Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? - Romance (3) - Nairaland
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| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by ogbori(m): 7:44pm On May 29, 2011 |
I think in most cases, the woman determines if the marriage last.  Old folks marriages lasted simply because of the humility of the wives. Its obvious men has this momentary pride which comes up occasionally and it takes a wise Humble lady who knows what she is doing to tolerate such fart  , knowing the husband would come to his sense almost immediately, then she give it back wisely and the guy looks stupid at the end of the day.Women who develop low self esteem listen to whatever comes out every any toilet in the name of equity. Suggestion from those with broken homes and the rest who had misplaced their priority seem too good an advice, but a device recking homes. A reasonably good number of marriage started very well until the management of the marriage changed to some remote source outside the home without the other partners consent or awareness. There are issues that were never discussed between the two but finds its way to some so called pastor, friend, Technical Adviser, Opera show . . ., where a solution was given based on assumption or some faulty experience which always mar the home of their client. A lady who has a happy home suddenly wants freedom, because she sees herself an HELPER or house help?  |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by lastpage: 7:49pm On May 29, 2011 |
Okay, Egba-Girl. I read all your thirty-something contributions on NL (including that one where you told Dayo Kanu that you're not married  ).It answered most of the personal questions l would have asked you like the ones below: Egba-girl! Truly, in a very long time, l have not come across such matured, intelligent and balanced contribution, on issue that bothers on relationship, on NL. Your parents must have really imparted sound training into you (no disrespect), its like a good Tree, bearing a good fruit! You've earn my respects, big-time!   I wish more women will borrow a leaf from you, walahi. BTW: Garri is also my favorite! Soak it in cold-chilling water, put honey (l avoid Sugar), sprinkle some cashew Nuts and knock it down with hot beans or some dry meat, as the case may warrant!  I dey come, make l soak some, just to appreciate you! |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Egbagirl(f): 8:03pm On May 29, 2011 |
@ lastpage: Thank you I have to say I did crack up a lot when I read your "silly questions" LOL that got me really LOL-ing. But Ive been on NL for like a year now but hardly make comments. Just read stuff and laugh so I guess Im not very active and YES, I am proudly EGBA!!!! lol but really, this topic breaks my heart. Its really sad and almost annoying to see whats happening to our women. It pains me to see how Nigerian women are being talked about today. very sad. Once again, I have to say this, A wise woman builds her home and a foolish one destroys it. HOWEVER, the men sef get their own comma o and they could also do a lot more. Ko easy lati je omokunrin/obinrin afi k'Oluwa ko wa yo. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by lastpage: 8:47pm On May 29, 2011 |
@Egba Girl Once again, I have to say this, A wise woman builds her home and a foolish one destroys it. Sometimes, l think the way God created men, HE implanted a gene in them that "allows them to submit to the whims of the woman they love"! Why would Adam defy God, just to obey Eve? and he later confessed: its the woman YOU gave me! Juxtaposing that with your quote above, once can safely conclude that "all a woman needs to be, to maintain her home is TO BE WISE in her relationship! On the contrary, all a woman needs to destroy her home is to be foolish! This shows that on the balance of probability, "the input of a man is marginal" when it comes to keeping the home! He is more like a programmed Robot at the direction of a "wise/foolish" woman! Poor or Rich, Gentle or Brash, Quiet or Assertive, caring or uncaring, e.t.c, DEPENDING ON HOW WISE/FOOLISH THE WOMAN IS, "SHE CAN MANAGE HIM". And going by these deductions, one can see that majority of our mothers were very, very wise and thus maintained their marriage! But ladies of our "modern-times" see/view the wisdom of our mothers of days-gone-by, as "Weakness/Foolishness"! Now, who is wise, who is foolish? I want to believe men are less crude now, compared to the olden days where they see women as property thus, more women should even find it easier to keep their marriage now (now, men willingly cook, look after children, share their all with their women, make their wife their next of kin, reduce family influence in the nuclear family, e.t.c) But alas, the reverse is the case! More marriages are crashing at an even more alarming rate! Whats the life span of an average Nigerian marriage (especially those ones where the wife is exposed to western influence, by reason of residence, association, e.t.c), l bet its less than 5yrs or ten in a few cases!  Like you said, we need to go back to the basics, at least for the sake of the children born in these marriages! Some women even deride God for calling a woman a "helper to the man" or saying "women should submit to their husbands or that a man is the head of the family"! They think "exposure and education" has suddenly made them wiser than God or that God is old-fashioned You're surely one of the "blessed among women"! Thank God say l no be "single"! Cheers. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Egbagirl(f): 8:48pm On May 29, 2011 |
