| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by doggedfighter(f): 2:35pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Efewestern:
I didn't get to see the part where he said they later removed the child from the school and you should know I commented base on my initial understanding of his Post. I wasn't been toxic with my comment and you should know opinions differ. With that been said, I already apologized to him for the slight misunderstanding.
PS: The stroked part wasn't necessary. Goodnight See maturity.  1 Like |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by UltimateStarman: 2:46pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.
I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.
In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.
To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.
The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.
I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do? Never You are blessed Soon You shall see |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Giftymane(f): 2:51pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
chinasaekpere:
Trust me, I have tried.
My parents have the mentality that they have tried their best and I should take up some responsibilities from here. We have had serious rifts on this issue. Same problem I have with my family a young girl bearing this same burden..they think it’s all my responsibility ��♀️Oti su mi |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Nobody: 2:51pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.
I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.
In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.
To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.
The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.
I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do? I say CUT THEM OFF If you want to have a life. No sentinents or emotions. Your dad has failed in life through lack of planning and terrible decision making. You are not to be punished for their mistakes. 1 Like |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by dannex4adx(m): 2:55pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.
I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.
In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.
To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.
The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.
I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do? This is a serious issue! You're an hardworking guy. God will give you wisdom and knowledge that you will use to control the situation. Don't cut your parents off because the bible says honour your father and your mother so that your day may be long. I will advise that you pray and ask Holy Spirit for guidance on how to control the situation. God will intervene. Cheer! |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by kurlz(f): 2:58pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Workch:
when this wanted to happen in my family, I looked my dad in the face and made him understand that his children including me are his responsibilities and he can’t make me his retirement plan. I can only help when it’s convenient for me.
I didn’t choose to be born, he made the decision Chaeee |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Nobody: 3:03pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
chinasaekpere:
Trust me, I have tried.
My parents have the mentality that they have tried their best and I should take up some responsibilities from here. We have had serious rifts on this issue. Cut them off before your life is ruined.!. They are selfish and dont care about you. 1 Like |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by gidjah(m): 3:09pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Hmmmm only those who are bread winners now over their large families would relate pretty well with this .This matter is am African thing .To much Emotion and chewing gum life style .some parents can wanna stuff life out of their responsible kids if you allow them . I am still reeling from the aftermath of this same kind of game I played a decade plus ago.But thank God I am getting back on my feet and heaven is assistimg me up that sharply too.I am in to clergy things ,would have gone OK very harsh ,but bro,good advice's and counsel have gone all out to U.Seive and make great and profiting choices.God GO HELP U |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Josephali(m): 3:15pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Josephali:
Bro, kneel and ask God for wisdom, because you lack it, No matter what, your father is a responsible man, is just that the environment he found himself is not helping matters, a man who saw you through school is now irritating you, your mother whose face is now wrinkle because of daily struggle to provide for you and your siblings is now a burden, let me tell you something you don't know; The Day you loose your parent you will begin to regrets all you are saying, you don't know especially your father being alive is like a shield for you, youand siblings. You shouldn't be complaining you don't know how your parents have suffered just to provide for you and your siblings, how many times he collected loan just to provide for you All, and you're suppose to be grateful to God that you can provide for yourself and even invest into your family business, let me tell you something your father has the best interest for you guys wallahi, he even started a house project going in Ogun state, if he completes he's house in the village if He die his family will collect the house from you guys and Chase your mother away, stop complaining, stop lamenting try and encourage him, he's not just anybody to you, your parent are part of your life, The only real people in your life any other is counterfeit, try all you can to provide for them with the little you have, so that they can bless you and you will prosper in all your endeavours. Don't mind all the miscreants here telling you to cut off your parents, because if you do nothing will work well for you, try your best you are still a young man, don't rush to get marry.
And it shall be well with you, I am talking from experience, I paid for my waec twice, I supported my younger one's through school, I paid all my fees while at the University, despite that nothing will make me cut my family out, nothing, and by the grace of God I am doing absolutely well in life, because their prayers is paving way for me, and I am proud of them.
Contact me for more advice. Facebook Joseph ilemona/08126837189.
. Don't abandon your family ooo, what you will do is try sending something once in a month. Let them create budget with whatever you send. |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by etoete77: 3:17pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Young man, your money has no name, give your savings names, also save part of your money for them. If the part of the money you had saved for them is given to them, and they need more, you would politely state it, that is not there. So divide your money into portions and save it as you are doing . Give it names and allocate it to all your plans include them, based on what you can give them and your siblings. Good luck |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by vickifeanyi47(m): 3:20pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Modernizer:
31 is too early to be thinking of marriage.
