IS VIRGINITY A WOMAN'S PRIDE?

I write this piece bearing in mind that it'll be painted with criticisms and debate which I'm aware of stemming from the fact that readers have divergent opinions and perspectives.

Growing up, my parents never sat me down to discuss sex education. However, my mother was always concerned about my sister. What they discussed, I don't know.

I learnt sex education from friends,books,seminars and religious programs. Oftentimes, those learning avenues emphasised that the female gender should keep their virginity while the male folks are left to their own fate.

Who deflowers the girl child? Is it not the boy child? If sexual purity is taught extremely to the boy child,would the girl child be deflowered? And who told us that the female gender doesn't have the capacity to deflower the boy child? Those are questions I hope to answer in a piece different from this.

Getting sex education through books,seminar and religious programs,this point is extremely emphasised: virginity is a woman's pride. It is always about the female gender.

Another extended version emphasised to the female gender is: virginity is the best gift you can give to your husband on your wedding night.

A quick disclaimer: with this piece, I'm in no way endorsing premarital sex nor belittling sexual purity for both genders. And I'm not here as a referee of morality.

3. IS VIRGINITY A WOMAN'S PRIDE/DIGNITY?

Girls have hymen,boys don't. How do we measure the boy child's virginity? I don't think there is. But for females,the hymen is used and that's the reason why virginity is emphasised to the girl child more but not withstanding,for the sake of this piece. Let's include both genders.

I've been friends with a number of female folks who have confined in me their sexual status. This has opened my eyes and heart to know how the world of females is. It has provided avenues for open and close ended questions,arguments and discussions. It has provided me with grounds for assumptions,facts and valuable information. From them, I gathered that virginity can be lost either by choice or by mistake. The unasked question that often run round my head is :

Question: Does it mean a woman loses her pride at the point of sexual intercourse?

Let's expand more on the question using the scenarios below.

»For instance, if a lady who is a virgin gets married and on the wedding night,the husband sleeps with her getting her hymen broken(meaning that she lost her virginity automatically),does that mean she no longer has her pride/dignity intact just because she's lost her virginity?

To rephrase the question, does it mean that our mothers who got married as virgins to our fathers lost their pride and dignity that night?

Bimpe Adelakun,a fourteen year old, who was raped on her way to school. The trauma was there but she'd overcome it. Now she's grown and could determine the margins of life, and great success is at her beck and call. She delivers speeches in the House of Lords in London and chairs the board of 500 Fortune Companies. Can we say she lost her pride when that grievous act was done to her?

Hope you're aware of these household names (Pst Joyce Meyer, Shola Allyson, Oprah Winfrey etal) who were abused sexually? Did they lose or were their pride/dignity taken from them when their virginity was taken away forcefully?Those are questions hunting my soul for long.

If we keep on campaigning that virginity is a woman's pride, we are invariably saying that a woman's pride is a function of virginity. Inversely stated,a woman does not have pride if she's not a virgin.

Friends, what's the pride of a woman? It is the worth of a woman. It is that intangible value, the distinctive personality,capacity, features of enviable traits which makes a woman to be a glorious extension of her creator on earth. In other words, it is the virtue bottled up inside of her.

From the above, can we say ladies/women/ wives & mothers are worthless or have lost the value placed on them after they lost their virginity on their wedding nights?

If we equate women's dignity/pride to their virginity, are we not saying that:

(a)she no longer carries value/worth after the first sex (on their wedding night)?

(b)the girl child should not be invested upon because she will one day(on their wedding night) lose her pride?

(a)she no longer has the capacity to engineer a better society because her pride has been taken from her at the point of sexual intercourse because?

(d) the male folks are takers or destroyers of pride placed on women through sex?

A lot of virgins have committed more sexual atrocities than breaking their hymen. A lot of them have gotten involved in blow jobs, fingering/finger sex, lesbianism, caressing, blue films,lap sex, MouthAction, masturbation etc. Please don't feign ignorance of what I just listed.

Can we then say these people who engage in such are virgins in the truest sense? These sets of people intimidate those who are not virgins mostly because they hold a false status of virginity.

Sex is not when the phallus goes into the virgina; sex is when there is a mutual arousal of two bodies with the consent to touch, kiss and handle themselves to pleasure meanwhile sexual intercourse is when the phallus intrudes into the virgina. While sexual intercourse is the climate, sex is the genesis;again, there can't be sexual intercourse without sex. (NB. Sex education gave me the insight).

If you are a virgin or not, your dignity, worth and pride,as a lady or guy, haven't been lost. Your worth,pride and dignity are tied to what you have in between your head, your character, virtue etc not in what lies in between your legs. It is tied to your brains which can not be lost on your wedding night or by rape. Your brain/intelligence/self worth can't be broken even when your hymen is broken.

Your pride,worth and dignity is tied to the aspirations,inspirations, dreams and purpose tenanting your soul every now and then. The virtue is a woman's dignity,worth and pride.

To get a clear meaning of virtue, the wisest man in his own days, King David Solomon who had learnt lessons from over five hundred women gave an insight of what pride and virtue is in his records, Proverbs 31 preferably from verse 10-31. One thing I noted in those verses was that he never mentioned virginity. Why?

2. IS VIRGINITY THE BEST GIFT I CAN GIVE TO MY SPOUSE ON MY WEDDING?

I will applaud you for considering giving him virginity on your wedding night but what will you give to him afterwards? Give him virginity and virtues. Bring excellent character & worthy principles to the table. Give him working brains,active minds and productive hands as gifts.

1.LADIES, WHAT WILL HE GIVE YOU ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT?

Ladies, have you ever asked yourself what the man will give you on your wedding night if you're giving him your virginity? I think he should also give you his virginity because love can never be one sided; he gives, you give.

Society has lied to the female gender that virginity is what you can give to your man on your wedding night. They've used that to limit your thinking capacity. Ask any lady why she's a virgin? You'd hear:

•So that my husband won't think I'm promiscuous
•So that my husband would trust, cherish and respect me more in marriage
•That's what we were taught in our religious gathering
•It's a sign that you're a virtuous lady
•That's the gift of love on my wedding day.

Those reasons are beautiful but what happens when he doesn't respect or cherish(as you'd thought) you three years down the line even when he met you as a virgin? Or he cheats on you? Or he doesn't value you in a few years of marriage? Or beats you repeatedly? Or …..

Ladies, you should be a virgin not because you want to present your body as a gift to any 'foolish' person who wouldn't think highly of you in years to come. You should be a virgin not because you want a man to trust, respect or cherish you or you've been taught in your religious gathering. You shouldn't be a virgin because you want to impress anyone or any mother inlaw. You shouldn't because you want to testify and tell the world out there how you overcame sexual temptation when the devil came knocking using Bro Matthew.

You should be a virgin first for only yourself. You should be because it's a decision you've chosen objectively; you should be a virgin because sexual purity is the best thing for you; you should be a virgin because ……

There are virgins, in the truest sense, who have virtues/values/brains;I will definitely lead any one of them to the aisle however if she isn't a virgin but got virtues/values/brains, i will tie the knot.

Once again, I didn't use this piece to endorse premarital sex rather I've only questioned the premise that says virginiy is a woman's pride.

If you have any contrasting shade of perspective,I'd be glad to have your thoughts.

Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

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©✍️✍️T.D. Alfred[October,2021]
Storyteller•Writing Instructor.

So long
Virginity is NOT a woman pride
Her ability to not even kiss her man and maintain a non sexual relationship with her man is wat makes a woman earn respect
90 percent of virgins have done everything except love making ... den claim virgin




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