Kobojunkie:
I am not sure I follow...

what is good for the goose is good for the gander is what I'm simply insinuating,your thread seem to be driving at applauding women for their roles as housewifes or at home.

MMXX:
what is good for the goose is good for the gander is what I'm simply insinuating,your thread seem to be driving at applauding women for their roles as housewifes or at home.

So you saying that had it been the case of a man in the role of househusband, folks wouldn't be as understanding as they are willing to be when it is a woman doing it all by herself?

Kobojunkie:
My question was "for what?" Why does a typical family with two adults in it, need a house maid for? I look at the average Oyinbo household, and I wonder if Nigerians are simply lazy even in marriage .

You can't even compare the oyinbo families to ours. They could leave their babies in a day care and pick them up at a particular time. Also, they have jobs that could allow them work different hours so they can take care of the kids alternatively.

In Nigeria, you drop your baby at a day care, close at 5-6pm, sit in traffic for 2-3 hrs. Which daycare will be open till then?
People cannot even find regular jobs. How will they now find one with separate hours from their spouses?

Their own society is enabling for them, while ours is already setting people up for suffering and difficulty. It's not the same.

Kobojunkie:
The average oyinbo couple cannot afford all you have listed there at all. And the electricity bill, and the cost of running all those machines in one home ain't that cheap at all.

I grew up in a home with 2 working parents and 6 kids, and we never had need for a household, there in that same Nigeria.

A lot of their homes come with those appliances. How many oyinbo people do you see handwashing the clothes or using broom to sweep? Electricity still gets paid for. How much power does a washing machine take? Even here, you cannrunnit with a generator.

ImaIma1:
You can't even compare the oyinbo families to ours. They could leave their babies in a day care and pick them up at a particular time. Also, they have jobs that could allow them work different hours so they can take care of the kids alternatively.

In Nigeria, you drop your baby at a day care, close at 5-6pm, sit in traffic for 2-3 hrs. Which daycare will be open till then?
People cannot even find regular jobs. How will they now find one with separate hours from their spouses?

Their own society is enabling for them, while ours is already setting people up for suffering and difficulty. It's not the same.

1. Not everyone can afford daycare and pick and not everyone has a flexible job. Many put off having kids until they are sure they have saved enough and are able to take time off to take care of them before heading back to work again.

2. When my mum was raising us, she didn't work for some years, and by the time we were grown up and school ready, she went back to work and we had to take care of each other...we were big enough then. No househelps then. Sometimes we would stay over at a friends place until my folks came back. Fortunately, we had other kids in the compound and toys to play with til they got back.

ImaIma1:
A lot of their homes come with those appliances. How many oyinbo people do you see handwashing the clothes or using broom to sweep? Electricity still gets paid for. How much power does a washing machine take? Even here, you cannrunnit with a generator.

A lot of homes come with those appliances? Where? You mostly purchase your own here.

I remember growing up in that very same Nigeria, we had to do laundry by hand at least once every two weeks and it was a whole day event sometimes but my mum still got it down without a househelp.

Kobojunkie:
1. Not everyone can afford daycare and pick and not everyone has a flexible job. Many put off having kids until they are sure they have saved enough and are able to take time off to take care of them before heading back to work again.

2. When my mum was raising us, she didn't work for some years, and by the time we were grown up and school ready, she went back to work and we had to take care of each other...we were big enough then. No househelps then. Sometimes we would stay over at a friends place until my folks came back. Fortunately, we had other kids in the compound and toys to play with til they got back.

We are not talking of an ideal situation, but talking based on the situation of our country, employment rate, conditions, etc.

Wasn't the country better than it is now when your mum could go back and get a job? Right now, even the young graduates are depending on Npower.

In Nigeria, is it that easy to put off having children till money is saved? For how long? How many families have you seen do it? In Nigeria where you marry the whole family and your MIL will be watching your stomach.

Let's be realistic and not theoretical. It's easy to judge from outside. When you find yourself there, you can judge more objectively.

