.

My dad's younger brother does send monthly stipends to cater for my feeding after my dad's death.

That's caring of him.

I told my uncle about it who happens to be my dad's immediate younger brother. He requested I released the money to him to invest in the transport business to use it in making more money to finish my late dad's building and also take care of my younger siblings.

Hmm. Ok?

He said I should work first before going for MSC.

Well, he has a point here.

(I am someone who keeps silent amid confusion).

I doubt. You didn't just want many conversations before you lose the money.

The pressure from my uncle got so much I had to cut him off from reaching me for a while. I had to cut him off when the pressure from him to release the funds became too much.

He thinks you are greedy, ungrateful, and self-centered. Are you?

I also gave that my uncle #220,000 to settle a pressing need he was involved in at that time.

It looks like a share-the-money-for-everyone make-everybody-rest thing.

I lost some other parts of the money to an investment that didn't pull through.

You gotta be kidding me.

I've been insulted by my siblings on many occasions and my step-mum keep reporting me to everyone she can think of about my refusal to continue releasing funds when needed for their education.

I hate to say this but you aren't her husband, neither are you their father nor is it your constituted rights to father their responsibilities. However, you elected yourself to be that husband and father by taking the money...and choosing to use it as it pleased you.

But it's sad you didn't plan well. Yeah, I also read all you did for your siblings, well done.
At least I forget, I spent quite a lump sum a year ago fencing my dad's land where his building is located and preparing documentation for it since some people came up from nowhere that the land belongs to them.

What?

Kindly advise me on how effectively I can handle this situation.

Hello,
If I knew you in person, I wouldn't have advised you to do anything on the fence etc. I wouldn't even advise you to go for an MSc. Don't get me wrong, I am a lover of education. Since you've already fought for the money, I guess, it practically is yours.

What I'll do?

I will invest. By investing, I don't mean Forex, Crypto, or blabla. I mean in trade! I'd draw a blueprint of the new business undertaking, conduct an environmental scanning, and what it should bring monthly in the nearest tomorrow. I may even set up two or three businesses so one augments another. It is from its proceeds I will be going for my MSc.

I also don't believe in the incessant sending of money for people. I'd have given my stepmom a sum to step up sth, telling her about my own life I'd like to focus on. My uncle who has been there too will be compensated.

Your stepmom is too loud. She should learn to work if she felt there was a need to remove the kids from your care. I wouldn't describe her more than this since I don't have the facts, from her perspective.

With time, I'll buy land and build my house. Did you see the pronoun I used? My house, not our father's house.

About the land case, I think that's a tort, trespass by entry etc., you can go to court for it and it would likely end you pay for damages.

In all, when you get a sum of money that can determine your life, always try to ask questions first. Medicine after death doesn't work. It all looks to them like you are self-centered, greedy, and now finding consolation in the court of public pity...maybe, now the million tag has diminished

In another world, if you had given your uncle the sum, I have a 50% feeling he could have built his house, carter for his fam, yet still be sending your paltry pocket money. You know why I think he would lavish the money? Well, when you didn't oblige, he came out with another subtle excuse to collect some money outta you. (I maybe wrong to use the word “subtle” and I apologize for it). Another 50% feeling tells me that since he could carter for you a bit in school, he would have helped you, your siblings, and your moms be the fatherly figure that was missing.

About you, psychology says you feel you are greedy. Psychology says your conscience is your first judge now. Psychology says you feel you selfishly took the money meant for everyone under your father as immediate family. Psychology says you think you have more enemies now even when you tried to still use inside the money to augment things. Psychology is also playing the reverse: it is still telling you you have tried for taking care for even member.

Well, the harm has been done...so I wouldn't take to mind what psychology says. If you have a job, build on it. Save, build your life. If you can save sth, send for your stepmom to set up sth and make her know she has to use it to provide for your step siblings. I wish you safety.




You are welcome.

Your late Date had at least 5 Children, that money you recovered wasn't meant for you alone. It's not like getting an Msc guarantees an instant good paying job. The money would have been better invested, and your Msc and other needs of the family handled from the proceeds. If your uncle meant well, his suggestion would have been better for all concerned. You were just being selfish.
You chose to squander what could have sustained the whole family.