BTW, @lastpage: garri w honey? hmmm havent tried that before. not sure how that tastes o. but me I drink my the normal way with sugar and sometimes milk. (and gnuts when available) but me sef Im about to indulge in my daily dose of garri but with turkey this time. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Egbagirl(f): 9:03pm On May 29, 2011 |
I have to definitely agree with you when you say that it should be somewhat easier to maintain a marriage these days especially since more men are becoming more willing to do some of the things that women would normally do. (not completely take over but at least give a helping hand when needed you know?) Thats somewhat ironic sha. I wonder what education is really doing to us. Everybody starts to fight for right and equality. smh. and one thing about submission, it does not meant, stupidity. This is something I got from "Every Day with Jesus": "The effect of submission to God is not that the personality collapses or that we become less of a person. The surrendered self, is a person with a decided purpose, to follow the Person, Jesus Christ more fully." This can also be applied to a marriage. God knew what he was doing when he created Eve to be Adam's helper. At the same time, men also need to know what a helper is. Helper does not equal slave or animal. KK Im out now. I could go on and on about this but I think I should stop here. lol. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by lastpage: 10:05pm On May 29, 2011 |
^^^Thanks for your contribution, its been wonderful! "Helper" is never intended to be a slave and should never be! As a matter of fact, a "wise woman" can easily turn the husband into a "pseudo-slave", all she needs to do is "play helpless and l need your help"! Men like to be "macho" and to feel they are depended upon! When infact, they are the "weak and dependant" I have a sister who winks at me everytime l want my my brother (her husband) to do something for m and he refuses! I simply crawl to his wife (my wife, as l call her) and in a few hours, l will get the phone call from my brother that "He had just had a rethink" and would do that thing he initially refused! He dots over his wife you would think she is a baby (He calls her "my baby gurl" .Ask him "why" and he would say "if l dont do it for her, who would?" Simply put, "She is wise enough to know what her husband wants"! No arguments, no confrontation, no muscle-flexing in the home, Yet EVERYTHING IS DONE HER WAY, down to what color of car or holiday destination they go! When l compare her with all those women who go about "challenging" their husband for every blade of grass in the household, just to prove how "woman-rights and equality" they are, l just dey laugh! Really, "The Fool is thirsty, in the abundance of water"! Nice nyte. BTW: Honey is just a substitute for Sugar, just in-case the pancreas is feeling lazy and insulin is not in enough quantity! Just being careful, you now Did l hear u say "jedi-jedi"? Did you ever try it with very hot beans, ice-water and cashew nuts on a hot afternoon? hmmmmm.,.,.,.,.,. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Nobody: 11:31pm On May 29, 2011 |
@EgbaGirl My dear, the problem with folks like you is that you are always trying to impose your beliefs on other people. You claimed that "man is the head of the family" because the Bible says so; what about people who are not religious? Before the white man came and gave us religion, what would you have used to support such a statement. If you are speaking to a bunch of Christians, that is understandable but it is not everyone who shares your beliefs. I believe that a man and a woman are supposed to be equal partners, and no one has to be the head or tail. It would do you a lot of good to stop quoting that misogynistic book called the Bible. My mother is an example of a strong independent woman who is not subservient to any man; she has her own job, house, car, and she has her children. If most men treat their wives better, they would not leave. Did you see what the Nigerian Ambassador to Kenya did to his wife? Growing up in Nigeria, I knew lots of men who beat up their wives because these men saw themselves as the head and consequently saw it fit to discipline their wayward wives. Haba! I pray that you do not end up with a man who will Mike-Tyson your a[/i]ss when he gets angry. [i]We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all humans are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Egbagirl(f): 11:53pm On May 29, 2011 |