ImaIma1:
We are not talking of an ideal situation, but talking based on the situation of our country, employment rate, conditions, etc.

Wasn't the country better than it is now when your mum could go back and get a job? Right now, even the young graduates are depending on Npower.

In Nigeria, is it that easy to put off having children till money is saved? For how long? How many families have you seen do it? In Nigeria where you marry the whole family and your MIL will be watching your stomach.

Let's be realistic and not theoretical. It's easy to judge from outside. When you find yourself there, you can judge more objectively.

I am not talking of an ideal situation here and I am not trying to compare apples to oranges here. I am comparing what you say instead to what I grew up knowing in the same Nigeria you speak of.

Nigeria was in no way better than it is now when I was growing up. Raising kids in Nigeria then and now... not much of a difference - the same requirements really.

Putting off the raising of kids is a choice each could ought to make after considering their own circumstance. Marriage is not one-size fits all. And so it is meaningless to consider the plan others have going as far as children when you don't have the same resources and circumstances to consider.

Kobojunkie:
A lot of homes come with those appliances? Where? You mostly purchase your own here.

I remember growing up in that very same Nigeria, we had to do laundry by hand at least once every two weeks and it was a whole day event sometimes but my mum still got it down without a househelp.

You keep talking about when you were growing up. Were the times the same? My cousin gets home sometimes by 11pm from Monday to Friday. Weekend is not to sit down and wash clothes and clean the house tirelessly. What about rest?

She's currently doing a course from work that starts by 9.30am till about 4pm on Saturdays and Sundays for the past 4 months.

We have a senior inlaw who was an advocate for doing things yourself. She advised us recently that if we can pay someone to help out, we should. Instead of forming ideal wife and doing everything. Because with time, it will tell on our health and bodies, especially in a country like Nigeria.

There's no prize for who doesn't have a maid (even if I have never had one).

Kobojunkie:
I am not talking of an ideal situation here and I am not trying to compare apples to oranges here. I am comparing what you say instead to what I grew up knowing in the same Nigeria you speak of.

Nigeria was in no way better than it is now when I was growing up. Raising kids in Nigeria then and now... not much of a difference - the same requirements really.

Putting off the raising of kids is a choice each could ought to make after considering their own circumstance. Marriage is not one-size fits all. And so it is meaningless to consider the plan others have going as far as children when you don't have the same resources and circumstances to consider.

Do you live in Nigeria right now?

Are you raising your kids right now in Nigeria?

Are you and your wife working while raising kids in Nigeria?

ImaIma1:

Do you live in Nigeria right now?
Are you raising your kids right now in Nigeria?
Are you and your wife working while raising kids in Nigeria?

Why do you ask?

Is it that you think working and raising kids in Nigeria 30 years ago was somehow easier than working and raising kids in Nigeria today?

ImaIma1:

You keep talking about when you were growing up. Were the times the same? My cousin gets home sometimes by 11pm from Monday to Friday. Weekend is not to sit down and wash clothes and clean the house tirelessly. What about rest?

She's currently doing a course from work that starts by 9.30am till about 4pm on Saturdays and Sundays for the past 4 months.

We have a senior inlaw who was an advocate for doing things yourself. She advised us recently that if we can pay someone to help out, we should. Instead of forming ideal wife and doing everything. Because with time, it will tell on our health and bodies, especially in a country like Nigeria.

There's no prize for who doesn't have a maid (even if I have never had one).

Again, imagine how many times much harder it was to do all you listed back about 30 years ago in that same Nigeria and you understand how much difficult life was then without all the conveniences and distractions you enjoy today.

You are right that there is no prize for not having a maid and those who want to will do so. I just think Nigerians have gotten lazier over the decade is all complaining about doing the same exact things even oyinbo dey do without much outside help.

Kobojunkie:
Why do you ask?

Is it that you think working and raising kids in Nigeria 30 years ago was somehow easier than working and raising kids in Nigeria today?

