural differences (if applicable) Views on cultural values, ethics, and beliefs.[color=#000099][/color] 3 Likes |
4 Women Claim To Be MIC Okusanya's Wives / Man Celebrated His Mother's 87th Birthday By Exposing Her Breasts On Facebook / The Will That Calmed My Friend
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 58 |