You would have informed one of your dad's friends about the money on how to share it. Or share it with your siblings with written agreement that they collected money since your step mother took the bar business, maybe you would have gone so far in life doing better with no side talks. But you did the money like you owns it all That is why you shouldn't depend on your parents properties especially if you are not the only child, it's dangerous! You need to call a family meeting and apologize, then look for some money to give to each of them ( you made the greatest mistake using the money for your masters, it's totally wrong! What if you didn't get the money ) You need to double your hustle and prayers

EmptyGarden:
Your late Date had at least 5 Children, that money you recovered wasn't meant for you alone. It's not like getting an Msc guarantees an instant good paying job. The money would have been better invested, and your Msc and other needs of the family handled from the proceeds. If your uncle meant well, his suggestion would have been better for all concerned. You were just being selfish.
You chose to squander what could have sustained the whole family.

Alright , thank you for your observations. You mean I should have given my uncle the money, right? What's the guaranty that it will be appropriately used? Am I wrong for pursuing further studies?

effico:

Alright , thank you for your observations. You mean I should have given my uncle the money, right? What's the guaranty that it will be appropriately used? Am I wrong for pursuing further studies?

I said if he meant well, you know him better. and if he didn't my point remains that the money would have been better invested with proper guidance than than the ponzi you may have invested in. You're not wrong for pursuing further studies, which you have, for that reason your much younger siblings may not even have a chance of pursuing a University degree.
I'd like to remind you of the Rotaract 4way test.
1. Is it the truth?
2. Is it fair to all concerned?
3. Will it build goodwill and better friendship?
4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned?
Instead, you've made enemies out of everyone in your family.

EmptyGarden:

I said if he meant well, you know him better. and if he didn't my point remains that the money would have been better invested with proper guidance than than the ponzi you may have invested in. You're not wrong for pursuing further studies, which you have, for that reason your much younger siblings may not even have a chance of pursuing a University degree.
I'd like to remind you of the Rotaract 4way test.
1. Is it the truth?
2. Is it fair to all concerned?
3. Will it build goodwill and better friendship?
4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned?
Instead, you've made enemies out of everyone in your family.

You didn't get my point. Their university degree is guaranteed. My point is that the last 3 months of not providing funds for schooling made my step mum to start calling me out. Which has made me start having a double mind of continuing with the funding.

effico:

Alright , thank you for your observations. You mean I should have given my uncle the money, right? What's the guaranty that it will be appropriately used? Am I wrong for pursuing further studies?

Very wrong uncle. It is not your money. It belongs to the whole family. Your step-siblings can also lay claims to the money as it is their entitlement. It belongs to their father.

The logical thing would have been to share the money with the family on an agreed percentage as a lump sum. That way, everyone would have gotten their share of the inheritance, either directly or through their guardian. You can then use your own part of the shared money to pursue your Msc, Investment or whatever as you deemed fit. You cannot use the family's money to chase your own personal dreams.

Either way, you have created animosity between you, your siblings and your stepmother. It may not be now but they will always be discussions on how you 'squandered' the family inheritance and it will surely create hatred. I advice you find a way to raise a lump sump as a percentage of the money and give to your siblings.

chatinent:


The first part is you feel it's your money...that's where everything went sour.


cc: lalasticlala mynd44 seun Dominque food for front.

Even after catering for them in the last 4 years now, not until 3 months ago? Pls say something else. I'm not that evil abeg

Eyaaa. Good intentions are not always transparent even when communicated effectively.

Na N3m plus naim people hang on top like US plane so? If you had share it immediately, na you for the rest now. I am almost concluding that humans deserve no help.
1) Your dad’s younger brother had ulterior motives in requesting for all the money to “invest” for you guys.
2) His motives was expressed in requesting for money to meet a pressing need.
3) Your dad’s benefits isn’t meant for you alone, so bringing up the issues of an MSc into the equation pitched you against everyone.

My advice.
Continue to chop the insult, e no dey remove hair from body and find every available means to take care of your younger ones. Leadership is responsibility, moreover na you hold “ALL” the family bar. If you like call a meeting with you siblings. Tell them how much you’ve spent so far on everything including yourself. The investments and others. Your MSc is now categorized as an investment Oo or loan, hence it must bear fruit.



This is one reason you hear people advising against polygamy

effico:

Even after catering for them in the last 4 years now, not until 3 months ago? Pls say something else. I'm not that evil abeg

Read my first post above. I didn't say you are evil.