Answer the questions.

It's easy for you to be outside the country and talking like you understand how it is raising children in present Nigeria and confidently comparing it to 30yrs ago.

I was also raised in Nigeria, 6 children with working parents. I am currently in Nigeria working and raising kids and I can categorically tell you that it is nothing like it was in our days.

But if you think you can sit in another country, single or married and raising your children and think you can know more than someone that is living in Nigeria and raising kids, then this discussion is pointless.

So answer the questions I asked. Because you seem to understand the situation better than those in it.

ImaIma1:

Answer the questions.

It's easy for you to be outside the country and talking like you understand how it is raising children in present Nigeria and confidently comparing it to 30yrs ago.

I was also raised in Nigeria, 6 children with working parents. I am currently in Nigeria working and raising kids and I can categorically tell you that it is nothing like it was in our days.

But if you think you can sit in another country, single or married and raising your children and think you can know more than someone that is living in Nigeria and raising kids, then this discussion is pointless.

So answer the questions I asked. Because you seem to understand the situation better than those in it.

I have friends and family who have successfully raised their kids in that Nigeria and they say it is much better than when we were kids and our parents did it. So I am not sure if you are being honest with yourself at all thinking our parents had it much better than we did.

JovialJune:



I'm actually a very lively nice person offline, but this place can bring out the witchery in someone, literally.

That moniker has always had it in for me, he/she goes about poking people by asking ridiculous questions just to see one's level of testiness/patience, especially when he/she uses " " in every comment, like what the hell is that for

Yunnnnooo? That Junkie's behaviour can be vexing ehnnn. But sometimes we like am like that lol.

Kobojunkie:
I have friends and family who have successfully raised their kids in that Nigeria and they say it is much better than when we were kids and our parents did it. So I am not sure if you are being honest with yourself at all thinking our parents had it much better than we did.

You have friends who have successfully raised kids and they say it's better . Don't believe everything you are told.

You want to compare when naira was less than 100N to a dollar to now when it is 575 to a dollar. Let me put it in perspective...now something you used to buy for 1,000 naira is now 1,500- 1,700 but your salary hasn't been increased. It's still the same.

Or you want to compare when it was safe to put your children in government schools back. Now have you seen what government schools are like? You have to pay for private. I went to a govt school and it was good.

You want to compare our time when they controlled traffic with odd number and even number plate numbers; alternating leaving their cars at home. Now, before you get home, traffic would have worn you out.

Please don't sit somewhere and judge what you are not experiencing just because your rich friends told you so or what your mum experienced over 30 years ago. Don't rubbish what people are going through right now.

You still cannot answer my questions because you know you are not talking based on present experience.

Kobojunkie:
Again, imagine how many times much harder it was to do all you listed back about 30 years ago in that same Nigeria and you understand how much difficult life was then without all the conveniences and distractions you enjoy today.

You are right that there is no prize for not having a maid and those who want to will do so. I just think Nigerians have gotten lazier over the decade is all complaining about doing the same exact things even oyinbo dey do without much outside help.

Even back then, my mum didn't do them. Then, people always had one or two family members living with them who helped out. They were not maids but they came from the village to live with us while my dad helped with their education, etc.

So don't make it sound like our mums carried all the work on their heads without getting any help.

ImaIma1:

You have friends who have successfully raised kids and they say it's better . Don't believe everything you are told.

You want to compare when naira was less than 100N to a dollar to now when it is 575 to a dollar. Let me put it in perspective...now something you used to buy for 1,000 naira is now 1,500- 1,700 but your salary hasn't been increased. It's still the same.

Or you want to compare when it was safe to put your children in government schools back. Now have you seen what government schools are like? You have to pay for private. I went to a govt school and it was good.

You want to compare our time when they controlled traffic with odd number and even number plate numbers; alternating leaving their cars at home. Now, before you get home, traffic would have worn you out.