Take some time to create a stable financial life, the rest will fall into place. Never cut off your parents. Never. Yes he needs to create a financial life for himself but he still needs to plan on starting a family in the next few years. So I don't think 31 is to early |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Ybaby: 3:25pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Do not cut them off.
- Send them 10% of your monthly earnings unfailingly every month.
- Tell them all your troubles before they ask
- Once they open thier mouth to tell you their ills, tell them Lastma just stopped you and you need to go.
10% of your earnings and nothing more. 1 Like |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Ellasure: 3:25pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
[quote author=chinasaekpere post=106529310]Trust me, I have tried.
My parents have the mentality that they have tried their best and I should take up some responsibilities from here. We have had serious rifts on this issue. [/quokte]
You are doing just fine brother. Please don't be ashamed or alarmed about what is happening to you and your family.
For the advice sought, you don't need to abandon or cast away your extended family for these life challenges. If you abandon your father to these challenges you will be surprised to see later that God Almighty will raise up someone else to fill in your present role in the family.
Way forward is as follows.
You are very new to life and responsibilities of life, i will score you very high so far based on what you have written above. You need to change your strategies of engagement with your family and friends at large.
Have you heard of the rich man in Babylon. He gave us a secret formula to getting rich and comfortable in life. The monthly salary is not your own alone because it is your reward for a month labour. The Babylonian Richman taught us to divide the salary into three as follows
1. One third to be saved.
2. second third to be our feedings.
3. The third is our socials.
For a very new young man.
First third to be saved is your savings that cannot be touched under whatever conditions. It will be touched much later for personal development further studies, business startup etc . It is better you joined a cooperative society nearby to enable savings account interest and support for future growth.
The second third is your upkeep money for the new month, simplicita and small enjoyments.
The third of the third is your care for the society and your contributions to the society. This also includes your responsibilities to church, your immediate family members and what we do to beneficial to people around you
Your girlfriend and other social is from this third
The Babylonian Richman principles enable you to focus on your job and also seek improvement to your earnings.
Of note is the discipline and seriousness required to establish the Babylonian Richman principles. You must endeavour to ensure that the money does not cross the boundaries of the 3 categories. What you can not accomplish this month will be rolled over to the following month.
Also support the above with a list of to do with costs attached.
Note. Please establish this money management practices at least two years before marriage to a woman.
I hope you will be able to make use of this idea. 3 Likes |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Series2020: 3:28pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Do cut the ties with ur parents,
You can only rebuffed the offer of granting them loan when you don't have.
Thanks |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Mom007(f): 3:31pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Unfortunately, you cannot cut your parents off but learn to SAY NO AND MEAN IT! Also, place them on a monthly stipend. On a salary of 80k, it should not be more than 10k. Also stop paying sibling school fees. Its not your responsibility and besides, you have tried. If I am not mistaken, you have seen at least 2 siblings through school. They should contribute and sponsor the last ones. When I was in school back in the day, I had course mates sponsoring themselves through school by doing labor work and menial jobs. I also used to buy and sell stuff at a point so once my folks paid my school fees n house rent, I didnt ask them for anything again. Not everything is gotten on a platter and success is sweeter when you work for it.
Begin now to plan your own life. Learning to say no is an aspect of financial discipline and cannot be overestimated. 1 Like |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by DPricey1(f): 3:32pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
God bless you for all you've done for your family.
In my opinion, set out a certain percentage, say 10% for your parents. Try to stick to that percentage unless 'God forbid', health issues arises. |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by marsup: 3:35pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
PeaceJoyLove:
Clueless Ibo must talk. Na your papa and mama displayed foo. lishness by not training you well. Chai. And you just showed the f.oolishness gene in your generation. Find a deliverance church to save you fast.
The truth is bitter. Ibo will always not want to hesr the truth. Chai! Na so you mama and papa dey clueless and foo.lish? you are not from a home, so I don't blame. |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by micxwell(m): 3:40pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Modernizer:
31 is too early to be thinking of marriage.
Take some time to create a stable financial life, the rest will fall into place. Never cut off your parents. Never. You say??  |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by vickifeanyi47(m): 3:41pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
gen2lpat:
You are the first of 4 and obviously the opara. Your problem is your mentality.
From the story, the only place your dad faulted was the fish farming investment. Others are responsibility you mentally referred to as lend, borrow.