I knew when I started typing that I was treading dangerously trying to argue from a biblical perspective. BUT this is not entirely biblical, it is also cultural. It is what I have seen and learned in the Yoruba culture. My point is this, men and women have different roles. They cant both perform the same function otherwise, there wont be a difference between them biologically and psychologically. Oh and pls do not forget that I said that its not just the fault of the women. The men are also to blame. Both sides need to learn their roles and act them out accordingly. Men need to learn what it means and takes to be a MAN. Women, pls learn your roles as women and stick to them. There are obviously men who do too much and obviously dont know what it means to be a real man/human being. Like I said in my last post, At the same time, men also need to know what a helper is. Helper does not equal slave or animal.. So even without the bible, I think my arguments can still stand. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by SweetT1: 12:08am On May 30, 2011 |
@OP Maybe because when our parents married, there weren't Iphone, Blackberry or so many drug pushers with breathtaking cars. Marriages today is all about material things. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Nobody: 1:13am On May 30, 2011 |
Egba girl:I totally understand; even though I am of Edo origin, I was raised in a Yoruba state, so I fully understand your point of view: ọkọ ni olórí aya. However, not everyone subscribes to this traditional view, not even all Yorubas. People should be able to do whatever they please, as long as they are not breaking the law or hurting someone else. It is limiting to say that men are supposed to be this and women are supposed to be that. Humans are so different from one another that it becomes impractical to put ourselves in two boxes. Obviously, you seem like a woman who would prefer to have a man as the head of your relationship; there is absolutely nothing wrong with that so long as you respect other people who choose otherwise and not also say their marriages would have fared better had they subscribed to traditional beliefs. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by naijangel7(f): 1:29am On May 30, 2011 |
@topic, "They love themselves" or "They love each other"? |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by skydeep(f): 1:57am On May 30, 2011 |
^correction fluid.  |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by naijangel7(f): 2:11am On May 30, 2011 |
skydeep: Yeah, the linguistic police in your area! WASH your tongue!!! |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Nobody: 4:47am On May 30, 2011 |
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| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Tolulop001(f): 6:41am On May 30, 2011 |
i think the problem is high expectations. If u marry a man you dont know too well, as is seen with arranged marriages, u will take whatever you get. However if the two of you professed love and blah blah to each other when he / she starts to fall your hand (which is almost inevitable), you feel cheated, like 'this is not what I bargained for. . .' |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Nobody: 9:06am On May 30, 2011 |
I'm quite impressed by Egba Girl's perspective; she seems a chip off the old bloc. . .a refreshing thing indeed. Nothing kills a marriage more than stubbornness and misplaced fights for 'equality' and 'right' on the part of the woman. We can argue all we want but the fact remains that women in the olden days knew and accepted their God-given roles, and hence were able to maintain their marriages much longer. And as Lastpage rightly suggested, the wise women are those who know how to use their supposedly subordinate position to exert total 'control over' their husband without need for direct confrontation and argument. Nothing best describes the ideal roles of Men and Women in any would-be successful marriage more than this analogy: the husband is the 'head' of the home, while the wife is the 'neck'. . .we all know that although the head does all the thinking and decision-making, it is the neck that determines its direction. That's that. Sweet T: True that. Part of the negative exposure one talked about earlier. There are too many corrupting influences these days that did not exist in times past to tempt our mothers and grandmothers. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by kaymd: 12:06pm On May 30, 2011 |