@Op; so you received a little above 3M naira of your late father's’ inheritance and you want to tell me that you did not realise that your other siblings have an equal right to that money as you do?

The best thing you could have done was to split the money amongst the 5 of you with each person receiving a little above 600K. If you had done that, there would be nothing for your siblings to make noise about as you have given them their share of the money.

The MSc degree schooling you went for should have been paid solely from your part of your father’s inheritance and not with your other sibling’s share of the Inheritance. You should have used your own share only for your schooling and not other people’s money (sibling’s).

The investment you did that went wrong, it’s also part of your sibling’s money that you used. Did you tell them that you were about to use part of their late father’s inheritance money for that investment? Or you took it upon yourself to decide that they don’t need to be in the know?

If your siblings decide to take you to court to fight for their share of their late Father’s inheritance, there is a high degree that they will win the case. Especially if you don’t have evidence of giving them money like you have mentioned in your post i.e. receipts, bank transfers when you sent them money. They will likely win the case and the court will compel you to award the share of your late father’s inheritance to your other siblings. As you don’t have much of the inheritance money any longer, you will have to find each person's share to pay your siblings as they are rightfully entitled to a share of their late father’s inheritance money just as you are.

Lastly, let this be a lesson to you that when you have other people’s money in your possession and you want to make use of their money, learn to ask for their permission before you go ahead and use it for whatever thing/s you want to use the money for. ENOUGH SAID.

effico:
I crave your indulgence, to advise appropriately. Criticisms are also allowed but in a matured manner.

I am the first born of my dad. I am the only child of my mum, but for issues regarding my mum's health, my dad decided to marry another wife who gave birth to four children (2boys and 2 girls). Making us a total of 5 children.
My siblings are still very young with the eldest just about 18 years old (a girl). I am almost 29 years old now by December.
The story goes thus:
My dad was a banker until his death. He established a bar business for my step-mum of which culminated into adultery on her part on several occasions which the family found out. My dad bought a house from the bank only to resell it out and gave the funds (amount unknown) to my step-mum's younger brother to help him build his house in our village. The house was never completed even up till today. Due to the adultery on my step-mum's part, they divorced and my dad took my 4 siblings to stay with his cousin (a female) in our village. I was already in year 1 in the university as at then. My dad travelled to his duty station in the north and was killed in the boko haram crisis. He never returned.


I was dejected because my university education could be halted. God raised helpers and my dad's friend paid my fees through the university till I graduated. My dad's younger brother do send monthly stipends to cater for my feeding after my dad's death.

2 of my younger siblings (females) after my dad's death, ran back to meet their mum leaving the other 2 boys.

Fast forward after my graduation, there was a need to pursue my dad's death benefits. It was a long walk to freedom. Luckily I had a job that was paying me fairly well @ #50,000 monthly in 2017 while waiting for Nysc. I spent virtually all the salary I earned during that period before nysc pursuing the documentation to access my dad death benefit from the Pension fund administrator (PFA). I left with nothing to the nysc 3 weeks orientation camp. I received the death benefit alert of a little above #3m.

I told my uncle about it who happens to be my dad immediate younger brother. He requested I released the money to him to invest into transport business to use it in making more money to finish my late dad's building and also take care of my younger siblings. I didn't make any comment on that request, because I felt it was wrong giving him the money. I rather told him, it is my wish to pursue my MSC immediately after nysc. He said I should work first before going for MSC. (I am someone who keeps silent in the midst of confusions).
I checked the estimate of the cost to finish my dad's building , and it was around #2.8m as at that time. I thereafter conditioned in my heart that I will go for my MSC against all odds and see to the higher education of my siblings.

The pressure from my uncle got so much I had to cut him off from reaching me for a while. I gave good amount of money to my Kate dad's mother, I gave business money to my late dad's cousin who is taking care of my remaining 2 male siblings with her (to enable her take care of the boys as she transacts business). I also gave that my uncle #220,000 to settle a pressing need he was involved in as at that time. I had to cut him off when the pressure from him to release the funds became too much.

