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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family (4876 Views)
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Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by tensazangetsu20(m): 6:01am On Oct 06, 2021 |
Raalsalghul: It's mostly women asking op to marry the woman. That's hypergamy speaking. Come on a lowly poor village uneducated girl marrying a medical doctor. That's the perfect nollywood love story but unfortunately for op it won't lead to a happily ever after. A doctor is not even a man shes even supposed to get with her status but it happened. No woman will think logically. Marrying an even educated working woman in this Nigeria sef dey hot talk less of an uneducated woman that will be a liability. People are saying let op train the woman. As if that's easy on his probably 150k salary. If book no come gree enter her head nko 8 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Vision101(m): 6:40am On Oct 06, 2021 |
@cococandy Funny when poor people don’t want to marry other poor people. Abeg who will marry us if our fellow poor folks think they are too good for us? @me One directional taste can be soar. A good mix is better. If two people are in a pit who will lift up each other. |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Vision101(m): 6:46am On Oct 06, 2021 |
Op this is a tough one. 8 good years and the joy of marrying a medical doctor. If Chioma loose this .......hmmm You are in it. You are in it. Marry her. Empower her and ask her to strictly take care of her self and siblings from there. Matter finish 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by crackhaus: 8:21am On Oct 06, 2021 |
tensazangetsu20:Can't blame these women — marriage is mostly how a lot of them (the married ones) moved up in life, and it's how a lot of them (the unmarried ones) will move up in life. Just see how all of a sudden, being poor is not so bad... Jokes. 10 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by crackhaus: 8:22am On Oct 06, 2021 |
tensazangetsu20:Na their way — expectation for some, reality for others. 5 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by crackhaus: 8:25am On Oct 06, 2021 |
Xman12345goat:The only issue I have here is you dating her for over 8years before figuring all of this out. Please tell us, what's the real issue? And yes, your mom does have a point... But still, why wait 8years? And yes, they can still return the bride-price. People get divorced after many years of marriage, so yours should be less stressful... But still, why wait 8years? 6 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by crackhaus: 8:32am On Oct 06, 2021 |
yomi007k:Something to ponder on. |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by NoToPile: 8:41am On Oct 06, 2021 |
crackhaus: That's the ultimate question, why wait 8 years to realize she's poor, first girl and has plenty siblings. 1 Like |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Ginaz(f): 8:55am On Oct 06, 2021 |
I’m just here wondering how she’s gonna start afresh if you break up the marriage after 8 solid yrs of being in her life . It’s gonna be traumatizing . O.p it is no fault of hers the family she came from, it was fate. Don’t abandon her , instead make plans with her to reduce the load her family’s predicament have on you. 4 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Karleb(m): 8:56am On Oct 06, 2021 |
tensazangetsu20: ![]() ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Nobody: 9:41am On Oct 06, 2021 |
crackhaus: 8 years is too long honestly. But then I just went back again and re-read the whole post. It was when he completed introduction that the family started to put burden of other siblings on him. Not before. If I was the OP, I would simply move on with my life if the family is adamant of me taking care of their whole siblings. I will marry her only if we have an agreement that I am only responsible for their daughter and not their whole family. If this decision cannot be met, then we cancel the whole wedding. Isha Allah. 6 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Nobody: 9:48am On Oct 06, 2021 |
NoToPile: This is when the realization came. It was only after he married her that he took the role. For 8 years the relationship dynamic wasn't this way. It is a burden that the family just put on him, hence the sudden realization.