Really interesting topic indeed, so many potent points, @Egba girl Many folks here have already commended your views, I don't feel its necessary for me to add any more but I will anyway. Nice one, I couldn't have said it better. @omo_to_dun Hmmm, your arguments are solid no doubt; clear and concise and I feel your points and your line of thinking. As Egba girl said, its dicey relating discussions like these to the Bible or any other religious/cultural affiliations, because it raises so many prejudices that detract from the issue at hand. That said, let me share my opinion with you. For a long time, I have pondered deeply over such 'fundamental' issues relating to male and the female human beings. The crux of my reflections is this: aside from the external biological differences between the two genders, is there something deeper that actually differentiates the two? On the surface at least we all agree that men and women are of different physical constitution. The male humans are, on the average, physically stronger and more rugged while the female are relatively softer and capable of bearing offspring. In my thinking, I assume that this is a fact and has nothing to do with my opinion or religion or any system of beliefs or culture. This brings me to the next level of thought: could it be that this outer form is in a way, an expression or a manifestation of a deeper underlying existence? I will agree if you say I am going 'spiritual' here, but I have not been able to come up with a better explanation. What I am trying to say in a nutshell is that, regardless of how appealing it seems that there is absolute freedom in men and women choosing how they would conduct their lives, so far as they are not 'harming' their neighbours, I am inclined to believe that, to an extent, there are 'predefined' roles in human existence. A man cannot suddenly become capable of bearing children no matter how strongly he wishes for it: in other words, a man cannot become a woman, it is simply against his nature and constitution. In similar thought, a woman cannot become a man by her excessive external efforts, which, basically speaking is the domain of the man. Her nature and constitution will always make her inferior to the man in this respect. This is not to say the woman is inferior to the man or that the man is superior, I think they work side by side in their own naturally given fields: The man on the outside, and the woman on the inside. Any attempt to reverse the roles will ultimately lead to societal breakdown, I think that's why I would go with Egba girl's reasoning here, |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Atreides(f): 12:23pm On May 30, 2011 |
I think it's because, well it's partly because women today are too feminist. Yup,i said it. *puts on Kevlar in anticipation of the shots to come* A lot of women spend too much time worrying their heads about too many random things and fighting for 'rights'. P.s-I do believe that women(and everyone,really),have rights that should not be trampled on but some women take it too far,IMO. I do believe that all humans are fundamentally equal,but men are men and women are women. It doesn't make sense to change one into the other. I also think it's got something to do with the change in how women see submission. Some women today see submission as slavery/stupidity,and they fight to be the same as men. What they don't get is that submission is NOT slavery. Everyone has their roles. And yeah,you could say why is it the woman's role to be the home-maker? Well why is it the man's role to be the bill-payer? As much as the woman has her role and established responsibilities,the man has his too. She cooks,he buys the food. She takes care of the home,he pays the bills. She takes care of the kids(who are her kids too),and he does too. My parents have been married for 20 years,and in my entire life i have NEVER seen my father doing the dishes. NEVER. I have NEVER seen him cook anything successfully(except you count beans soup-y'know,all those beans where there's one seed of beans swimming in a big spoon full of water-he's that horrible at cooking). He's much better at balancing accounts than he is at cooking,so he leaves the cooking to my mom. She's much better at cooking than she is at writing applications to the Corporate Affairs Commission,so she leaves that to him. They both know their strengths and weakness. She knows her role and does it,he knows his role and does it,we(the kids) know our role and do it,and everyone's happy. Not only have they been for the past 20 years,they have successfully raised/are raising 4 children,and i've never had to worry about whether my parents were breaking up because i've always known that it cant' happen. Infact the roles aren't as defined anymore. The women help out with the bills. Nowadays guys are more willing to help out. I have guy friends who actually like cooking. Guys of this century are more willing to help out than men of those days,IMO. My point is,everyone has their roles,and if everyone performed their roles(and helped out some,which they're doing),things would have a better chance of working. Nothing works in anarchy. Nothing. And then aside from the feminism and the way some of us view submission,we also have to