Since 2017, I have been catering for my siblings education till now. Oh, my step mum upon discovering that I have collected my dad's gratuity deceived my dads cousin to take the boys to spend holidays with her in Lagos. They never returned to the village. I was never informed of that plan of taking them to Lagos until after they had left. She (my step mum enrolled them in a school in Lagos and called to appeal for funding to pay their fees), I didn't want lots of stories, so I just obliged with a tongue-in-cheek manner.
Mind you, before the boys were taken from the village, I enrolled them in a handiwork of their choice and paid heavily for it so that they won't be idle after school to commit nefarious activities that they have often been involved in. This will also help them stand early as men with the way graduates are suffering.


Recently, I couldn't effectively meet up with their financial demands on their schooling and feeding due to debts I accumulated during the process of acquiring my MSC (which I've collected my result) and the fact that I lost some other parts of the money to an investment that didn't pull through. I've been insulted by my siblings on many occasions and my step-mum keep reporting me to every one she can think of about my refusal to continue releasing funds when needed for their education. She is also requesting I give her business money, which i obliged that I needed time. Least I forget, I spent quite a lump sum a year ago fencing my dad's land where his building is located and preparing documentation for it due to the fact that some people came up from nowhere that the land belongs to them.


I feel like raising back the money remaining and sharing it so everyone can just leave me alone. Kindly advice me on how effective I can handle this situation.

Sorry for the long thread. God bless you.

U for just share the money make everybody rest.

You did the right thing by not giving your uncle the money, if you did, you would have regretted it today. What gave you the effrontery to take all the money? Who gave you the right to think you are the one who should take care of your step siblings/decide their paths, when you know their mother is alive? I know your dad made a mistake and never wrote a "will", but you should have dialogued with your step mum, share the money/keep part for the house, irrespective of wether she was thrown out because of adultery, her children were not denied by your late father. Selfishness made you think your MSC is more important than their education, even when you know they are far younger and have a long way to go academically.

You did well to have fenced the house and process the documents, but I want you to know that if you also take over the house, your siblings will seriously fight you in future. So now that the building isn't completed, you can get an uncle and see how far you can share the rooms for the 5 of you. Or you simply inform your younger ones that upon completion, the house will be shared. Then arrive at how to source funds to complete it.

In your write up I can see that you never carried anyone along, so you better start gathering all receipts, documents, etc so that you will table issues and make them know that you dumped a good amount of money fencing the house, processing documents, the amounts you spent processing the gratuity, etc. If only you were open right from the beginning, you wouldn't be facing the current harrassment. I didn't understand your last paragraph, I don't know if you were trying to say that part of the money still remains, if it does, then it's proper you call a meeting, explain yourself a bit, but don't give them room for too much arguments, then share whatever is left of the money.
Modified: in some cultures, the first son inherits the house, if that's the case in your culture, then it's needless you share the rooms.

LilMissFavvy:
You did the right thing by not giving your uncle the money, if you did, you would have regretted it today. What gave you the effrontery to take all the money? Who gave you the right to think you are the one who should take care of your step siblings/decide their paths, when you know their mother is alive? I know your dad made a mistake and never wrote a "will", but you should have dialogued with your step mum, share the money/keep part for the house, irrespective of wether she was thrown out because of adultery, her children were not denied by your late father. Selfishness made you think your MSC is more important than their education, even when you know they are far younger and have a long way to go academically.

You did well to have fenced the house and process the documents, but I want you to know that if you also take over the house, your siblings will seriously fight you in future. So now that the building isn't completed, you can get an uncle and see how far you can share the rooms for the 5 of you. Or you simply inform your younger ones that upon completion, the house will be shared. Then arrive at how to source funds to complete it.

In your write up I can see that you never carried anyone along, so you better start gathering all receipts, documents, etc so that you will table issues and make them know that you dumped a good amount of money fencing the house, processing documents, the amounts you spent processing the gratuity, etc. If only you were open right from the beginning, you wouldn't be facing the current harrassment. I didn't understand your last paragraph, I don't know if you were trying to say that part of the money still remains, if it does, then it's proper you call a meeting, explain yourself a bit, but don't give them room for too much arguments, then share whatever is left of the money.
Modified: in some cultures, the first son inherits the house, if that's the case in your culture, then it's needless you share the rooms.

Thank you for the wisdom in your right up. The family is well aware of the whole scenario and it was supported that since the structure is like this, I should use the funds to sponsor their schooling. They refused me sharing the remaining funds. Very receipts and payment is available with all evidence.