I'm the first son, I started a business for my mum when I was 29 and now building a house for my parents @ 32. Have spent millions but I am guided with the mentality that these are my responsibilities.
Any assistance you render to your siblings or parents are responsibilities. How can you even say you borrowed your mum money to start business when I expect you to say you assisted her with finance to start up a business.
Fix your reasoning.
If you want to cut off your parents, then please relinquish your rights as first son. No come dey chuk eye for family properties of you can't shoulder responsibility and be calm about it.
Ndewo This your comment no follow atall .You established a business for your mum @29 And so on....means that it will work for another person? |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by EagleNest(m): 3:43pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
The reality is that this burden will never stop untill your parents leaves mother earth. So start planning your way now. People have already spoken on this. You can't solve all their problems. Impossible. |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Acidosis(m): 3:45pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
gen2lpat:
[s]You are the first of 4 and obviously the opara. Your problem is your mentality.
From the story, the only place your dad faulted was the fish farming investment. Others are responsibility you mentally referred to as lend, borrow.
I'm the first son, I started a business for my mum when I was 29 and now building a house for my parents @ 32. Have spent millions but I am guided with the mentality that these are my responsibilities.
Any assistance you render to your siblings or parents are responsibilities. How can you even say you borrowed your mum money to start business when I expect you to say you assisted her with finance to start up a business.
Fix your reasoning.
If you want to cut off your parents, then please relinquish your rights as first son. No come dey chuk eye for family properties of you can't shoulder responsibility and be calm about it.
[/s] The thread is not about you, it's about the man on a 50k salary. 3 Likes |
|
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Nobody: 3:54pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
better explain to them you are not doing fine yourself,dont cut them o,you may regret it later,they are your parent. 1 Like |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Valuc: 3:54pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
This story is too long ... I don't read long stories... Cus along the line u go wun add Jara inside to makam sweet .. above all m too lazy to be strolling up up just ontop one story |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Xbs1: 4:07pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
Dont |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by bayobabe(f): 4:09pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
You have actually just been living for others since you started working, how do you do it? With your meagre salary. You could have done a lot better if you try to live a bit for yourself, it would do you a lot of good. Learn to say you can't afford it when you can't afford it. If you die, they would still find a way to go about their lives oo. chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.
I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.
In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.
To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.
The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.
I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do? 1 Like |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Kei144(m): 4:18pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
When I was really young, I got a job and was working in Lagos. I visited my classmate; we were mates from secondary school till our first degree in UNN. As I chatted with him and his friends, I ocassionally quipped how I needed to save some money so that I could help my father's household. Along the way, one of my class mate's friend told me that he had heard me speak about helping my father's household too much and cautioned me to first of all establish sound footing on the ground, because if I try to carry my people without sound footing, I will fall and there will be nobody to help anyone. I didn't give serious thought to his advice, but years later, I wondered how somebody that was about as young as I was then be so wise to know what he told me. Today, my parents are dead, but my siblings are the greatest problem that I have in this world. Before my parents died, they were never satisfied with whatever I did for them. I am also a firstborn in an Igbo family.
Don't cut off from your parents or your siblings, but let your first priority be to establish yourself on a sound footing first, before carrying your father and his household. Helping your sibling to get his education is more important than meeting your parent's needs. Create your priority list and keep to it religiously. 1 Like |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by obowunmi(m): 4:19pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.
I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.
In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.
To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.
The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.
I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do? Go and LIVE your OWN life. Cut them OFF. But make sure you won’t feel guilt or regret if they were to DIE suddenly. |
| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Starz825(m): 4:27pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.
I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.
In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.
To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.
The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.
I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do? Guy...don't think of marriage now.... Forget the fact that you are 31...nobody dey look you ... don't think of marriage now... settle yourself first... Now..thank God your brother has graduated too...let him find work too and start doing something for your parent.. See those last two siblings of yours...make Dem go learn work....after secondary school...make Dem learn work abeg... |
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| Re: Should I Cut-off My Parents? by Abc2Z: 4:38pm On Oct 10, 2021 |
This situation is same for those that have retirees that don't earn much as parents.
OP parents can be frustrating sometimes but for NO reason should a child think of cutting off their parents. Giving birth to you and spending on you when they can is enough to be dutiful to them.
You just have to let them know that you have no much money at hand whenever they ask.
I wonder why most retirees made wrong calculations with their gratuity.
All the same, speak to them in a nice manner and let them know you are also not to financially okay.
Mind you, you still have to know that you are now the family bread winner. They are looking up to you and praying for you.
The respect will be their but the burden is much. |
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