Please don't sit somewhere and judge what you are not experiencing just because your rich friends told you so or what your mum experienced over 30 years ago. Don't rubbish what people are going through right now.

You still cannot answer my questions because you know you are not talking based on present experience.

I am afraid you continue to compare the wrong things here.

No, my friends are correct in that they instead compared the decision making of families back then to now. People tend to act more like sheep now than back then when a family as a unit independent of every other.

Earlier, I had tried explaining how couples put off childbearing for when they were better able to handle the expenses and demands, but you had responded that it was not accepted practice this because many don't consider it. Back then, each family essentially had to cut their own coat according to your size.

ImaIma1:

Even back then, my mum didn't do them. Then, people always had one or two family members living with them who helped out. They were not maids but they came from the village to live with us while my dad helped with their education, etc.

So don't make it sound like our mums carried all the work on their heads without getting any help.

We were what was called back then, a nuclear family unit. We didn't have extended family members bunking down or any thing of that sort. There were years when no one even showed up at our door steps.

No, everyone was too busy living their own lives and so everyone in the house did their own share of chores for the most part.

Kobojunkie:
I am afraid you continue to compare the wrong things here.

No, my friends are correct in that they instead compared the decision making of families back then to now. People tend to act more like sheep now than back then when a family as a unit independent of every other.

Earlier, I had tried explaining how couples put off childbearing for when they were better able to handle the expenses and demands, but you had responded that it was not accepted practice this because many don't consider it. Back then, each family essentially had to cut their own coat according to your size.

Kobojunkie are you currently living in Nigeria and raising kids? Yes or No

Kobojunkie:
We were what was called back then, a nuclear family unit. We didn't have extended family members bunking down or any thing of that sort. There were years when no one even showed up at our door steps.

No, everyone was too busy living their own lives and so everyone in the house did their own share of chores for the most part.

Kobojunkie are you currently living in Nigeria and raising kids? Yes or No

ImaIma1:
Kobojunkie are you currently living in Nigeria and raising kids? Yes or No

That none of this is my current does not change or diminish any of what I have said so far.

Kobojunkie:
That none of this is my current does not change or diminish any of what I have said so far.

Your ignorance cannot be helped especially when you are so set in it.

ImaIma1:
Your ignorance cannot be helped especially when you are so set in it.

I am far from ignorant about anything, especially this.

Kobojunkie:
I am far from ignorant about anything, especially this.

Good night

ImaIma1:
Good night

I really appreciate all those housemaids who do all of those things in the OP, especially catering for children they did not give birth to themselves.

Such a hardworking group of young girls/women.

crackhaus:
I really appreciate all those housemaids who do all of those things in the OP, especially catering for children they did not give birth to themselves.

Such a hardworking group of young girls/women.

Most of them get paid for it.

mariahAngel:

Most of them get paid for it.

In what country?

crackhaus:

In what country?

In Nigeria. For real.

Even those that exploit children by using them for labour, their parents get to receive monthly token.

mariahAngel:

In Nigeria. For real.

Even those that exploit children by using them for labour, their parents get to receive monthly token.

Just for the sake of avoiding argument, let's pretend that housemaids/their parents get paid the equivalent of the magnitude of work they're being made to engage in by "madams" of the house.

What point are you trying to make then?

I have a clue already, but you tell me...

crackhaus:

Just for the sake of avoiding argument, let's pretend that housemaids/their parents get paid the equivalent of the magnitude of work they're being made to engage in by "madams" of the house.

What point are you trying to make then?

I have a clue already, but you tell me...

The point I am trying to make is that help is necessary. Especially when working and raising children (unless one is a housewife/househusband, then maybe not).
See, there’s no point in one forming wonder woman/superhero when one needs help.
Delegation of duties make life easier. That way, you’re even helping someone else by giving them a job.

Do you know that these days, there are people who get paid to even run errands (like market runs)?
They even have Instagram pages o...
These services make life easier.