You aren't a democrat. Your self-absorbing demeanor, and character in general, are so glaring from the connotation of your submissions as a typical autocratic/domineering person. One bad thing about self-absorption is that regardless of how honorable your intentions might be and whatever good you do, the victims of your action will always feel wrecked emotionally, psychologically, and economically by extension; maybe, until they're able to have their pound of flesh from you directly or indirectly.

Brotherly...

You did the right thing by not giving your uncle the money, but...

I don't think you spent the money wisely...
Yes it's your father's money, but it's also their father too...

If I were in your shoes, I would call for a family meeting, explain to them the amount I got from the pension and the amount I spent in securing the pension...

The money I spent in securing the pension will first be deducted, then the cash will be split EQUALLY between me and my siblings (that's into 5)...

Then from my share of the cash, I will settle my uncle (the one who supported you while in school) and then further my MSc...

As for the house in the village, it's not your own, it was your father's (and theirs too), so if the family sees the need to do something about it, then the family should contribute towards it...

Because see eh, even if you go out of your way to complete that house, it's still not yours (unless your father willed it to you)...

On the other hand, it's nice that you're helping your siblings through school, but it's not YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, it's your father's...

I'm not saying you shouldn't help out o, but make your step mum understand that you're not obligated to sponsoring them through school and you can walk away if you wish...

Wow! What a horrible brother you were! MSC of 2.8m for yourself when there were 5 of you entitled to 3m! How very selfish that you held on to the money instead of sharing amongst your siblings. Chai. So the house you fenced will be inhabited by who? Whew!

Oga, the right thing to have been done at the begining was to remove your cost of acquiring the funds transparently and divide the rest amongst you and your siblings. Let their mother or their guidance appropriate as they deem fit. Just 3m, you've ruined your relationship and good name with your family. Na wa o. Them kukuma say money wey small pikin first see, na Ankara e dey carry am chop. Now that you've collected the MSC result are you able to share the result with your siblings? Whew!

Since you decided to "LORD" over the family finance, why are you avoiding them now?? You weren't transparent from the onset so nothing you say now will justify your claims. You probably gave them the impression that you were in the best position to invest the money and turn it around, so don't expect them to understand how you squanderred 3m. They expect you to have turned that money to N10m (whether from investments or your post-M.Sc. job).

Moving on, you can't abandon them now. Double your hustle and pray for God's blessings to correct your wrongs.

@ effico
Posterity will not forgive you for being so greedy, selfish and unwise at the same time.

You took the money meant for all of your late father’s dependents and squandered it as you wish in the name of acquiring an extra degree when your other younger siblings do not have Undergrad degrees yet.
What happens to them now?

Your uncle was right to tell you to hold off with the MSC plan because that was not what you and your family needed at that point in time.

You couldn’t even set up a business or side hustle from that money. How far did you think 3 M could go?

Damn! What an ungrateful and selfish man you are.

DBestDoc:
@ effico
Posterity will not forgive you for being so greedy, selfish and unwise at the same time.

You took the money meant for all of your late father’s dependents and squandered it as you wish in the name of acquiring an extra degree when your other younger siblings do not have Undergrad degrees yet.
What happens to them now?

Your uncle was right to tell you to hold off with the MSC plan because that was not what you and your family needed at that point in time.

You couldn’t even set up a business or side hustle from that money. How far did you think 3 M could go?

Damn! What an ungrateful and selfish man you are.

Were you told they wouldnt be sponsored. Pls read the post well

effico:

Were you told they wouldnt be sponsored. Pls read the post well

So who will sponsor them now that you’re in debt and lost part of the money?
I read before replying.

Who will sponsor them?
Did you fix a part of the money somewhere to cover for their studies? You didn’t say so in your post.

DBestDoc:


So who will sponsor them now that you’re in debt and lost part of the money?
I read before replying.

Who will sponsor them?
Did you fix a part of the money somewhere to cover for their studies? You didn’t say so in your post.

Those were questions you should have asked. I earn well enough. And a substantial amount was fixed for 3 years.

I didn't bother to read ur long boring epistle to the end. U are suffering because of ur leaking basket mouth. Next time, when u are give money for personal reasons, learn to zip ur mouth.