factor in the way the society's values have relaxed. It's weird to be a virgin. Like seriously,people look at you like you have two heads when you say you don't date/you're not ready to date until some time in the future,not to talk of how they look at you when they find out you haven't done it yet. Lucky for me,i don't have a problem with that kinda pressure,but a lotta people do. And they do all sorts of things because they want to fit into that mold of what's viewed as normal,forgetting that what the society views as normal might not be right. And guys have a LOT of blame in this regard. The people saying oh virginity is good blah blah blah are the same ones who'll start pressuring other girls to get intimate with them and then later come and complain that girls are loose. How will a girl be loose if y'all don't sleep with her? Now i'm not saying virginity=long-lasting marriage. But you've gotta ask yourself,how come marriages lasted longer when women(& men) were virgins than they do now? I mean it's gotta have something to do with it,right? |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Nobody: 1:57pm On May 30, 2011 |
^ About the virgin issue, the problem is that if Mr. A is 'good' enough to accept and cherish his girlfriend's virginity and is willing to wait for marriage, a certain rakish Mr. B would sooner or later emerge from nowhere to sweep Mr. A's girlfriend off her feet (with 'bad boy' swag) and obliterate her virginity mercilessly (whilst Mr. A is still wallowing in blissfull ignorance). And before you know it, the supposedly virtuous girl, having tasted the forbidden fruit, would begin to despise Mr. A in preference for the 'bad boy' Mr. B who ravishes her endlessly and treats her with reckless abandon. If Mr. A finds out, do you think he would ever respect any other girl's virginity claims in the future? Food for thought. I've once been in Mr. A's shoes (years ago). . .which was a very painful and unforgettable experience, and since then I've found great pleasure in Being Mr. B ever since. So the truth is that a girl (virgin or not) must bear FULL responsibility for her virtuousness or lack of it. It is girls' unpredictable and treacherous behaviour that makes good boys turn bad. A truly good virgin girl should never lose her virginity to 'pressure', its her decision to make after all! |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by geosegun(m): 2:48pm On May 30, 2011 |
omo_to_dun: @omotodun why do yOU want to pervert the way of nature with women'S crave for equality with men. They have giving us a pervert and promiscous society. For someone like you who wish to be the head of your family, anyway, i wish you all the best but do not bring your horrendous ideaology into NL because if you do, the society would be woorse for it. Even here in UK, responsible women believe and accept that their husband is the head of the family. In every society there must either be head or tail or else there will be anarchy even in the society. If not, why dont everyone claims to be president of a country and see what will happen. God has ordained it to be like that. take it or leave it. you can't change the course of Nature @egba girl, you actually started well but i am so dissapointed that someone with a pervert principle can easily dissuade from your right path even with a cheap and baseless point. I can see you have a good virtue and you are beginning to have field day here. do not be scared for you are a woman of virtue, for your price is far above rubbies. those that are championing equality with men , give them 2yrs and asked them what they have achieved with that and what kind of family they raise . you will not be surprise about what you will hear as an answer- A broken marriage and a shattered dream!!!ALL THE BEST WOMEN |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by geosegun(m): 2:56pm On May 30, 2011 |
@Atreid: u said; It's weird to be a virgin. Like seriously,people look at you like you have two heads when you say you don't date/you're not ready to date until some time in the future,not to talk of how they look at you when they find out you haven't done it yet. Lucky for me,i don't have a problem with that kinda pressure,but a lotta people do. BELIEVE YOU ME. IF YOUR HUSBAND MEET YOU AS A VIRGIN. HE IS GOING TO GIVE YOU THE RESPECT AND THE EQUALITY YOU NEVER CRAVED FOR: those that got disvirgined by bad guys who never loved them would not be happy hence will want you to make the same mistake, because they know you have a priceless virtue. Try wat i told you and remain a virgin till you get married to your fiancee if you have one. you will come to nairaland even after 20yrs and tell good stories |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Atreides(f): 4:38pm On May 30, 2011 |