1 Like |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Acidosis(m): 10:11am On Oct 06, 2021 |
truthsayer009: Just placed on him? The burden has always been there. He simply decided to ignore. It was bound to manifest. A doctor who is also a first child of his family and marrying an uneducated/unemployed first-child from a family of six should know better than assuming and expecting an unrealistic future. 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Gerrard59(m): 10:19am On Oct 06, 2021 |
dominique: So, the first born should let go of his/her siblings to wallow in poverty? The deed has been done, the first born should assist his/her siblings. What if those siblings sacrificed their career/education for the benefit of the first born? Don't they have to be repaid in kindness? I was once had same thoughts but after thinking it through, I see why the black tax happens. 1 Like |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Acidosis(m): 10:24am On Oct 06, 2021 |
Vision101: This is not a realistic suggestion sha. How many Level 12 civil servants can strictly take care of 6 siblings? At best, that woman would only be able to take care of herself in the short to medium term. 4 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by dominique(f): 10:25am On Oct 06, 2021 |
truthsayer009: Full stop! If possible make it a written agreement. Most families are looking for whom to dump all their responsibilities on. After suffering to uplift them now, they will start saying rubbish like "what did you even do for me that nobody has done before". The worst sets of ingrates are those poverty ridden people. 10 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Acidosis(m): 10:30am On Oct 06, 2021 |
Gerrard59: It is an archaic belief that soon would be done with since African parents don't want to do the right thing. The age gap between siblings these days are getting thinner. Your 6 year old daughter wont have to wait for that 8 year old firstborn for any kind of financial assistance since they're prolly going to finish school around the same time. Moreover, being the first to graduate these days doesn't even guarantee anything. 4 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Gerrard59(m): 10:33am On Oct 06, 2021 |
The mistake is dating her for eight years! I'm not a fan of wasting women's time and emotions under the guise of relationships. However, the truth is: what you have for Chioma is infatuation not love as love doesn't exist in the world's poverty capital. If you marry that girl, you will have a hard time setting up your life. You will have quarrels frequently (finance not infidelity is a major bone of contention in marriages) because if you help her family members more than yours, your family members will complain and vice-versa. Also, because you will become a low budget United Nations abi UNICEF, you will stall your career ambitions as the money won't be enough. You are about to do what my mom says "ten man load, one man carry". You're about to live a champagne lifestyle (suffering actually) on a beer income. Every sensible man should avoid ladies with battalions masquerading as siblings. Once e pass three siblings, run! Don't look back! Don't be like Lot's wife. Let children from battalion siblings' homes marry themselves. In their next life, they will ensure their parents use condoms. P.S. Don't ever think things will get better economically in the next ten years for Nigeria, as the country will deteriorate faster than it's currently doing. Imagine today's Afghanistan and Lebanon? That's the future of Nigeria. 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by TheeDetective: 10:55am On Oct 06, 2021 |
@Op; YOU ARE ALREADY A MARRIED MAN AS THE BRIDE PRICE HAS BEEN PAID That said, now let me turn the question around shall we; If Chioma was the Medical Doctor and you were the one with only secondary school education and poor; would Chioma have married you? Or better still; Would Chiomas’ mother have allowed her daughter to marry you? That’s said; you waited for 8 looooong years for you to realise that she is from a poor home right? The first year you met your GF you knew she comes from a humble (poor) family and not middle class or rich family but you carried on dating her. Year 2 same, year 3 same up until year 8 and then you married her. My question is why are you now complaining that she is from a poor home? You are an educated man and you should have known that your wife and her family may shift the financial burden in catering for her siblings to you. I will find it hard to believe that you didn’t know that it may happen that way. Such is playing out now; hence, your complaint. Why after the introduction was the burdening of paying the school fees for your wife's younger siblings put on you? From your post, it looks like you were not doing that before? That tells me that your wife and her mother have always known that once you do the introduction, they will shift the burden of paying for her sibling’s school fees on you. That is deceit if you ask me and totally wrong. I’m beginning to wonder what other surprises your wife and her mother have planned for you. Have your wife’s siblings not been going to school in the 8 year period you have been with their sister? Who has been taking care of the financial side for their schooling? Or they all sat at home waiting that once their elder sister marries, then her husband will now bail them out by taking over paying their school fees? The age bracket of her 6 siblings; what are they? Are there any who are already adults i.e from 18 years and above? If there are, are they doing anything to support themselves financially? Is your wife currently doing anything at the moment that brings money for her? Is she working or is she running a business? In this day and age, both couples should bring something to the table. You really think that you can bear the burden of catering for the financial needs of 3 homes? i.e your home, your wife’s siblings and your own sibling’s financial needs? That is a heavy burden to carry and you really need to think about how your finances will be impacted. Marriage no be yam and beans o and finances can really create a big problem in a marriage. You need to set some ground rules. The catering for your wife's sibling’s school fees should not be entirely put on you. Provide the little financial assistance that you can for their school fees and the financial assistance should not be compulsory. Rather than this marriage bringing 2 families together in peace, it is showing a sign of trouble as your mother is already having an issue with your marriage at this early stage. Sort this out before this issue brings a problem between you and your wife. 5 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Xman12345goat: 12:49pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
