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At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: - Romance - Nairaland

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At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by omicron(m): 5:37pm On May 24, 2011
At what stage in the relationship should a guy tell the lady he loves and plans to marry that he wont be able to father a child due to a medical condition, despite not being impotent. Early in the affair? Later in the affair but before he proposes? When he's proposing? After the proposal but before the wedding? After the wedding? Or never till she finds out? Pls your honest views.
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by obowunmi(m): 5:40pm On May 24, 2011
What reasons would encourage an able woman to want to marry an impotent ?
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by Nobody: 5:41pm On May 24, 2011
omicron:

At what stage in the relationship should a guy tell the lady he loves and plans to marry that he wont be able to father a child due to a medical condition, despite not being impotent. Early in the affair? Later in the affair but before he proposes? When he's proposing? After the proposal but before the wedding? After the wedding? Or never till she finds out? Pls your honest views.

When he's proposing grin grin
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by Dyt(f): 5:46pm On May 24, 2011
Ere it goes
baby
i love u so much
i wanna spend every moment of my lyf wit u
ow i wish u cld c ow much u mean 2 me
i wan us v kids bt i cant
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by omicron(m): 7:07pm On May 24, 2011
@obuwumni, are u implying he should never let her then?
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by MrsChima(f): 9:30pm On May 24, 2011
If she wants children she may not marry him then again there are some people who stuck by their partners through thick and thin.

It really depends on the level of love she has for the man in question. Unconditional love is very rare these days and more power to those who have experienced it.
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by 190: 9:34pm On May 24, 2011
omicron:

At what stage in the relationship should a guy tell the lady he loves and plans to marry that he wont be able to father a child due to a medical condition, despite not being impotent. Early in the affair? Later in the affair but before he proposes? When he's proposing? After the proposal but before the wedding? After the wedding? Or never till she finds out? Pls your honest views.

Later in the relationship

Make her fall in love with you then tell her

if she loves you enough she would stay and then u could adopt undecided
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by iwakunbaba: 10:00pm On May 24, 2011
i want to know that your family is aware of your illness so they wont be disturbing her even if she stays, mother-in-law especially
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by Nobody: 10:35pm On May 24, 2011
@poster
the minute SHE wants unprotected sex or that SHE starts talking about children and family.
until then, he should bang away like there was no tomorrow!! lol
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by Nekai(f): 11:04pm On May 24, 2011
How would he know? Is it routine to get checked for this randomly?

Anyways, you two should both go for medical and fertility tests prior to getting married, so I would say after the engagement.

If the guy knows it's a high chance that he has a problem in this area he could improve his diet or whatever and retake the tests again. I've heard that these things could be temporary.

undecided
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by LadyT(f): 11:21pm On May 24, 2011
Does he know why he cant have kids? Low sperm count or ZERO sperm count?
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by Nobody: 11:26pm On May 24, 2011
we all know that "most" 9ja women go into r/ships with the simple aim of marriage but men are different THEREFORE the important question is: does being infertile really matter while dating?! men would say NO while women would say YES!
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by Mynd44: 4:49am On May 25, 2011
When he is asking the big question

1 Like

Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by omicron(m): 7:04am On May 25, 2011
Thanks y'all for your comments! They'll really be of help.
@lady T, it's not zero sperm count, it is low plus other sperm anomalies!
@nekai, yes i agree wt u. Stuffs like this are not usually discovered until after marriage, cos people rarely set out to check if they have any hidden sperm abnormalities. But the guy happens to be infertile. And tests have comfirmed it. Now his conscience would not let him marry his love without letting her know. So that's how he managed to know, otherwise he would most likely discover after years of childlessless in marriage (of course after the initial stage of blamìng the wife)
Pls more comments are welcome.
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by adamsrib(f): 7:24am On May 25, 2011
I would want to know when the relationship got serious and we started talking about a future together. If you waited until after engagement I would be pissed! Not because you are infertile but because you waited so long to tell me.
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by iice(f): 7:47am On May 25, 2011
When there's a hint of leading towards marriage.
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by Nekai(f): 8:15am On May 25, 2011
omicron:

Thanks y'all for your comments! They'll really be of help.
@lady T, it's not zero sperm count, it is low plus other sperm anomalies!
@nekai, yes i agree wt u. Stuffs like this are not usually discovered until after marriage, cos people rarely set out to check if they have any hidden sperm abnormalities. But the guy in question is a frnd who happens to have some subtle features suggestive of a certain condition that presents with infertility. And tests have comfirmed it. Now his conscience would not let him marry his love without letting her know. So that's how he managed to know, otherwise he would most likely discover after years of childlessless in marriage (of course after the initial stage of blamìng the wife)
Pls more comments are welcome.

I guess the time to tell her would be now, since he is in love with her and is planning to marry her. The sooner he tells her the better. Check out the 'adoption or sperm donor' thread in the family section. The woman who started the thread is coming from a different place since she is already married, but she is sticking by her man. I'm sure that the girl would appreciate knowing as far in advance as possible so that you both could plan a strategy for dealing with the situation. The deception by omission is far worse than the infertility. He should just sit her down and be real, telling her that there is something that is haunting his mind and he needs to know if she will stick by him. He should tell her the news and see how she reacts.

If she rejects him based on this issue then he is better off without her. There are plenty of women who would look past his problem. Modern medicine makes it possible to overcome this with some time and patience. Also adoption is an option.
Re: At What Stage Should He Tell Her He Cant Make Kids? Your Views: by afrobaby(f): 12:10pm On May 25, 2011
the very beginning

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