@Pro01,so you're saying virginity isn't the end-all and be-all to chastity;but rather that chastity/virtuousness depends on the girl in question. I totally agree with that. I have friends who are technically virgins but who've made out (and done a whole lot more with them without technically getting their cherries popped)with three or four guys. On the other hand,i have friends who've,at the risk of sounding juvenile,done it with one guy and have been with that guy since we were all in high school,for like 3 years. Can i truly call my friends in the first group(ok it's not like they're that many oh-they're only two girls. . Lol) moral? They're technically virgins,but are they virtuous? Not bloody likely. On the other hand,can i call the friend in the second category immoral? Yeah she's done it before,but she's been with the one guy for three years(3 years is like a decade in teenage time). Can i call her immoral? There's no hard and fast rule to it. Now me being the way i am is as a reslt of two things; my faith,and a personal decision i've made right now. I've decided i'm not ready for sex because i simply don't wanna do it yet and i can't handle the ish that comes with it. I can't handle the possbilities of stds,and God forbid,babies. At this stage in my life i'm verry selfish. The first thing i think about is me,my grades,my future etc etc. I'm the first thing on my mind. Am i emotionally ready to deal with putting a baby first,given how selfish i currently am? No. I'm not emotionally and mentally ready for that level of intimacy just yet. Next reason,My faith. I was raised/m being raised a christian. Now recently i've been having some issues with organized religion so i'm not as religious,but i am as spiritual(if that makes any sense). I'm the way i am because i believe it's the right way to be before the God i serve. Because of my religious beliefs,i tend to equate virginity with virtousness,but i'm open-minded. I realize that not everybody has the same beliefs as i do and so not everyone will make the same decisions i do which is why i agreed with you right off the bat,proO1. Even then,as much as i believe that virginity and virtuousness are not mutually exclusive,i still have to ask, doesn't abstinence teach you self-control? And if you learn to control yourself wouldn't it be easier to remain moral? Virginity might not be the end-all and be-all to virtousness,but i think it certainly helps. Besides,you can't miss what you've never had. I just had another thought on this topic,on why things were different back then. I think it also has to do with how the society views dating. On the average,when i was in sec. school,every girl(with the few exceptions) had dated at least 3 guys throughout sec school,and every guy had dated twice that number. Dating is now seen as harmless fun,and everybody is dating everybody else. Seriously,a lot of you old folks have NO IDEA how common dating is among teenagers in secondary schools. The way we(minus me oh)think,is that you date one person,if you get tired of him or her,date another person,etc. I have a guy friend(he's like my best friend but he's really an Adamu) who once dated a girl for only 3 WEEKS,and he didn't see anything wrong with it. Why would he,when the people he idolizes(celebs,footballers),people you(the media/older members of society) expose us to do the same thing? Ask yourself,what does that teach us teenagers(who'll make up the coming generation) about life? What does it teach us about how we should treat people? Doesn't it teach us to be more selfish(and trust me,the average teenager is VERY selfish. We think the world revolves around us) than we already are? Doesn't it teach us that other people are meant for our amusement,and that when we get bored we can just throw them away like a toy we don't want to play with anymore? What does it teach us about relationships? Doesn't it teach us to view relationships as transitory? In a sense,doesn't that prepare us for divorce,and not marriage? |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Egbagirl(f): 5:07pm On May 30, 2011 |
@geosegun, I was only trying to prove to omo_to_dun that even without the Bible, my argument can still stand (cos not everyone believes in the Bible like me) So I looked at it again from a cultural perspective. Its not always the best to use the Bible as a basis for an argument cause I have to first assume everyone believes it. This is certainly not the case here. (learnt this in Philosophy-except I learned wrong) but on another note, thanks! 'ppreciate what you said and not to worry, no one can take the truth away from me. Its like following Christ, no turning back! Ive seen too many broken homes and this same issue that we are talking about play out. Now it would be very foolish of me not to learn and also go by what I grew up knowing and believing to be true. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by Egbagirl(f): 5:19pm On May 30, 2011 |