TheeDetective: Thanks. You just gave me the same advice my best friend gave me. She sells fruits 3 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Xman12345goat: 12:51pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
MMotimo:Thanks |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Nobody: 1:00pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
Xman12345goat:Your STORY is a popular story out there. IF I'm allowed to speak my MIND, you will leave that young Lady. Your Mother doesn't hate her but she wants the BEST for you. Your mother won't be here forever, but she wants to see u positioned for greatness. That CHIOMA doesn't Love you genuinely. She just angles for you because you are a MEDICAL DOCTOR. IF that same Chioma is exposed to opportunities of life she would leave you without thinking twice. In fact, if I toast her with Dollars, she will submit immediately. That a WOMAN is with u right now is b'cos she hasn't found someone better than u. Therefore, she will have no option but to treasure you. Your FAMILY spent so much training you. Every MEDICAL DOCTOR be it the last born of any Family is a prospective Bread winner. Now, you have a deep seated burden, rather than liberating yours entirely, you went out there to incure more, all in the name of what please! Forget about the styles she gave you in Bed, for that's her work. Forget about the Lust. Suffer dey road ooo. Don't expect God to start intervening immediately. Rather than be in that situation, pls. avoid it kpatakpata. Many married people are still waiting for their financial prayers to be answered Better WAKE UP. Even our wealthy Presidents, Ministers, Govs & Senators don't make such mistakes. Dey still matchmake dia kids within their circle. Better LEAVE dat Girl, go straight to ur class & fall in Love there, else BURDEN will be too much. Let's make that Chioma a MEDICAL DOCTOR & see if she will ever settle for a struggling man from her present family situation 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by CareerMom: 2:40pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
This is the exact story of my ex parents. His dad's family refused the marriage as their doctor son can't marry an illiterate. His mum went into business and later politics, she is far richer than his dad. The worst part is they are from the same village so the dad can't avoid hearing about her. Life isn't always the way we see it, the future is pregnant. It is not your duty to pay her siblings school fees, that shouldn't even be any of your business. Better stop it now that it is still early. 4 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Nobody: 3:26pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
CareerMom:This is your example is not different from the warning we are giving too. People have gone into FURNACE with the hope that situations will change tomorrow, but you know what, they eventually got disappointed. There's no RULE to "who knows tomorrow". However, one can avoid PERMUTATIONS & Uncertainties by completely avoiding an already established burning Flame. I have said my own! 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by VTJN(m): 4:42pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
Snitch24:How is it trash please? He should divorce her and go get married to someone else right? |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by VTJN(m): 4:54pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
dominique:Every responsible firstborn must look after his/her younger siblings Though it could be in other way not necessarily monetary terms. They just have to be responsible. |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by VTJN(m): 4:58pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
yomi007k:This is Africa man. It is expected for every man to be the bread winner of the family. Women are solely meant to look after the home and kids Na civilisation make some women dey work small small to be supportive. Still that doesn't stop the man from being the bread winner of the family 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by VTJN(m): 5:09pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
Raalsalghul: Please what do you mean by the bolded? Because he's educated, it's mandatory for him to marry an educated fellow? Or because he's a medical doctor working in a FG parastatal and earning descent income, it's compulsory for him to look for something similar? Don't forget this guy is not from a rich home. He's just from a little average family who got education as a medical doctor and a job with the FG Do you know that as poor as chioma and her family was, if she had got the opportunity to get educated, this topic won't even come up at all 1 Like |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by VTJN(m): 5:13pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
crackhaus:He waited for 8 years because he chose her. Something beyond chioma is what is causing a rift for now |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Nobody: 5:27pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
tensazangetsu20:Women will always be women. No woman who is highly placed will even think of settling down with a man beneath her status, love no dey reach that side. I think men should adopt similar ideology, marry a woman who has a lot going on for herself if you do too. 3 Likes |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Jackossky(m): 5:44pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
This is why I always advise parents not to give birth to more than four children. Even that four sef Na Overkill. In this life, there is joy in contentment. Op, your shortcoming is realising this after 8 years of kinky fuckery. I will advise you marry her and migrate, when your fortune change, you can always come back to make amend Money sometimes is a soothsayer. |
Re: The Cost Of Getting Married To A Poor Family by Xman12345goat: 5:44pm On Oct 06, 2021 |
MALIGNANTGuest: Am Very grateful, thanks |
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