@Atreids, there is a lot wrong w society from the dating issue to what it means to love someone. Seems like someone tossed out the tolerance part and included, freedom to ditch whenever. No patience, no sacrifice, no nothing yet they say " I love you" The word itself has been abused so I doubt people even know what they are doing anymore if they dont understand the basics, Love. It is this tolerance, patience, selflessness etc, that are really tested when the strong winds start to blow. But how many people believe in selflessness or tolerance? Any slight hint of discomfort, then its over. Too much freedom and everybody is to blame because we are either looking (and minding our own business) or we are taking part in it too. Oju kokoro ni o n se awon eniyan. (People are greedy?) |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by geosegun(m): 7:02pm On May 30, 2011 |
Egba girl: Now you are now talking. let the people of perverse principles go in their wayward ways and let see who happy/wins at last. Even if one is not a saint, what should be done, should be done. Ki aye le roju!! |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by hannydarl(f): 7:16pm On May 30, 2011 |
1 cos women were not educated and did not own any wealth so it was easy to dominate and subdue them 2 cos men and women these days dont try to fix their breaking relationships 3 cos in those days women were not allowed to take their kids with them even if the hubby was abusive and they want to leave the home. and when they think of what their kids will go through if they left them for another woman they just decide to sit it out. 4 cos some of our parents learnt to love and respect each other creating a tight bond that they cant live without each other. 5 cos it was a shame for a woman to leave her hubby no matter what. The community will use it against her and her family durring social gatherings and God forbid if her family was poor and cannot refund the bride price. all in all I think when it comes to keeping a home intact women fight more for stability in matrimony.I think most times I hear women pray for oga to remember she and the kids and come home after frolicking with smallies outside. Not many men can stay up all night and welcome a spouse who went out all night. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by tpia5: 7:51pm On May 30, 2011 |
^True that. Oloun ku suru. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by geosegun(m): 11:51pm On May 30, 2011 |
butafly: @Butafly; While i do not believe that virginity does make a lady a good wife. One thing i do believe is that a man that happens to dis-virgin his fiancée/wife will give her woman the respect/equality she deserves. no doubt. PROBABLY YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY AT A VERY TENDER AGE WHEN YOU WERE SO NAIVE SO YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS COMFORTABLE WHEN YOU SEE YOUR MATES WITH SUCH VIRTUES. SO FOR THOSE THAT STILL ENDURE THE PEER PRESSURE EVEN UP TILL THEY GET MARRIED OR LOST THEIR VIRGINITY TO THE MAN THAT FINALLY MARRIED THEM. GIVE KUDOS TO THEM AND WISH YOU WERE LIKE THEM. DON'T COME TO NL TO CLAIM VIRTUES OR TO RUBBISH OTHERS OF THEIR TREASURE SINCE YOU'VE PROBABLY LOST YOURS TO SOMEONE WHO NEVER APPRECIATED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. When you finally become a mother you can even encourage your 10yrs old or less daughter to venture into such illicit act because it doesn't matter any longer and lets see whether she will pray or cause you in the end. I wonder what kind of mother the likes of you will make in the end. I WISH YOU THE BEST!! |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by xynerise: 12:12am On May 31, 2011 |
^ouch! Easy bro. The computer age we claim to be living is really a cause to this problem. I hear some ladies make comments like " I cant never let a man control me". Who said men control their wives? Marriage is all about endurance and patience but our ladies today cannot adapt. They run to their parents if problems occur in their house. Those days divorce was not encourage but today we see divorce as part of the deal. I wish I can turn back the hands of time and marry from the late 20th century. But I keep praying that my marriage will make a difference. Amen. |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by lastpage: 12:28am On May 31, 2011 |
Please! Stop all this Virginity talk, cant remember how long l lost mine!  How l wish l were a woman! I will be whatever l want, get whatever l want, do whatever l want, WITH MY HUSBAND! And l will not even have to "contend or struggle" with him! Its called "a wise woman's wisdom". Until all this "muscle-flexing" women learn this wisdom, they will just be running for pillar to post and go through life, struggling and unhappy! Too bad! @Egab gaal. Any new tricks to use on Gaari today? I use ice cubes instead of chilled water. The noise from the rocks, made it amusing! |
| Re: Most Of Our Parents Married Without Courtship But They Luv Themselves More That Us Today. Why? by xynerise: 12:45am On May 31, 2011 |
^ I swear if u derail this thread I go use your kpekus do barbecue.  |
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